6.

‘So what you’re saying is… she’s been locked in the bathroom for the past thirty minutes and you’re calling me to find out what happened?’ Sehun could not believe his ears.

‘I’m inside the wardrobe.’ Suho added, helpfully. He tried to turn around but it was too dark, not to mention completely cramped, so he had no space to do so.

‘…Come again?’

‘I’m inside the wardrobe. In case she can hear me.’

‘Listen to me. First, get out of the wardrobe this very second.’

‘And then?’ Suho prompted after a few seconds of silence on the other side.

‘Get out of the freaking wardrobe!’ Sehun shouted so loudly, that Suho just had to wince as he distanced the receiver from his ear. He did, however, stopped squeezing himself into the small space and stepped back into the room, sitting on the couch situated in the living room-like part of the suite.

‘Did I offend her in any way? I don’t understand. I did everything you told me to. I even kissed her – or rather, she kissed me.’

‘That’s the problem.’ Sehun sighed.

‘I did not do anything weird. Nothing, I swear. I,’ Suho cleared his throat, blushing ‘liked  it.’

‘That’s great, my friend, but it’s not at all about what you did. It’s about what she did. She kissed you, and judging from your detailed description of the temperature and texture of her saliva, very passionately, too. She realised that she had given in to your weird irresistibleness, so now she’s embarrassed that you will be judging her like you usually do. Which you will not, Suho. Judge her, I mean.’

‘I will not judge her. I was there, participating.’ Suho hissed into the receiver.

‘Sometimes you’re judgmental without meaning to. Actually, that’s your best super power.’

‘Sehun…’ Suho groaned. He felt utterly frustrated. Yes, Sehun’s advice led him to Jeju Island and kissing Irene. But it was also Sehun’s words that caused this disaster.

And everything had been going so well... At least in Suho’s opinion.

‘Everything is going well, believe me.’ Sehun kept reassuring him. ‘It means that we are almost there. For some strange reason she fell for you, so all you have to do now is keep steering her in the right direction. Here is what you’re gonna do.’

Irene decided that she could not prolong her stay in the bathroom any longer. It’d been more than half an hour and she could tell even without looking at the clock, and she knew that she couldn’t hide forever.

But she was so, so embarrassed.

Was she too forward? Did she get too excited over the possibility of marrying him? She knew she definitely should not. She was not even sure if she really wanted to marry him. But the longer they spent together, the more she fell for the annoyingly cute and clueless Kim Junmyeon. She knew that he rarely opened up to people and almost never trusted them completely, but she wanted to be that one person to earn his trust.

She feared that now, she could have blown off her chances with him and lose her Most Reasonable Woman of the Year title.

Believe it or not, she really wanted to keep it.

She peeked through the gap, ready to shut the door immediately if the world of her current reality became too much, but all she saw was Suho, sat at the table with his back to the bathroom door, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. Judging from the amount that was left in the bottle, he must have drank about half of it while she was taking her imaginary shower.

She turned off the light and left the bathroom, approaching his side cautiously. She finally stopped close enough to be able to see his face and then it hit her. The stench of the alcohol and the stains on his shirt. He noticed her and hiccupped, probably for a better effect, because her left eyebrow shot up, suspiciously.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ She finally asked, because he continued to be silent. Feeling her eyes on him, he carefully attached his lips to the round glass, not looking one bit like he was enjoying the drink, but sipping nevertheless.

‘I’m drunk.’ He announced, sounding completely sober. He actually sounded pretty much the same he always did when he thought somebody was wasting his time, asking obvious questions. Noticing her disbelief, he cleared his throat. ‘I mean, I’m drunk. Drunk.’ He repeated again, this time loudly and tried to hiccup but by now, Irene was completely convinced that he was the worst actor ever.

That, and there was a little stream of horribly smelling brown liquid leaking out of the flower pot and making its way across the floor.

‘You left me when we kissed and I… I…’ He blinked, suddenly looking stupefied, like he forgot his lines. Sehun’s lines, Irene decided, doing all she could not to burst out laughing.

‘Cut the crap, you didn’t drink snot.’ She sat down, pointing at the floor where the river was getting bigger. And smellier. ‘Stop wasting whiskey, I’ll need a drink.’ She took away the glass he was holding and gulped it all down in one shot.

Suho’s face immediately returned to its natural, now-we-talk-business state.

‘Stop doing everything Sehun tells you to and go change that shirt. If you don’t do something now, you will not be able to remove the stains.’

‘Oh, thank god, finally somebody reasonable.’ Suho lamented and stood up, taking his shirt off at once, without even caring that Irene was still there.

Not that she minded. Either he was lying about not exercising or… Yup, definitely lying.

‘So what is all this?’ She asked once he was seated again, in a clean shirt. It looked the same as every single one that he owned. She decided that once they’d married, she would take care of his wardrobe.

Ok, she was probably thinking about marrying Kim Junmyeon too much these days, but those shirts really needed her intervention.

‘I have just concluded, this very minute, that Oh Sehun does not really know a lot about romancing girls.’ Suho said instead, not bothered by the bluntness. He trusted that she understood and she did, indeed; she always had.

