4 눈물의yesterday
Tears of YesterdayAmber was right. Taemin thought when he went out for a walk the next day to keep his legs moving. The sun was shining so brightly. He remembered Amber saying that it would be a great day to go out. He kept in mind everything that she said.
When he was about to stroll though, he immediately saw Amber coming his way. He could just ignore her, he could just walk and pretend he didn't notice her but no. He actually said "hi" that made Amber smile brighter than the sun that it was blinding him. He couldn't understand why he did that. He thought that maybe the sun was making him act kind or maybe it was because of his early morning chat with Jinki that was even better than last night's.
"Walking to Han river?" Amber inquired and he simply nodded in response.
"Can I go with?" Amber raised her eyebrows and he nodded in response again.
Amber was smiling throughout their stroll even if they weren't talking. She was just too happy to be with Taemin peacefully. Taemin could see that. And he knew he was the reason behind her smile. He didn't want it to go. He could just see her smile till the day he dies.
They sat on the cold concrete ground and stared at the flowing river. There were only few people and they liked it that way. It just felt calmer. And the atmosphere. It was perfect.
"Don't you have classes?" Taemin suddenly remembered that Amber was still studying. He was too in some way.
"I finished at midday today so..." Amber replied and threw her head backward closing her eyes and letting the cold autumn breeze touch her face. Taemin just watched her. He was still fascinated by everything she did. And he just found her beautiful from that angle. Well, from any angle, at least, for him. He straightened his legs and started massaging them before he could get too drawn to Amber. He shouldn't be feeling that way again. Not towards her.
Amber opened her eyes and they easily landed on Taemin's action. She worried. Her eyes were getting teary but she rubbed them before he could even see them.
"Are your legs hurting?" She worriedly asked still rubbing her eyes. Taemin stopped what he was doing and looked at her.
"No. It just became a habit, massaging them and all." He lied. He didn't want her to worry. He could see she was worried from the way she furrowed her eyebrows. She doesn't know. She doesn't have to know.
Taemin wanted to ask her so many things. He wanted to know more about her and what she had done or what she had been doing for the past seven years. He wanted to know if she was alright or if she suffered a lot when he left. But he couldn't ask. Because he was afraid that she might have lived a wonderful life when he was away. That she and Jinki didn't feel guilty for breaking his heart.
"Wanna wander around the area a little more?" Amber invited him turning her head to face him.
"Yeah, sure." Taemin quickly stood up and dusted the back of his pants.
"Help me up?" Amber reached out for his hands. Taemin was hesitant. He didn't want to have any contact with any part of her because he was sure he'd be electrified with her touch. But he extended his hands out and let her grab them. Taemin pulled her up, their bodies almost touching but there were their hands in between. Taemin's eyes landed on hers and he couldn't seem to look away. Her eyes were pulling him in. He could see his own end through her eyes. He was drowning in them. He couldn't breathe.
He let go of her hands and turned around. He caught his breath and started walking. Amber caught up with him. She was completely clueless of how she was affecting him. She was just so happy to be with him.
She pointed out all the places they used to go to. She told him the changes and the new things to see telling him they could go there together some other day. But Taemin wasn't looking around. He was just watching her odd shaped mouth move. Her lips that were peachy. He could kiss them again if he wanted to.
[Autumn 2008]
Taemin was leaving for Japan in a few days. He eventually agreed to come with his biological parents to Japan. Mr and Mrs Lee convinced him telling him that they wouldn't stop calling him there and that he could come back to them whenever he felt like it. Telling him that he would always be their son, he'd always be Jinki's brother. He just needed to get to know his real parents a little more. They deserved to have their son back. He wasn't theirs to keep in the first place.
Jinki never spoke about it. He stopped talking to his own parents. He was still very mad because his opinion wasn't taken into consideration. They didn't even let him speak.
Taemin invited Amber to go out. Out like a date. She didn't hesitate. She wanted to make Taemin happy before he leaves. And also because she honestly wanted to. They just took a walk in the shopping district, bought some hot coffee to warm them up in that cold weather. They chatted too, both avoiding the Taemin's departure topic.
Taemin then brought her to the park to relax. There were only few people walking around that's why it was very peaceful there. All that was heard was the chirping of birds and their laughter. Taemin was laughing at Amber and her broken Korean. He told her that when he comes back, he'd expect a better Korean from her.
"I'm not gonna call you." He uttered like a whisper but Amber clearly heard him.
"I'll send you letters every week if I could. And you have to reply with a letter too." Taemin looked at her and smiled sheepishly.
"Why? Emails exist." Amber didn't get why he had to complicate everything but she actually found that idea cute.
"That makes it too easy. I'm very old fashion, you know." He proudly said.
"Okay, okay." She chuckled.
There was a moment of silence. Taemin ran out of words to say. She, too. Taemin looked around. There were no other people aside from them. So he took that chance and kissed her. Just a two second quick peck on her lips. He watches too many kdramas. Amber thought and chuckled.
