The nights without her made me almost go crazy. I missed her a lot. I don’t know how but she became as indispensable to me like breathing. I needed her.

In just a short time, I have already fallen completely and helplessly in love with her.

When she came back, it was as if this big cloud hanging over me was lifted. Truthfully, I was relieved. I thought that she’d never come back. Why would she want someone like me? Next to a goddess like her, I feel like a mere mortal.

“Hey Ji!” she said to me as she approached me at our meeting place by the lake.

“I thought you were never going back.” I said with relief.

“I always stay true to my words. How could you say that? Besides, I was afraid that you’d be the one to break your promise” she said quite hurt.

“I’d never do that to you. And I’m sorry if I thought of you that way. I just feel insecure sometimes, like how perfect you are and how imperfect I am. I thought that you deserved someone better than me. Do you know how much of a goddess I think you are? And that next to you, I feel diminished?” I explained truthfully.

She looked at me thoughtfully before she opened to speak.

“I feel uncomfortable with you calling me a goddess. You could never be more wrong Ji. If there was anyone who is more flawed between us that would be me. You see me as someone I’m not. I’m weak and frail just like everybody else, maybe even more so. And don’t belittle yourself that way. You’re the best person I have met so far, outside my family. I’ve always felt I was nothing but you made me feel like I could be something more.”

 I felt reassured with her kind words for me but the way she talks about herself is painful for me.  I wonder what it was that made her insecure of herself. If only she could see herself through my eyes then she would know what I mean. “You may not see it now but someday you’d understand what I was talking about.”

To me she was already something and more.

The nights that passed with Sandara were some of the best in my life. We’d spend hours by the lake under the moon talking about anything and everything.

I mostly do the talking while she just listened. She loved listening to my stories about my friends, the things I did, where I’ve been.

Little by little, she was opening up to me. She told me how she used to live in the city until she lost her mother when she was 10 when they had a car accident then her father when she was 12, how she grew up with her grandparents on a house on the other side of the lake, how she was homeschooled because she became wary of people, how she felt most free when she would come by the lake at night. But she never told me why.

Still every once in a while she’d tell me she’d be gone for a few days. I never pried why. All that mattered to me then was that she’d always come back for me.

We’ve gotten closer as much as two people could emotionally. But I was physically aching for her as well.

When we’d swim or frolic in the lake, my eyes are always tempted to look at her. My hands are even more so tempted to always touch her skin. I’ve already kissed her a couple of times, but they were always chaste and short, as she would pull away when she feels that I’m becoming aggressive. I don’t how long we’ll keep this tension between us. But I could feel my restraint breaking.

So I decided to be honest with my intentions. When we met at the lake after she’d been gone a few days, I was ready.

Just like my first confession with her, I prepared us a picnic by the lake. This time I bought a small cd player and played us a song from my grandparents’ collection. Moonriver filled the air as I took  her hand and held her in my arms to dance.

I already made preparations and bought her a ring. It was gold with a diamond embedded in the band. It was simple and elegant, just like her.           

When the dance ended, I took the ring form my pocket and went down on my knee.

“The first time I met you, you took my breath away and since then I’ve had trouble breathing. I need you like I need air. You give meaning to the word beautiful that just standing in your presence is enough for me. I know I might not be making the best sense right now but it’s what I feel. I love you Sandara. I love you with all my heart has to offer. There will never be another girl for me. Will you share forever with me and marry me?”

Sandara was speechless as I made my proposal. Then suddenly tears were pouring from her eyes. “Get up Ji.” She said                                                                                                            

Oh no! I made her cry. Was she going to reject me? I stood up anxious of what will happen next.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I’ve always hoped that someday, I’d find someone to love me. Thank you Ji, I love you and I’d be happy to share forever with you” she said.

Before I could react, she was in my arms, initiating a kiss.

I tried to stop myself but I couldn’t. I was bursting with so much love and happiness that our kiss went on and on and deeper. And what was chaste a minute go was now consumed by madness.

I laid her on the blanket, our lips still connected, our bodies pressed against each other. My heart was pounding fast and there were butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I stared into her eyes reflecting her own need, and she nodded a yes before she closed her eyes. I don’t think I could’ve pulled myself away from her anyway. I felt my own desire rippling through me, a fire I could not put out.

Have you ever watched a paper burn? The flames from the edges until it spreads throughout, turning everything into a raging blaze. The paper dancing and twisting as it burns. The heat palpable and addicting as it smoulders until the fire dies down leaving ashes and lingering warmth.

 Under a canopy of stars and the moonlight upon us, I loved her.