2.

Suho was in agony. It was nearing the end of the first week that he had to spend with Irene and he already felt a vein about to pop in his brain. He also hadn’t realised just how much money he actually had until his girlfriend spent it all in one afternoon.

What worried him the most was the fact that apparently, he wasn’t doing as well as he hoped he was. He was putting all the effort he could but all he got in return were negative comments. How was that possible? Suho had never got a bad evaluation from any subject. In his entire life.

On his first dinner meeting with Irene, he took her to a really nice Peruvian restaurant that he himself liked. He ordered two separate dishes because really, how could she expect him to share with her, even if the dish was too big for one person? It was unhygienic and completely unacceptable. But she just said that he was wasting food.

She was also looking at Kyungsoo, his personal assistant, the entire time. And Kyungsoo was glancing at both her and Suho from time to time, fidgeting in his seat. Suho really could not figure this one out. He took his assistant to the date because he had work to finish, the work that she had dragged him away from, when she had forced him to take her out at 7 o’clock, when all honest people were still at the company. Did she find assistant Do attractive? Why was she looking at him so intently? Then she would switch to giving Suho another one of her condemning looks, one that he couldn’t figure out. What was that about?

Later she told him to never bring another person to a date. Another person? His assistant? He was barely visible, the way he was constantly fidgeting in his seat and trying to make himself even smaller than he already was. Kyungsoo irritated Suho most of the time, but he was 87% efficient and it was more than Suho could say about his previous employees, so he tried his best to endure his assistant’s shortcomings.

In the end, Irene stole a page from an important contract that he was reviewing with assistant Do and put a big zero over the writings, with her red lipstick at that. She said it was his evaluation for the night. Suho was shocked beyond words.

And what was last Wednesday all about? She made him accompany her to a shopping spree and spent hours trying on one dress after another, only to pick just two or three pieces. While he was busy checking his emails, Irene grabbed his cell phone and when he tried to take it back (she was a midget, come on), she hid it in her bra and told him to take it if he dared. He was really displeased with her behaviour, and additionally, later that afternoon he had to order Kyungsoo to thoroughly sanitise the device. Touching something that had previously touched Irene’s private parts seemed very germ-spreading.

Wasn’t it enough that he was paying for the clothes from his personal account? Did he have to give opinion on each one of the items? She knew what she liked better than he did, anyway.

Why bother others over something so insignificant? She had nagged him the whole afternoon and still ended up choosing things that he did not personally like. And yes, once he had focused, his comments should have been plenty helpful. Most of the dresses she tried one were “reasonable” and “neat”, some looked “cleaner” than others  (that was also a fact, a lot of people had tried them on before, after all) - that’s why he always had his suits custom-made – and some exposed a lot of skin. Looking at Irene vaguely reminded Suho of those embarrassing Biology classes when people used to make fun of him, because he was the only one who didn’t get the bird and  the bee metaphor.

Later on, Irene claimed that she had wanted to hear his opinions, so that she would know what not to buy. Appalling.

It was Friday night and he had reached his loft an hour before. Having taken a shower and eaten his yoghurt, he made himself comfortable on the bed, finally having time for his guilty pleasure… Weekly stock review on NBC. Yes, of course it was shameful to watch in on NBC instead of CNN like every normal person would, but he liked the smooth voice of the presenter, and he almost always slept well with the accompaniment of all the figures and digits and charts.

But then his phone rang - his private line known only by his parents, assistant Do and two friends. And now Irene. He groaned internally. She was making his life impossible. He was ready to give up the deal and run away.

He looked that the display. It read Irene <3, the way she had saved it herself (he’d changed it back to CEO Bae twice, but she noticed and deducted two points from his daily evaluation). He groaned once again, this time out loud. He tried to compose himself afterwards, but it was too late – this woman was making him behave like he had never behaved before, and he hated changes, especially in himself. He muted the TV as he picked up the phone.

‘Kim, I’m listening.’ He wanted to sound as dull as possible, but their conversations always left his sanity in shreds.

‘I was waiting for your call.’ She cut straight to the point. ‘I thought we agreed that you would call me every night to talk for approximately 20 minutes.’

‘I was about to.’ He lied. He suddenly understood why Sehun lied to all his girlfriends and became ashamed of how judgmental he had been towards his friend. The other must have suffered greatly. Suho was not even in a real relationship with Irene, but he had already found that lying on daily basis usually increased his chances of successfully dealing with the girl. Why were some men so eager to form relationships with women? Surely, could not make up for the remaining 23 hours of this torture.

‘Why are you so out of breath? Were you doing something naughty when I called?’ She laughed and he stiffened again, immediately turning the TV set off. Was this woman psychic now, too?

The silence on the other side made Irene pause.