"You're mine, noona, okay?" Taemin said after clearing his throat. Amber nodded and kissed his cold cheek to assure him. He didn't have to worry, really. Because he had took her heart since day one.
///
"I'm boring, aren't I?" Amber asked when she realized he wasn't listening.
"Huh? No. I'm just recalling some old places." Taemin shook his head and looked away pretending to be looking at the buildings and shops. Amber just nodded.
"Maybe, we should go home. Are you tired?" Amber tugged him a little. Taemin glanced at her. Why do they always ask that?
"I'm hungry. Let's just eat." Taemin said and walked ahead trying to find the restaurant they used to go to. He didn't want to go home yet. He wasn't tired yet. Amber just followed him.
So they ate ordering the same things they used to order. He was still the same. He still adored rice. She noticed. And she, she still ate so carefully, so delicately. He noticed. Taemin smiled for a second afraid that she might caught him smiling. He still found her adorable. Everything she did was just so adorable in his eyes. He then shook his head a little. He needed to keep his thoughts of her out of his head. He knew it would only lead him to no good.
"So," Taemin started actually trying to converse as he fidgeted with his chopsticks. Amber raised her head a little.
"Is Jinki hyung dating someone right now?" He asked. He remembered waking up earlier and heard his brother talking sweetly on the phone with someone so he assumed he was talking to his girlfriend. Amber stopped eating and chewed slowly as she straightened up her back. She blinked but didn't say anything. She seemed like she was thinking of what to answer.
"I'm guessing your silence means yes." Taemin leaned against the backrest and raised his eyebrows putting down his chopsticks.
"Maybe," Amber mumbled before she started eating again.
"Is she pretty?"
"Huh?" But she stopped again. She guessed he wasn't just stopping there.
"Is his girlfriend pretty?" Taemin repeated. Amber bit her lower lip. She was thinking again looking upward at the ceiling.
"She's not pretty?" Taemin furrowed his brows. Amber's silence was confusing him.
"It's not—you should ask Jinki oppa about it, not me."
"But he doesn't tell me anything."
"Wait a little more and he'll open up to you." Amber looked at her food and started eating again. This time, Taemin didn't ask anymore questions.
Taemin couldn't understand why she couldn't answer his simple questions. He wasn't looking for an explanation or anything. They were only simple yes or no questions. Then he thought that maybe she still felt something for Jinki. That maybe she still wasn't comfortable with Jinki dating someone else. His heart ached a little with that thought. The girl he loved had someone else in her mind and the worst thing was it was his brother.
"Did you have a girlfriend in Japan?" Amber asked that kind of surprised Taemin. Is she stupid or something? He asked himself and snorted. Amber heard him and looked at him.
"No, I didn't." Taemin answered before he drank up his water. He was stopping himself from laughing. He didn't want to laugh because it was funny, he just really thought she was foolish when he was sure that even she knew he wouldn't dare look at other girls because he only had his eyes on her since the first day they met.
"And you?" Taemin didn't want to be the topic so he turned around the situation.
"After Jinki hyung, did you date some other boys?"
"There was no other guy that saw me the way you did." Amber whispered. Taemin leaned forward trying to catch what she just said but he didn't hear anything.
"No," she slightly shook his head and he just said "ah" in response.
They finished up eating and finally decided to go home. When they were just a few meters away from the apartment building, someone Taemin didn't expect was waiting for them, well, for him.
"Taemin oppa!" the girl waved and ran towards him before she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a peck on the lips.
"Jung Soojung!" He exclaimed right after what happened. It wasn't a pleasure for him. It was more like a worry. He was worried that Amber might think that he lied about not having a girlfriend. He was worried that Amber might think that he had already found someone to replace her. He looked at Amber who was beside him standing still.
"I actually went upstairs and buzzed the doorbell but no one was opening the door so I assumed you were out." Soojung talked while they went up the stairs to the flat. Taemin and Amber were both quiet. Amber was obviously not at ease. Taemin could tell from her looking down at her feet as she took some steps and her hands were fiddling the side of her loose shirt. Taemin just sighed knowing that he couldn't do anything about it. About Amber. About Soojung.
"I'll prepare something for you," Amber uttered and went straight to the kitchen. She didn't know how to act with Soojung around so she'd rather separate herself from them.
Taemin dragged Soojung in the bedroom. He shut the door to make sure Amber wouldn't hear them talk. He angrily looked at Soojung searching for explanation for the ridiculous scene she just made earlier. Soojung was smirking. As if she didn't feel bad for what she did. Taemin just continuously stared at her with his furious eyes till Soojung finally got that she needed to speak up.
"That was Amber, right? I just did what I thought was right." Soojung stated whispering everything. She, too, didn't want to be heard by Amber.
"That wasn't right."
"Yes, it was. God, oppa. Did you already forget what she did to you?" Soojung frustratingly questioned him. She rolled her eyes and hissed.
