“And lastly, tonight at our filming we’re going to have a kabedon competition,” Leeteuk announces to the members gathered in the lounge room, finally reaching the end of his long list of announcements to read at their weekly group meeting, “So you might want to think about the best approach for you before tonight because it looks like there’s expensive dinners on the line.”

He folds his list up neatly, looking up with a satisfied smile to survey his assembly, only to find them staring at him with blank faces.

“What?” he asks, confused.

“Hyung,” Kangin says slowly, “What the hell is a kabogon?” The other members are nodding in agreement with the question. Leeteuk frowns.

“Not kabogon, kabedon,” Leeteuk stresses, only to be met with more confused looks. “Don’t any of you watch dramas? Anime? Anything?” The room is dead silent. “Oh,” Leeteuk shakes himself and resolves to explaining, “Basically it’s when a guy slams his hand or arm against the wall in front of or next to a girl and sort of like… romantically boxes her in… and there’s lots of romantic tension… and… uh…” he trails off helplessly.

“So basically, we just have to hit a wall. With a girl standing in front of us. And we like, hit it somewhere near her? And it’s supposed to be… romantic?” Kangin asks slowly.

“Something like that?”

Everybody looks extremely doubtful. Leeteuk sighs.

“It’s totally romantic,” he insists, “It happens in dramas all the time!” And then a brilliant idea dawns on him. “Stay here,” he demands and dashes out of the room, coming back a minute later dragging his laptop with him. “Hook this up, will you?” he holds out his cables demandingly and somebody takes them out of his hands obediently while Leeteuk searches his hard drive for the right file.  “Aha!” he crows, double clicking the file and beaming as it floods their big-screen TV.

“This, you uneducated, unromantic children, is a kabedon,” he declares, and then sits down to watch his favourite drama scene unfold on the TV.

Everybody is deathly quiet, but they seem fairly absorbed in the build-up of the scene. When the kabedon eventually happens, Leeteuk hears a gasp of surprise, he thinks from Sungmin.

He lets them watch a few more minutes of the episode before he turns it off. There’s a grumble from the audience, but he ignores them.

“There,” Leeteuk says, closing his laptop with a snap, “That’s a kabedon. If you still don’t get it, you can google it on your own time. Now, start thinking about how you’re going to approach it so you don’t look like an idiot on National TV.”

---

“You know, hyung, when you said we were going to be doing a romantic kabedon for a TV program, I don’t think any of us thought you meant on each other,” Kangin mutters in his ear.

Leeteuk honestly had had the same thought, but the hosts apparently thought it would be more… exciting, or something, watching them kabedon each other so, here they were.

Heechul was in the corner, trying to placate an increasingly panicky Geng. Geng had lost the rushed rock-paper-scissors tournament that had decided who was going to take the roll of the girl five minutes ago, and had been getting paler ever since.

“Is Geng going to be alright?” Eunhyuk asked from somewhere off to Leeteuk’s side.

“He’ll be fine, Eunhyuk,” Leeteuk replies distractedly, doing a head count of s as they were due on the set in less than five minutes, “Hey, are we missing--”

“Right here, Hyung,” Kibum waves his hand in front of Leeteuk’s face, and Leeteuk nearly jumps out of his skin, clutching at Kangin’s arm for support. Kibum rolls his eyes at him. “I’m going over to sit with Donghae now.”

“Okay, right, you do that,” Leeteuk flutters his hand faintly in what he hopes is Donghae’s direction.

Everything dissolves into a flurry of activity, until they’re all being ushered on stage to run though the kabedon competition guidelines.

“Okay, who’s up first,” the smiling host asks. He’s not expecting Heechul’s enthusiastic shriek in reply.

“Me! I’m first,” Heechul yells, his fingers digging into Geng’s arms tightly. The host smiles back uncertainly.

“Wow, uh, that’s some great enthusiasm you’ve got going there,” he finally manages, gesturing Geng to take his place against the wall. Heechul releases Geng’s arm and Geng trudges over to stand in place, arranging himself against the wall forlornly. “All ready?”

Heechul smirks.

“I was born ready,” he says with a toss of his hair.

“Okay, aaaaand, action!”

It’s like the call for action flipped some sort of switch inside Heechul, as his whole posture and face suddenly changes. His face is arranged in a sultry smoulder as he saunters towards a suddenly extremely nervous-looking Geng. Leeteuk can feel the beginnings of a migraine starting.

