The next day, Jinki stayed home with Taemin. He didn't go to work and just talked to Taemin more about their fight the other night, in particular about Taemin's jealousy over his older brother. He apologized again knowing that Jinki was right once more. But he didn't feel bad for himself anymore for being wrong. He learnt that it was okay to be wrong.

Taemin went out for some fresh air and to keep his legs moving. He had not gone out for walks for three days. Jinki wanted to come with him in case he needed a company but Taemin hesitated. He just wanted to be alone. He told his brother not to worry. He wasn't going to Amber's. Well, not yet. Not that day. He needed time. He needed to figure out what to tell her and he could use that walk to think. And like what Jinki said, Amber also needed time for herself.

Taemin decided to have a haircut that afternoon. He needed to start anew and he was starting with his hair.

"Your colleague said you were sick." Jonghyun came in as soon as Jinki opened the door for him. He looked worried. Jinki just smiled letting him know there was nothing to worry about. He knew the younger was afraid that he might be ill without his knowledge. He told him he just called in sick to stay at home just for the day for Taemin.

"He's not here." Jinki muttered when Jonghyun started circling around the apartment obviously looking for Taemin.

"He left for his walk." Jinki added and so Jonghyun stopped by the bathroom door.

"We made up last night. This time it's for real and hopefully, we won't fight no more." Jinki walked over to him and leaned against the wall. Jonghyun tilted his head and looked at him. He didn't say a word knowing Jinki had so much more to say.

"I told him that we knew about his accident last night."

"I really hope this ends all the misconceptions." Jinki sighed.

"And us? Have you told him about us?" Jonghyun placed a hand on Jinki's forearm. Jinki lowered his gaze.

"Jjong, you should go. You have a rehearsal in an hour." Jinki ignored his question  and started pushing him to the door.

"What? No. I just got here." Jonghyun was resisting, leaving the unanswered question behind. He knew Jinki wasn't ready to tell Taemin about it yet.

"You've got a gig tonight. You should get ready." Jinki opened the door for him but still he refused to leave.

"Promise me first you'll come to our gig." Jonghyun halted at the doorway.

"Promise. Now go." Jinki gently pushed him out.

"Give me a kiss first." Jonghyun stated with a devilish smile but Jinki only widened his eyes.

"What the—no, Jonghyun."

"Why not?"

"Taemin might arrive any minu—"

"Whatever." Jonghyun rolled his eyes and sulked as he turned his back to Jinki. He was really upset. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he was all lovey-dovey with his own boyfriend. Jinki always tried to play safe and didn't like taking risks in their relationship. Jonghyun hated it.

"Wait," Jinki grabbed his forearm and pulled him before he could walk away. Jonghyun was pouting like a cute sad little puppy and Jinki couldn't help but sneer. Jonghyun could be really adorable sometimes. Well, always. Jinki always found him adorable.

"Stop doing that face." Jinki said with a grin.

"What?" Jonghyun asked with a rude tone.

"That face you always make to get my attention." Jinki explained still smiling like a total idiot because, damn, Jonghyun was still doing the face he had always adored.

"I make such face?"

"Just come here." Jinki pulled him close to him before he pressed his lips on his boyfriend's. Jonghyun's lips formed a smile as they shared their kiss, putting his hand on Jinki's waist.

But they were cut off by small but noticeable screeching sound. It was Taemin trying to take a step back quietly on the stairs but failed. His hand on the rail of the stairs made the sound that broke Jinki and Jonghyun's kiss. It was a very, very awkward situation.

"S-see... see you later." Jonghyun whispered as he slipped away from Jinki who was petrified. He avoided Taemin's eyes as he walked past him.

Jinki didn't think that day would come, the day that he had to tell Taemin about him and Jonghyun. He honestly had no plan on telling him. He was just really scared that Taemin might not accept him or something for what he truly was. But he guessed Taemin would know sooner or later. He just didn't know that Taemin already knew and was only quiet about it.

They sat together on the couch. At both ends like there was a huge wall in between them. Taemin didn't plan to catch them kissing. He wanted to pretend he wasn't there that's why he was trying to go down the stairs again earlier but he was a little clumsy so he had to have the talk with Jinki.

