Jongup did not know how to react to all the men in the room, just staring at him. He quietly sat down in a corner of the room, not wanting to approach them. Himchan and Zelo were cudding each other, while Yongguk, Daehyun, and Youngjae quietly turned away. Himchan was the first to stand up and walk towards Jongup.

"J-jongup..."

"I don't want to talk right now Himchan. I'm sorry."

Himchan slowly leaned forward, his breath on Jongup's ear. Jongup's heart was fluttering from the close proximity, but he remembered that it is nothing to Himchan. Then a soft whisper came out. "J-jongup...are you gay?"

Jongup's eyes widened and he shook his head, pushing Himchan away hard. Himchan fell backwards. "Of course not! I just got too drunk!" Jongup saw Himchan fallen down. 'I'm sorry..."

"I-it's okay..." Himchan let out a slight smile, trying to hide the worry he had for his close friend. Zelo stepped forward and helped Himchan up as Jongup left within a few seconds. Quietly, he laid on his bed, eyes closed, breathing soft. He did not feel like cutting, or crying, but he was just so empty. Eventually, he fell asleep, and it was the most calm sleep he had in forever.

Meanwhile, the rest of the boys were discussing Jongup.

"What's wrong with hyung?" Zelo asked innocently, still unsure of what happened because Himchan refused to let him worry.

"He's...under a lot of stress." Youngjae responded quietly. None of them knew what to say. They knew Jongup was lying, judging by his angry reaction.

"Where is Jongup right now?" Yongguk asked curiously. "I'd like to speak to him."

"I'll go get him." Himchan stood up, going into Jongup's room. "J-jongup?"

...no response came from his mouth since he was asleep so deeply. Himchan was going to shake him awake when he saw all the scars and the cuts lining the young boy's pale skin. He cringed at the sight, wondering why Jongup would do something like that to himself.

"H-hyung? What are you doing?" Jongup woke up, rubbing his eyes cutely like a little kid.

"Gukkie wants to talk to you..."

"Oh okay." Jongup put on a sweatshirt and went out to Yongguk. "Did you need me hyung?"

"Come to my room." The two of them walked to Yongguk's room, where they sat down.

"What do you want, Hyung?" Jongup asked casually, even though he knew what was coming next.

"Jongup why are you lying to us? We're your friends and we love you and worry about you."

"It's nothing...I'm just not ready to talk about it yet...sorry." he got up and left. Next, the young and clueless Zelo approached him.

"Hyung! Let's go out and do something! You, and me, and Himchannie. I don't like it when you are so sad..." Zelo pulled Jongup's arm.

Jongup whined slightly when Zelo pulled his scarred arm. "I..." he looked at Zelo's pout and did not want to disappoint him. "Okay...let's go do something.."

Later...

Jongup completely regretted going out with Zelo and Himchan. At each moment they would share a kiss, or a loving smile. It sickened Jongup to see the two of them so happy together. Every so often, Jongup would try to wander off without them, but they would always manage to drag him back to them. The couple shared all the food together and they were always stuck to each other. Jongup was distant and separated, playing with that fake smile he had been practicing for so long. He was with them, but he was alone with his thoughts. He hated that Zelo was the one who Himchan was in love with, and the one that Himchan took care of, and the one who Himchan actually cared about. He wanted to be in Zelo's position, the apple of Himchan's eye. When they got home later, Jongup got into his room. He didn't leave it for a few days either, except when he went to the bathroom. He didn't even eat anything. Every so often, his bandmates would try to check up on him but he would either be asleep, or he would purposely ignore them so that he could be at peace with his thoughts. Whenever the managers would ask, they said Jongup was sick, so he would not get into trouble. In reality, Jongup was sick. But it was a mental sickness, and people never really consider that 'sick'. If you can't see the symptoms then it isn't a disease, that's what Jongup learned when he was younger. But he tried to show them the symptoms, with the cuts and the scars. But if you hide your symptoms, no one is going to know that you are sick.

Hey! Finally updated oh my gosh~ /cries happy tears tbh/ so I'm really sorry we didn't update earlier! But here it is~ I had no plan for this chapter and I was just kinda winging it lmao. anyways, I hope you enjoy it and I won't make any promises about when the next update will be bc I can never follow the schedule.

Love,

Nina ~