~*~

Chapter V

There will always be tomorrow

5월 22일

Sungjong watched from the hallway as Myungsoo was getting an CT scan done.  He could only see Myungsoo’s profile, but Myungsoo looked bored out of his mind as the scan took its sweet time.  Sungjong now realized why Myungsoo had tried to insist that Myungsoo go home during the CT scan, but Sungjong had insisted that he stay, so that they could hang out later.  Myungsoo had looked pleased as Sungjong started following him to the CT center, though he was less than pleased when Sungjong started laughing at Myungsoo because of the dress he had to wear.  “Hospital gown!” Myungsoo had insisted, though Sungjong just laughed.

Sungjong sat down on a chair on the side of the hallway and grabbed a pamphlet about CTs to pass the time. Half of the medical talk on the paper went through one ear and out the other.  Sungjong glanced towards the room and to his watch, judging how much time he still had. 

Deciding that he didn’t have enough time to go get some food, he started playing with the flyer in his hand.  He started ripping the paper into strips, a habbit that he had developed when he was bored.  If there was paper around when he was nervous or bored, it would end up in a thousand pieces.  Even if it was something like a water bottle label or a used boarding pass, it would end up in a million pieces.  Sunggyu would always scold Sungjong for making a mess, the papers usually didn’t end up in the garbage, but still, Sungjong couldn’t break his habbit.  Most of the time, Myungsoo would come up to Sungjong and rip off a piece for himself and start folding something, usually a paper crane. 

Smiling at the memory, Sungjong ripped off a larger piece of paper and started folding it into a paper crane, frowning when he couldn’t remember the next step.

“Hey, Sungjong, thanks for waiting.”

Sungjong looked up as Myungsoo called out to him as Hyeji wheeled him out on a wheelchair.

“No problem, hyung,” Sungjong said, handing Myungsoo his half finished paper crane.  “I can’t figure out how to finish that.”

Myungsoo smiled and bent over in the wheelchair and started folding the paper crane.  By the time they returned to Myungsoo’s room, Myungsoo straightened and handed Sungjong the completed crane. 

“There we go!” Myungsoo said happily, straightening its wings on Sungjong’s hand.  “Done!”

Sungjong smiled and placed the paper crane on his side table as Myungsoo slowly lifted himself from the wheelchair and onto the bed.  “Can you teach me, hyung?” Sungjong asked. 

“Teach you what?”

“How to fold a crane again, I forgot from the last time you taught me.”

“Okay!” Myungsoo said, brightening up right away.  “We need paper…”  He struggled to sit up higher on the bed, reaching for an abandoned newspaper on the side of the bed.  Sungjong quickly reached over and grabbed it for him.  

“Thanks,” Myungsoo muttered, scowling in frustration from his weakness.  “Stupid me…”

“Not stupid,” Sungjong immediately interjected.  “It’s just that what’s happening to you is hard and your body’s reacting to it.”

Myungsoo raised his eyebrow at him.  “You make it sound poetic,” he said dryly, carefully ripping out a perfect square for both of them.  “It isn’t like that.”

“But we can make it like that if we try,” Sungjong said, taking the piece of paper that Myungsoo offered.  “Anyways, it isn’t like you’re going to be in here forever.  You’ll be heading home soon and you’re going to be coming back to Infinite too.”

Myungsoo paused in the process of folding the paper in two.  He sighed and closed his eyes.  “Sungjong…”

“Don’t say otherwise, hyung,” Sungjong snapped.  “You told me you’ll live, you’re going to live, and as long as we live, we’re going to be Infinite.”

Myungsoo opened his eyes, carefully folding the paper in the next step.  “Sungjong, there are times that you got to let go of lies.”

“Hyung, it isn’t a lie,” Sungjong said firmly, following Myungsoo’s careful folds.  “Why can’t you still say that it’s real?”

“Because it’s not!” Myungsoo snapped, glaring at Sungjong.  “Why can’t you realize that?”

“You don’t realize how much I need you, hyung, that’s why,” Sungjong said just as sharply as Myungsoo.  “I need all of my six hyungs, not just five.”

