Dear Mum, dear Dad, dear Jacob, dear Sarah, dear Linus,

I have been in Japan for only 5 days and it’s amazing and crazy as usual! Ayame is friendly, awesome and prettier than ever! Her apartment is small, but nice (I’ll send pictures soon!). I really like the area where we live, but I don’t get much free time, because guess what:

I have already gotten hired after just one job interview! I’m working as a shop assistant in this really high-end department store called ‘the White Dragon’! It’s not the same place where Ayame works, but we’ll both bear that because the salary means I will have saved enough to pay for my university tuition in somewhere between 8 to 10 months!!

Well, I’m gonna be there on training conditions and training salary first, so it’s not a 100% clear if they will keep me, but they want to have an international air, so they took me on! Also I’ll be working night shifts, which means I won’t be seeing much sun anymore, but we can prolly skype often, because I’ll be awake when you are! X)

 I already had my 1^st workday there yesterday! Omg, it was crazy! The place is so exclusive and what-not that all sorts of celebrities wind up there! I served a renowned university professor and then I got specifically called to assists a group of customers with a Korean guest. That was so difficult, because my Korean is kinda rusty and he was some idol-singer, all up on his high horse and making requests that didn’t make sense! I guess you meet rude people anywhere, but I think I already made friends with my co-worker Chi, which is really nice.

I’ll write more soon,

Lots of love,

Richi

Richardis stared at the screen of her laptop, while she let the cursor hover over “send”. She didn’t want to send this e-mail. Only her older brother Jacob knew what she was really doing… the others didn’t and she already felt lots of guilt. She just knew that her parents would be worried sick if they knew what she was really doing. And they would think so much less of Ayame, too.

Richardis knew that hostessing wasn’t a respected job and she absolutely understood why. There’s was just no way she would make anywhere near as much as she was making with this job, with any other job that she stood a chance of getting. She saved the email instead of sending it and leaned back on the sofa, which had been folded out to bed format. The Totoro clock on the wall showed noon and light was falling through the window curtains. Richardis had had an uneasy sleep, so when she had woken up to find it was light outside, she had decided to stay awake and try formulating an email to her family back home.

Her two best friends knew what she was doing and she was going to message them later. But what about her family? She took a cushion and covered her face with it. She was twenty-years-old. Doing this was her decision and not theirs. She couldn’t help it – even though she didn’t need her parent’s approval to go through with her decision, she really wanted them to accept and validate her choice.

When Ayame had shared with her that she had started working as a hostess, Richardis had been very skeptical first. Then Ayame had told her more about it and that it was possible to carry out the job in a way, that didn’t cost one’s dignity and self-respect. Before leaving for Japan Richardis had cautiously brought up ‘hostessing’ among the possible prospects of jobs she might go for with her parents. They hadn’t taken her seriously and assumed she was joking. She hadn’t dared to show them that she was very serious. While on the plane to Japan she had decided she would tell her parents she was working night-shifts as a shop assistant instead. But now she didn’t really want to go through with it.

“What are you doing? Had a tough night?” asked Ayame’s voice. Richardis pulled the cushion off her face: “Good morning, Onee-chan.” “Morning, Imoto-chan¹! Gimme a sec, I gotta pee, but I’ll be right back and then you’ll tell me everything!” Ayame vanished into the bathroom.

When Richardis had come home in the early morning, Ayame had already been asleep. Richardis wanted to desperately talk about her experiences, but she hadn’t wanted to wake Ayame at 3 in the morning and had been extremely tired herself.

5 Minutes later Ayame came back, with her long black her in a messy bun and still in her pajamas. “I’m gonna make us some tea and some toast, you stay right there and start telling me everything that happened yesterday!” she said and went into the kitchen, leaving the sliding door open so that they could hear each other. Richardis began telling the tale of how she had arrived at the Shiroryuu, met Chi-chan, served Professor Omogi and his friends and then gotten called to serve a high-end mystery client. When she revealed that she had been called to entertain Kim Junsu Ayame almost let the tray fall that she was carrying into the living room.

