5.

This is it. The moment has arrived, Suho thought to himself, petrified, as he stared at his partner taking off her night robe and getting on the bed. Her pyjamas consisted of a simple t-shirt and shorts that, in his opinion, had been sown from way too little fabric and looked completely indecent. She chose the left side - his spot – but he could not even address the problem because she looked at him so expectantly that his mind went completely blank. Then she sent him one of those encouraging smiles of hers and uncovered the right side of the bed, patting it for bigger effect.

It was more than obvious what she wanted from him.

‘Aren’t I attractive, Suho?’ When she like that, he usually forgot how to breathe. So he made a move, he couldn’t just stand there forever like a fool.

Suho did the only thing he could do in that situation.

~ 48 hours earlier ~

‘So what’s up?’ Irene barely looked up from her documents, acknowledging Suho’s entrance into her office. Weeks ago, the man would have felt offended for not being given enough attention. As it was now, he simply sat down in front of her, congratulating himself for the bravery that he had recently discovered in himself. The road to marriage was not paved with roses, oh no, but instead, turned out to be a game between two skilled players.

Suho was good at strategy. He could totally win this thing.

But first, he had to think of a way to become a man that he had never suspected himself of being when it came to his personal life.

‘Do I need a reason to visit my girlfriend?’ Irene dropped her pen and looked at him, her right eyebrow rising in shock. Suho immediately cringed inside at what he just sounded like. You came out too strongly, he could almost hear Sehun’s never ending love lecture.

‘Ok, I do have a reason to come here.’ He corrected quickly, his posture going flat. She deadpanned at his expression. ‘But,’ He cleared his throat, trying again. ‘I was hoping that you’ll like what I have to say.’

‘Go on.’ She encouraged, yet again taking interest in her writing. She was a multi-tasker, much like he was, and seemed to be capable of handling her personal issues without missing the tempo necessary for efficient business. Suho felt more and more convinced that she was the right choice for his future wife.

So reasonable, he sighed in his head.

‘Why are you smiling at me like that? Do you find me reasonable again?’ Suho did not realise that his inner thoughts immobilised him in the most awkward position, with the sort of smile that one could even call dreamy. The sharp judgement in Irene’s eyes – but not without the usual glint of mischief – made him blush slightly. He cleared his throat again in a vain attempt to regain composure.

What was it about this woman that made him feel so out of his element?

‘I know I’m reasonable, my dear Suho, you’ve kept complementing my reason since day one. But as your girlfriend, I would like to hear other things, too. Aren’t I attractive, Suho?’ She asked coquettishly, batting her eyelids in a far too exaggerated manner..

Damn, she was too good at this game.

‘That is… a subjective matter. As I was saying-‘

‘Exactly, I want your subjective opinion. Name one thing you find attractive about me. In my appearance.’ She corrected quickly, before he had a chance to say “brain”.

‘Then I guess… it’s your back.’ He decided after a moment. She looked at him, surprised.

‘My back?’

‘People with correct posture naturally look more appealing. It’s a scientifically proven fact.’ He shrugged and she smiled despite herself. Suho was Suho, and she somehow found his obliviousness endearing.

Oh yes, he was oblivious and she was obviously insane if she found him appealing. We make a good pair, she thought to herself, sourly.

‘You’re silly. What is it that you wanted to ask me? I have a client coming in half an hour.’

‘I have a reservation for two tickets to Jeju Island and I want you to take some time off tomorrow.’ He said, but judging from her expression, she was not so impressed with the way he presented his tempting offer. ‘I mean…’ What would Sehun say? What would Sehun say? ’ I would love for you to take some time off work so we could spend it together instead?’ It came out more like a question than an actual proposition, but her reaction changed dramatically and it looked to Suho like he just scored some points in her books.

He kind of felt like a trained dog, though, but he could deal with that later.

‘If you mean it, then I’d love to. However, I have two conditions.’ Suho straightened in his chair. ‘You will not take your work along, and that includes your mobile devices as well as poor Kyungsoo. Secondly, you will find other compliments to shower me with. If I hear one more word about being reasonable, I swear I’ll leave.’

He nodded solemnly.

‘Agreed.’ He was prepared for that. He had been memorising the dos and don’ts of love the entire weekend, thanks to no other than his overeager best friend. ‘The same goes for you. You should focus on me so you can finally become aware of how many good qualities I actually possess.’ Suho didn’t seem to be aware of how cheesy that sounded or what kind of effect it had on the girl next to him. ‘Are you all right? You’ve become red on your face.’ He asked concerned and she quickly covered her cheeks with both her palms.

‘I didn’t sleep well last night.’ She lied weakly. He frowned.