Myungsoo’s gaze softened as he brushed off a tear from Sungjong’s cheek.  “Don’t cry,” he said softly.  “Don’t cry.”

Sungjong scowled at Myungsoo.  “I’m not crying,” he said stubbornly.  “What’s the next step, hyung?”

He smiled, not pressing on the subject and folded the paper again.  “Lift up the end here and press down the creases,” he said, demonstrating on his paper. 

Sungjong looked down, biting his lip in concentration to get the folds right.  Myungsoo gently touched Sungjong’s head, rubbing his head like he would do so often at the dorms. 

“So you won’t cry, Sungjong, right?” Myungsoo said gently, his fingers still in Sungjong’s hair. 

“Of course I won’t,” Sungjong said, looking at Myungsoo’s paper for the next step. 

“Are you sure?  You need to take care of the hyungs well.”

Sungjong looked up at Myungsoo.  “I already do, don’t I?” he asked, half heartedly giving Myungsoo a bit of aegyo. 

Myungsoo nodded, grinning widely.  “But you need to take care of the other hyungs too,” Myungsoo insisted, finishing the paper crane. 

“Hyung, I’ll take care of you,” Sungjong said, adding his finished crane with Myungsoo’s. 

“Sungjong, please promise me that you’ll take care of the hyungs, okay?”

“Stop making it sound like you’re already dead,” Sungjong scowled and ripped out another square out of the newspapers and started making another crane. 

“Wait, Sungjong, I take that back,” Myungsoo said quietly.  “I don’t need you to take good care of the hyungs if you can’t.  Instead, take care of yourself, okay?  Don’t drown in your thoughts like you do all the time, don’t just let yourself boil in loneliness when you have your hyungs that want to take care of you, don’t do the things that you always do: being alone, thinking too much, trying too hard for things that don’t matter.”

“That’s who I am, hyung,” Sungjong said quietly.  “I do all of those things and I don’t realize.  I don’t think I can promise that I’ll do all of those things.”

“Just one, Sungjong,” Myungsoo said, holding up one finger.  “Please?”

Sungjong frowned again, putting a completed crane on the tray.  “Hyung, I-”

“Just one promise.”

Sungjong sighed.  “Then you need to tell me something, hyung, you need to promise me something too.”

Myungsoo’s eyes darkened as he predicted what Sungjong was going to say.  “What?”

“I want you to promise me that you’ll be back to us,” Sungjong said stubbornly. 

Myungsoo’s smile fell off his face, he studied the piece of paper in his hands before folding it in half.  “Sungjong… I’m just dragging you down.  It doesn’t help you that I’m here in the hospital, where I’m not doing anything and while you’re waiting for me, you could be reaching better heights without me.

“I don’t mind being left behind.  If that means that you’re all going to be better, I don’t mind at all.”

Sungjong sighed and hung his head.  “We don’t want you to leave Myungsoo-hyung,” he said.  “We don’t.”

“I’m sorry, I still think it’s better for me to leave.”

Sungjong’s fingers nearly ripped the piece of paper in his hands.  “Shut up!  It’s not better for you to leave!”

“Maybe it’s not,” Myungsoo said quietly. 

Sungjong’s eyebrows shot up, unexpecantly winning the argument quickly.  “What?”

“Maybe it’s better for me to stay, but I don’t think so,” Myungsoo said, his voice still quiet.  “Sungjong, I feel like the only thing that I can promise right now is that that I’ll try my best to live… nothing more for now.”

“Hyung! Promise me that you’ll come back!” Sungjong demanded.  “Promise me that you’ll stay, promise me that you’ll come back home to us.”

“Sungjong… I can’t… I need to leave…”

“Hyung… by saying that you’re leaving, please don’t be saying that you’re leaving us for good.  Tell me that you’re coming home, that you’ll be Infinite once more.”

Myungsoo sighed, placing another completed crane on the tray, adding to the growing pile.  “Sungjong, then you need to promise me something.  I was selfish before when I asked you if you could change for me, so I’ll ask something different.”

