Taemin apologized to his parents before he left that Monday afternoon. He told them he was really sorry he couldn't take Jinki with him. He told them he didn't try hard enough to convince Jinki to come with. But he promised them he'd definitely make Jinki come next time. His mom told him it didn't matter. They were fine just having him around although they were missing Jinki too.

Taemin believed it was his fault why Jinki and his relationship with their parents changed. It was because Jinki still couldn't accept the fact that all those years, they lied to him and Taemin. He couldn't accept the fact that Taemin was just taken away from them by his biological parents without some notice. He couldn't accept the fact that their parents just let those people take away Taemin just like that. They didn't even fight or refuse. They just let them. Jinki was still mad at his own parents even if Taemin told him not to be before he left 7 years ago. Maybe Jinki wasn't as mad as before but still, it wasn't the same anymore. It didn't feel the same anymore.

Taemin came home at around 4 and his brother was there, just sitting on the floor at the center table writing some stuffs that were either for the music school or for Jonghyun's band. He didn't really care about it that much. Jinki smiled at him. Taemin could tell it wasn't a real smile. He could tell it wasn't the same smile that Jinki always gave Jonghyun. What's happening to us, hyung?

He walked towards Jinki and sat on the sofa dropping his bag on the side. He tried to peep at what Jinki was writing. It was a lesson plan of some sort. He didn't really know. When Taemin was about to open his mouth to ask Jinki about whatever he was scribbling, the bathroom door suddenly swung open. It was Jonghyun. He, too, was giving him a fake smile.

“How was your weekend, Taemin?” Jonghyun asked him as they man sat down across Jinki.

“Good.” Taemin merely answered and blinked at Jonghyun.

“And your parents? How are they?” Jonghyun asked another question. Obviously, Jonghyun was trying to have a conversation with him so it would be less awkward but it already was. Why is he even trying?

“They're fine. Hyung, they were looking for you.” Taemin turned to his brother. Jinki didn't even pause or twitch. He just kept writing. He just hummed in response.

“He'll be joining you next weekend. He was just busy with the band, that's all.” Jonghyun was as if talking for Jinki. Taemin didn't know why Jinki was acting that cold towards him when he was the one who was supposed to be mad. Amber probably told him about the other day.

“Speaking of the band, we have a gig tonight. Wanna watch?” Jonghyun wouldn't stop conversing with him.

“Sure,” Taemin answered that finally made Jinki look at him.

“I can bring a friend, right?”

“Of course, you can.”

“I'll just call her.”

Taemin grabbed his phone in his pocket and searched for Soojung's number. She was the only friend he got. Sure he had some friends in Korea back in the days but he lost contact with everyone and they probably had their own lives to live.

Soojung came by an hour earlier and Taemin was really thankful because finally, he wouldn't have to talk to Jonghyun. He had no problem with Jonghyun. It's just that he knew the man was trying too hard to make things unwieldy and uneasy that he was making it worse.

“So when are you going back to Japan?” Soojung asked as she leaned her back against his side, her head tipping over his shoulder. They were sitting on his bed whispering to each other.

“In a month, maybe. I don't want to be here anymore.” Taemin sighed.

“So I was right.”

“You were right.” Taemin didn't want to agree with her but he was defeated. He couldn't do more about it. About anything. He was just bad at everything. There was nothing he was good at anymore.

Soojung pressed her palms on the soft bed before leaning towards Taemin, her lips ready to touch his but Taemin turned his head to the side.

“No, Soojung, please.”

But Soojung felt even more defeated. Taemin might be mad at Amber or at his brother, but his feelings still had not changed. He still loved the two of them in different ways. At least he loved them. While she. She always gave her all but she never got anything in return. It was unfair on her part. Soojung just positioned herself next to him again.

She really couldn't understand what Taemin saw in Amber. She saw the girl. She wasn't even that pretty. She didn't even look pretty, she thought. She wasn't even there when Taemin was suffering and in pain during his physical therapy. There was only her, Soojung. But Amber, no, she didn't even come to Japan, not even once to check on Taemin. She didn't even call or text or email. Nothing. So why was Taemin still going crazy over her?

