The next day,

I am meeting Baekhyun in their store today, and we’ll go meet the others at a nearby park. Chanyeol went out earlier in the morning so he’d be meeting us with Kyungsoo.

When I got to the door, Mrs. Byun welcomed me warmly as always. And I see Baekhyun at one corner, drinking a can of coffee. He smiled at me and offered me some. I shook my head no, for I was going to get the canned milk. I smiled back at him and he said we’d wait a little more, because it’s too early. At the time we finished our drinks, we head out to the park. At that moment he gets a text from Kyungsoo, saying he’s on his way.

At the park we sat on an empty bench, waiting for the other two.
I sit quietly observing the park, in this winter morning I remembered that my birthday passed a week ago, and I told none. Realizing it’s way too late to even say a word about it I said nothing about it. Not until Baekhyun brings it up.

He was just talking about his life, how work is sometimes good, sometimes bad, how he’s working on confessing to this girl… I merely suggested he gets her a present, then he suddenly got the idea of asking when was my birthday. Baekhyun is so persistent that I had no choice…

He quickly called Kyungsoo as I sat there with my hands on my face, protesting that it was already too late, that a week had already passed, and there is no need to celebrate it no more.

Hearing them argue and scold me, my phone rang. We were both surprised as to who could be calling. I picked it up…

“ARE YOU CRAZY?!”
An angry Chanyeol shouts from the other line.

To my surprise, I couldn’t answer, and Baekhyun took my phone from me and clicked loudspeaker so he could hear.

“HYEMI! YOU! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY?! HOW COULD YOU LET IT PASS JUST LIKE THAT?! I AM SO ON MY WAY, AND WE’RE GOING TO HAVE YOU AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY. TELL BAEKHYUN I’M ON MY WAY!---“

As we sat there in shock, Kyungsoo was already there behind us.

“Was that yeol?”

“Yes… I can’t believe it either. Yeol never makes a call not even a text unless urgent.”

Then they looked at me with ogling eyes.

“Is there something going on we don’t know about? Hmm~?”
Baekhyun says in a teasing tone, while Kyungsoo eyes me in a creepy way.

“Of course not… I—“

At that moment Chanyeol came. Panting like he ran the whole world, he then grabbed me and the others just followed.

“Uhh--, Where are you taking me?”
I protested.

“Shh… It’s a surprise.”
He said as he called for a taxi.

“Woah~ no. I demand not to be abducted by you. Chanyeol, where are we going?”
I argued, trying to get out of his grip.

And to no avail, I sit in between of Chanyeol on my right and Baekhyun on my left, Kyungsoo takes the passenger seat. Whispering something to the driver from time to time.

“For the nth time… Where are we going?”
I asked.

“We’re almost there. Don’t worry.”
Baekhyun patting my lap. Reassuringly.

“Alright…”
I said sighing.

And Chanyeol smiles at me, that smile that steals my breath away.

Turns out we just went to Kyungsoo’s place.

“Now, you just sit tight and let us do all the work. Got it?”
Kyungsoo said, seating me on a sofa, in his flat.

And as of now… I am sitting here observing the place, and from what I see, it looks like Kyungsoo is so much neatly with his things. This is the part where people would usually tell a guy that he’s like a girl, because he’s so tidy, even tidier than me. From the feeling of his floor under my feet, he just mopped and didn’t miss a spot. The way his things are arranged and by the colors, it makes me think that Kyungsoo has OCD or maybe just OC, I don’t know.
Due to getting all numb just sitting down, I got up and explored more in his humble abode. I find myself in his room, snooping around I found photos. There were frames, a big one in the middle, two medium-sized on the sides. The big one was a family picture, obviously by the same faces, the one on the left was a picture of him and a boy I still haven’t met, and on the right was a picture of them three.
I smile down looking down at the picture, they looked so happy. Like little kids with the future ahead of them, they always looked like they had no problems in the world. They thought me how to be like that… no care in the world, yet able to be responsible in life, well isn’t that great.
Setting the picture down back to its place, and I looked around more. His bed was neatly made, there were tiny plants on his desk, that was located in front of the window, the chair facing it’s back to the window, other tiny plants were placed on the window pane, and a little spray on the side.
The walls were decorated with hanging lines which Polaroid photos we’re hanged. Written at the bottom were the date and time it was taken. I even found a photo from Chanyeol’s birthday. I think it was back when we were on the convenient store, or the café or my place, probably my place but I can quite remember, the photos does look like they were taken without our permission .

“20141127 20:09pm

Chanyeol’s birthday! With a new friend!”

 

 

“20141127 22:52pm

Chanyeol and cake!”

 

 

“20141187 00:15am

Watching with Baekhyun fallen asleep. Keke”

 

The last photo was a photo of me and Chanyeol…

“20141128 01:52am

Chanyeol and Hyemi~”

 

I blushed at the sight, my brain fighting off thoughts again. Thinking it is wrong to take pictures of your sleeping friends, then posting them up in a wall, on the side thinking how good we looked together… I quickly left the room.