Sungjong nodded, still folding another paper crane in his lap. 

“If it’s looking like I’m not going to make it, if I’m actually dying, I want you to let me go.”

Sungjong couldn’t finad any words to say, his half finished crane falling out of his nerveless fingers.  “But…”

“Sungjong, the doctors gave me 7 months to live, it’s May now and I might have only two months to live,” Myungsoo said.  “You need to be prepared to let me go.”

Sungjong closed his eyes, feeling the tears dripping down his cheeks.  “There shouldn’t be a world without you, hyung,” he sobbed.  “There can’t be a world without you…”

“If it comes to that, you need to let me go,” Myungsoo whispered. 

“But if it doesn’t, if you’re still here with us in two months, you need to promise that you’ll come home, that you’re going to be a part of Infinite again.”  Sungjong looked up at Myungsoo, fire in his eyes along with tears of pain.  “Please…”

Myungsoo nodded slowly, holding up his pinky finger for Sungjong.  “Promise.  I’ll come home… just please, Sungjongie, if it does come to my end…”

“I’ll let you go, I promise,” Sungjong said firmly, hooking his pinky around Myungsoo’s.  “I promise.”

Myungsoo smiled shakily, tears in his eyes too.  Sungjong smiled back and moved forward to embrace Myungsoo.  When Sungjong tightly wrapped his arms around Myungsoo, the tears slipped from his eyes and down his cheek.  Sungjong gently patted his back as tears started to sting his eyes too. 

Myungsoo cried quietly into his shoulder, his hands gripping Sungjong’s shirt tightly. 

Sungjong cried with Myungsoo.  He knew that Myungsoo hadn’t promised that he’ll stay with Infinite, but at least it was a start. 

There would always be tomorrow for that. 

~*~

5월 27일

Buzzzzzzz.

Sunggyu looked over at his phone on his desk as it buzzed with a text.  Deciding to ignore it, he turned his attention back to the book he was reading. 

Buzzzzzzz.

He looked up again as the phone buzzed once more.  With a sigh, Sunggyu reached over his bed and snatched the phone by the edge.  Throwing it back on the bed, he settled back before looking at the screen as it buzzed once more. 

Myungsoo.

He nearly dropped the phone in surprise.  He hadn’t received a text from Myungsoo for a long time, Myungsoo hardly bothered to use his phone while he was in the hospital. 

Before, a phone for all of them were top secret, it was a part of their normal lives that they hung onto.  It was a rule to not to touch the other member’s phone unless you had permission.  No one knew the passcode’s to each other’s phones, although most of them had vague ideas, and it was the worst ‘crime’ in their lives to touch each other’s phone.  Now that Myungsoo was in the hospital, he had a lot of time to himself, the meaning of his private life on his phone seemed to fade away slowly. 

Sunggyu quickly unlocked his phone and looked at the text messages he had sent. 

Myungsoo:  Hyung~

Myungsoo:  Where are you?  Are you there? 

Myungsoo:  Pick up, hyung.  It’s Myungsoo if you happened to delete my number already. 

Sunggyu typed back a reply hastily.  Sorry, what do you need?

He hardly needed to wait as Myungsoo’s reply came back quickly.

Myungsoo:  Can you met me at the hospital doors as soon as possible? 

Sunggyu:  Sure, but why?   

He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door, waiting for his reply.  Myungsoo’s reply came as he stepped into the elevator. 

Myungsoo:  I want to go out.

Sunggyu nearly slammed his head against the wall of the elevator.  Why was he asking this again?

His phone rang again, seeing the caller ID as Myungsoo, he picked it up. 

“Myungsoo, why?” he asked, skipping the greetings. 

“It isn’t running away this time,” Myungsoo argued.  “I got my mom’s permission.”

Sunggyu groaned as he got to the ground floor.  “Where do you want to go?”

“You’ll see soon, hyung.”