“Oh my god!” said Ayame, carefully putting down the tray on the living room table next to the sofa and sitting down. “Kim Junsu? The Kim Junsu of JYJ? Oh my god, oh my god! Do you remember when I tried to get you into KPop 3 years ago! His old band – Tohoshinki² – was one of the first I showed you! I mean – he’s a legend and he was at the Shiroryuu? I like… don’t even know what to think, because it’s so awesome you got to meet him, but… he doesn’t strike me as the type to visit hostess clubs.” Richardis again tried to remember what she had learned in the past about Kim Junsu and his band. She didn’t remember much, but Ayame’s reaction showed her that he apparently was a much bigger deal than she had assumed.

“What was he like? Was he shy? Funny? Oh oh, did you talk in Korean? Because you know he speaks Japanese fluently. But they called you, because you know Korean, right?” asked Ayame excitedly. When Richardis told her how difficult everything had been and how Kim Junsu had been strange, impatient and impolite the smile faded from Ayame’s face. “That’s what he was like? It must have been a long day for him. And maybe it was really important for him to make a good impression on those other guys,” mused Ayame, while Richardis put cheese on her toast and began eating. “That’s what I thought,” said Richardis after she had swallowed a bite. “But he was weird to me all evening even though I tried to smile and laugh for him. Eventually I got really pissed, too and when it was time to play Karaoke King & Queen we separated instantly.”

“That’s too bad,” said Ayame, “It would have been so awesome if you had gotten along and I could tell people that my little sister is acquainted with Kim Junsu. Also – despite your singing abilities – he prolly bet you in that karaoke contest, didn’t he?” Richardis didn’t reply and just smirked instead. “Oh my god, you bet Kim Junsu in Karaoke King and Queen? Are you for real? How did you do that?” And Richardis told Ayame everything that had happened all up to the point, where the guests had started leaving and Takahashi-san had handed her his calling card.

“A shimei in one evening!? Okay that is impressive, but be aware: It has happened to me that a customer gave me their calling card after just one night, but often they had just gotten really drunk, so the next morning they didn’t remember and never came back.” “No, Takahashi-san wasn’t that full.” “Okay. Still let me tell you this from experience – the guys that fall for you in just one night and come back… they often become really clingy customers. You know, a lot of young and also... older men, they find it hard distinguishing between reality and what they experience in the hostess world. They think they have actually fallen in love with you and then they will spend countless nights trying to make you fall in love with them. That can be really painful to watch.”

Ayame looked slightly sad, so Richardis asked worriedly: “That happened to you?” “Yeah, several times actually. Most times it happened, they snapped out of it after some time, when they realized it wasn’t happening. But one guy, he was one of my very 1^st shimei. He came back every week for a whole year, until I convinced him that he needed to get a real life. And then I never saw him again.” Ayame stared at her toast. “I mean, I’m glad he stopped coming. I didn’t return his feelings, but he became kind of like a little brother, you know. After you have heard someone’s dreams and worries for a year, they do grow on you.” “But he managed to get a life?” “I hope so. I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him. Anyway, you were saying?”

Richardis went on to tell Ayame everything that had happened with the news crew, how she and Chi-chan had barely escaped and how Kim Junsu had been caught on camera. “And maybe they got footage of you, too?” said Ayame, who had forgotten to eat, because Richardis’s story had gotten more and more absurd. “Holy s**t, sis. That was like the craziest first workday as a hostess ever and that’s saying something, cuz the whole job format isn’t the product of sane minds!”

“Yeah…” said Richardis. “I got no idea what’s going to happen next. And I don’t know how to tell my parents... I haven’t told them yet what I’m really doing and … I don’t know how I can explain without them disapproving and worrying.” “Oh, Richi-chan. I understand,” said Ayame, “I didn’t know how to tell my parents either. I didn’t tell them until last Christmas. They wondered how I was able to afford all those expensive presents and then I decided we needed to have a sit down and talk it all through. You know, the problem is all the misconceptions with the job. When people hear “hostess club”, they think “red light district”. I knew my parents would be shocked, but I told them anyway. I said I had become a hostess and that they could ask me anything they wanted to know and I would tell them.” “That worked?” “Yeah! Of course it took hours and they still disproportionally often ask me whether I’m doing okay, but it was worth it! They asked stuff like: “Do men touch you?” and I answer “Not in any way that I don’t want. If they try that they get thrown out and banned immediately.” – which is the truth. Don’t downplay anything, be 100% honest. I told my parents that I have a few drinks on the job, because it’s part of the job, but I never get drunk and I watch out that no guest gets full out drunk. They still think my job is sketchy, but they have accepted that I do it and they know I can handle it.” Richardis nodded. Maybe that could work for her, too.