“Taemin, let's go.” Jinki said behind the closed door. The two got up and followed the two older men.

The venue was crowded. Taemin didn't think that Jonghyun's band was that popular. Taemin looked around. The crowd was composed of girls and boys from 18 to 30, maybe even older, even younger. He and Soojung were standing in the front row and at the very end of the row, he saw Amber. Her eyes were focused on the stage. But he could see they were sad even from afar, he could tell. She deserves to be sad. He said in his mind before he looked at the stage where Jonghyun's band was preparing to play. Jinki was at the side of the stage. He was the band manager after all.

“Good evening, everyone! Are you ready for the first song?!” Jonghyun asked the crowd and everyone cheered.

“Here we go.” He first glanced at Jinki who smiled when their eyes met before he signaled the drummer to hit the percussion.

The band was great. The songs they played were great. Taemin liked them. He partly enjoyed the night, partly not because Amber was there. Then they had to eat together with the whole band and Amber. She was always there. Always around. Taemin hated the fact that she was friends with everybody. Good thing Soojung was there because he had some distractions. He just let her cling onto him through out the night like a leech. That way, Amber wouldn't get near him.

“So you're Jinki's brother.” The guitarist started staring at Taemin. The man already had a few drinks.

“You don't look alike.” He said recklessly that silenced Jinki, Jonghyun and Amber.

“We're not real brothers.” Taemin told the truth. There was no reason for him to lie about it or to deny it. It silenced the rest of them.

“But I'll always consider him as my real brother no matter what.” Taemin continued before he turned to Jinki who was obviously touched for what he just heard coming from Taemin.

“Ah, Taemin. drink up!” Jonghyun handed me a shot glass.

“Why don't you drink up?” Taemin pushed the shot glass back to him.

“Okay—“

“No!” Jinki grabbed the glass from Jonghyun's hand and drank it in one go.

“He gets drunk easily.” Jinki said glaring at Jonghyun. The other boy only had a mocking expression. The two obviously knew each other too well. They had a secret language, somewhat telepathic, even. Taemin thought. No words were needed to be spoken. Just one look and they understood each other.

He didn't know how and why but he just became so interested, so curious about his brother's relationship with Jonghyun. Ever since he found out about it, he just became more aware of their motions towards each other. Taemin thought it was better that way, observing them and all, so he wouldn't be thinking of Amber that much anymore.

“Amber will take another shot for me.” Jonghyun poured some more beer in the glass.

“Sure! I can use some of this right now.” Amber said taking a glance at Taemin for a second that she thought he didn't see but he did. What is she trying to imply?

The whole night went on like that, Jinki and Amber drinking for Jonghyun. But not for too long. Taemin looked at Soojung. She was drunk as hell. He was too focused on everyone else that he didn't realize Soojung had been drinking alone. But she was still so clingy and wouldn't let go of him.

“I need to take her home.” He announced.

“I'll drive you.” Jonghyun volunteered. Taemin wanted to refuse but then he thought that Jinki had a few drinks and having him drive wouldn't be safe. And he didn't know how to drive. He never learned and he got no plan on learning. He was afraid because of the accident and all. So he nodded at Jonghyun.

Apart from Jonghyun's bandmates, they all went off. Jinki had work the next day and Amber had uni. Amber was stuck with Taemin and Soojung at the backseat. Her head was already aching and she had to suffer even more. She thought that she deserved it. She deserved every single bad thing that was happening to her.

“Ah,” Amber massaged the sides of her head. She didn't even drink that much but she was feeling so sick she could vomit. Taemin looked at her. She stopped rubbing her head once she noticed Taemin staring. She didn't want him to worry over nothing.

Taemin accompanied Soojung to her friend's house. He took a little while since Soojung was still clinging onto him. When he came back to the car though, he found Jinki beside Amber fanning her with his two hands. There was something wrong. He  went closer and saw Amber sweating with her face so pale. It scared him.

“What's happened, hyung?” Taemin asked with his voice quivering.

“She's got a high fever.” Jinki responded as he adjusted Amber's position. He laid her head on his lap and continued fluttering his hands.