‘I can’t believe it, you were!’

‘…It’s not what you think.’ Suho was flustered beyond words. How was he supposed to get out of the situation without her knowing his dirty little secret?

‘You can tell me. I’m a big girl. Besides, if you don’t, I’m going to nag you until you do anyway, so let’s just assume that we argued an I won. So..?’

‘… you can’t tell anyone.’ Suho urged quietly. He did not see any other choice, than to tell her. She chuckled at the plea. He closed his eyes as if in pain, before finally heaving into the receiver. ‘I watch NBC for stock review, rather than CNN. I know it’s wrong-‘

‘Wait, that’s the naughty thing that you were doing? Watching NBC?’ He voice had become so flat that it was hard for Suho to assess whether she was happy or sad about the news. Was she going to deduct points for his stupidity? Suho could not blame her. He would deduct points from her as well if he became aware of that particular crime.

‘What did you think I was doing?’

‘….Nothing. ‘ She replied suspiciously quickly. ‘Why is that a big secret? I watch NBC as well.’

Ok, so maybe Suho could deduct points from Irene, anyway. Just for his own satisfaction.

‘NBC’s news is not as precise as, say, CNN’s. For a person like me, watching something so average is not acceptable.’

‘So why are you still watching it?’ Irene asked curiously and he paused.

‘I feel good when I watch it.’ He shrugged. ‘Even if it’s average, it feels good. CNN makes me uneasy.’

He heard her sigh and she said nothing for a while.

‘Are you planning to deduct points for that? I wouldn’t blame you.’ He mumbled the last one to himself.

‘No, on the contrary. I’m gonna add extra points. I was actually begging to think that you were not even human. CEO Kim… Suho-yah…. I’m going to tell you something important and I want you to remember it well.’ Suho immediately took out a writing pad and a fountain pen from the night stand’s drawer. ‘It’s ok to  sometimes be average and do average things.’ His pen stilled above the paper before it had a chance to make the first .

‘What do you mean?’ He put away the utilises back and frowned.

‘That’s exactly what I mean. Just this. It’s ok to be average. It’s alright to like what other people like. It’s not a competition and sometimes feelings are more important than the quality of things. Think about it.’

Suho wiped his face with his left palm. Now they were playing riddles, too? What did that mean?

When he did not reply, she sighed and changed the topic.

‘We have a date tomorrow, I hope you did not forget. Meet me 10.30 in front of my house.’ She added, her voice gaining a new, warm tone that Suho had not heard before.

‘That’s it? I can be excused already?’ She giggled. For some reason, it did not sound as unpleasant to him as it had all this time.

‘We’ve been on the phone for nearly 30 minutes. I think that’s our record. Unless you want to keep talking to me? Don’t be shy, you can tell me.’ She laughed again. He felt his face redden.

‘I will see you tomorrow.’

‘Good night, then.’

‘Good night.’ He heard her disconnect and damn if he would ever admit to anyone that her words strangely comforted him, even if he had no idea what she just said.

xxx

‘You came to a weekend date, wearing a suit.’ Irene noted casually, nodding to herself. At this point, she wasn’t even  surprised anymore. Poor assistant Do was behind the wheel of a big limousine.

‘That’s my usual attire. You, on the other hand, look different. Still reasonable, just… different. Reasonably different.’ She smiled, amused by his tongue tangle. He clearly did not know what to make out of her loose t-shirt and shorts. The brunette definitely looked younger and even shorter without her usual business attire and high heels.

‘I’ll take it as a compliment, but for future reference, girls like hearing they look pretty, not reasonable.’ She laughed. ‘Don’t you own anything more comfortable? Or do you also sleep in a suit?’

‘That would be absurd.’ He immediately denied, before distinguishing the sarcastic tone that she almost always used with him. ‘You were teasing me.’ He observed.

‘Points for observation skills, Detective Conan. Now, let’s go and buy some normal clothes first.’

He had never heard of the shopping centre Irene asked assistant Do to go to and he tried his best to refrain from cringing at the thought of sharing the same air with so many other people. The space was absolutely packed.

The day was quite warm and Suho noticed that for the first time in his life, he was actually sweating in his suit - something that he would never admit in front of Irene. The A/C in both his company and his apartment were perfect – not too dry, not to low – so he never had to bother with it. Now he was forced to, yet again being thrown out of his element.

‘Let’s go this way, it will be faster.’ She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the store ahead of them. He was about to shake her off, but he soon realised that it was pretty much the only way not to lose each other in the crowd.

‘Try on a few. We just need some comfortable clothing for now. We can always come back later.’ Irene commented and before Suho had a chance to voice out his discontent at the sole thought of returning to the dreadful place ever again, a pile of clothes landed in his arms and he was pushed into the fitting room.