“Are you going to get out of bed today?” asked Junho, after he had knocked on Junsu’s door several times and not received a reply. “Give me a few minutes,” Junsu shouted back. “Okay, your choice. But I’m making pancakes now. If you want them warm you should really be out in a few minutes.”

Pancakes. That would have gotten Junsu out of bed any other day, but now he just felt like hiding underneath his blankets and never ever getting up. Last night he had been pumped up with rage, but now it was all drained from him and replaced by shame. He didn’t feel like ranting at all. He was reviewing how he had behaved. He really had made a mistake by visiting the Shiroryuu. He shouldn’t have and he was worried what Junho might think. How he would react.

A run would be nice. Back in Korea he had often gone on runs to clear his mind. The fields around his small summer home had been perfect. He had written lots of songs there. The place was good for solitary and it had been wonderful with Kyungah. He pushed Kyungah out of his mind. Kyungah was over. Done. There was a new problem at hand that he needed to handle. This one he had caused. Not Yamaa-san. Not Choi-san. Not Takahashi-san and not Rie-chan, but he.

Maybe pancakes would help, Junsu thought and decided to come out under his blankets. He noticed he hadn’t even changed into pajamas before he had gone to bed and that he was still in his shirt and trousers from yesterday. He didn’t want Junho to think that he had come home too drunk or tired to change, so he got out of his clothes and changed into his night clothes.

“Yeah, your shirt is on backwards,” commented Junho, when Junsu came plodding into the kitchen. “Is it?” said Junsu, scolding himself for not paying more attention while he was changing. He sat down, while Junho served hot pancakes. Not eager to explain his late return the previous night, Junsu dug into his portion immediately. The question he was dreading came soon anyway. “So, long night last night?” “Mmmh,” murmured Junsu pretending to chew hard. “Imma take a guess and assume you weren’t doing paperwork until 1 am. So, did you have some fun?”

Junsu swallowed and mentally prepared himself. There was no way around it and he wanted to be honest with Junho. “Yesterday I went to an ikazaya with my manager and some other label representatives. And then… they took me to a hostess club.” Junho stopped, the fork halfway to his mouth. “A hostess club? And you agreed?” “Yeah. I thought it’d be a good bonding experience… since you know I’ll be working with those guys and it’s good if we get along. But it was a dumb idea. I mean, I didn’t even like it there. Everything was extremely fake and everyone was drinking, of course.”

“I see,” said Junho. “Don’t worry,” he added when Junsu made a worried face. “I really do get it! I mean I have been invited to those kinds of places on multiple occasions. It is difficult to say no! Especially when everyone’s your senior, you are the only foreigner and you want them to accept you into the group. And especially since you don’t have any other label that’ll take you on. I understand.” Junsu felt a weight lift from his chest. Junho didn’t think he was a criminal. Thank god.

“It kinda… got worse, though.” “Worse? Like what?” asked Junho, looking up from his pancakes at Junsu. “Worse? Like soap land³?” “Soap land? Oh my god! No! No! Why would you even think that?” Junsu asked angrily. Junho shrugged: “What’s worse than a hostess club?”

“I mean… stuff happened.” “What happened?” “A… a news crew arrived at the club and they caught me on tape.”

Junho swore loudly. Junsu didn’t know where to look – at Junho, at his plate or elsewhere. “Those bastards,” Junho exclaimed, “The media will make your life hell!” He swore again, but Junsu calmed down. Junho was angry at the news crew and not at him. “I feel like an idiot,” said Junsu.

“Yeah, it was an idiotic idea to go there,” agreed Junho, “But seriously what the hell where they doing there? They aren’t allowed to film you and make that footage public without permission… but it’s obviously too f**king late!” “Hmm,” murmured Junsu.

