Seungyoon walking in the middle of a cold night. White steam come out from his mouth, his lips and nose were red due to the cold. He just going back home from school, blame his professor who wants to talk about his paper. He wait for the green light which unfortunately take a very long time in Seungyoon’s  opinion. In the middle of his waiting there’s something that pop up in his mind, he bits his lower lips in doubt. His eyes keep moving from left to right, debating over something. Before he finally turn around and walking to the opposite direction towards his home.

Here he is, standing at the side of a quiet street his eyes looking up to a big building that located at the other side of the street.

“It’s been a long time..” He whispers. His eyes was melancholy.

Yes, he was standing in front of his old apartment. Apartment, where’s his love growing and dying.  He doesn’t know why he ended up in here, all he knows is he miss him and he wants to meet him.

‘Is he in there?’ he wondered. His heart hasten, he can’t help the warm feeling that wrap up his heart just by thinking to meet him. He bits his lips to prevent a smile that about to broke out on his face. He was about to walk cross the street but the sight that happen in front of his eyes success to stop his step.

That night, I come to our used to be apartment  but now not anymore. And the sight in front of my eyes makes me really hurt, you with your new lover there. She smile so brightly at you and you return it with your beautiful smile. I just watch you from afar with  my burning heart, the happiness that I feel earlier is fade away replace with a great pain.

I  clenched my hands, gritted my teeth in full of anger and the next thing that happens success to makes my heart broke into pieces. My body feel so numb out of sudden and my eyes burn, my vision started to blurred.

The two of you kiss so passionately.

I can’t take it anymore, the tears that I’ve holding back were run down my cheeks like a flood. A great catastrophe approach  me like a storm. I’m breaking down, Is this a karma for having this kind of love ? Is this a punishment that given by God for me ? Somebody please help me. Please cut off this torturing string.

You two entering the building leaving me alone. ‘What she did in our apartment?’

Maybe I know the reason. And it makes my heart break into pieces. So I just leave. I should stop this feeling. I must erase my love for you. Because I didn’t want to be a pathetic man.

My mind is a mess. The image of you with that girl haunting me like a never ending nightmare.

Even when you’re with me we never going that far. It just a peck, a light one.

But now ?

You’ve change, I didn’t recognize this side of you. You’re so different from the Nam Taehyun that I used to know.

That night, I’m going to a club. This is so different from my usual  self, I’ve never going to a place like this before, not even for once.But, today it’s different. A lot of people said, if you want to forget your problem then go to drink. Even my friend said it. So, I want to try it. Maybe I’ll be able to forgetting about you, about us.

And here I’m sitting at the crowded club with a lot of crazy people, the blast of the music make my ear hurts, but I don’t care. I start to drinking, the bitter taste of the alcohol make me cringe. And soon my throat feel hot. I don’t know how many glass that I’ve been drink. But, now my body is feel so light, this feeling is really funny.  I just keep laughing, it feel so good.

I didn’t remember what happened that night, all I know is, it was really fun.

I didn’t plan any of this, all of this.

I never hope any situation like this.

Really.

Now what can I do ?

My mind is a mess.

That night me, the ing bastard Kang Seungyoon has took the most precious thing in a woman life. That night I’m being a jerk who makes an innocent girl crying. And that night I’m just a loser who lost against his heart broken feeling and makes the most stupid mistake in his life.

And now I’m eaten up with my regret and guilty feeling.

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