Kyungsoo was the one manning the cooking area, while Chanyeol cut up some vegetables and Baekhyun nowhere to be found.
Chanyeol stops for a moment to answer his ringing phone.

“Hyemi, it’s for you.”
He said passing me his phone.

“Hello?”
I asked.

“Hey~ It’s Baekhyun. Yeah, how old are you?”
Baekhyun said in a cheerful tone.

“Well… I’m 21.”
I said plainly.

“What!? You don’t look 21.”
Chanyeol said butting in.

“Shh. Yes, I’m 21. What? Uhh… I prefer mocha or something.”
I shushed Chanyeol, and answered more of Baekhyun’s questions.

 

 

“Ohh~ I see. Well thanks, I’ll be there soon. Bye~!”
He hanged up.

“You look more like an 18 than 21.”
Chanyeol says, while cutting up more vegetable.

“Well, you look more like a 20 than a 22.”
I smiled and answered.

“Oh, yeah? Well, thank you.”
He said and chuckled.

While deeply focused on his work, I called out to Kyungsoo and asked if I could watch some T.V. while they just keep on doing what they’re doing.
He agreed without even looking back, and I just sat back and got way into the shows, whether it was a music show or a variety show.
Not long enough, Chanyeol got out for a moment, saying he was going to smoke for a while. And Baekhyun got in not long after.
Baekhyun sat beside me, and I could smell the delicious food Chanyeol and Kyungsoo made.
Chanyeol still wasn’t here, so I called him. No answer.
Kyungsoo called me and Baekhyun to eat as I start to worry about the missing in action Chanyeol. Where could that Elf be?
I was about to make another call, when the lights turned off, and I dart my look at the doorway, where the tall Chanyeol enters holding a cake, with the big 21 as candles.
The three of them sang happy birthday, and I stood there frozen with a smile on my face.
He sets it down the table, and I blow the candle with a wish.
They hugged me and wished me a happy birthday.
 

“Wait!”
Kyungsoo exclaimed and ran to his room.
 

“Okay, okay. Hyemi~! Hold up your cake!”
He said with a Polaroid camera in his hand.

I did as he said and held my cake and just smiled.

“20141217 11:52am

Hyemi’s week-late birthday! Happy Birthday, Hyemi~!”

“20141217 1:25pm

Chanyeol, putting icing on Hyemi. Like a fool.”

“20141217 3:39pm

Group photo with Hyemi, Baek and Yeol.
Photo by: Unknown neighbor, we gave him cake”

We spent the night out at the rooftop in Kyungsoo’s place. Unknowingly Baekhyun also bought fireworks… And we sparked up the place.

The beautiful fireworks colored the dull lit roof, the stars above and the neon lights below, the full moon glowing over us. We ran and chased one another, like children running through the dark with only the colorful fireworks illuminating our way. Some might comment dangerous, but who cares? No one would scold an adult right? As the fireworks lost their spark and dark smoke arise from it, I started coughing. Only one thing was the point of all the thoughts that ran inside my head. Would I cough out blood again? They would know. They won’t go away right? They would understand, they’re my friends right?
As I coughed non-stop, they got me a cup of water and I secretly took a quick sip from my inhaler, and I’m good. I don’t think they noticed.
After the scene, we set up a little blanket and lied down, each of us having a beer, while on the corner back, Chanyeol smokes his cigarette and drinks a little too much beer. The three of us, watch the stars shine over us, and the grey clouds move as the world turns, and the cold winter wind blow.
It was soon later when it started snowing, hurriedly we got up and took our things and left.
Getting late, we decided to go home already to our respective homes. Waving goodbye to Kyungsoo, we made our way to the door, behind me I think I saw a flash, I quickly darted back my look to Kyungsoo, who was showing his full teeth and heart-shaped smile, holding his other hand behind his back and the other waving at us. I smiled back and gave him a hug good bye.
After sending Baekhyun home, it was only me and the almost-drunk Chanyeol left.
I was wearing the scarf he lent me sometime last week, I smile at the thought, I better return it to him.
Up at our floor, before going in his flat, he waited for me to get in. I returned his scarf and we smiled at each other as I said my thanks. He hugged me good night and whispered in my ear.

“Happy birthday, Hyemi.”

He then cupped my face…
And I looked up at him… unsure of what he was going to do, my heart races.
I felt his breath touching my cheeks, he smelt like those drunkards you’d run into in a dark street. He did have too much beer.
I was about to push him away… I was about to…
But,
he kissed me.
Taking advantage of the situation, I just stood there, preventing myself from falling into it.
As he pulled me closer, I quickly pushed him away and gave him a slap.

“Y-you have a good night, Chanyeol.”
I said and hurriedly went inside my flat.

