“Three,” Kyuhyun whispers.

“Two,” Heechul grins at him, bucket clasped tight between them.

“One!” they say together, and then heave the bucket of icy-cold water over Shindong.

The second the freezing water hits him, Shindong wakes with a yell, spluttering and gasping. Heechul cackles wildly as Shindong shakes himself free of the worst of the water.

Shindong blinks around dazedly, his gaze finally landing on Heechul and Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun takes one look at the rage on his face and flees the room, laughing like a madman. Heechul doesn’t budge, chortling happily to himself.

“Yah, what the hell?” Shindong growls, pushing his soaking hair back off his face.

“Your expression was priceless,” Heechul informs him between bursts of laughter. Shindong glares at him. Heechul doesn’t care; he’s too amused to worry about the consequences of his actions right now.

Shooting Heechul a frustrated glare, Shindong pushes himself slowly up of the couch, squelching his way out of the room towards the bathrooms.

“I’m gonna get you both back for this,” he calls over his shoulder, and Heechul scoffs.

Yeah right, what could he possibly do to get back at Heechul?

---

As Heechul drags himself out of bed the next morning, he catches sight of himself in the mirror. He freezes in shock. His eyes must be playing tricks on him.

Hesitantly, he approaches the mirror, his reflection in the glass growing clearer the closer he gets. He stops, inches away from it. He studies himself intently. And then he lets out a blood-curling scream at the sight in front of him.

Geng yells and topples out of bed, hitting the floor with a thump and a groan.

Heechul raises one shaking hand to touch his formerly gorgeous hair. There are streaks of grey at his temples, and scattered throughout the rest of his hair. He looks like he’s greying. He looks old.

His hair is hideous.

This could only be the work of one person in this dorm.

“SHINDONG!” he screeches, stomping his way to the door of his room and hurling it open. It smashes against the wall with a satisfying crash.

“Chullie?” Geng’s bemused voice sounds from where he’s fallen on the floor, but Heechul ignores him for now. He has to go murder one of his band mates.

He stomps down the corridor, stopping in front of Shindong and Sungmin’s door, throwing it open too without so much as a knock. Sungmin squeals, and clutches his blankets to his chest. Heechul scans the room wildly.

“Where is Shindong?” he demands, his voice high pitched and a little hysterical. Sungmin is staring at him in shock and possibly a little fear. Heechul would be amused except that he is focussed on a mission right now.

Sungmin glances over at Shindong’s empty bed.

“I d-don’t know,” he stammers. “He must’ve already gone somewhere.”

Heechul narrows his eyes at Sungmin.

“What kind of psychic even are you then?! If I find out you knew where he was the whole time and didn’t tell me, you will regret every life choice you have ever made,” Heechul hisses, turning abruptly on his heel and storming out of the room.

“I knew you were gonna say that,” Heechul just hears Sungmin mutter on his way out. He shoots Sungmin another glare for good measure.

Heechul tears his way through the rest of the dorms, but Shindong is nowhere to be seen.

Finally, having checked every single room in the house, Heechul admits defeat, dejectedly making his way back to his own rooms. Geng is sitting up on his bed waiting for him.

Heechul slinks back into the room, closing the door behind him, and trudges over to his bed.

He collapses onto the mattress with a mournful groan. He’s decided that he’s going to sit here for the rest of the morning and wallow in self-pity. He s blindly for his pillow, pulling it towards himself and burying his head into its downy softness.

“Chullie?” Geng calls softly. Heechul ignores him in favour of screaming into his pillow. The sound is muffled, but the action is satisfying.

Geng waits patiently for him to finish before trying again.

“Heechullie, what happened to your hair?”

Heechul lifts his head up from his pillow to glare at Geng.

“What do you think happened to my hair, Geng?” he hisses. Geng frowns thoughtfully.

“I’m going to assume Shindong,” Geng decides finally. “Did you do something to piss him off?” Heechul scowls.