‘That doesn’t sound good. A person needs at least 8 hours of rest. I’ll make sure you sleep sufficient amount of hours during our trip.’ He said matter-of-factly but with the way he was looking at her, she could interpret it as anything but. She only nodded.

‘You better go, my client will be here any minute.’ She replied, urging him to leave.

‘Of course. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7am. I’ll… call you tonight.’ He looked at her interrogatively, in an attempt to find out whether he was following the right scenario but apparently, it all went along well because she just smiled and waved good-bye. Sehun would be disappointed, Suho knew that, since the original plan assumed Suho walking up to Irene and “kissing her senseless until her knees have gone weak”, but there was only so much romance he could digest at once. He was already shaking inside.

Irene dropped her head, face first, on her desk the moment Suho left. Had she not been clad in a tight skirt and high heels, she would have trashed around on the floor for a good measure. She was plain embarrassed at her own behaviour.

She blindly reached for the phone. In reality, she had no clients waiting for her, she just liked keeping Suho on his toes. So now she could dwell in her misery all she wanted.

‘I need you now. Bring backup.’

Seulgi came in barely two minutes later, carrying a tray of two steaming mugs and a bar of chocolate. Irene looked up.

‘You call this backup?’ She eyed the sweet suspiciously. Seulgi tsked and shook her head.

‘I can’t exactly let you eat junk food to your heart’s desire. You’ve worked too hard to lose weight.’

Irene just sighed and put the whole bar into her month at once, chewing slowly but thoughtfully. She sighed again.

‘So how’s it going with your prince charming?’ Seulgi was more than sure Kim Suho was completely unworthy of her friend’s attention, but they’d already had this conversation twice and having realised that Irene was not going to let it go, she had no other choice but to be supportive.

Irene groaned, which actually made the other girl laugh.

‘We’re going on a trip together. Is it weird that sometimes  I just want to hop into his bed and rip his clothes off?’

‘It’s Suho we’re talking about so, yes, I say it’s pretty weird.’ Seulgi commented. ‘Seriously though, how come?’

‘He came in here saying he’s taking me to Jeju for the weekend and wants all my attention focused on him.’ She briefly closed her eyes at the memory, her face full of internal conflict. Then she looked back at Seulgi. ‘I know, I know. I remember what you said and I agree. I need to be the cool person I always am and he should prove that he deserves me. I know all of this but right now, I just want to squeal in glee. I think I’ve gone stupid. How could I ever think of executing some petty revenge on him? He’s too adorable.’

Seulgi shook her head again. She was trying to see past her prejudice towards the young CEO for the sake of Irene, but it was not easy.

‘It’s been four weeks and you haven’t exactly been yourself. Just… don’t do anything rush or anything you might regret later. I’m not talking about … assuming he is even capable of touching another human being,’ she mumbled under her breath ‘but about giving your heart away. You say one thing, but then I see you jump around like a little girl with her new toy. He may hurt you again, even more so this time if you don’t take care of yourself. I’m just worried.’ She put her hand over one of Irene’s, smiling at her lightly. Irene squeezed her hand back in thanks. ‘If you’re meant to be, he’ll come around. Let him chase you. The person who loves more is always at a disadvantage, you know.’

‘When he’s serious about something, I know he will see it through until the end. But you’re right, of course, I need to be sure of him. He’s just… so irresistible sometimes.’ Irene grinned at her friend stupidly. Seulgi sighed again, but she couldn’t help but grin back.

‘This is why we have no friends. I swear you’re a freak.’

‘Bed time reading?’ Sehun approached Suho from behind, fishing the book out of his hands. The latter made an attempt to take it back, but was unsuccessful.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘”Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Are you serious?’

‘I don’t see what’s wrong with my choice of reading. It claims itself to be a practical guide for improving communication between opposite es.’

‘Of course you don’t know what’s wrong with it. What’s wrong with it is that it doesn’t apply to you. Irene is from Venus and I’m from Mars. You, my friend, are from an exoplanet that is far, far away from our solar system.’ He deadpanned. ‘In other words, you need guidance that is applicable only to your kind.’

Suho ignored the obvious insult.

‘What are you doing here?’ He just repeated again.

‘I knew I’d still find you in your office. We need to pack you for the holiday.’

‘I can pack myself just fine. It’s bad enough that I have to take leave tomorrow.’

‘The company will run just as fine without you and it will give Chanyeol an opportunity to actually do something. I swear you work for both you and your cousin. He must be slowly going insane from your strict supervision.’

‘He’s only the vice president, I don’t think-‘

‘Exactly, you don’t think. And you shouldn’t think for now. He can handle things just fine. And back to your original question, we want you to be packed like a man, not a spoiled child.’

‘I would never do that.’

