~*~

Chapter X

End After a Beginning

7월 2일

“Myungsoo?”

They were out in the hospital garden, sitting on a bench enjoying the sun. The new July breeze were promising rain soon even though the sky was clear above them. 

He opened one eye and looked at Hoya, nodding for him to continue.

“How scared were you?” Hoya asked.

Myungsoo sat up a bit taller.  “Hoya…”

Hoya shook his head quickly, trying to cut off the other.  “Why do I keep on asking these things?” he asked, slapping his face.  “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and patted Hoya’s thigh.  “It’s okay.”

Hoya smiled tentatively which Myungsoo returned a smile to.  They sat in silence comfotably for a little while.  Hoya was aware that he was one of the most awkward members in Infinite, but how Myungsoo kept his end of the silence comfortably soothed away Hoya’s awkwardness.

Each of the others in Infinite evened each other out, Sunggyu’s leadership guided Dongwoo’s energy, Woohyun’s aegyo was calmed down by Sungjong’s sass, Sungyeol’s choding bringing out the laughter in Myungsoo’s silence as his silence helped Hoya.  

Through past few months, all of them helped Myungosoo, giving him a silent shoulder to lean on whenever he needed and even when he didn’t need it.

 “You know,” Myungsoo whispered into the silence.  “You don’t realize how scared you can be, how much fright your heart can hold at one moment, until…”

He sighed and wipped his hands on his thighs.  “There were times where… I couldn’t think, the pain was too much to… keep my thoughts together.  There were times where… I just wanted to die because the pain was too much, I didn’t want to live with the pain any more.

“But the relief after the pain,” Myungsoo smiled softly.  “You don’t even know a fraction of the relief… it’s so peaceful and relaxing.  I can’t even remember the pain any more, it seems so far away now.

“Sometimes I wanted to pain to be over, I wanted to die so that I couldn’t feel any more, but… I think I was more scared of death than I was of the pain.

“I was so scared of death, I still am, it’s so… far away and foreign, that I… don’t think that I could even…

“I was just so scared, Howon,” Myungsoo admitted in one breath.  “I was so scared, I didn’t want to die, but I thought that it would be impossible to escape anywhere else.”

Hoya gathered Myungsoo into the hug as he heard the telltale traces of tears in his voice.  “Shhhhhh… it’s okay…” he whispered.  “You’re safe now, death is far behind you.  You’re going to live now, it’s going to be okay.”

Myungsoo let out a strangled sob muffled against Hoya’s jacket.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Hoya said softly.  “It’s always okay to feel something, Myungsoo.”

“You know what’s scary?” Myungsoo whispered.  “Not feeling anything. I couldn’t feel anything.  I couldn’t feel anything at all and it hurt.

“I couldn’t see anything, there was nothing I could feeel as I drifted through the blackness.  I couldn’t feel… it was frightening to know that the mind is truly endless.

“I think sometimes we take closure, without even realizing that there’s a end somewhere.  At least somewhere down the road, there’s a end.  Somewhere… there’s a end.

“To be somewhere with no limits, it scared me badly.  Everything has its limits some how, whether it’s in the mind, spirit or soul, there’s a limit somewhere.

“Everywhere, there’s a limit, there’s a end as sure as there’s a beginning.  There’s a end after there’s a beginning.

“Even infinity… there’s a end to that isn’t there?”

Hoya hesitated.  “Myungsoo, there’s got to be something with no limits out there right?  There’s something with no limits out there.  The human heart has limitless capablitly to love someone, the memories that someone can hold are limitless too.”

A small smile graced his lips. “We’re Infinite.  Maybe we will have a end, but it’s not going to be for a long time…

“And we’re going to end how we started, as seven, as Infinite.”

Hoya blinked back tears slowly.  “Myungsoo-yah…there’s something else that’s infinite too, are you forgetting?

“Love is infinite too, it’ll last forever, especially the love that we have for you is Infinite.  Your love is keeping you here, your love for your family and us kept you here.”

Myungsoo smiled, happiness shining through his face.  “Then never stop loving me,” he whispered.  “Never leave me, never stop loving me.”

Hoya gave Myungsoo a warm hug, just like the ones that Myungsoo would give them on stage and for comfort and support.  “I’m never going to leave you.  I’m going to be right here with you… so never be scared, okay?”