"So..."

"So...?"

"Wanna know the story?"

"If you wouldn't mind telling..." Taemin was ready. He was kinda curious.

/flashback/

Jinki was enlisted in the army on the first of October 2010. He wasn't the only new comer. There were at least 30 with him but he couldn't care less about the others. He didn't even want to talk to them. He had no plans on making friends or whatnot. He didn't even want to be there but he could use a break like that even if it would last for two years.

Although he adored sleeping, he would still wake up earlier than everyone else. After their long trainings during the day, he would isolate himself from everyone who was playing sports or joking around with each other. He would crouch behind the building and would pick a stick and draw circles on the sand. Everyday he would only think of his little brother and if he was doing improvement, if he was walking again. Taemin would call him two to three times a month but he could never ask him about his legs. He would sigh continuously thinking of the pain Taemin was going through.

"I'll be right there in a minute!" Some guy stopped in front of Jinki with his shadow over him. He raised his head, the sun rays behind the man's head were blinding him a little. It was real hazy and he couldn't really see the man's face.

"I know I've seen you somewhere." He moved to Jinki's side and squatted. He flashed a smile before he started talking again.

"You're Jinki, right?" He asked but Jinki only raised an eyebrow. He didn't know how the man, who was talking to him, knew his name. He only smiled again from Jinki's confused face.

"I'm Jonghyun. We're practically classmates at uni. We're taking, like, 5 same classes together." He introduced himself but still Jinki didn't know him so he shook his head. He didn't make friends at uni or anywhere so he didn't know much people apart from Amber and some high school friends.

"You like being alone, don't you?" Jonghyun asked but Jinki just shrugged and looked at the ground again.

"Even in class, you always sat alone in the corner." Jonghyun added tilting his head trying to have a clear view of Jinki's eyes.

"How do you do that? I mean, I can't even be left alone for a day or I'd be really, really lonely."

Was he talkative. Jinki thought. He didn't stop talking even without receiving any reaction or reply from Jinki. He just started with that "alone" topic and he continued going through his life experiences. Jinki wasn't really listening. He could only hear some vague mumbles from Jonghyun as he concentrated on his little sketch on the sandy ground.

"Jjong, we've been waiting for you." Some other guys came. Jinki looked at them for a second before looking down again.

"Nice talking to you, Jinki." Jonghyun stood up and dusted the back of his pants. Jinki raised his eyebrows just to let him know he could leave.

"You know that guy?"

"Kind of."

"He's a bit odd, don't you think?"

He heaved a sigh. He knew everyone thought he was weird. Well, he wanted everyone to think he was weird so that no one would befriend him. If not weird, he wanted no one to notice him. He wanted to be invisible. But it seemed like it wasn't working because everyday, Jonghyun would come and sit next to him and talk nonstop. Jinki thought Jonghyun was even weirder than him. He couldn't understand why he would talk to him when they barely knew each other. But he became even weirder than the talkative short man when he began listening to his stories. They weren't that interesting but it helped Jinki stop worrying for a while, at least, in a day. He was funny too. Surprisingly, Jinki would smile on the side where Jonghyun couldn't see. He was also a very dramatic man. Sometimes, Jinki would steal glances when Jonghyun sounded sad and he could see his eyes sparkling from the water that were filling them.

"Fourteen." Jinki suddenly interrupted him.

"What?"

"There were fourteen of us that failed professor Ha's class. Not twelve." He explained. It was a class on English poetry that wasn't even compulsory. But they still had to take it seriously, of course. Jinki could have done better. He liked the professor and the course itself but all the stress and the depression he felt during those times ate him alive.

The side of Jonghyun's lips raised forming a smile, his cheeks so puffy it hurt. Jinki finally spoke up. He finally talked to him. He was really happy because he really thought Jinki wasn't listening to anything he said and he was practically just having a monologue or was talking to a wall.

"Yeah, fourteen. Sorry. I'm not that good with numbers." Jonghyun apologized still smiling like a total idiot even if Jinki wasn't looking at him.