Sunggyu opened the taxi door and Myungsoo slipped in quickly, grinning widely.  Myungsoo didn’t look much different than on a normal day except there was less colour in his cheeks than when he was completely healthy and a nasal cannula running underneath his nose, feeding him oxygen.  He was wrapped up in a warm jacket despite the warm weather and an occasional shiver ran through his body.  Myungsoo struggled to pull the portable oxygen tank beside him, getting tangled up in the tubing.  Sunggyu quickly reached over and helped him with it, closing the door behind him. 

“Where are we going?” Sunggyu asked. 

Myungsoo grinned.  “It’s a Thursday, right?”

Sunggyu stole a quick glance at his phone, out of habbit to check, and nodded.  “So what?”

“Have you already forgot what we do on Thursdays?”

“Vocal practices?” Sunggyu asked, confused.  “Myungsoo, if this is your only day out of the hospital, don’t you want to do something more fun?”

“If I wanted to do something fun, I would’ve called Dongwoo and got him to bust me out of the hospital again,” Myungsoo said.  “I wanted to spend the day with you and there’s no way that I could’ve convinced you to help me escape the hospital.”

Sunggyu laughed.  “Fine.  To the vocal studios it is.”

A short taxi ride later, they got out in front of Woollim’s practice studios.  Myungsoo struggled with the oxygen tank again, trying to unstick the handle to drag it along.  Once again, Sunggyu leaned down and unstuck the handle for him.  When Myungsoo reached for it, Sunggyu held it a bit farther away, silently telling Myungsoo that he’d take care of it for him.  Myungsoo grinned lovingly at Sunggyu.  Sungyu smiled and put his free arm around Myungsoo’s shoulders. 

“Let’s go.”

As they made their way up to their practice room, Sunggyu and Myungsoo passed a few staff members that they knew.  Myungsoo smiled and talked to each of them, though their converstations ended quickly, ending with a wish to get better and come back to the company quickly and a brief farewell, and Myungsoo and Sunggyu were on their way again. 

Sunggyu unlocked the practice room and the lights.  Myungsoo grinned and pulled the oxygen tank over the doorframe, looking around excitedly. 

“I missed this place,” he said, spinning around in a circle.  “It used to be every day, but now it’s never.”

Sunggyu smiled sadly as Myungsoo started dancing awkwardly, still tethered to the small oxygen tank. 

“Myungsoo… because you came back here… does that mean that you’re coming back to Infinite?”

Myungsoo dropped his eyes.  “Hyung… I-”  He reached up and quickly wiped his eyes.  “I came here to say goodbye…” He caught Sunggyu’s eyes and hurried to try to take away the hurt confusion in his eyes.  “I didn’t mean to day goodbye to you, I still want to be with you and I’ll still be here for you whenever you need me, but I meant that I wanted to say goodbye to the studio, and to the life that I had here.”

Sunggyu opened his mouth, but only a sob left his mouth.  He clapped his hand over his mouth and spun around, leaving Myungsoo alone in the practice room. 

Myungsoo found Sunggyu in the singing practice room. 

Infinite had two practice studios, one for singing, another for dancing.   At first, it was a shared studio with other trainees, but after a little while, Woollim just assigned the studio to Infinite.  They started to spend more time in the practice studio than anywhere else, they all had an extra set of clothes and things to wash up with at the studio.  If they ran out of time on a schedule, they could wash up at the studios quickly and run to their next destination if it was necessary. 

Myungsoo sat down on a stool beside Sunggyu and waited patiently until Sunggyu looked up.  The only sounds in the studio was the quiet echo of the trainees down the hall and the soft hissing of oxygen getting pushed into Myungsoo’s lungs.  Sunggyu sighed and looked up as Myungsoo stared at him. 

“Myungsoo, why?”

Myungsoo stared back at Sunggyu with his big brown eyes.  “Hyung, I’m sorry that I’m disappointing you like this, but I need to do this.”

“But you don’t need to do this,” Sunggyu argued.  “You don’t.  That’s why I’m disapointed.”

“Hyung.”  Myungsoo held up and hand to stop him.  “Hyung, when I fainted the last time, I could’ve been performing again and it would’ve ruined the performance.  There’s no way that I could’ve recovered if I started to bleed like that in the stage.”