Myungsoo smiled.  “I’ve got you,” he said, gently squeezing his hand. “Why would I be scared if I got you?”

~*~

7월 3일

“Hey, Myungsoo-yah!”

Myungsoo jumped and dropped something he had in his hands.  “What the… Sungyeol!” he said, holding a hand to his chest.  “Don’t scare me like that again!”

“Sorry,” Sungyeol apologized and grinnned.  “What’s this?” he asked as he picked up the object that Myungsoo had dropped. 

Myungsoo snatched it back.  “It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not,” he said, looking at the label by tipping his head to his side.  “It’s a incentive… spiro…meter… what’s that?”

Myungsoo stuck his tounge out at him.  “Helps me breathe,” he mumbled.  “Now go away, I need to do this.”

Instead of going away, Sungyeol sat down on the chair watching Myungsoo as if he was really intresting.  Myungsoo raised an eyebrow at him as he stuck the tube into his mouth. 

“How do you do that?” Sungyeol asked, curious. 

Myungsoo glared at him though he didn’t say anything because he had the tube in his mouth.  “Ib oo waana oh, guss wah ang eee!” Myungsoo snapped around the tube. 

“Fine!” Sungyeol grinned.  Even though they were in their twenties, they were still blickering as if they were five. 

Myungsoo took in a deep breath with the tube in his mouth, holding a small plastic contraption with lines on the side in front of him.  After holding his breath in for a few seconds, Myungsoo let out a shaky breath.  Moving a little tab on the side of the container, he placed it on the bed and took in another slow breath. 

“What’s that?” Sungyeol asked again. 

Raising an eyebrow at him, Myungsoo replied, “Really?  Hand me that pillow.”

“Why?” Sungyeol asked, looking at the pillow that was in his lap. 

“Because I will throw up all over you!” Myungsoo snapped, holding a hand out for the pillow that Sungyeol quickly handed over.  Myungsoo pressed the pillow against his chest as he coughed a couple of times. 

“You weren’t going to throw up on me were you?” Sungyeol asked as Myungsoo stopped coughing.  “You just wanted me to give you the pillow.”

Myungsoo grinned and nodded against the pillow.  “It worked,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.  “Anyways, you wouldn’t like it if I threw up on you.”

“If you did, you would be pretty much dead to me.”

“I was nearly dead to everyone.”

The smile faded off Sungyeol’s face.  “Come on, Myungsoo, don’t joke like that,” he scolded.

Myungsoo pulled the pillow a little further down so that he could see Sungyeol with one eye over the pillow.  “I was joking,” he said through the pillow.  “You always joke, I thought that I could joke with you.”

“But you scared me,” Sungyeol said, sticking out his lower lip.  “You really did scare me.”

The pillow fell down into Myungsoo’s lap as he looked up at Myungsoo with a smile.  “I know.  I’m sorry.”

Sungyeol smiled and took his hand.  “I’m glad you’re alive.  Even if that means you can still throw up on me.”

“You’re going to be the first one I got to when I need to puke now.”

“Hell no.”

“I will.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, even if you’re back at the dorms, I’ll catch a taxi just to throw up on you.”

“I’ll just hold you away with one hand.  My arms are long enough to do that.”

“No, they aren’t.”

“Yes, they are.”

“They are.”

“Are not.”

“They are!  Do you want to find out?”

“Sungyeollie?”

“What?”

“Shut up.”

~*~

7월 4일

Myungsoo muttered and tossed and the bed.  Sungyeol gently wipped the sweat off his forehead as Myungsoo whimpered in his sleep. 

Dr. Song had told them that Myungsoo’s immune system was still recovering and he would recover quickly, but it scared Infinite and his family to no end as Myungsoo’s temputure rose steadily.  The hot summer air did nothing to help cool down Myungsoo as they all spent time beside Myungsoo’s bed, cooling him down with wet cloths. 

Sungyeol wrung out the towel in the bucket beside Myungsoo’s bed and gently brushed Myungsoo’s furrowed brow with it.  Hyeji was beside Myungsoo’s bed, checking the IV drip in his hand.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Sungyeol couldn’t help the worried words leaving his mouth.

Hyeji nodded.  “Don’t worry, the antibiotics will do their work and he’ll be okay in a few hours.”

Sungyeol smiled and returned to patting Myungsoo’s forehead with a cool towel.