"As I was saying, that professor was so strange. But I kinda liked him. I might take his course again when I come back. Didn't you like him? I really thought you were his favorite student. He always asked for your opinion first before anyone else's and he always had a compliment in anything you say. But why did he gave you a failing grade?" Jonghyun went on again for another 15 minutes talking by himself.

It wasn't the only time that Jinki "interrupted" Jonghyun as he talked. He did it quite a few times after that. He'd only speak up if he thought it was necessary or if Jonghyun was making some grammatical errors or if Jonghyun was stating some wrong facts or if Jonghyun was going to cry or if Jonghyun was saying stupid things. Therefore, always. He didn't just talk, he smiled and laughed so openly as well.

"No!" Jinki exclaimed before chuckling.

"It's 'dibidibidibidis'! I'm sure of it!" He shortly added still laughing.

"He really doesn't say 'digidibidibidis'?" Jonghyun repeated his question but Jinki only shook his head and laugh even louder. He really found it funny, the way Jonghyun said that nonsensical word from a rap song made up by one of their roommates the night before.

"Wanna bet?"

"Sure. Let's ask Minho about it. The loser will clean the room by himself."

"It's a bet then."

Jinki thought he was slowly becoming senseless like Jonghyun. But he didn't mind because the shorter man was kind of making him feel better, like a sort of daily happy pill. He always gave him the reason to smile, even the reason to wake up each day in that tiring place.

"Eat a lot, okay? Don't skip meals. You're getting skinnier and I hate it." Jinki cupped Amber's face before he pinched her cheeks. She laughed and hit his hands. She was just visiting him. She really felt a little sad when she couldn't see Jinki daily.

"Are you sure you're not having a hard time here? You know I can come here in the middle of the night and help you escape."

"This is not a prison, Amber. So don't worry. I'm fine." He would always say that.

"Dad said Taemin is making so much improvement. He can really walk now." Jinki stated as he enclosed her in his arms. She was going to leave and he wanted to give her a reason to be happy because their goodbyes were always the saddest.

"It's all thanks to you. You give him strength. Thank you, oppa." Amber murmured really close to his left ear. She then lightly pecked his left cheek just to show her gratitude.

"See you soon, Amber." He patted her head and she grinned closing her eyes in contentment.

"Soon."

"Sister?" Jinki jumped when he heard Jonghyun's voice from behind as he watched Amber go off.

"Huh?" He cluelessly asked.

"Was that your sister?"

"Oh, no."

"Your girlfriend?"

"No. Just a special friend." Jinki started walking away from the visiting area and Jonghyun followed him.

"So she's just a friend? It doesn't seem like it. You two looked sweet earlier. You're really not dating her? But—"

"Why are you asking so much things about her?" Jinki cut him off turning around to face him before he could start bombarding Jinki with hundreds of question. Jinki was sure Jonghyun could think of more than a hundred questions that were connected to Amber.

"Well, you really look like a couple. And she's the only one who visits you aside from your parents. Don't you have other friends? Do you have any siblings? Why don't you—"

"Why are you so suddenly interested in my personal life?" He interrupted him again with a dominant tone. Jinki hated feeling like he was being interrogated. Although he had all the answers, he just couldn't take it. He rolled his eyes when Jonghyun couldn't answer. They were doing fine till Jonghyun started taking interest in the personal stuff.

"Sorry. It's just that you never talk about your family or friends. I'm just curious."

"I don't want to talk about them. I thought that was clear."

"It's not clear for me. Sorry for being slow and stupid. I'll stop asking from now on." Jonghyun said with bitterness in his voice. Jinki sighed. He knew Jonghyun was too sensitive and he didn't want any drama. And Jonghyun had been so nice to him from the start. He should at least return his kindness in some way. He was really being unfair to him. Jonghyun had told him everything about him but he had not told him even a thing about himself. Sure, Jinki wasn't making Jonghyun talk or whatever but to be fair, he thought he should at least tell him a thing or two about himself.