"But it doesn't matter. I—" Taemin paused and closed his eyes tightly. He was afraid to say it but he had to.
"I—I still like her." Taemin mouthed that made Soojung chugged and laughed sarcastically before she sat on the edge of the bed and looked straight at Taemin's eyes with both disbelief and disappointment.
"You're making a fool out of yourself again, oppa. You'll get hurt ag—"
"I don't care." Taemin didn't even let her finish.
"I flew all the way here from Japan for you." Soojung sounded so desperate that Taemin actually felt sorry for her. She was a great friend. But that was what she was for him. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
"You just don't really care about me, do you?" Soojung quickly stood up and grabbed her handbag.
"I do care about you!" Taemin took a tight grip on her forearm and stopped her from walking out. She wasn't looking at him. She knew she already looked stupid just being there in the first place.
"Just, give me your number. I'll call you." Taemin couldn't really talk much that moment since Amber was there.
"I already have your number. I'll call you later." Soojung grabbed the door knob and turned it. She took one last rude look at Amber before she walked to the front door. Amber watched her leave the apartment and slam the door shut. She didn't mind Soojung's ill mannered actions towards her. She was expecting it.
She knocked on the bedroom door before she opened it and searched for Taemin. He was sitting on his bed with his back against the wall and his head tilting backward. He looked at Amber. He could see from her eyes that she was worried. Taemin lightly smiled. He didn't know how to explain everything to her so he just offered a smile that meant she needed not worry. She nodded and smiled back. But it was obvious she was just faking it.
"I'm... I'm going." Amber said as she slowly closed the door.
"She's not my girlfriend." Taemin said in his defense. Amber halted at the door and listened.
"She just thinks she is but she's not." Taemin continued and so Amber smiled once again. She didn't know why he had to explain himself to her but she knew he actually cared about what she thought and that he didn't want her to get jealous over nothing.
"Okay," she waved at him before she closed the door behind her.
She didn't care about the kiss anymore. Yeah, it bothered her a little but it didn't matter anymore. Taemin said he wasn't dating Soojung and she had faith in Taemin's words and actions.
Jinki arrived at home at 7. It was quiet. Amber had already told him everything. About her day out with Taemin, about the girl named Soojung from Japan who she was sure would come back one of those days, and about Taemin asking her about Jinki's love life. Jinki knew she didn't tell him anything. He could trust her on that. "He wouldn't stop asking unless you tell him." Jinki remembered Amber's words. He knew that but he wasn't ready to tell everything to his little brother yet. He wanted to wait. He didn't want to rush things. And he wanted Taemin to open up first. He wanted Taemin to tell him everything—his pain, his anger, his joy. All the emotions he felt when he was away.
"Knock, knock." Jinki said as he opened the bedroom door. He sat beside Taemin on the bed who was practically doing nothing. He was just thinking the whole time. He didn't even notice the time flying by. Jinki didn't speak. He waited for his brother to talk. They stayed quiet for another minute before Taemin stated "I'm hungry," and Jinki messed up his already messy hair. Jinki brought him some food he ordered out and soon the two of them were eating.
"So who's that girl that came by earlier?" Jinki inquired that made Taemin pout.
"She told you, didn't she?" Taemin didn't want to mention her name aloud. He just couldn't. Not yet. He was embarrassed in some way. But he was sure that he could say "Amber noona" again soon. So soon that he could almost open his mouth and shout it out. Jinki laughed. He's such a baby.
"Well?"
"Her parents were friends with mine. She just helped me adjust in Japan." Taemin lazily explained. He couldn't understand why he had to explain though.
"She's not your girlfrie—"
"No!" Taemin was really being too defensive. He looked away avoiding his brother's eyes. Maybe he was overreacting but he just didn't want everyone to think that Soojung was his girlfriend.
"I believe you."
"When are you going to introduce your girlfriend?" Taemin changed their topic. He thought that maybe if he asked himself, Jinki would finally tell him about her. However, Jinki had a moment of thought too, just like Amber. He just stared at his food as he fiddled with it with his spoon. Taemin seriously couldn't understand what the fuss was about it. He couldn't understand why they couldn't give him a simple answer. Is he dating a celebrity or something?
"You introduced Jonghyun hyung first before your girlfriend." He added. He knew he was being irritating but he just really wanted to know. He had the rights to know. He was Jinki's brother and they never kept secrets to each other. Then he thought he was keeping a secret himself so, they were quits. So he stopped asking after that. And like Amber said, maybe Jinki needed some time like he did. He still needed some time too.
I feel like this chapter is too short ahahha
comment and subscribe if you liked it ehehhe
Please watch Jonghyun's MVs. links below because our puppy jjong deserves more view. We shawols are the worst when it comes to mv views but let's do this right. Let's just watch the vids and make our baby happy and proud!!!
Crazy(Guilty Pleasure)
xdorkyx
x
Comments