“Taemin, get in. Jjong, take us to the flat.” Jinki commanded and the two immediately followed.

Jinki carried her on his back up to their apartment and laid her on the sofa while Jonghyun grabbed a towel and a basin with water. Jinki put the damped towel on her forehead and Taemin just stood at the side and watched his brother take care of Amber. Jonghyun stood next to him and put his hand on his shoulder and grinned.

“It's just a little fever. Don't worry.”

He wasn't worried. How could he worry when the best nurse a.k.a his brother was taking great care of her? Jinki had always taken great care of everyone. He was just jealous. Again. He wanted to do everything for her. Even if he hated her. Even after everything, he wanted to be there for her.

Jonghyun left half an hour later. Jinki was still sitting on the edge of the sofa beside Amber, running his fingers through her hair, cupping her face with his other hand. Taemin cringed. He couldn't watch anymore. It was worse than watching those violent and bloody films.

“Hyung,” Taemin called out and so Jinki looked at him with curious eyes.

“You should sleep. I'll look after her.”

“But Tae—“

“You've got work tomorrow. Sleep on my bed. Just leave some space for me to sleep on.” Taemin thought of a great excuse. Jinki agreed.

Soon, Taemin was left with Amber. He sat on the floor and moved his face close to hers. He then placed his hand on her forehead. She was still hot. He took her left hand and held it. He played with her pretty little fingers. He missed holding her hand. He traced some circles on her palm and then on the back of her hand. She slightly creased her forehead that made Taemin chuckled. She looked so cute even with her obviously weary face.

Taemin thought he was going crazy and he was beginning to be even more and more stupid each day. He hated her but he also loved her. He wanted to push her away but he also wanted to keep her close. He wanted her to suffer but he also wanted to see her smile. He wanted to think that she never really liked him but he also wanted to think that she did, she did like him.

Taemin fell asleep holding her hand and his head falling onto the edge of the sofa close to where her face was. He, too, was tired. He wasn't the type who would stay up all night when he had a problem. Sleeping everything off was the best solution. He got that from Jinki.

Amber opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Taemin's angelic face. He was just so beautiful that it took her breath away. For a second, she thought she was just dreaming, but when she realized that their hands were linked, her eyes widened.

She still had a headache. She was already feeling awful since she woke up that day but she still went to uni. She thought, it was just the stress caused by school stuff but she knew it was also the stress caused by the same boy that was making her feel good. Then she had a few drinks that made her condition worse. She didn't regret it though. Because everything led to where she was and who she was with that moment. She had Taemin beside her. Even if it may only be that night, even if things would go back to normal the next day, even if he'd hate her again. At least, he was there when she needed him.

<<< 

Taemin woke up from the sound of the shower running. He assumed his brother was already awake. He suddenly felt a grip on his hand and noticed that he was still holding Amber's hand and she was holding it back. She obviously didn't want to let go. Taemin rubbed his eyes a little with his free hand before he touched her forehead again. He was relieved to know that her fever had gone down. Amber then suddenly opened her eyes. Taemin's heart fluttered. Maybe he was just nervous but knew it wasn't just because of that. They both blinked for a few times before Taemin pulled his hands away from her forehead and away from her grip. He got up from the floor and walked to the bedroom.

Amber sat up. Only then did she realize she was in the boys' apartment. Of course, Jinki knew she was living alone and no one would watch over her. She stood up and went to the kitchen. She still felt a little weak and her legs were wobbly but she thought she should prepare breakfast for the boys.

“No, Amber.” Jinki found her frying some pancakes and bacon. She was preparing an american breakfast like she always did whenever she was there.

“I'll do that. Sit down.” Jinki pulled her away from the hub and pushed her down the seat at the table.

“And Taemin?” He asked her as he took over the cooking.

“He ran off to the bedroom.” Amber laughed and so did Jinki. Taemin may want to hide everything from everyone but he had always worn his feelings and emotions on his sleeves. A simple look in his eyes and everyone could easily tell what he was thinking. Amber saw all the mixed emotions when their eyes met earlier. She saw his relief, his anger, his joy, his love, his fear. They were all there. She wished she could go back to the past and correct all the mistakes she did. She wished she didn't have to hurt him. Then maybe, he'd only have love for her.

