2012

I’m standing in front of a shelf that displays cereal boxes in the grocery store. I like starring at these boxes. They’re so colorful and full of pictures. It almost looks like they’re the happiest part of the whole store. They all look so happy and motivated, unlike me. Somehow I envy their joy. I know I sound a little bit weird right now, talking about cereal boxes and happiness. It’s weird.

A mom and her child are starring at me from behind. Maybe they’re confused what I’m doing here or maybe they also think I’m weird. I almost look like I’m praying to the cereal boxes.

I quickly pick up my favorite and toss it into the cart before more people are coming to watch and judge me. And then I head to the other section, acting cool as I walk away from that mom and child.

I looked at the freezing section and suddenly I think of Dara. It’s Friday night, I think it’s gonna be a good idea to cook her a nice dinner tonight since we haven’t been able to have one these days, because of her busy schedule.

I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. I don’t really expect her to pick it up so quickly or to pick it up at all. Usually she’s unreachable during her shift, moreover when she’s in the surgery. Sometimes I feel like an outcast in her life. But I don’t know. I always try to call her, hoping she would pick up because I really want to do this. I really want to have a fine quality time with her. To be honest, I’ve missed her a lot recently. She only comes home late at night. Sometimes she stays in the hospital for the whole night and comes home exhausted, she’d just curl up in the bed and sleep the whole day. All I do during that time is just sitting at home, watching TV, waiting for her to wake up.

It’s been going on for 5 years. Since we moved to New York, everything was not the same anymore. The first year, she wasn’t very busy. She was still adapting to the new hospital and the residency. We were still the same couple. We met everyday. We had regularly. We had vacations. We were that crazily in love couple who had a lot of silly talks and bickering. We forgave each other whenever one of us made a mistake. We were perfect.

So, like I thought, she didn’t pick up the call. Maybe she’s in a surgery or having lunch with her bosses or something. So I decided to buy those rib eyes to make us a nice dinner, in case she can make it home earlier today.

Finding a job in the Big Apple isn’t easy. I have a fine art degree and everybody knows there’s only tiny possibility that a fine art graduate can get a good job that earns good money. So here I am, walking around the grocery store. All I do everyday is being unemployed, or I should say, trying to be a useful housewife.

It’s been going on for too long till the point I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t just live off my wife’s money. It feels awful. And like I said, I’m trying to be a useful housewife.

So 3 months ago, my sister Bom asked me to join this business course. There are a lot of bored housewives joining the course for a simple reason. They want to start a small business to save up more money for themselves so they don’t only ask money from their husbands. They want to be useful. It was a pretty good idea since it fits perfectly into my situation. I need this kind of thing so I went and surprisingly I enjoyed it. Even though I’m the only young person in the class but hanging out with middle-aged ladies are actually fun and entertaining. They’re funny and they talk about a lot of ridiculous things, mostly they talk about their husbands’ stupid behaviors, which is why I call it entertaining.

Hanging out with them helps me ease the loneliness I feel everyday when Dara is away.

“I think someone is having a special dinner tonight.”

I’m startled and almost dropped the wine bottle I’m holding. I turn around and also, almost drop the bottle because I didn’t expect to see this person at all.

“Hi, Chaerin.” She smiled.

God! You have to see her when she smiles. That is the most enthralling smile I’ve ever witnessed and no, I don’t just notice it right now. I’ve already watching that smiley face for months and been crushing on her ever since the first time she showed up in front of the class with that same exact eye smile.

“Oh… hello.” I stuttered. I still can’t believe I meet her here and I can’t believe she hasn’t stopped smiling like that. She makes me feel like she’s doing that on purpose, like she wants me to melt right in front of her because she knows just how beautiful she is when she smiles.

“I didn’t know you’re into cooking. I mean I didn’t expect to see someone like you shopping for ingredients in a grocery store alone.”

Wait a minute! I don’t understand what she means.

“Well, I’m pretty sure everyone shops when they run out of things at home.”

She’s blushing all of sudden. And there, she just formed a shy smile. “I know. What I meant is um… never mind. Sorry I was being impolite.”

“It’s okay. I know exactly what you mean. You want to say I don’t look like the type of a wife who spends time in the kitchen and take care of the house, right?”

Tiffany just nods lightly and she bit her bottom lip because of the embarrassment. “Sorry, Chaerin. I didn’t know how to arrange a good word to say it to you. Maybe it’s because I was way too surprised to see you here.”

“That’s alright, Tiff.”

Tiffany Hwang. She’s our tutor in the course. She’s a young Entrepreneur who succeeded opening an Italian restaurant down the street. That place is always crowded and full of people on the waiting list every night in the weekend. It almost looks like people are spelled by the food but they’re not. That place is just amazing and the foods are very good.

She’s actually one of the young entrepreneurs to whom they together create the business course I’m in right now.

Tiff, is what we usually call her. She’s just 2 years older than me but she already achieved much in her life and she’s married. She has twin daught