“The Inspirits would’ve understood,” Sunggyu argued.  “They would’ve understood, they will support you whatever happens.  I can bet my singing carrer on the fact that some of them wouldn’t mind donating one of their lungs so that you can recover.  It’s so frustrating that you want to give up a life like that.  We all want to support you and we will do anything to help you, you just want to throw it away like this.”

Myungsoo shook his head.  “I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing by doing this, but it is the right thing to do.”

Sunggyu sighed and shook his head. “Myungsoo, I want you to come back so badly…”

“I want to come back to, but I have my reasons.  I just want to forget about that today and spend some time with you.”

Sunggyu nodded slowly.  “Okay, fine.”

Myungsoo nodded and stood up.  “It’s a Thursday, hyung.  Let’s sing.”

Sunggyu just followed Myungsoo.  Myungsoo insisted that they warm up properly, making Sunggyu to do a set of scales before they started singing. 

“Let’s write a song,” he said excitedly as they finished the warm ups. 

Sunggyu rolled his eyes at Myungsoo.  “First you want to come to practice your vocals and now you want to write a song?”

“Please, hyung?” Myungsoo asked.  “It can be a song in your album.”

Sunggyu preteneded to sigh, but smiled at Myungsoo.  “Fine, let’s do it.”

For the next few hours, Sunggyu watched as Myungsoo worked on the music, pointing out some things that the thought was weak and asking Sunggyu to help with the lyrics.  Mostly, it was Myungsoo working and Sunggyu was just watching.  Sunggyu smiled as Myungsoo basically bounced around the around the room, trying the song on the guitar and keyboards, scribbling things down when inspiration came to him. 

“Myungsoo-yah, come here,” he said, holding out his phone.  Myungsoo immediately bounced over, his spirit never ending.  “Let’s take a selca for the Inspirits, okay?”

Myungsoo frowned, trying to decide what to do.  “But I look stupid and… sick…”

Sungyu shook his head.  “You look beautiful, all the Inspirits will say so.”

“I don’t have make up on,” Myungsoo muttered half-heartedly. 

“Well, niether do I!” Sunggyu said.  “Please?”

Myungsoo hesitated until Sunggyu put on aeygo, although it was a half hearted attempt, and a not every good one too, but Myungsoo finally nodded and scotted closer to Sunggyu for the selca.  Myungsoo moved to take off his nasal cannula, but Sunggyu stopped him. 

“You’re human too, Myungsoo, the Inspirits understand that.”

He looked at Sunggyu, unsure if he should trust him.  “Really, hyung?”

Sunggyu nodded.  “Trust hyung, okay?”

“I do.”

Sunggyu smiled and put one arm around Myungsoo as he held up his phone to take the picture.  “Ready?” he asked. 

“Okay.”

“One, two, three.” 

Sunggyu smiled at the picture before adding a caption onto the picture and posting it on Twitter.  “Is that good?” he asked Myungsoo. 

Myungsoo took the phone and smiled.  “It’s perfect.”

(@kyuzizi) Inspirit friends!  We miss you a lot, especially Myungsoo.  Our Myungsoo is looking well, isn’t he?  Fighting, Myungsoo!

Sunggyu looked at the clock and jumped.  “Oh !  The time!  We need to get you back to the hospital or your mother will kill us.”

Myungsoo pouted.  “But…”

Sunggyu laughed.  “Kim Myungsoo, it’s time for you to go home.  Even if you don't want to.”

He nodded and picked up his stuff.  “This song is going to be a part of your album, right?” he asked, handing the sheets he had written on to Sunggyu. 

“It will be,” Sunggyu said, carefully placing them in his backpack.  “It’ll be our title track.”

Myungsoo blushed.  “It isn’t that good, hyung, it shouldn’t be your title track.”

“But it’s written by you, it has to be our title track, then you’ll be a part of our next comeback too.”

The way that Myungsoo grinned at Sunggyu nearly made the everything better. 