"I have a brother." Jinki started from that. Then each time he talked to Jonghyun, he would say another thing about him till he became an open book to him. That wasn't his main plan but he didn't mind because he honestly felt so much better after releasing some things to someone other than Amber. And Jonghyun had been a great listener. He didn't voice out his opinion or anything, he just nodded once in a while just to make Jinki understand that he was still listening. Sometimes, Jinki would tear up from the sad memories that were crawling into his head and Jonghyun could only his back and tell him "It's okay. I'm right here. Stop crying.". He realized his problems were nothing compare to Jinki's. Jinki had been through so much for the past two years. Jonghyun just thought that he couldn't complain anymore about his life.

"Hi. You must be Amber. I'm Jonghyun, Jinki's friend. I know you don't know me but I've heard so many nice things about you. I hope we can be good friends too." Jonghyun was talking without any pauses again. Amber was just creasing her forehead as she looked at Jinki with a weirded smile while Jinki just awkwardly smiled back not even trying to cut Jonghyun off.

"Jjong, can you...?" Jinki glanced at him and Jonghyun easily understood what he was trying to say.

"Oh, okay. See you again, Amber." Jonghyun stood up from his seat.

"Yeah, nice meeting you."

"He's a new friend?" Amber asked with a whispering voice when Jonghyun was far enough. Jinki slightly nodded.

"He knows about me?" Jinki nodded again in response.

"He knows about Taemin?" And once again he nodded.

Amber didn't ask much about him after that. There was nothing much to ask anyway since Jonghyun would always tell her things about him even if she never bothered asking. And she was glad that Jinki found a friend. He needed one at times like that, at times that she couldn't be around always.

Jonghyun had become Jinki's best friend in the army and vice versa. Jonghyun, who used to be friends with everyone, was just always with Jinki and he never left him alone. If they weren't crouching beside each other behind the army apartment, they were probably in the bedroom lying next to each other on Jinki's bed in the corner and chatting about some senseless stuff separated from everyone else. After a while, Jinki just became really used to it and he wasn't displeased having Jonghyun's company. He didn't want to admit it, but he actually liked the younger man's company. He grew to like it. Not just his company but Jonghyun himself. He thought he was becoming so weird, weirder than he already was. And he felt even weirder when they were having a mini concert in spring of 2012 and Jonghyun volunteered to perform a self written song. He looked so different on stage. He didn't seem like a cute talkative kid that Jinki always saw. He seemed like he was made to be and to perform on any stage, like he fitted perfectly there. To add was his song and the way he sang it. There was so much passion. Anyone could tell how much he adored making and writing music. If Jonghyun was an idol, Jinki would surely be his fan. How Jinki enjoyed that barely five-minute performance. If he could watch Jonghyun sing all day, he would. It was that addictive. He was that addictive.

No, Jinki. You can't. Jinki thought it was wrong. He was one of those people who thought liking someone with the same was wrong, who thought it was impossible, improbable. Because that was the mentality he grew up with. That when they were finally out of the army, he tried to push Jonghyun away. And was it hard. Not just because they were in the same classes again, but also because he was Kim Jonghyun. In a short period of time, he had become so important to Jinki and it was the thing that he was avoiding and he was scared about. He was so afraid that someone would mean so much to him again and then that someone might be taken away from him again. Don't let anyone be too important in your life AGAIN. That was the only rule he made and he had to follow but he failed to follow it and now he was suffering once more.

"Go away, Jonghyun." He uttered one evening when Jonghyun was following him home again.

"Are you okay? Did something happen to your brother?" Jonghyun worriedly asked when Jinki started acting so cold to him all of a sudden. Sure, Jinki always acted cold towards him but somehow there was still his warmth within it. That time, though, it was different.

"It's not about him. It's you." Jinki finally stopped from walking and turned to face Jonghyun who looked bewildered.

"Why are you still following me around like a helpless dog? We're not in the army anymore. Leave me alone. I'm getting tired of you." It sounded like a line he would say to break up with someone. He thought he sounded so ridiculous but it seemed like it really hurt Jonghyun's feelings because when he looked into his eyes, they were sad.

"Who are you to care anyway? I never asked you to care—" Jinki cut himself off and sighed before he rubbed his forehead and squatted. He was so confused his head was hurting.

"What the hell am I saying?" He said under his breath before he looked up at Jonghyun who was still immobilized from Jinki's words.