“I mean, s**t,” said Junho, “What are you gonna do?” “Wait for my manager to call.” “You are just gonna wait? It could be all over the internet already. Don’t take your time! Do something! Apologize to your fans!” “I want to do that, but I first want to discuss it with my manager! I might have just lost JYJ the whole record deal… I mean the label representatives were there with me, but only I’m the public face, so only I might lose my position.” “That’s extremely unfair!” said Junho, “But your fans matter more than that label! Even if it doesn’t work out with Pearl Station, you can still tour in Japan, you know? And you gotta let Jaejoong and Yoochun know what happened. Oh, and mum and dad of course! Before anyone hears the media’s version of events.” Junsu felt low-spirited. He would have to do so much explaining. Difficult explaining to lots of different people. “Hey, I’ll help you!” said Junho, “I’ll help you talk to mum and dad and we’ll come up with something to tell your fans. Okay?” Junsu showed a weak smile: “Okay.”

They continued eating their pancakes which calmed Junsu, as his stomach hadn’t been fed since the ikazaya the night before. Junho agreed that Junsu should talk to his manager first, before taking action in any way, so when they had finished breakfast Junsu went ahead and called Yamaa-san.

“Ne, moshi-moshi,” said his managers voice at the other end, more raspy than usual – clearly the after-effect of a mild hangover. “Moshi-moshi, this is Kim Junsu.” “Ah, Kim-san, yeah, glad you are calling. Our media department is already working on a statement. So don’t worry, we will sort this out. Just sit tight until the fog has cleared. I suggest you keep a low profile for a while, but I’m convinced you’ll come out just fine.” “Ahm,” Junsu hesitated. He didn’t want to sound disrespectful - he was thankful, that Pearl Station was already working on it and even more thankful that they were siding with him instead of cancelling the contract, but…

“Something wrong? Did you already go online and read the responses?” “No. I… I would like to do my part in writing the official statement. I would like to apologize myself.” There was a silence. “Manager-san?” “Yes, I’m here. I’m just thinking. You know, we thought that Pearl Station should apologize, since we invited you there. You don’t have to admit to anything, since it wasn’t your fault.” Junsu was baffled. Pearl Station was going to stick up for him like that? That was extremely generous! Still he felt he had to add his own voice to the statement. He wanted to apologize through an online statement or video himself, because he felt guilty. “I don’t know what to say,” he said, “Thank you. Thank you very much.” He didn’t dare speak up again. It would have been too impolite to impose himself on this public statement, while Pearl Station was putting their own reputation on the line to save his.

Yet when the phone call ended after many ‘thank you’s, Junsu still felt unsatisfied. There would probably be calls for him to apologize personally and he wanted to before the requests came flooding in. And he felt really guilty.

“What are you doing?” asked Junho, when Junsu booted up his laptop on the living room desk. “Are you gonna check the netizens reaction?” Junsu didn’t respond, so Junho stopped clearing the breakfast table, came to look over his shoulder, just as Junsu was typing his own name into a search engine.

“Do you honestly think their crowd wisdom can absolve you in some way?” asked Junho skeptically. “I don’t know,” said Junsu, scrolling through a list of links the search engine had found. “JYJ’s Junsu caught in hostess club, Netizens outraged,” read Junho outloud. “Kim Junsu in dubious establishment. JYJ member visits luxury hostess club. Kim Junsu surprised in infamous hostessing establishment. Gee, they can’t even decide what quality the place was.” Junsu felt reluctant to click one of the links, but he forced himself to. The link lead him to a video. He clicked play.

Together with Junho he watched the reporter of the news crew walk down the entrance corridor of the Shiroryuu, the automatic doors slide open and then the camera soon finding his irritated looking face. It was weird to stare at himself, his facial expressing everything that he had felt at the moment: Irritation, disbelief, anger, guilt. He spotted Coco-chan with Kimura-san and in the back Takahashi-san talking animatedly to Rie-chan, until her head spun around and she looked straight into the camera. Then everyone dispersed in different directions and Yamaa-san came running into the picture and pulled him away. He watched himself and Yamaa-san vanish through a door and the camera trying to follow them, until a Shiroryuu doorman blocked its path.

Junsu thought the video would end there, so he leaned back on the sofa, closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths. “There’s more,” said Junho, nudging his shoulder. Junsu reluctantly opened his eyes. The camera had turned around and was shaking, as the cameraman sprinted down the corridor as fast as he could. As he came closer to the elevator, Junsu could make out two women standing in front of the elevator, their faces covered with their hands. He recognized the white dress as Rie-chan’s.