Inside, I leaned on the door, clutching my chest, trying to catch my breath, and failing. I grabbed for my inhaler and propped it up my mouth, I blushed red as I remembered what happened earlier, and shameful me even imagined doing it again. It was my first kiss. My first ever kiss besides family members. It’s not that I regretted it, I mean, it was Chanyeol anyway… but then again, wouldn’t it be much better if my first kiss was someone who loved me too? After taking my meds, I was back to normal. I fixed myself for bedtime, thinking about, when I should go back to work so I could undergo that procedure.
As if wishing, I coughed, and coughed, and coughed too hard. With a napkin on my hand, trembling, I looked at it and see blood, at the same time, the familiar metallic taste lingering on my mouth. Terrified, I looked at the clock. It is too late to even phone Dr. Choi. I have to tell her tomorrow. With the thought of fear and death in my head I sleep. Tomorrow would be another day, I told myself. I will be missed, so I need to be strong.

The next day, I quickly dress up and take my meds. I was breathing heavier than usual. I made my way down these stairs for the last 6 years, and this is the first time I’m having a hard time. I didn’t mind, it is probably because I ate too much last night. I decided to take a cab and not the train today. I want this to be done as soon as possible.
I quickly stopped first at the ATM machine. I still had money left in there. I’m not like those who earn and spend… I save, for good purposes. See?
Well from my research, it will cost me about a $1000 if it was a needle biopsy, in the Dr.’s office. I should be fine.
I entered the building and luckily Dr. Choi was in. There was no one in line, so she appointed me right away.
I told her about the blood and the coughing, then asks me about any more symptoms, and if I was really sure about the procedure. She told me that, for patients not covered by health insurance, the cost of a lung biopsy ranges from $1,000 to $5,000. A needle biopsy performed in a doctor's office would be at the lower end of the range, while a surgical biopsy performed in a hospital would be at the higher end.
I told her I was prepared for this.

Hours passing by, in the office as Dr. Choi do her magic. For now I feel nothing, the morphine is working, yet it is impossible not to feel the needle go through my chest and into my lung. Apparently a needle biopsy is when the doctor passes a needle through the skin into the lungs, to remove a small piece of tissue. Can you imagine the size of that needle? Neither did I, until it was in me. You’d think that will be all? Well the tissue from the lung must be examined under a microscope to look for cancer cells. And that whole is called the biopsy. All the tense that was going on wasn’t enough, the result will be out in a week. Frustrated, I let out a sigh. How come it takes so long? While all that is left to do, is look for cancer cells. Prescribing me some sleeping pills, Dr. Choi suggested a bed rest for a whole day. She said I’d been lacking sleep, and that I need it.

A week passed now.
Here I am crouched in my bed.
Lost all hope in the world.
I have cancer. Specifically saying, it’s lung cancer.
Stage II. The cancer cells spread all over my chest. On both sides, and even in the middle.

Growing weak every minute. I don’t have enough time left, probably. I don’t have enough money for my medications.
I already called my parents, so they could pick me up. I’d be staying with them, because no one here is going to take care of me… I sure am going to miss my tall Elf. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way about me, it’s no reason to sped up the process of my dying by staying here. I wrote a letter to him, telling him everything, explaining everything, and dropped it off before going to bed.

The next day,
A call from my mom, saying she’s at the door and that I should open it up for her.
Walking toward the door, I look around the place. Everything was in boxes, my clothes, my books, even my stars. In my hand I carry a small box, filled with the letters he wrote me, and a copy of some photos Kyungsoo sent. The unopened letter Chanyeol dropped at my door. I still haven’t opened it.
A tear fell from my eye. I am going to miss them.
I wiped the tears left in my eye, plastered a smile and opened the door. Revealing my mother with a smile.
I can tell she’s lying, she was probably crying for the past 3 days, since I told her. Dark circles under her eyes, dried tears on her thin face.
We hugged, with smiles on our faces, both knowing that those smiles were just for show. None of us wanted to show each other that we’re sad.
It’s time to leave now… taking a last look at that door opposite to mine, imagining the tall silhouette of the tall guy that first made an impression on me, by smoking and giving me letters.
In the car, I read Chanyeol’s letter…

“Dear Hyemi,

I got your letter. Are you really leaving?
Why didn’t you let us know you have asthma? Specially me!?
For all I know I was the one who’s at fault for you… You getting cancer… Hyemi, I’m sorry.
I wish… I wish you could have told me earlier, so this kind of thing didn’t happen.

Look, you get better okay? And from now on I’ll lessen my smoking… No, I’ll stop smoking. Please get better… It’s not that serious right?
Oh, who am I kidding… if they act upon it fast enough, you still have the chance to be cured right? Right?
You’re strong. You’ll win this! Just believe in yourself, like I do to you.
Oh, Hyemi… I am so sorry…
I hope you’re okay…
I’ll miss you.

P.S.

I’m sorry about your first kiss.
I only remember parts of it, as I was totally drunk that night.
I am so sorry. I am such a jerk for it and you probably won’t want to see me again.
But…
You know that I only like you as a friend right?
You’re like the little sister I never had… You know?
And I’d love to keep it that way.
I don’t want to lose this friendship, Hyemi.
I love you, but only as a friend, as family.
Get well soon, and come back for us alright?
You promised...
I love you.

Love, Chanyeol”
 

Well, I did promise him I’ll be back though… and I shall be back.