Heechul doesn’t stop until he’s right up in Geng’s personal space. He leans further in towards Geng, resting his forearm on the wall above Geng, his eyes roving up and down Geng’s body.

Geng swallows audibly.

“Hello gorgeous,” Heechul simpers, and Geng’s eyes widen in alarm. He tries to press himself further back into the un-budging wall.

“H-hello,” he stammers, his eyes wildly searching for an escape.

“What brings you to this particularly interesting section of wall on this fine afternoon,” Heechul’s voice is silky-smooth, it’s even affecting the host who is hanging on to everything Heechul says unconsciously.

Heechul stares at Geng’s mouth, his lips, and then something in Geng seems to snap.

In a movement that steals everybody’s breath away, he suddenly grabs Heechul’s wrist, and reverses their positions, slamming Heechul into the wall and then slamming his own hand against the wall next to Heechul’s head.

Heechul gasps, his whole body arching up off the wall and towards Geng, straining against the grip on his wrist. Both of them are breathing heavily, and even as Leeteuk watches with horror, their faces seem to be inching closer together.

He breaks away from the watching group and drags Geng off Heechul, laughing awkwardly to cover up the tension.

“Alright, I think we’ve seen enough of this scenario, don’t you think?” Leeteuk’s laughter is now bordering on hysterical, and he’s desperately trying to ignore the daggers that Heechul’s eyes are shooting him at the moment. “Who’s next?”

“Hey, it’s still my turn,” Heechul seethes, reaching out to wrest Geng from Leeteuk’s grip, sending him toppling back into Heechul still attached to Leeteuk. A split-second later and all three of them are tangled up on the floor, Geng sandwiched between Leeteuk and Heechul. His eyes widen dramatically.

“Oh no,” Geng moans, and then suddenly, it’s just Leeteuk on top of Heechul, squishing a prickly pineapple between them.

“Ugh, why does this always happen at the most inconvenient times?” Heechul mutters, pushing Leeteuk off him, and gathering up Pineapple-Geng. He carries Geng back over to where everybody is waiting, a sulky pout on his lips.

The host slowly approaches Leeteuk, and offers him a hand up. Leeteuk takes the hand gingerly, getting back to his feet.

“Sorry,” Leeteuk blushes, “That was, uh, a little, uh…” He trails off, unsure of how to continue.

“Maybe we should try it with one of the staff members,” the host says delicately. Leeteuk shoots him a grateful smile.

Leeteuk should’ve known the rest of the shoot would be just as bad. In fact, if anything, it was worse than the Heechul/Geng incident.

Kangin in his enthusiasm, managed to punch a hole through the studio wall, terrifying the poor female staff member they’d dragged out to help.

Ryeowook tried to kabedon her next, but she was so nervous that she flinched when he smacked the wall near her head, and Ryeowook burst into tears.

Yesung tried to be cool by pursuing her down the ‘corridor’ with his super speed, only to be so tired by the time he got to her that he nearly passed out on stage, Eunhyuk accidentally sneezed so hard that they had to get a new staff member to swap places with the girl because she was so dazed by the noise, Siwon kept muttering to himself about the angels, and purity, and judgement day which unnerved her, but the crowning moment of the evening had to have been Donghae’s kabedon.

He was so enthusiastic and prepared and excited. He sauntered up to the now extremely nervous replacement girl, a predatory smile on his face, so uncharacteristic of the usual, ditzy, smiling Donghae that everybody stopped and stared. Everybody held their breath as Donghae smacked his hand against the wall next to her face, leaning in towards her, and then his eyes widened in shock, and the wall behind her vanished to be replaced with… was that a lettuce?

Both of them gasped in shock, and then suddenly, they were crashing to the ground, Donghae on top of her.

Donghae pushed himself upright, flicking his hair back out of his face, and he opened his mouth to ask if the girl was okay when he suddenly looked down at his hands in shock – to where they were planted right on the poor girls s.

She let out the most loud, blood-curling shriek that Leeteuk had ever heard in his life, kneed Donghae in the groin, and then ran away crying, while the rest of Super Junior bar Heechul and Kangin and, of course, Pineapple-Geng, rushed to Donghae’s side in alarm. Heechul just stayed where he was, cackling uproariously. The host looked like he was about to cry himself.

Leeteuk wondered if it would be okay if they both just retired to the break room to cry together.

*note* If you don't know what kabedon (壁ドン) is, you can youtube or google image search it and it'll come up :D <3