‘Yeah, but you would also never pack anything useful or comfortable. And we want Irene to think you feel relaxed around her, even if you’re not. Your clothes, your posture and your face should send a positive message to the world. How was today, by the way?’

Suho scratched his forehead, looking at Sehun nervously.

‘Good, I guess?’

‘What does that mean? You are going, aren’t you? You invited her?’

‘Of course I invited her. How else would I take her with me?’ Suho replied impatiently.

‘Not too long ago you were contemplating kidnapping, so I’m just checking.’ Sehun raised both his arms in mock surrender.

‘I couldn’t kiss her, though.’

‘It’s ok, I didn’t expect you to.’ His friend replied simply. Suho’s jaw dropped.

‘What do you mean… You did not expect me to? I was stressed out of my mind about it.’

‘Please, you can barely hold her hand without having your heart in your throat. I was just testing you. But remember, kissing is essential for marriage.’ Sehun added to the long list of his love theories that he was trying out on Suho. He looked incredibly pleased with himself. Suho did not really have faith in all of them most of the time, but because he himself would not even know where to begin with this whole ordeal, he had no choice but to follow Sehun’s advice, hoping it would bear fruit in the end.

So he let the latter drag him home and after a few screaming fits and silent moments on his side, he was finally ready to go.

‘You look lovely. You look lovely. You look great. You look stunning.’ Suho was seated in his car, right in front of Irene’s block of flats, nervously looking through his cue cards. He had spent the last few hours looking through lists of synonyms, in hopes of satisfying her with all the compliments he could think of. ‘You look amazing. You-‘

‘Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.’ Irene opened the door from the passenger’s side and smiled at him cheekily. ‘Open the boot, please.’ And then she disappeared behind the vehicle. Suho pulled the handle to loosen the lock and jumped out of the car, but she had already loaded her things by herself. He grimaced internally – not only was he caught with his paper aids, but could not help her with her luggage either, like he was supposed to.

‘How did you know I was here?’

‘My neighbour called me, concerned about strange movements of a man in the automobile parked just in front of our door. I naturally thought of you.’ Suho’s eyes widened and she broke into laughter. ‘I’m just joking. I saw your car through the window and came down.’

‘That’s not funny.’ He said just to deny, but he also smiled a little bit. ‘I must seem strange to you sometimes.’ He did not dare look back at her. However, he soon felt her hand on his forearm, patting it in encouragement.

‘You sure do, but that’s actually partly why I like you.’ She admitted good-naturedly. He looked up, surprised.

‘You like me?’

‘Of course. We’re friends, aren’t we?’ He looked at her for a few seconds before he nodded several times, as if to reassure himself over and over again.

‘Yes, we are. We’re friends.’ She just said they were friends. “Friends” was good. “Friends” was great, actually. In the study he’d read the other day, it was revealed that 78% of couples formed a marriage bond because of their previous friendly status.

Suho couldn’t believe his ears. Was Sehun’s love operation actually going somewhere? Grinning stupidly to himself, he turned the engine on.

‘Show me the cue cards.’  She started tickling him, raising a few eyebrows of the passengers seated with them in first class. The flight was barely long enough to sit down and have a cup of tea, but she was already driving him crazy.

Except that now, Suho knew that it was supposed to be a good sign. Apparently that’s how you knew you were in love – you never wanted to murder anyone more your entire life. Was Suho in love? He decided to be if it meant that his marital life would be easier.

But of course, he would only be as much in love as his practicality would allow. Throwing yourself into passions meant no control and Suho absolutely hated not having control over something. For now, though, looking at Irene still made him feel unwell in his stomach, especially when she smiled and insisted on touching him. It was all too strange to comprehend.

He gave up trying to calm her down and handed over the cards. Women were easier to handle when fed and given what they wanted.

‘If you must know, I was just trying to make an effort to please you. You didn’t want to be called “reasonable” anymore.’ Irene was trying really hard not to laugh, since she found Suho super awkwardly adorable, but it was difficult.

‘Because I want to be attractive. Aren’t I attractive, Suho?’ She laughed. He just sighed. ‘As an educated gentleman, I’m sure your vocabulary needs no improvement.’

‘I wasn’t studying it, I just… It just doesn’t come as naturally to me. That’s it.’ He looked at her from the corner of his eye. ‘Your request is a bit strange to me. In my family being reasonable is the highest praise. If I call you reasonable, it means that…’ He hesitated.

‘That what?’ She picked up when he fell silent for too long.

‘It means that you are an admirable person.’ He finally admitted. ‘I did not expect you to be, if I’m to be perfectly honest, but I find that you are. I don’t understand why you want to be seen as pretty or attractive, when you can be called reasonable.’