Sunggyu flagged down a taxi and helped Myungsoo into the car, helpnig him with the oxygen tank before getting in himself. 

“University Hospital, please,” he said to the taxi driver. 

“Okay, is your friend alright?” the taxi driver asked as they started to drive away. 

Sunggyu looked over at Myungsoo who smiled back.  “I think he’s better than ever,” Sunggyu said. 

Myungsoo sighed happily before snuggling against Sunggyu.  “You’re nice and warm, hyung,” he mumbled. 

Sunggyu grinned and put his arm around Myungsoo to hold him closer.  “Here, I’ll always keep you warm.”

He smiled, closing his eyes.  “Thank you, hyung.”

Myungsoo rested against Sunggyu, not going to sleep, but not staying awake either.  Sunggyu pulled out his phone to pass the time before they got to the hospital.  He saw that he got some responses on Twitter and smiled when he saw the Inspirits’ replies.  All of them were happy to see Myungsoo again, after nearly a month of not seeing him.  Sunggyu scrolled through some of the messages to see what they said. 

Myungsoo-oppa still looks ill, but I’m so happy to see him again. Fighting!

Even though he has the nasal cannula on, he looks strong!

Our L-oppa is always so brave.  Fighting! <3

Sunggyu laughed as he saw the replies from the other members.  “Hey, Myungsoo, look at this,” he said, giving him his phone. 

Myungsoo smiled at the responses to Sunggyu’s tweet. 

(@Seongyeol1991) @kyuzizi Why wasn’t I invited? 

(@wowwh) @Seongyeol1991 Never mind them, Sungyeol-ah, we had fun at the dorm with the others.

(@infiniteyounges)  Hyungs, you should’ve come and visited! 

(@inspiritddwww) @INFINITELKIM you look so much better today! You’ve gotten so much better~

(@hoya1991) Why aren’t I invited to this party now?

Myungsoo laughed and grabbed his phone from his pocket.  Sunggyu smiled as Myungsoo typed a short, but all true statement. 

(@INFINITELKIM) I miss you too. 

Myungsoo was already nearly asleep as Sunggyu helped him sit down on the bed when they got back to the hospital. 

“Raise your arms,” Sunggyu said gently, tapping his arms.  Myungsoo raised his arms and allowed Sunggyu to take off Myungsoo’s shirt for him.  “Can you take off your pants by yourself?” Sunggyu asked as he folded Myungsoo’s shirt neatly.  Myungsoo nodded slowly, pulling off his pants not even opening his eyes.  Sunggyu stacked his clothes in a neat pile on the chair in the corner and handed Myungsoo a clean hospital robe to change into.  “Can you change by yourself?” Sunggyu asked.

“Uh huh…”

Sunggyu laughed at Myungsoo’s sleeppy state.  From the many mornings and late nights, Sunggyu had seen this side of Myungsoo a lot, but that day, he found Myungsoo’s state more endearing than he had ever seen. 

“Here.”  Sunggyu helped Myungsoo change into his hospital gown.  Myungsoo co-opperated as Sunggyu to finish dressing him and put him more comfortably into the bed.  Sunggyu had never had taken care of someone like that, he didn’t have a little brother or sister when he was growing up, it was nice to know that even though they weren’t even blood brothers, Myungsoo still trusted him as a brother and Sungyu took care of Myungsoo as one too. 

“Hyung?”

Sunggyu looked up at him as he tucked the blanket around Myungsoo.    “Yeah?”

Myungsoo opened his mouth, then closed it again, his eyes telling Sunggyu that he wasn’t sure what to say.

“You’re the hyung, take care of the others.  Please?  Take care of them,” he said quietly.  “You’re the true leader… take care of them.”

“Myungsoo,” Sunggyu said, his voice a mix of desperation and sadness.

“Hyung, please, remember that.”

Sunggyu nodded, sitting down on the edge of Myungsoo’s bed.  “Myungsoo-yah… don’t worry about us, okay?”

Myungsoo sighed and took his hand, opening his eyes again.  “I need to… because you’re my brothers.”

