I don’t think… I'm not in love with you 

Lee Donghae was your average teen. He has a few pimples pop up on his face now and then; he likes indie music (before they turned popular nowadays) and he desired the prospect of a relationship so, so much. He wasn’t fit; at least not the good-looking kind of fit; and he wasn’t hot, at least not the good-looking kind of hot. He was average.

Too average, actually. His looks were average, his hairstyle was average, and his personality was the norm — pretty much like everyone else in his year. Therefore, he never stood out amongst the sea of people. The only difference he had had been the fact that he was the school president, and his decisions and good side mattered. To get what you want, just get on Donghae's good side. (Nothing too demanding or inappropriate, that is).        

His ‘friends’ and classmates call him cold-hearted behind his back, and they knew that if there was one person in the entire world who didn’t know how to have fun and relax; it’d be Donghae. He’s always so uptight, too strict for a teenager of sixteen years old. He behaved like adults, and that was the small crack of difference that turned into a split in the earth.

But nobody knew who Donghae truly was, because on the inside, he was the same as everyone else. He had feelings, he gets hurt and he cries too. His heart is also made out of flesh, and not some metal that does not react to human emotions. He may be strict, but that’s because he sees his goals in life and where he wants to be in the future — independent. He knew how hard his father works to raise three children and a nagging wife. He wants to make a change. Nobody understood that Donghae craved acceptance within his peers, and how he knew they gossip about him behind his back.

One thing Donghae has the most is pride.

So even if some of the things his classmates say are hurtful, even if his ‘friends’ aren't real but are only people wanting to stick up to him for their own benefits, he would rather cry alone than in front of people. He would rather uphold his cold image and be isolated than to have sympathy. 

As usual.

His parents stress enough as things are with the bill, their children’s education and this and that. He doesn’t want to burden them. So he keeps it in. He has an imaginary glass jar in his heart, and whenever the sorrow of life and stress hits him, they fill up the container. And once it was overflowing, that would be the breaking point where Donghae releases all of his frustration out as tears. He would sob into his pillow at two a.m. in the morning, fists clenched from attempting to keep in the pitiful wails. His shoulders tremble, his stomach curls in on itself, but nothing aggravates him more than the ache in his chest.

One day, he would think to himself, one day I will grow strong enough to not cry ever again. One day, I will show them how successful my future will be.

Of course, at that time in your life, who doesn’t develop crushes? Even the almighty Donghae can't escape from those nauseous feelings. It was all written down in his destiny anyway. He was bound to meet him at that precise moment, start a friendship, which leads to a crush. And then?

A tragedy.

The first guy he had a crush on? Well, he just so happens to be in his maths class, and Donghae wonders mildly how he never talks to the guy; despite being in the same school for years already. They talk about absolutely nothing yet everything at the same time, and Donghae who is afraid to come out of his shell eventually does crawl out. Perhaps it’s his fault for being hurt, since he allowed himself to be in a state of vulnerability. He opened his heart too quickly, and someone whom he thought would move in was only passing by.

In the end, he was a fool for thinking something could blossom between them when in reality, the guy was only interested in his friend. Not only did Donghae feel stupid, but also at the same time waves of embarr