Taemin joined them for breakfast. He thought that he had all the rights because he partly owned the apartment. He just avoided  looking up at both Jinki and Amber and just had his eyes on his food.

Jinki left them ten minutes later. They were muted, hushed. Not that they had nothing to say, au contraire, they had so much, even too much to say to each other. But neither of them had the courage to speak up. Amber wasn't really eating. She didn't have any appetite probably because of her illness so she was just staring at her hand that was holding a fork firmly. Taemin was eating, though. He wouldn't say no to any food even if he would want to eat rice that moment. Amber glanced at him a little. His pancakes were all gone. He just needed to drink his milk then he'd surely lock himself in the bedroom again. So Amber finally decided that she should speak before he could even leave.

“Thank you,” she murmured but still clear enough for Taemin to understand. Taemin didn't make any reaction and just grabbed his glass of warm milk.

“,and sorry.” She added that finally made Taemin look at her.

“Sorry for the other day. For whatever I did that upset you, I'm sorry.” She stated but Taemin just smirked as he drank up his milk. He put the empty glass on the table with so much force it could break and got up from his seat turning his back on her.

“Apologizing without knowing exactly what you did wrong. You're quite funny, you know that?” He said with obvious irony before he walked back to the bedroom and slammed the door.

“I know what I did, Taemin, and I'm sorry. I really am.” Amber whispered tears already running down her cheeks.

Jonghyun picked up Jinki from work. They were free that afternoon. No rehearsals, no practices, no gigs. Jonghyun wanted to go out and play but Jinki turned down his request telling him that he just wanted to go home and spend more time with his little brother. He needed to make up for those 7 years and for all the pain he had caused the younger. Jonghyun didn't argue but demanded to go with him. Jinki just let him because he knew his little boyfriend wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't.

"Taemin, I'm home." Jinki shouted as he entered the apartment, taking off his coat and putting on his slippers.

"Taemin? Taemin?" Jinki called out but there was no answer so he looked inside the room with Jonghyun peeking behind him. The shorter man grinned slyly when they found the room empty.

"He's probably out for his afternoon walk. Amber said... he... does... what the hell are you smiling about?" Jinki put a hand on his waist when he turned to Jonghyun and saw the cunning look on his face.

"Taemin's not here. That means..." Jonghyun grabbed Jinki's waist with a hand and pulled him close to him.

"Quit it, Jjong." But Jinki was pushing him away then he broke away and walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Jonghyun sighed before he followed him there.

"Let's go out. Go to the convenience store. Let's buy your little brother some milk or candies. I don't know." Jonghyun was acting childish and adherent. But Jinki just wanted to be safe. He didn't want to get caught by Taemin. He didn't want him to find out just yet. Jonghyun grabbed his hand and started massaging it but Jinki pulled it away. Jonghyun made a face.

"Taemin might see us. We'll never know when he'll come back from his walk."

"It's okay to act all sweet with Amber but not with me? This is unfair, Jinki hyung." Jonghyun turned his back on him and crossed his arms on his chest. Jinki had been acting, not just cold, but wintry. Jonghyun hated it. As if they were going back to the way they were in the past.

"Are you jealous over Amber? We've gone through this before, Jjong." Jinki said looking at his sulking boyfriend.

"I can't help it! You two had something before." Jonghyun sounded so frustrated. He didn't want to get mad but he thought there was no other way to convince Jinki. It had always worked before.

"I've told you so many times that I didn't have any story with Amber."

"Yeah, but... ever since your brother..." Jonghyun looked down.

"My brother? Didn't I explain everything a couple of weeks ago? I informed you about it." Jinki sighed.

"Damn it, Jjong. Stop acting so immature. You're not gonna get anywhere." Jinki shook his head with a little sign of disappointment on his face. He poured water into the glass again and drank it in one go. Jonghyun snorted. He was seriously upset now.

"I'm immature? Really, hyung? I'm... I'm leaving. I can't deal with this right now." Jonghyun rolled his eyes before he stood straight and walked out. Jinki didn't follow him. He knew he'd only make things worse if he did.