“You’re our brother too,” Sunggyu said and rubbed Myungsoo’s head with a smile.

Myungsoo bit his lip as though he was trying to decide if he should tell Sunggyu something.  “Hyung, I…”  He shook his head.  “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Sunggyu smiled and nodded, holding out his arms and Myungsoo dove into them, clinging onto Sunggyu like a koala.

“It’s going to be okay,” Sunggyu whispered in his ear.

Myungsoo let out a shaky breath.  “Hyung… I need to tell you something…”

Sunggyu nodded.  “You can tell me,” he said, drawing comforting circles on his back.  “I’m your hyung and you can tell me whatever worries you, whatever kind of problems you have.  I’m right here for you.”

“I… don’t know if I can say it aloud,” Myungsoo mumbled. 

“Then whisper it to me,” Sunggyu said.  “It’s okay if you can’t say it, you can always whisper it, or sing it, it doesn’t matter, I will always hear it.”

Myungsoo nodded slowly.  “I can’t sing it, so can I whisper it?  I’ll leave singing up to hyung.”

Sunggyu nodded and leaned down so that he could hear what Myungsoo had to say.  As Myungsoo quietly whisper into his ear, his voice started to break and crumble.  At the end, he was crying in Sunggyu’s arms.  Sunggyu held Myungsoo close as he tried to process what Myungsoo had told him.   Sunggyu held the other Kim as close as he could as he ran his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair to calm him down. 

“It’s okay,” Sunggyu said slowly.  “It’s okay.”

“But what if I made the wrong choice?” Myungoo asked quietly. 

“Whatever descision you made, is the right one,” Sunggyu said gently.   “We just want you to be happy.  If that means you’re going somewhere without us, it’ll be okay with us.”

Sunggyu felt the front of his jacket get wet with tears.  He quietly shushed Myungsoo and continued to run his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair. 

“I’m going to be home,” Myungsoo whispered, his voice muffled by Sunggyu’s jacket.  “I can’t be happy if I’m not home.”

The dorm was dark when Sunggyu unlocked the door.  He quietly put his shoes away, thinking that no one was awake, and headed towards the kitchen. 

“Hyung.”

Sunggyu jumped and turned around, his hand against his chest.  “Woohyun, you scared the crap out of me,” he whispered. 

Woohyun laughed, giving him a smile.  He looked wide awake, Sunggyu figured that he had stayed up to wait for him while the others slept.  “Did you have fun today?”

Sunggyu smiled back, drinking some water before closing the fridge.  “Yeah, you had fun too?”

Woohyun nodded, looking closely at Sunggyu, his eyes narrowing.  “Is Myungsoo okay?” he asked. 

Sunggyu sighed and headed into the kitchen, Woohyun right behind him.  “Of course, you saw my Tweet, he’s happier than before.”

Woohyun narrowed his eyes at Sunggyu as Sunggyu grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and headed out of the kitchen.  “Hyung, I’m not an idiot.”

“I know that,” Sunggyu said as he entered his room. 

“Then why are you treating me like one?” Woohyun asked, his voice raising. 

“I’m not,” Sunggyu said evenly, throwing his jacket onto his bed and kicking off his socks and jeans. 

“Hyung!  I know that something happened!  Myungsoo told you something that he didn’t tell us, I can see it in your eyes.  Just tell me!  I need to know!”

“Be quiet, Nam Woohyun,” Sunggyu said sharply, placing a finger on his lips.  “Sungjong’s sleeping.”

Woohyun scowled and kicked Sunggyu’s discarded jeans across the room.  “Hyung, I-”  He raised his fist as if he was going to punch Sunggyu, but decided against it.  “I’m Myungsoo’s hyung too.  I need to look after him.”

He looked down at the ground, trying to hold onto his tears.  It was true that he wasn’t telling Woohyun everything, and he didn’t think that he ever would.  “I’m your hyung,” he said with a heavy heart.  “I’m going to protect you too.”

