hotarubi no mori e

Description: Based on the movie, titled above, and this bitter sweet video <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNdHd1asf9s> 

A/n: the original idea was obviously not mine. I just tweaked it a lil bit. I am sorry if i couldn't do it justice. This is for parvitasari... i am sorry, i know you asked a year ago... i am not even sure if she is still on this collection T~T... I started writing another chenxing, but it is taking longer than anticipated and this idea just came to me and so i found the video and wrote it down in one go.. therefore might contain mistakes.. lots of them. Again, sorry for the loooong wait.

Jongdae was excited as he sat on the train to the countryside to meet his grandparents. Having grown up in the city, he had not seen villages and very excited when he heard about the forests surrounding his grandparents village. The 10 year old child jumped up and down in his seat as his mother told him about all her adventures in those forests, about the shrine to the forest guardian, the festival ritual to please the gods and spirits of the forest, and Jongdae could not wait to go check it out.

When they arrived at the grandparents house, Jongdae rushed out of the car to jump into his grandfather's open arms, and then happily bounced over to his grandmother to be hugged by her. They all went into the grandparent's house, and Jongdae asked them to recount stories about the forest and the spirits.

It is understandable that a child's curiosity will take him far. Far enough to wander deeper and deeper into the forest, when he was left unsupervised and without any village children to play with, and eventually end up lost. That is how Jongdae found himself in the middle of nothing but trees, alone and hungry. He tried to look around for a way out, even tried calling for his parents or grandparents, but no one answered. After walking for what seemed like forever, the tired little child could not take it anymore, and he collapsed to the ground, hugging his knees and crying. He really should have listened to his mother and not wandered far. Now he was lost with no one around him, not even animals, or spirits... Jongdae cried harder thinking that he would never get to see his mother again when he heard a rustle of leaves. His heartbeat picked up... was there an animal around him?

He looked up to see a masked person peeking out at him from behind a tree. Jongdae was so relieved to see another person, that he got up and rushed to the person, who dodged him and Jongdae fell face first on the forest's floor. He was so happy to find another person that he didn't even feel like crying from the hurt.

"I am so glad to see you here." Jongdae said, as he tried to grab the older boy's trousers to help himself up, but the guy just backed up, avoiding Jongdae's touch. "Hey! What's up?" 

When Jongdae tried to touch him again, the boy dodged again, and again and again. Tired, Jongdae sat down and was about to cry again when the boy spoke up. "What are you doing here?"

"I got lost and can't find my way out." Jongdae sniffled out. "Can you please help me?"

The boy nodded in silence. Since Jongdae couldn't see his face, he did not know what his face looked like, but he supposed it was a nice face, since he was such a kind person. When the person stared walking away, Jongdae ran behind him, "Can I hold your hand please?"

The masked boy stopped again and looked in his direction. After a few moments, he picked up a stick and offered the other end to Jongdae.

"Why can't i hold your hand? I did not touch anything very dirty, I swear."

The boy spoke after a break, his first proper answer. "I can't touch humans. If I do, I will disappear..."

His voice was different from anything Jongdae had ever heard. He did not know how to put his finger on it... It was wispy, like the wind blowing through tree leaves, soft, and beautiful. Jongdae wanted to hear more, "So you aren't human?"

The boy contemplated his next words, jongdae was starting to see this was a pattern with this stranger. "I used to be."

"You used to be? You can stop being a human?"

"I did, because I was raised by the spirits. Now I am one of them...Here we are." The guy finished as they came to the entrance to the forest shrine. "Do not wander here again."

Jongdae was so pleased to come out to a place he recognized that he ran a few steps ahead before remembering his manners. He turned around to thank the man and ask for his name, but all he saw was the talismans ruffling with the cool forest breeze. The boy was nowhere to be found. Slightly sad that he missed his chance to get the mysterious boy's name, Jongdea ran back home to recount his adventure of the day to his grandparents.

---x---

"I thought I told you to not wander here again."

Jongdae smiled as he heard that wispy voice again. He grinned and turned around and held out the offering meant for the forest god. "I told my grandpa about you and he said I should thank the forest god by giving this offering."

The older boy just looked at the items in his hand. Due to the mask, Jongdae could not tell what he was thinking, but he kept his smile up anyways. "Why did yo bring it here then? You could have just left it at the entrance of the shrine."

Perking up at the opportunity to hold more conversations with the boy, Jongdae smiled, "Yeah, but i wanted to thank you more than the forest god, since you were the one who saved me."

"I do not eat these things", the boy said.

Jongdae was a little upset, since he really wanted him to eat the offerings, but he shrugged and put the offerings down, "My name is Jongdae! What's yours?"

The boy answered after a moment, "Yixing"

Jongdae cocked his head to the side, "Yixing, that's a weird name."

"It's what the spirits name me."

Jongdae perked up when the subject of spirits was brought up, "What are spirits like?"

Yixing stayed quiet, probably contemplating how to deal with this human child, but it was obvious that he was not getting rid of him anytime soon, so he decided to entertain him.  He told him all about the different types of spirits, and gods of the forest. Jongdae listened earestly, soaking everything in, his curiosity increasing instead of being quenched with every question answered.

"How did you come to be raised by them?"

"I was left here as a child long ago. The spirits took care of me and raised me as one of their own."

"Oh! So you got lost too? We can go find your parents then! I will help you this time." Jongdae said, puffing his chest out to appear reliable.

This was his first time listening to Yixing chuckle, and it was honestly the most beautiful sound Jongdae had ever heard in his entire life. Like the tinkling of window charms with breeze, but more ethereal, mesmerizing him, leaving him speechless. 

"It was a very long time ago though. Many many years ago. Time runs differently for humans and spirits. I look like this because I live in spirits' time. This is why I can't touch humans. If i touch them, I get pulled out of spirit time and back into human time, and I will cease to exist.