Myungsoo whined again and his leg kicked out under the sheets.  Sungyeol tried to hush him and calm him down.  Myungsoo’s shoulders shook with coughs as he curled up onto his side.

Sungyeol gently patted his cheek, hoping to soothe him, but felt like he had done nothing as Myungsoo moaned and kicked again, his shoulders twisting on the sheets.  His face was completely white, nearly grey, except for the bright red flush on his cheeks.   

“His oxygen levels are low.”  Sungyeol looked up as Hyeji started speaking to Dr. Song.  “His fever isn’t breaking yet either.”

“Give him the stronger antibiotics and put him back on oxygen,” Dr. Song said briskly as he looked at Sungyeol and Myungsoo on the bed together.  “Sungyeol-ssi, are you okay?”

Sungyeol nodded slowly.  “Is there anything that you can do?”

“The antibiotics should work and the added oxygen will help too,” Dr Song said gently as he checked Myungsoo himself.  “Myungsoo will be okay.  His immune system is still vunerble to attacks, his body just needs some time to recover.  He is doing well.”

Sungyeol tried to smile.  “Thank you, Doctor.”

He nodded as he turned back to Myungsoo.  Gently, he rolled down the back of Myungsoo’s hospital gown and placed a stethescope on Myungsoo’s back.  To Myungsoo, in his fevered state, it must have felt like ice because he whinned and clung closer to Sungyeol, seeking warmth from his best friend.  Dr. Song chuckled as he pulled his stethescope back and covered Myungsoo back up with the blanket.  “Make sure he gets rest,” he said to Sungyeol. 

Sungyeol nodded quickly.  “Of course, Doctor.”

Another wave of coughs racketed thorugh Myungsoo’s body and before Sungyeol knew it, a warm wave of vomit splattered against his lap.  Sungyeol stared at Myungsoo as Myungsoo threw up all over Sungyeol and the edge of the bed. 

Hyeji, who was standing next to the bed, was trying hard not to laugh at Sungyeol, covering with her hand as she faced away from the two as she laughed. 

“Noona!” Sungyeol complained. 

“I’m sorry,” she said although she was still smiling.  “I’ll go get you a change of clothes while you can wash up in the shower in the bathroom.”

After Sungyeol washed off the vomit and changed into the scrubs that Hyeji lent him, he sat down beside Myungsoo again, who was still in fevered sleep.  Hyeji had cleaned up the sheets and placed an oxygen mask over Myungsoo’s nose and mouth again.  Sungyeol picked up the damp cloth again, gently patting Myungsoo’s face, dabbing off the sweat that rolled down his face and neck. 

“Well, you threw up on me,” Sungyeol said to Myungsoo even though he couldn’t hear.  “Just like you said that you would.”  

A few hours later, Sungyeol was dozing off, waiting for one of his managers to bring him a change of clothes.  Suddenly, Myungsoo mumbled sleepily, jarring Sungyeol out of his nap.  Slowly, Myungsoo opened one of his eyes.  “Yeol?”

Sungyeol smiled, relieved.  “Hey, Myungsoo,” he whispered, sitting up to place a hand on Myungsoo’s forehead. 

Myungsoo let out a small groan and shifted his position so that he was lying on his side, facing Sungyeol.  “Why are you wearing those scrubs?” Myungsoo mumbled. 

Sungyeol laughed a little and shook his head.  “Remember when you said that you’ll throw up on me?”

His brow furrowed a little as he remembered.  “Yeah, a bit.”

“Well you did.”

The look of confusion turned into a look of embarrassment. “Sorry…”

“No, it’s okay,” Sungyeol said with a smile, gently placing the back of his hand on Myungsoo’s cheek to check his tempuature, thankfully finding it cooled down, though not back to his regular temperature, but Sungyeol knew he was going to be okay . 

“You look ridiculous in those scrubs,” Myungsoo mumbled sleepily with a smile.  “Really ridiculous.” 

“No, I don’t!” Sungyeol argued.

“Yeah, really ridiculous.”

“At least I don’t look like a squid.”

“Are you calling me a squid?”

“Hell yeah!  Squid.  Squid.  Squid.”

“I am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Myungsoo?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” 

Well... please please comment?  I can't decide wheather i like this chapter... at least stay with me until the next chapter because I really like that one.  Please don't leave me~  Give me comments~ Please!  or give me a high five on your way out >_< See you next weekend~