Woohyun snorted and turned around.  “I’m going to bed now, see you tomorrow, hyung.”  He marched out of Sunggyu and Sungjong’s shared room and Sunggyu heard his door slam. 

Sunggyu sighed and grabbed some sleeping clothes to change in the bathroom.  After changing and washing up, he exited the bathroom into the silent dorm.  On his way back to his room, he stopped beside the rapper line’s room, he stopped and listened into the room.  He could hear Hoya’s hip hop music from his iPad as he slept and Dongwoo’s heavy snoring. 

Sunggyu headed over to Sungyeol’s room, he carefully peered into his room, squinting in the dark.  Sungyeol never moved much in his sleep, up to a point that Sunggyu had been worried at times that Sungyeol had stopped breathing all together.  But tonight, Sunggyu could see Sungyeol sleeping, his chest moving steadily with each breath.  Sunggyu smiled and looked towards Woohyun’s room.  Quietly, he stoppped beside Woohyun’s room, listening into the room. 

He hated when he and Woohyun fought, they usually made up the next day, but while they were fighting, Sunggyu hated it. 

Sunggyu sighed, one hand on the door knob as he tried to hear into his room.  When he couldn’t hear anything, he slowly opened the door and popped his head in.  Woohyun’s back was facing the door, but Sunggyu could tell that he was sleeping.  Sunggyu sighed as he leaned against the door frame. 

Woohyun must have been exhasted if he had fallen asleep so quickly after leaving Sunggyu.  Sunggyu saw Woohyun’s pillow on the opposite wall and realized that Woohyun had thrown the pillow across the room probably in anger.  Sunggyu quietly walked across the room and picked up Woohyun’s pillow.  As gently as possible, he lifted Woohyun’s head and placed the pillow under his head.  He let his hand linger on his head Woohyun’s head, touching his soft hair. 

“Woohyun-ah, I’m sorry,” Sunggyu said softly.  “I really am…”

He quietly left the room, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling of guilt.  He looked back as he reached the door.  “I’m sorry, Woohyun-ah.”

As he closed the door, he missed Woohyun’s whispered, “I know, hyung.  I’m sorry too…”

Sunggyu returned to his room, turning off the lights in the dorm and closing the door behind him.  Sunggyu sighed, trying to calm down his thoughts.  He looked over at Sungjong, who was sleeping peacefully, his arm wrapped around his teddy bear.  Sungjong had stopped using the bear at one point or another, but he still dragged it out of the closet when he was stressed or worried. 

Sungjong still didn’t stir as Sunggyu sat down on the edge of his bed, instead burrying his face into his teddy bear’s soft fur.  Sunggyu smiled softly and brushed a stray lock of hair off his face.

“Night, Jjongie.  Sweet dreams.”

Sunggyu settled down on his bed and pulled his blankets over his body.   He looked over at where Myungsoo used to sleep, the bed now empty, stripped of its sheets, but still waiting for Myungsoo to return.

He sighed and looked out the window where he could see a little bit of the night sky.

Sunggyu sighed, closing his eyes. 

In the darkness, Sunggyu could nearly feel Myungsoo’s breath brushing against his ear, telling him that he was going to go into surgery to remove his lung.  His whole lung. 

Myungsoo told him that’s why he had tried to resign from Woollim, he didn’t want to hurt the others, but they were holding on tight, not ready to let go of their brother even though Myungsoo had already accepted his fate. 

He didn’t want to think that Myungsoo wouldn’t be there tomorrow, and that tomorrow, they might be alone.  

Sunggyu wipped away the tear trailing down his cheek.  “Good night, Myungsoo,” he whispered.  “It’ll going to be okay tomorrow, I promise.”

He rolled over on his bed, watching as the shadows of the night rose and fell in haunting patterns around him.   

Hi!  

Yay!  I have a break this week and no homework, so I get to sit at home and write a lot of new fics for you guys!  

Hopefully, I'm going to have a surprise ready for you next weekend if everything works out the way I want it to go.  If it doesn't, I will have an angst filled chapter for you!  

Please comment and tell me what you think about this chapter!  Have a beautiful week!