"Whoa, that's bad. I am sorry I tried to touch you yesterday." jongdae said, eyes wide with suprise at the new knowledge. "But, is it okay if I hang out with you everyday? i am here on summer vacation to my granparent's house and i wanted to visit you more..."

Jongdae was so happy when Yixing agreed that he almost hugged him, even though he had jsut agreed to the condition of never touching him.

---

Jongdae started visiting him everyday, telling Yixing about himself or learning more about Yixing and different types of spirits. He ran into a few while with Yixing, but the older boy warned him with a very firm tone to ,"Never mix with the spirits or else he would be stuck forever in the forest, like him. When Jongdae had joked about wanting that, he had walked away and ignored Jongdae for the next hour until the other apologized with the promise that he would never mix with the spirits.

---

Jongdae enjoyed every second he spent with Yixing. He came back to visit every year during his summer vacation and told Yixing about a year long worth of stories. As years went by, Jongdea grew, in age, height, and the feelings for Yixing that had blossomed in his chest without him ever realizing. Now, a 16 year old boy, Jongdae appeared to have finally caught up with Yixing in age. It did scare him a bit, that someday he would be older than Yixing and then die, which is why he wanted to cherish every moment they spent together. Yixing also had opened up to him more and more. Jongdae still remembers the first time he saw his face. He had taken a sneak peek under his mask and found a handsome face staring back at him. His skin was luminescent, soft skin and lips... Jongdae was right when he had imagined that Yixing was kind looking, but even then he was not prepared for the beauty that he saw in front of him. He can still remember how fast his heart beat at that moment. His heart ached with the need to hold the boy in front of him, but he held back for the promise he had made those few years ago. He would take any level of pain to hide his feelings, if that meant he could be with Yixign longer. 

If Yixing felt the need too, he was good in holding back. Sometimes, Jongdae would catch him, just staring at him with a wistful smile on his face. Those weird moments were the heardest on Jongdae, when the pain to hold onto yixing became almost a physical pain in his heart, but Yixing's kind words would soothe him again, like they had done in the past and hopefully will do in future.

---

"Want to attend the festival held by spirits?" Yixing asked Jongdae out of blue one day.

"Festival?" Jongdae repeated, as he lay beside yixing, close enough to feel his presence, far enought to not touch. "I thought that was a human thing?"

"Spirits do it to mimic humans since it is so fun."

"Do humans attend as well?"

"Sometimes some drunk humans mingle in, since it is the same night as the human spirit festival, but then they wake up the next morning in the forest and just assume they lost their way and leave."

Jongdae chuckeld as he imagined some hungover old men waking up in the middle of the forest wondering how they got there.

"So, would you like to attend? I wanted to share this expereince with you." Yixing said. There was that look again in his eyes, the wistfulness, the sadness. Jongdae wondered if the emotions were mimicked in his eyes too.

"I would love to go with you."

"It is a date then, " Yixing whispered, and Jongdae felt so happy he wanted to cry.

---

At the night of the festival, Jongdae put on his best yukata, checked himself in the mirror fifty times before he head out the door. He hiked up into the forest, following a path that was a second thought to him now. He met Yixing at the entrance of the shrine, dressed in a blue Yukata of his own. Jongdae had put in a lot of efforts to dress up, but he still couldn't match the beauty that stood in front of him. He felt a mix of excitement and sadness as he smiled at Yixing. They headed into the festival, and truly enough, it was just like humans'. They went to all the stalls together, Yixing even won Jongdae a teddy bear from one of them.. it was the best night Jongdae had in his entire life.

"Do you want to walk around outside?" Yixing asked after they had been wandering around the festival stalls for a long time. "Somewhere more quiet?"

Jongdae nodded, and they left. They walked around, talking about everything and nothing. He felt so satisfied, that he could almost ignore the pangs in his heart. Just then two children ran past them and one of them tripped. Yixing extended his hand to steady him, but when he stood up and looked at Jongdae, there was suprise and pain in his eyes.

Jongdae followed Yixing's gaze and saw his hand, which had grabbed the child, slowly dissolve away into beads of light, and it struck him - human children had snuck into the spirit festival, and Yixing had just touched one of them. It was too fast for him to comprehend anything. Yixing's pained eyes, chagned to ones of peace, like he could finally get something he always wanted. He slowly opened his arms.

"Can I hold you for the first and last time?" Yixing smiled brightly as he looked at Jongdae, as if he finally could do what he had been waiting for so long. 

Jongdae smiled and ran to Yixing and grabbed him in a tight hug. He felt the heat of the body slowly disappear as he fell to the ground holding nothing but a yukata. Tears followed soon after, and Jongdae looked up to the sky, where the beads of light had risen away to. He finally had his wish, he had held Yixing close to himself, but he was sad, so so so sad. He cried as he rememebered all the beautiful moments he had spent with Yixing, and how much he missed him already. 

He was inconsolable. He felt presence around him, the spirits had come to say goodbye to their beloved child they had raised as well. But as they saw another boy in his place, broken from heartbreak, they couldn't help but take pity on him.

---

Jongdae walked along a path he used to frequently take with Yixing, remembering the love of his life, when he heard sniffling. He adjusted his blue Yukata as he walked towards the sound. Hiding behind a tree, he peeked out to see a child crying, while sitting on the forest floor. When the child noticed him, he ran towards Jongdea, but Jongdae dodged him, staying as far away from this strange child as possible.

"You shoud not be wandering about this area." Jongdae said. "Are you lost?"

The boy nodded, and Jongdae remembered how he had been lost here once as well. "I will take you back, just promise that you won't touch me."

The boy smiled, "Thank you!! My name is Lay, what is yours?"

I made myself sad again.

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