Jonghyun bumped into Taemin when he went out of the apartment building. Taemin could tell he was distraught. Jonghyun just flashed a sad smile at him before he continued walking off.

Taemin came home and found his brother watching TV. He seemed a little upset too. So Taemin guessed they fought. Although he didn't know if he should be happy that it wasn't a fistfight.

He sat beside him and quietly joined him on watching.

"Was Amber feeling better when she left earlier?" Jinki asked without looking at Taemin.

"I don't know." Taemin simply answered without looking at his brother either.

"What do you mean? You were together earlier." Jinki lowered the volume down and looked at him.

"I was in the bedroom when she left. And I already watched over her the whole night. Wasn't that enough?" Taemin was raising his voice. He didn't want to have a row with his brother but he didn't want to talk about Amber so it seemed like they were leading to a fight either way.

"Taemin, she was sick! Why did you let her leave just like that? What if she lost conscious on her way home?" Jinki's words just made Taemin feel guilt. Because his brother was so right that he couldn't even talk over it. He was just tongue-tied.

"You're not a kid anymore. Stop acting like one." Jinki said and got up from the sofa before he grabbed his phone and contacted Amber. Ouch. Taemin felt like his brother just stabbed him with his sharp words.

"Hello, Amber? Are you home? Are you lying down? Resting? I'm sorry I had to leave you with Taemin earlier. I really thought he'd—" Jinki paused and angrily looked at Taemin then he shook his head and walked into the bathroom.

"Don't be mad at him, oppa." Amber uttered softly.

"Why shouldn't I be? He's going overboard." Jinki leaned against the door and rubbed his head.

"Yeah, but he's just like that because I hurt him." Amber was defending Taemin but Jinki was really against it.

"If he's angry at you, he should be angry at me too. I did him wrong too. Blaming you for everything isn't right. It isn't fair." Jinki was whispering. He didn't want Taemin to hear him though he was sure he was probably listening on the other side.

"Why is everyone acting immature today? Uh," Jinki messed up his hair real roughly. Then he breathed in and out very deeply. He needed to calm down.

"You had a fight with Jjong oppa, didn't you?" Amber could tell really easily. From his tone. It wasn't the first time. The two boys had fought a few times and Jinki was always like that. He would always feel bad. He would always regret it. He would always think it was his fault. He would always blame himself.

"He's jealous of you again." He soughed with a little fake chuckle. Amber chuckled for real though. It wasn't the first time either that she was the reason the two quarreled. He laughed too when he heard Amber's laughter. It was just really relaxing. But how could she even laugh when she was having a hard time.

"Yeah? Want me to talk to him?"

"No, it's alright. I can handle that small guy."

Jinki felt a lot better. Amber just became his little shelter after Taemin left. He poured everything out to her. All his pain, all his joy. He would choose her over Jonghyun. That's how important she was to him. That's why he couldn't seize Jonghyun from getting jealous. He had all the reason to be. But he shouldn't have gone to the "Taemin" issue. Taemin was Jinki's weak point. Taemin could be, in any day, the reason he could break up with Jonghyun. He would do anything for the sake of his brother.

"Don't be too hard on Taemin, okay?" Amber said before they could end their phone call.

"Okay. Now go rest so you can go to uni tomorrow."

"Yes, sir. Bye bye." They bought hung up.

Jinki opened the door and found Taemin still sitting on the sofa and twiddling with his fingers. The TV was still on. He didn't really listen to what Jinki was saying inside the bathroom earlier. He didn't even move an inch. He just stayed there and waited for his brother to calm down. Taemin hated it whenever Jinki got mad at him. Because he rarely got mad. And he preferred his warm hearted brother. Plus, Jinki was right and he knew he was wrong.

"Hyung," Taemin stood up and nervously looked at his brother. Jinki walked towards him and stopped when he was a meter away.

"I'm sorry. I really am." Taemin apologized and looked down at his black and white striped socks. Jinki put a hand on Taemin's shoulder and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry, too. I just had a bad day." Jinki said and Taemin simply nodded.

"Come here." Jinki pulled the younger man and hugged him.