‘No, I think that Sehun has a great eye for detail. He does know how to charm a girl but, unfortunately for him, he just doesn’t know how to charm me.’ Irene replied smoothly, pouring herself another shot.

‘He’s been giving me a lot of tips, but they don’t seem to work. You see right through all the tricks.’

‘That is true, you are too obviously stiff.’ She nodded, still engrossed in the contents of her glass.

‘I want you to like me. But I don’t know how to make you like me. I’m just… me.’ He finally said, realising that he probably just exposed himself. But he had found that despite always ending up being discovered and having to give up his act, Irene didn’t mind. He was slowly realising that he could just be himself around her. Well, maybe 93.4% percent of the time, according to his calculations. But if he could tolerate Kyungsoo’s 87% of efficiency, he could definitely tolerate the little shortcomings that came with dating Irene.

‘Junmyeon-ah.’ Irene put away her glass and looked at him, smiling. ‘You’re in luck, because I happen to like you. Like you for you, not for the you that Sehun is trying to create. He’s failing, by the way. Don’t listen to him. I like you best when you’re annoying and clueless and cute and admirable. I don’t understand myself but I just… like you very much.’ She whispered, avoiding his eyes shyly.

And what’s more, for the first time in his life, Suho began thinking that he too, had his own shortcomings and could be imperfect in somebody else’s eyes. But apparently, that somebody didn’t mind and was more than willing to tolerate them. Suho looked at Irene in wonder, like he just saw her for the first time.

‘I’m sorry that I kissed you. I’m so embarrassed.’ She made a move like she wanted to touch his hand, but withdrew at the last moment. Suho felt strangely upset at the almost touch that never happened, so he went ahead and without thinking, he grabbed her hand instead.

‘Don’t worry, I liked it.’ He cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the awkwardness. ‘It was also very considerate of you to brush your teeth before you let our saliva mix. Thank you.’

‘Anytime.’ She said weakly, trying not to grin. Suho was back. ‘But, you know, you don’t usually kiss your clients. So, we probably shouldn’t do that anymore. Unless we have a valid reason.’

‘I liked it.’ Suho repeated stupefied, like that would justify anything. Irene sighed loudly. For anyone else, it would be too obvious, but her partner was not at all aware of the degree of manipulation that was going on.

‘But we had a contract, you know.’

‘We never signed anything. There is no contract.’ Suho rejected, frowning. ‘We can kiss.’

‘But you don’t just kiss random people. That person has to at least be, you know… your girlfriend or something like that.’ She carefully looked at him through her lashes, waiting.

One. Two. Three. Four. Fiv-

‘Oh.’ It finally clicked, she could see the screws in his brain working overtime and opening all the drawers that he never thought he had - the romance department drawers. ‘You’re right, we should write it all down. It will be legal and I will be able to kiss you.’

Ok, so maybe she underestimated his drawers. They were probably at the back of his mind, covered in dust and hidden away by all the business vocabulary that he used daily.

‘No, no contracts.’ She deadpanned.

‘No, I mean, a legal contract which you have to sign in court in front of witnesses and then they announce you partners for life, and from then on, you can’t decide anything without previous consultation with your partner, because you share the wealth and sometimes even the living space.’ Looking at Irene’s jaw dropping to the floor in shock and completely misinterpreting it, he quickly added reassuringly. ‘But you can kiss without objections.’

‘If I didn’t know any better, I could swear you just proposed to me. I must be hearing things.’ She poured herself another glass, shaking her head.

‘Sehun told me not to reveal my intentions just yet, but since you told me you preferred my way of thinking, I’ll go ahead and say it. I think we would make great partners. This contract would be very beneficial for both of us. There are a lot of social and financial advantages to such a merger.’

‘That, and you can kiss me.’ Irene observed, sharply.

‘Well… yes.’ Suho finally admitted.

Looking at how serious he was about it, she tried to remain calm, but the smile would creep onto her face any moment now, there was no escape. She should probably be offended, she knew that, but Suho never failed to amuse her.

And he just called marriage a merger. Did all of this overflow because of her kiss? She never thought she was so good at it.

‘Let me advise you, Mr. Kim. First, I was not thinking about legal mergers, but dating. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Let me explain.’ She put her professional face on, trying to hold in her mirth. ‘Dating is like sampling the product. You can still kiss and do other things, and if after some time you’re sure that you want to buy, then you sign a contract. You have to be absolutely sure, though, because while you can indeed break the contract later, there are a lot of consequences, so you might want to think twice before you make a mistake.

‘Secondly, this was the least appealing contract signing proposal I’ve ever heard. You might want to work harder on your presentation and the attractiveness of your offer, just for future reference.’

Suho seemed to understand where she was coming from, because he nodded his head heavily. He had to acknowledge her words; he was too rush and did not think to prepare a proper strategy.

‘So about that sampling… How do I go about it?’ He bit his lip, uncertain. He really just wanted to keep sampling, if he were to be completely honest, but nothing in this world was free.

‘Oh, that’s simple. You have to ask me if I want to sample, too. If I do, we sample together. If I don’t then sorry, but we can’t.’ She shrugged, seemingly indifferently .

