Jongup stared up at the ceiling, heart clenching and relaxing as he gently ran his fingertips over his newly made cuts. They still stung, burning every time he pressed down a little harder at some points. Jongup sighed and sat up, reaching over and opening a drawer to get a new bandage to cover the angry red lines on his wrist.

“ing Himchan…ing Junhong.” He sighed, only plastering a smile onto his face when someone gently knocked on his bedroom door and opened it. It was Yongguk.

“Jongup? I need to talk to you about something. What…what did you do to your wrist? Yonnguk asked, shutting the door quietly behind him, walking over to kneel in front of Jongup to gently grab his arm and inspect it.

Jongup hummed, watching as Yongguk turned his hand back and forth to look at the damage that he had done to himself.

“It’s just a small injury. I had an accident, no worries.”

“No worries? Jongup, your whole forearm is wrapped up! How could I not worry?” Yongguk snapped, dropping Jongup’s hand and sitting back on to the floor, looking at his younger friend.

“I don’t know, just don’t think about it.” Jongup said in a nonchalant tone, waving his hand dismissively. “So what did you come in here to talk to me about anyway?”

“Well, Himchan said you got hurt so…I really just came in here to tell you that you should really be more careful because I don’t want you getting hurt. Or anyone else for that matter.” Yongguk told him.

“Okay. Well, there’s nothing to worry about so…tell Himchan to stop worrying.” Jongup told him, faking a laugh. “He’s getting old and it’s not good for his health.” Yongguk smiled and stood up, patting Jongup’s shoulder gently.

“Seriously though, be more careful.” He told Jongup quietly< something shining in his eyes that Jongup couldn’t put his finger on, so he just smiled until Yongguk walked out of his room.

“.” He mumbled. “I need to hide these better.” He said as he his wrist gently.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day, Jongup was ready to crawl into his nice warm bed and never come out. While he had been practicing his new dance routine with the other guys, Yongguk and Himchan had stepped outside and he could hear them yelling. Fighting about him, about the bandages on his arms, about how they were supposed to hide the injuries from the fans, from the company.

“Yo, Jongup; you okay man?” Jongup turned his head and saw a concerned looking Junhong. Jongup huffed and nodded.

“I’m fine. Go back to practicing. We can’t have you messing up on stage because you decided to try and have conversations instead of working your off like the rest of us.” Jongup snapped, taking his anger and stress out on the baby of the group. Junhong flinched and blinked down at the other.

“Okay, I’m sorry Jongup…I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Junhong said quietly, looking like a puppy that had just been scolded.

Watching as the other slowly walked away, Jongup shook his head and mentally yelled at himself. Junhong was just trying to be helpful. He didn’t know what Himchan and Yongguk knew; and Jongup was willing to bet money that Junhong didn’t know that Himchan liked him or that Jongup liked Himchan.

Whatever. Jongup didn’t have the time to dwell on it, he had work to do. He had already let down Himchan and Yongguk by hurting himself- on purpose nevertheless’ he couldn’t let down his fans or the company. Even just thinking about it, Jongup’s heart clenched at the thought of letting down the fans in any sort of way.

Inhaling deeply, Jongup began to dance again. Dancing. Jongup loved dancing; because even when he was stressed, dancing was Jongup’s way to escape reality, all the bad things that came with life itself.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright guys!” Yongguk said loudly, clapping his hands with his usual gummy smile. “Practice is over, let’s go back to the dorm and order pizza since you all worked so hard.” Other than Jongup, the other men in the group started shouting with joy at the thought of pizza.

“You coming?” Daehyun asked as he gently bumped Jongup with his shoulder with a bright smile, sweat covering his handsome face. Jongup nodded.

“Go ahead without me, I’ll be down in a few.” If it was even possible, Daehyun’s smile got brighter and he nodded before jogging out of the practice room behind Youngjae and grabbing on to his. Jongup smiled at their retreating backs, they definitely liked each other.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jongup was just about to fall asleep when he heard his bedroom door opened and Himchan walked in.

“Guppie. Are you awake?” He asked quietly, walking towards Jongup’s bed.

“I am now.” Jongup grumbled sleepily, moving to the side a bit, since he knew that Himchan wanted to crawl into the bed with him.

“Sorry.” Himchan mumbled, getting into the bed beside Jongup, looking up at the younger boy.

“We need to talk…” Jongup nodded and looked into Himchan’s eyes. “Jongup…we both know that those cuts on your arms were not accidents like you told Yongguk.” Himchan whispered. Inhaling deeply, Jongup nodded, closing his eyes.

“You’re right.” Jongup said. Himchan sniffed and moved so that he was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Jongup…why are you doing this to yourself?” Jongup shrugged and leaned closer to Himchan.

“I don’t even remember why I’m doing this to myself anymore, Himchan.” Jongup lied, not wanting to ever have to tell Himchan that he was part of the reason in a way.

“Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. I don’t like it…and-“

“It’s not that easy Himchan…it’s like an addiction. I can’t just stop. It’s like alcoholics with their alcohol…” Jongup tried to explain.

“Then please try to stop…talk to me. Everything will be okay…” Himchan trailed off, sleep slowly taking him over. Jongup smiled and nodded, tucking the blankets around Himchan a little tighter.

“I’ll try to…for you.” Himchan smiled sleepily.

“Thank you Jongup. We can talk more later, okay? I love you, Guppie.” Himchan whispered. Jongup smiled sadly and sighed.

“I love you too, Himchan.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*cries* I'm so ing tired~ I'm going to bed XD sorry if you guys didn't this chapter, I did my best. So don't be ungrateful ;) no I'm kidding. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

~Kimberlee