2015

“You would not believe what just happened!!” I yammered at the phone. Bom is asking me to calm down so she could hear me speak clearly. I swear to God I’m sweating so much and my heartbeat increased rapidly. I keep walking and walking without caring about anything. I do not believe myself what I just did.

After dark short-haired Dara asked me about how I knew her name, I just froze. I froze and I could not say anything. I was so nervous and frightened. I was so ing scared and so I ran away. I ran far far away. I wish it was just a dream, but it was real. I saw her. She acknowledged her name. She is Dara. But how is it possible?

I stop at an empty street and try to catch my breath. Bom is still there waiting for me to speak to her. She sounds worried.

“I saw Dara.” I muttered.

There is this five seconds gap before she made this scoffing sound.

“I saw Dara. I saw her. She was there. I was following her-“

“Chae, are you okay? Where the hell are you?”

“I’m—I don’t know. I just ran away. I don’t why I ran but I was so scared. Oh my God! Bom, it was Dara. She is alive and well and real.” I cannot control myself. I’m sweating and panting after running couples of blocks. I lean my head on the pole beside me. My hands are shaking, making it hard to get a strong grip on my phone I feel like it’s slipping out of my sweaty hand.

I don’t receive any respond from Bom. My sister must think I’m out of my mind and she might going to ask me to go home soon.

No one will ever believe me. No one. I don’t even believe myself right now. Was I dreaming? Was it just an illusion? Is it because of the lack of sleep I’m having these days? I don’t know.

“Chaerin, Dara is gone. She’s dead. Do you know how crazy you sound right now? You’re worrying me—“

“I know right. I sound crazy. I sound ing insane but--- But that was real. It happened. I saw her. I’m not crazy.”

Bom wouldn’t listen to me. She didn’t believe me. Well, what do I expect? I do sound crazy and everybody knows how terrible I look after Dara’s death, how I don’t look like a proper human being, how I keep forgetting doing something, how I don’t have appetite anymore, and how I keep having nightmares about Dara. Everybody in the family knows how messed up I am after everything that happened. Now I have to worry about the fact that my dad or my sister would send me to some kind of mental institute to get me out of my insanity.

But I know I’m not crazy, nor I am stupid.

I got back to the coffee shop the next day. I asked the same barista about the woman who just ordered caramel latte and butter cookie. At first he was refusing giving me any information about her but I managed to convince him that I mean no harm, just want to get to know her better because I thought she was pretty.

“Yes I have to admit you’re not the only person coming here asking about her. She is indeed—“

“Very pretty.” I finished his sentence and smiled at him. We both know it. Sandara is very pretty and she was my wife. And yes, her name is Sandara. But the barista doesn’t know her last name. He just told me that she is a public school teacher. She is a biology teacher and has been coming to this coffee shop for a year and a half, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon after she finish teaching. It depends on her mood and timing. But she always comes, almost everyday, ordering almost the same thing.

“Do you live here?” the barista asked after putting a cup of hot latte in front of me. I just ordered another cup of coffee. I just had to.

I look at him, finally noticing scar on his temple and those sore eyes. He looks at me carefully, more like inspecting though.

“Uh—no. I live in New York. I’m just visiting hometown for a couple of weeks.” I said.

He nodded his chin, still inspecting me with those sore eyes. “Are you—familiar with this place?”

“Yeah. I came here often when I lived here. I figured the place has been changed. You guys are rebranding, huh? Cool.”

He smirked and then looked at the entire space of this coffee shop which is, true, was rebranded two years ago. The owner redesigned all the exterior and interior, even he fired all the employees and hired new ones who he thinks fit more to the new concept of the café.

“May I say something?” he asked politely.

“Sure.”

“Get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

“I know. I probably need sleep. A good one. I haven’t had any good sleep for a while.” I said as I sip my latte.

“You should stop drinking coffee then.” He said, now he smiled. This is the first time I see him smile. He has been giving me jerky look but now he smiled. Thank God he doesn’t hate me because I would be coming here more often, even everyday. Yes, I think I would come here everyday. Call me a stalker, well I’m gonna be one. I’m gonna stalk the woman who looks like my wife, who even shares the same name as my deceased wife. I wonder, if this is a miracle or a game or even a punishment. How come they are the same person if Dara is dead, or she isn’t?

I decided to extend my stay in Korea. I told Dara’s family I’m gonna be staying here for another week. They didn’t seem to mind except for Sanghyun. I can see it in his eyes. He looks worried, or furious or I don’t know. He must hate me more now. I don’t care. It’s none of my business. I just want to find out more about the ‘alive’ version of Dara. This heightened curiosity is making me unable to sleep. I have to know who she is before I go crazy.

I’m standing in front of the highschool Dara works at. Students started walking out of the school after the bell rings. I’m standing right outside the gate, dressing up like a normal person, not stalker-like. I keep waiting and waiting, watching all the student girls chit chatting, eavesdropping some naughty boys planning on skipping school the day after tomorrow, the nerd gang is preparing for music exam tomorrow. And then something caught my attention. I saw a group of skinny girls holding their biology books. I quickly approach them before they go in to the school bus.

“Um, excuse me—“

“Yes?” One of the girls turns her head around and looks at me confusedly.

“You talking to me?” she asks.

“Yes. Sorry I just wanted to ask do you happen to know this biology teacher, a woman, black hair, skinny feature—“

“Miss Park? She is our biology teacher.” She says without hesitation.

“Right. Miss Park. Is she—um is she done teaching? Can you tell me where or when I can see her?”

She looks at her friends and her friends look back at her, alerting. “Who are you? I can’t tell you anything unless you have a reasonable reason looking for the nicest teacher in this entire school.” She says firmly, looks like she has bonded with the most favorite teacher in this school.

I smile friendlily, “She is an old friend. We were highschool friends. I lived in New York and now I’m back I just want to see her and catch up.”

She looks at her friends again, they kinda look at her with the same look she has.

“Look, I’m not a bad person. Do I look like a bad person?” I start to worry.

She shakes her head immediately. “So?” I wait for her or their answer.

“Come on, Sun, tell her already! We’re gonna miss the happy hour at the café!” one of her friends speak up as she looks worried the bus is going to leave them as well.

Sun, as I believe is her name. She sighs and looks at me with a smirk, “Ok let’s make a deal. I’ll tell you when Miss Park is going to walk pass this gate today.” She says and then she beckons, “—But I’m gonna need a little money to pay for our meal if we miss the happy hour because you’re here delaying.”  

I scoff. Of course, nothing is free in this world now huh? I take out my wallet, grab a couple of Korean won I’m sure will be more than enough to pay for their happy hour me