I don’t think… I'm not in love with you

“Donghae.” Hyukjae called out, seeing the addressed male spin around only a few steps from his front door.

“Hyukjae? What are you doing here so late?” Donghae asks in surprise.

“Didn’t you want to know the answer?” Hyukjae said, walking until he was in front of Donghae.

“What answer?” The shorter male asked in confusion.

Instead of verbally replying, Hyukjae's arms shot out to gingerly cup Donghae's face, and before Donghae could even react Hyukjae ducked down and tasted Donghae's lips. They felt just as soft and warm as Hyukjae had imagined them to be, and taking advantage of Donghae's shocked state he dipped his tongue past the barricade of teeth.

On feeling a wet and foreign thing inside his mouth, Donghae snapped out and on reflex held his arms out on either side of Hyukjae's shoulder. His arms stayed up there, too shocked to form a reaction. Feeling a surge of anger, Donghae shoved the tall body away.

“Are you ing out of your mind Lee Hyukjae?!” He yelled out, wiping the excess saliva from his mouth.

“I can't be any more clear than now,” Hyukjae responded calmly despite the rapid rise and fall of his chest. “Which is why I'm here to tell you, it’s not impossible for me to love you.”

He recollected his shaken spirits and continued, “actually, for the past fifteen years, I've always—”

“DON’T SAY IT!” Donghae screamed, and for the first time Hyukjae hated how well he knew and understood Donghae; because the latter’s eyes reflected sadness and despair, and he knew that Donghae was going to reject him.

He knew. Hyukjae knew and he still said it out loud. The secret he contained within himself, that would go to the grave with him, was now released.

Donghae's eyes are wide and erratic and dark, his mouth open and colour drained from his face. Hyukjae looked no better, but he still appeared collected of his thoughts and sentiments.

First shaking his head, then replying in a grave tone, Donghae said, “If you say it out loud we can't be friends. So I'm begging you, don’t let me lose my most important friend and person, okay?”

Hyukjae's Adam’s apple bobbed drily, his nose turning sour and his eyes becoming wet and red.

“So, it’s impossible for me to love you.” Donghae said with such finality in his voice.

Hyukjae wakes up with the feeling of nausea stuck in his throat. Mind blank from the event in his dream.

•••

No matter what Hyukjae explained to her of the events that had occurred in Incheon, or how many times Hyukjae insisted that nothing had happened between him and Donghae, Jieun remained suspicious.

Now, seated at a local dinner stand amongst the sea of people weaving in and out of the night market for foods, Jieun takes another bite of her seafood meatball. The girl is looking at Hyukjae with her brows creased and lips pouting, swiping her glance over Hyukjae's innocent features.

“Really..?” She drags out her word.

“Really,” Hyukjae reinforces with small nods.

She continues to observe Hyukjae, scrutinising his every move.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?” The male finally asks.

“There’s something bothering me, a lot.” she replies blandly.

“What is that ‘something’?”

“A few days ago, in Incheon, you slept in the same room with Donghae oppa?” There is sourness to her tone, from the way she delivers those words to Hyukjae, the boyfriend already knows that the girl in front of him is overthinking. Disappointment and a hint of uncertainty glows in her eyes, because there's a constant nagging feeling deep inside her heart telling her that their friendship is too unusual; and yet whenever she tries to dismiss this whole ordeal, something happens between the two men that only adds to her unease. Jieun is afraid that her sixth sense is true. She doesn’t believe that deeper emotional connection between Donghae and Hyukjae is built on the basis of friendship.

Smiling sheepishly — a method for Hyukjae to e