"Jonghyun, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I didn't mean any of that." Jinki got up and puffed his cheeks before he released the air he trapped inside his mouth.

"You've been a great friend, so great I should be thanking you for everything you've done for me. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve to have a friend like you." Jinki messed his hair up then covered his face with his palms. He was a bit ashamed for acting that way. He stooped a little low. He thought.

"You need a drink. Let's go." Jonghyun nudged him a little with his elbow. Jinki removed his hands from his face and glanced at Jonghyun. His eyes weren't sad anymore. They were just Jonghyun's usual eyes, the gaze that he normally gave Jinki. It was calming and appeasing that Jinki just tailed him.

Jonghyun brought Jinki to his home. It was Jinki's first time there. He knew Jonghyun lived with his parents and his older sister(Jonghyun had mentioned it twice before and it seemed important to remember so Jinki tried to keep it in his head) but the house was empty. It was just the two of them and a black-brownish puppy that Jinki assumed was the dachshund   that Jonghyun was talking about just a couple of weeks ago. He didn't ask Jonghyun about his family and just followed him around the house. Jonghyun grabbed a can of beer from the fridge and gave it to Jinki before he lead him to his room. Jinki started talking and explaining himself as they sat on Jonghyun's small bed. He used his brother as an excuse of behaving that way earlier telling him he just missed his little brother so much and he was worried again when the truth was he was just really confused of how he felt. For him. For Jonghyun.

He had not opened the can of beer yet. And honestly he didn't want to drink any. He only played with it with his hands letting the coldness of the can pass to his palms. Jonghyun watched him as he did it. He could tell there was something else bothering him. It became quiet. Jinki didn't know what else to tell him. He put down his drink on the wooden floor before he hit his forehead continuously. Jonghyun grabbed his forearm to cease him from hurting himself. A tear had already fallen from Jinki's right eye.

"Stop, Jinki. What's the real problem?" Jonghyun asked pulling Jinki's arm down. Jinki blinked slowly as he looked over at Jonghyun who just wiped the tear with his thumb. The younger man knew him so well already. The only thing he didn't know was Jinki's growing feelings for him. Or so Jinki thought because as he parted his lips to speak up, Jonghyun had already pressed his lips against his.

Is it wrong? It's wrong. Jinki said in his head. He could feel Jonghyun was going to move away but he grabbed the back of Jonghyun's neck and pulled him close again. No, it isn't wrong. It doesn't feel wrong. Jinki deepened the kiss while Jonghyun allowed him placinf his palm on Jinki's lap. It feels right. It feels so right. He screamed in his head endlessly like their kiss. It wasn't like his kiss with Amber that felt so wrong in every way that he looked at it. It was so right he couldn't ask for more.

Jonghyun explained how he had always admired Jinki. Well, actually he envied him. Jonghyun first saw him in one of their common classes and was he every professor's favorite. Jinki was praised by all professors and Jonghyun couldn't understand why. Truthfully, he understood. Jinki was a diligent student, always said the right things but was very humble. He wasn't the type who bragged about his perfect marks and great performance in class. Jonghyun envied him for that but he couldn't get himself to hate Jinki because he looked like a good person, like he didn't deserve to be hated on. He watched Jinki descend from his amazing school performance after that first semester. The jolly old Jinki was soon gone and he was always away from everyone else. He shut off himself from everyone and he did awful in some of his classes. Jonghyun easily recognized him when he entered the army. They entered on the same day with the same group of people. Jonghyun finally had the courage to talk to him. The main plan was just to make friends and to try to know what had happened to him but eventually, he started feeling some things for the guy after some conversations and chitchats. Jonghyun didn't know what he saw in Jinki that made him so special in his eyes but he didn't regret anything. He liked Jinki and that's what he was sure of.

He wouldn't have kissed Jinki if he hadn't had known that Jinki was feeling something for him too. He could feel it from Jinki's sometimes odd actions. Like how he sometimes awkward whenever Jonghyun smiled at him or something similar to that.

It was so hard to admit, but Jinki was finally able to say it. There was no reason to hide it anymore when he practically made out with Jonghyun in his bedroom.