‘So I just have to ask you?’ Suho confirmed, trying to grasp the idea of sampling without a written consent.

‘Yes, just say the magic words. Repeat after me: “I want to date you. Can you be my girlfriend?”’

Suho blinked and huffed in disbelief, because it just downed on him that he’d been had, once again.

‘You’re mocking me, aren’t you?’ He sighed, giving up. Maybe he really was from another galaxy. He didn’t seem to understand this strange human dialect, also known as sarcasm.

‘I think that all you know are business deals and work terms, so I tried to explain it to you the best way I can.’ She smiled at him. He smiled back, he couldn’t stay mad at her, that much he already knew. ‘But Suho-yah, I’m not that easy. I’m only going to kiss my boyfriend. Only sampling with a clear intention to buy.’ She shrugged, grinning.

‘But when can I buy? I mean.. when can we get married?’

‘Not that soon. You must acknowledge that we don’t really know each other that well.’

‘You’re right. It wouldn’t be wise to just jump right into the deal… marriage.’ He corrected quickly. He had to get used to the word as soon as possible. ‘Also, with an option of sampling… dating available, it seems like a good opportunity to develop a closer bond.’ He looked at her. ‘So… will you be my girlfriend…?’ He asked, unsurely, the words still foreign on his tongue.

‘Are you sure? Because a real relationship is different from a fake one, you know.’ She teased. He shook his head.

‘I’m sure. I think… I like you.’ He said, his eyes full of wonder. ‘My recent sickness symptoms have been interpreted by my friends as warm feeling I have developed towards you. So I guess even if love is deathly – because my stomach still twists at every opportunity – apparently it’s a good sign.’

‘It is a good sign.’

‘So your stomach… too..?’

‘Yeah.’ She admitted, shyly.

‘I’m calling my family doctor. If there are two of us already, I think it might turn into an epidemic. Actually, Sehun may be the source.’ He decided as an afterthought.

 He stood up, looking around to find his phone, but Irene took his hand and turned him around, face to face. She smiled at him as she put her arms around his neck, letting him embrace her loosely.

‘I was so embarrassed about what I’d done earlier, but then your fake alcoholism cheered me up. We are both so embarrassing and awkward, but somehow, it seems to be working for us. I think it’s really difficult, to find somebody to be awkward together.’ She turned somber, looking at him seriously. ‘So just remember, that even if the whole world does not get you, I want to be the person who will. And I want you to know that you can count on me in things that matter the most. And I want to count on you. I know I will be able to. You’re proving it to me little by little, every day. What kind of person you really are.’

As they looked at each other, Suho’s throat went dry. Irene’s words ignited a certain sensation inside of him. He was no stranger to it, he felt it every time he finished organising his apartment or after completing a difficult report. Only this time it felt so strong, he was afraid that his chest would burst open.

He was… perfectly happy.

‘…Where were we?’ She asked after a moment, airily. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one distracted.

‘I believe we were about to start sampling… dating.’

‘Yeah…’ And they kissed.

Because in all reality, Suho just really wanted to keep sampling.

TWO WEEKS LATER

‘…So there won’t be any feedback afterwards?’ Suho looked at Irene, stupidly. He would never understand women. Sehun and Minseok both snickered into their glasses. More like Minseok snickered; Sehun was already choking on his wine.

The four of them were at the restaurant, eating dinner together. While Suho, and especially Irene, outrightly denied that Sehun had a hand in their new-founded relationship, that didn’t stop their friend from dragging them all to the restaurant for celebration.

‘Our fake relationship turned into a real one. That obviously meant our deal was off.’

‘But the… the shares..’ Suho stammered. Maybe he was becoming better at reading Irene’s expressions, because it took him only a few seconds to understand the core of the matter.

‘You were never even planning on selling me anything, were you.’ It wasn’t even a question. He sighed, miserable. He felt Irene’s hand on his, and he looked back at her, feeling lost and like a kicked puppy.

‘I’m so sorry. I hope you understand. But put yourself in my shoes. I’ve suffered so much to keep my company afloat and going. I’ve risked everything I had for this business. Would you give up something so precious? In the future, Red Velvet Industries will be honoured to cooperate with EXO Textiles but for now… I’m not ready. I hope you can forgive me.’

He tried his best to smile at her, but he must have failed because the three of them burst out laughing.

‘He will come around, give him a few minutes. Suho-yah, once you marry, you will have all her shares anyway. Remember that.’ Sehun added, grinning.

‘No, he won’t.’ Irene protested, just as Suho said:

‘No, I won’t.’

‘Why not?’ Sehun frowned at the rapid denial.

‘Personal possessions are personal possessions. Company is company.’ He squeezed Irene’s hand, reassuring her that he understood her motivation. ‘It would not be reasonable at all for Irene to endanger her employees because of marriage.’

‘That’s correct. That, and I love being Suho’s reasonable woman.’ She smiled at her boyfriend and he didn’t fail to steal a kiss which she readily leaned for.

‘All they need are hearts hanging over their heads. When did all of this happen?’ Sehun looked at Minseok, half disgusted, half amazed.

‘Probably when they both weren’t looking.’ Minseok replied, smiling fondly.