Junsu realized that he wasn’t the only person damaged by the events of the previous night. A celebrity caught at their establishment would mean low business for a while, which would be disadvantageous for the hostesses, too. His conspiracy theory that Mayu-chan or Rie-chan might have called the news crew to the Shiroryuu didn’t really add up after all. He decided he wouldn’t call Choi-san and tell him his barely founded suspicions. He didn’t want an innocent person to get fired, just because he as injured party had pointed a finger. The Shiroryuu would deal with their affairs and he with his and that would be the end of it.

“Yep, there’s gonna be a storm,” said Junho. “I do not envy you. This is gonna be hard. What did your manager say, anyway?” “The label is taking care of an official statement, in which they will take all the blame.” “What, seriously? That’s quite impressive.” “I know. It’s amazing… but I still feel some words should come from me.” “Hmm, I think so, too. Have you checked your mails yet?”

They spent the next two hour first checking social media for people’s responses and then sending out emails to people who hadn’t caught wind of the news yet. To no one’s surprises there were lots of angry messages plastered on the walls of his official social media accounts, but the people he knew privately had responded more kindly. Both Jaejoong and Yoochun for example, had messaged him that they believed he hadn’t been there on his own initiative and told him to stay strong, no matter what the media might throw at him. It warmed his heart to see that after all these years they still had his back. His misadventure had been leaked, but there was a coming back from it. There had to be.

Dear Mum, dear Dad, dear Jacob, dear Sarah, dear Linus,

It’s been 5 days in Japan and I have arrived well. The apartment is small, but Ayame is wonderful. I tell you more later, but first I have a confession to make:

Ayame is not a shop assistant. She works as a hostess and I have been hired to work as a hostess, too. I am sorry for lying to you about my intentions. I planned to work as a hostess all along, because it pays very well and I will only have to work for about 9 months to make enough for my student loans.

Please don’t get upset! Ayame knows what she is doing and she is guiding me. I have told you lots about Ayame and that she doesn’t want to be pressed into the format of the typical Japanese office lady. This jobs allows her financially to pursue her art projects during the day, which she couldn’t do otherwise. You have met her and you know that neither her nor I will be compromising our morals or our self-respect for this job. Yes, it includes entertaining men by superficial compliments, pouring drinks and going on paid dates. But we both work in respected establishments that protect their employees and don’t allow mafia or erts. I have started working for a hostess club and although it is stressful - since I just started - I believe I can manage. If however I get uncomfortable with the job I will quit!

Jacob already knows. Mum, Dad, Sarah and Linus - I’m really sorry for lying. I shouldn’t have. I wanted you to approve of me returning to Japan and working there. I’m doing this job because I have decided that it is the best thing for me right now. I believe I can grow from this experience. Please don’t hesitate to ask me any questions you have about the hosting business. I will answer all of them.

Please forgive my dishonesty,

Yours,

Richi

Richardis finished re-writing her email and clicked send.

^{1 - Imoto-chan = lit. little sister (affectionate)}

^{2 - Tohoshinki = the Japanese name for TVXQ}

^{3 - Soapland = a type of brothel unique to Japan, officially it just offers the service of 'customers getting washed'}

I’m not a fan of hostess clubs. I write about them, because I want people to get rid of any romanticized versions they might have from manga, anime or dramas and to understand how and why they exist. I hope reading this story will reveal some of the many reasons why people go to and work for host clubs. A very simple explanation is… there are alot of lonely people, which raises the question as to why they are lonely, which is more complicated…

I did lots of research on hostessing for this fanfiction so ask me anything you want to know and I’ll try my best to answer. Btw, I personally know a Japanese host, so some of my knowledge is already 2^nd  hand.

With this story I also want to raise a little awareness of how netizens treat idols, who make mistakes. No, I don’t think ion, drugs, hostess clubs, etc. are great ways to spend your time and I think that a responsible adult should stay away from them. Still I think the way that people are publically torn apart for their trespasses often goes too far. Rather than pointing the finger at one famous person we should look at our societies as a whole and ask why there is ion, why there are hostess clubs and why there is drug trade.

Enough life lessons – of course I also enjoy just writing fiction and I’m happy if people enjoy reading it.