‘So what you’re saying is that being called reasonable implies all those things?’ Irene continued to be amused. Suho shrugged but nodded afterwards.

‘Doesn’t it? To me it does.’

He stiffened slightly when she linked her arm with his and leaned on his shoulder. Every day, he seemed to be closer to a heart attack, with his heart rate raising dangerously. He felt his palms getting all sweaty, but it felt nice, too.

Well, a little bit.

‘Suho-yah, you continue to surprise me every day, you know?’

Women apparently liked to be surprised, so he took it as a good sign.

Suho’s real problems started at the hotel. They arrived later in the evening and were jovially welcomed by the receptionists. They filled in the forms and were handed the key.

‘Mr. Kim, Ms. Bae, we have prepared our best royal suite for you. We offer our sincere congratulations on your wedding and we hope you will have a pleasant stay with us. Should you need anything, do not hesitate to call us.’

‘Our- our wedding?’ Suho asked incredulously, not sure how to react.

‘My husband is just shy.’ Irene sing-songed to the smiling employees and giving his hand a hard squeeze, led him away from the counter.

‘Wait! We can’t possibly stay in the same room! We have to go back and tell them.’

‘Tell them what exactly? You should have thought of that when you booked a suite for your new bride, Mr. Kim.’ Irene chuckled, highly amused by the whole situation.

‘I did not- I mean, I…’ He became instantly flustered. He got caught red-handed yet again.

‘Relax. I know Sehun had made the reservation. He called to ask me to treat you well.’

‘He called you? Anyway, it doesn’t matter because I’m going to kill him. This time, I mean it.’

‘Leave it. I’m sure the room is big enough for both of us.’ She assured.

‘Doesn’t this bother you? You’re a female. Are you going to stay in one room with a man?’

But if there was one thing Irene hated, it was stupid assumptions about women’s inabilities and need of male protection. Her eyes immediately slit in annoyance.

‘Kim Junmyeon, stop right there. This is not some middle ages that we live in.’ She pointed a finger at him, stabbing him repeatedly in the chest. ‘If a woman wants to stay at a man’s place, then she can. If she wants to have with him, then she also can. She can have all the that she wants. Every single .’

The lobby fell silent as the people present turned their eyes to her. She belatedly realised that she had raised her voice in agitation. She linked her arm with Suho, who turned red as a beetroot in the process, and smiled charmingly at the rest of their audience.

‘Newlyweds. We’re pretty .’ She explained to no one in particular and dragged the yelping Suho up to their room.

‘I thought you said that you’d sleep on the couch.’ Suho looked at her worryingly.

‘I lied.’ She shrugged and raised her hand to silence his protests. ‘Seriously though, the bed is big and comfy. We can just put up a pillow barrier between us. Everything will be fine.’

He saw her untying her night robe and getting on the bed. This is it, he thought to himself. I knew it would come to this. She said she’d sleep on the couch, yet we end up in the same bed. She patted the empty place next to her and smiled.

‘Aren’t I attractive, Suho?’ She teased, clearly amused by his reluctance to get into the same bed. He stopped breathing. She was, she was very attractive. But more than attraction towards her, he felt something else.

It was too unhygienic to sleep together on such a small surface.

So he did the only thing that he could, he was a rational human being, after all. He ran towards the bathroom.

He did not make it all the way in, however, because Irene jumped out of bed and caught him just in time, dragging him back to the bedroom. They wrestled a bit, him trying to get away and her desperately trying not to let him, before she resorted to extreme measures and his hand. He screamed, ending up on his back on the bed, with her on top of him. Heaving, they belatedly realised the predicament they found themselves in and they stared at each other for a few seconds, petrified.

Also, Suho could see right into Irene’s open v-neck and he felt super embarrassed.

He finally found it in himself to break away and raised his head to move away but Irene chose that exact moment to move her head down – it was clearly her intention to kiss him and what women wanted, women got. Nobody was more aware of that than Suho right then.

The kiss felt sloppy and hot on his lips. She moved her head and he somehow followed, despite his initial hygiene concerns.  He closed his eyes.

His stomach was jumping up and down, which would totally worry him if he were not currently floating on cloud nine. The first touch of her tongue on his electrified him to the core. He sighed and opened his mouth even more, leaning towards the girl. And then, suddenly, the contact was broken and Irene pulled away. Suho opened his eyes in panic. Why did she stop? He certainly did not want her to stop.

She covered her lips, shocked at the audacity of what she had just done. They looked at each other for a split second, tension heavy between them, before Irene performed another, this time successful, sprint of her own to the bathroom and shut the door loudly.

And that’s how, at the tender age of 27, Kim Junmyeon finally lost his first real kiss.