So they started going out. Jinki would smile openly again whenever he was with Jonghyun. He hated PDAs. Well, he was just not really used to it so he never held hands with Jonghyun or do anything with him in public. He told Jonghyun he wanted to slow things down a bit. He was still new to everything and Jonghyun agreed since Jinki was quite sweet and tender when it was just the two of them.

However, Jinki kept it a secret from Amber. He was scared to know her reaction. Whenever the three of them hung out, Jonghyun had to be careful not to be too touchy to Jinki, not to be too obvious. How much he detested it. Jinki and Amber were always so sweet with each other even when he was around and he was getting quite jealous. What's worse was that Jinki never bothered to ask if he was alright about it, as if Jinki never cared about how he felt. Jonghyun was beginning to think that Jinki didn't really like him and just pitied him or some sort. So he confronted Jinki about it asking him straightforwardly about his worries and jealousy, telling Jinki he was serious about whatever they had but if Jinki couldn't be open about it, they should just end it. But Jinki didn't want things between them to end. He truly liked Jonghyun more than he could imagine. He didn't want to lose him so soon. So Jinki took Jonghyun's hand right away interlocking their fingers together before he planted a swift kiss on Jonghyun's lips. He then started dragging him somewhere—to Amber's place. Amber felt a little lost when he saw the two men in front of her apartment but it wasn't long when she noticed their hands together.

"Jonghyun is," Jinki paused as he glanced at Jonghyun with a small smile before looking back at Amber again.

"He's my boyfriend." Jonghyun widened his eyes. Jinki finally defined what they had, labeled him as his boyfriend to be exact and he was just really happy to hear it coming right from Jinki's mouth. Jinki was squeezing Jonghyun's hand as he waited for Amber to react. She only smiled in the most genuine way and it was enough for Jinki to know she didn't mind and that she was happy for them. She really was. She knew there was something special about Jonghyun when he was able to make Jinki open up to him and was able to stay beside him during those times when Jinki was in his worst, when no one else tried to understand him or to talk to him, Jonghyun was there.

///

"I really love him, Taemin." Jinki simply said after recalling everything Jonghyun had done and had gone through because of him. Jinki could make a list of the reasons why he was so in love with the shorter man but a sheet wouldn't even be enough.

"Do mom and dad know?" Taemin inquired as he batted his eyes a few times. Jinki shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment.

"They won't understand. Like how they didn't understand how I felt when they lied to us and when your biological parents just took you away from us." Jinki was actually just scared to see how his parents would react. And Jonghyun didn't push him to tell his parents since he knew how distant Jinki was from his parents. Jonghyun's parents were really understanding and it didn't even bother them. Jinki was well accepted in their family.

The doorbell suddenly rang that startled the two. It was Jonghyun at the door when Jinki opened it. He was biting his lower lip and was worriedly looking at Jinki.

"I shouldn't have left like that. I should've helped you explain everything to Taemin." Jonghyun stated as soon as he was able to form the right words in his head. Taemin got up from the couch and walked over them. Jonghyun seemed uneasy when Taemin gazed at him. Even his brother looked a bit anxious. Taemin felt so much bigger than the both of them from the faces they were giving him.

Taemin took Jinki's left hand that was resting at his side, then he grabbed Jonghyun's right hand before he put them together letting the two hold hands.

"I understand, hyung." He muttered and lightly grinned reassuring both Jinki and Jonghyun. The couple looked at each other, both their eyes smiling. Taemin could tell the two were talking through their eyes and it was astonishing to see.

"Just," he interrupted their moment, "slow things down because I still need to get used to this." Jinki and Jonghyun both chuckled. Jonghyun arched his back as he laughed, his grip on Jinki's hand even tighter.

"You really are brothers." He said and jolted his head.

"Jinki said the exact same thing when we were just starting."

The three of them went to the gig together. Taemin was so bright watching the band play and cheering them on like he had been a fan for a long time. Jinki stood next to his little brother, his arm over his shoulders, his finger playing with Taemin's now short hair as he gazed up at Jonghyun in the middle of the stage staring back at him with the widest smile.

excuse the jongyu

xdorkyx

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