Shares, shares, shares. He kept repeating to himself like a mantra, overcoming his fear of wearing clothes that other people had touched before. To his great astonishment, the Earth did not open and the thunder did not strike him when he looked at himself in the mirror. He buttoned the two buttons at the neck automatically.

‘Can I see?’ Irene pulled the curtain away, not waiting for his answer. He turned around. They looked at each other for a while, until Suho couldn’t take it anymore and cleared his throat.

‘I told you that I don’t wear things like that. I look bad, don’t I?’ That seemed to snap Irene out of her daydream, since she once again sent him the ever present easy going smile. She undid the two buttons that he had just taken care of.

‘I think you look great. You’re really handsome. Now change into the navy blue one, orange is not your colour.’

He left the store wearing a polo shirt, a pair of long fabric trousers (there was no way that he would ever agree to wear jeans) and trainers, and was surprised to hear that Irene had already paid for the purchase. He felt strangely touched, but a second later he reminded himself that she had spent a lot of his money already so it was only fair.

That’s right.

He was about to get into the car but Irene’s words stopped him half way. She hung his suit at the window of the back seat and told assistant to take the rest of the day off.

‘I thought we were going somewhere.’

‘We are. The underground station is right there.’ She pointed ahead and led him away by the hand, waving at the leaving limousine.

‘He was still working- Wait, what? We’re using the subway?!’ He stopped short and refused to move until Irene sighed and turned around.

‘Kyungsoo works 6 days per week, I think it’s only reasonable,’ she unnaturally emphasised Suho’s favourite word ‘that he take a break every now and then. Unlike you, he has a life. Also, there is nothing wrong with the subway here. It’s clean, efficient and fast. It saves time and the planet.’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Well, have you ever taken it?’

‘…No.’ He admitted hesitantly.

‘Then treat it as a social experiment.’

The subway carriage was crowded and hot, and Suho had to sanitise his hands five times while holding on to the handle above Irene’s head. He also refused to sit down, but they both somehow managed to reach their destination in one piece.

Irene had no idea what to make out of the man in front of her. On the surface, he was exactly the same as she remembered him from secondary school years and it made her want to make fun of him at every opportunity. However, spending so much time together that week had allowed her to look a bit closer at his character and what she kept finding was constantly surprising her.

‘…what?’ She asked, failing to catch the words.

‘I asked where we are headed to.’ He repeated, looking  around. He must have driven next to the river side many times before, but it was like he had never seen it in his life. It was incredibly busy - just like every part of the city on a Saturday, he was beginning to suspect that much.

And it looked kind of dirty, too.

‘I’ll show you, just don’t freak out, ok?’

‘Hell no. No.’ He protested the moment he saw a pair of roller skates that Irene was carrying his way.

‘It’s just for an hour or two. They are perfectly fine. And safe.’

‘I know how to skate. But I refuse to put those on. They are drenched in sweat and every single person in town must have had them on at some point. I won’t wear them and neither should you.’ His word seemed final, at least to him. Well, until the moment he felt Irene sit down next to him and gather his hand in both of hers. He was about to comment on how holding hands could give them both germs – maybe even rabies, seeing how Irene seemed mildly insane to him  - but when he looked into her eyes again, his heart nearly stopped.

She looked… different.

‘I’ve planned today very carefully, thinking of you. I wanted us to have fun, you know? You of all people should understand what it is like to carefully plan something, only to have it ruined. It’s not a great feeling, is it?’ Suho nodded despite himself. He absolutely hated when his plans fell apart. ‘You’re not going to ruin our plans, right? You’re going to do everything that you can to have our date go smoothly, right, oppa?’

Suho’s pulse quickened considerably. He gulped at the sensation of his mouth drying. Was he sick? There she was, this reasonably looking young woman, holding his hand and looking so… sad. He’d had a fair share of girls calling him oppa in the past, all of them annoying and completely irrelevant to his life. Irene’s presence next to him was no more than a business deal - her hands sweaty and her hair all over the place. Strangely enough, the only thing that he could focus on was the disappointment in her eyes.

‘I-I … Let’s go buy the roller skates.’ He his lips in a vain attempt to make himself look more composed. ‘I saw a store on the other side of the road. Let’s buy a new pair and we can skate all you want.’ He tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. He hadn’t had any use for his smile in a long time. ‘Does that sound fair?’

Irene’s expression changed immediately. She let go of his hand and stood up.

‘You promised, remember.’ She playfully pointed at him. She was back to her confident self that half scared, half intimidated him. It’s like the oppa part never happened. Did she hypnotise him? Or did she just have a split personality disorder?

He shook his head several times, trying to shake off the weird numbness. Women lie, he decided.