“It was just a stupid bucket of water prank,” Heechul mutters, dropping his head back into his pillow unceremoniously. “I just got him a little bit wet. He has ruined my life.” Geng snorts at his dramatics.

“Well, if you will insist on pulling pranks, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences,” Geng tells him unsympathetically, getting out of bed to wander over to Heechul’s side of the room. He sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed and rests a hand on Heechul’s back between his shoulder blades. He rubs soothing circles on Heechul’s back.

Heechul relaxes fractionally under Geng’s touch. He sighs, a mixture of frustration and distress. Geng shushes him gently, not stopping his ministrations.

“What am I going to do, Geng?” Heechul moans into his pillow, “My hair is atrocious and we have a photo shoot this afternoon. And Shindong is nowhere to be found. The stupid coward probably ran away. He can’t even stay here to face me like a man.”

Geng pats his back gently.

“It’s not all that bad,” Geng reasons, “He has to show up for the photo shoot. We can just get him to change it back then. You just have to put up with it for another couple of hours.”

A few frustrated tears leak from the corners of Heechul’s eyes. Shindong is going to be so sorry that he did this.

---

“You’re WHAT?” Heechul screeches at Shindong who is standing in front of him, posture relaxed, arms crossed nonchalantly over his chest.

“I’m not going to change it back,” Shindong repeats. “I told you you’d regret pranking me. And now you do. Maybe you’ll learn something from this.”

Heechul shrieks and tries to launch himself at Shindong, but Geng just barely manages to restrain him with a strong arm around his midriff.

“FIX MY HAIR NOW!” Heechul screams, flailing wildly in Geng’s arms. Geng winces as one of Heechul’s elbows catch him in the side, but doesn’t let go. He shoots leader a desperate look. Heechul continues to struggle, determined to get his hands on the traitorous bastard who is currently mocking his predicament.

“What’s going on here?” Leader’s calm voice cuts through the tension like a knife. Heechul turns his glare on Leeteuk.

“This bastard ed with my hair and ruined it, and now he won’t change it back!” Heechul half sobs. Leeteuk looks confused, so Heechul brings his hand up and rips the beanie he is wearing off his head. Leeteuk gasps in shock. He turns to Shindong.

“What did you do?” he demands. “He looks like he’s aged two decades! Turn him back now. We have a photo shoot in half an hour and we don’t have time for this.”

Shindong frowns.

“No,” he says, simply. Leeteuk’s eyes look like they might bug out of his face.

“Excuse me?” Leeteuk says, disbelief written on every line of his face.

“I said no,” Shindong says again, “He was a little yesterday and now he’s getting his just desserts. It’ll do him some good. Maybe he’ll learn his lesson.”

Leeteuk’s face is getting redder by the second. It looks like he might have an aneurism on the spot.

“Shindong,” Leeteuk practically hisses, “This isn’t about your little fight. You can have that on your own time. Now is band time. We need everybody in this band to look one hundred and ten percent for this photo-shoot. Every single member. This includes Heechul. So, you can either change him back now, or we can start discussing your funeral arrangements.”

Shindong arches an eyebrow at Leeteuk, but stubbornly refuses to budge.

“I hope you’ve updated your will recently,” Heechul hisses, still restrained by Geng’s arms. Leeteuk shoots him a look.

“We wouldn’t be in this position if you’d behaved yourself and acted your age for a change.”

Heechul looks at him, feeling incredibly hurt and betrayed. He sniffs, tears starting to well up in his eyes. Geng runs a soothing hand up and down his stomach.

“It’s okay, Chullie,” he murmurs comfortingly, and that’s the last straw for Heechul. He breaks down into hysterical sobs, collapsing all his weight onto Geng who stumbles a little at his sudden armful of Heechul. Geng manhandles him so that he’s turned around, facing him, and Heechul buries his head in Geng’s chest and cries.

“My hair is so ugly,” he sobs, “I look like an old man. I look hideous. All the fans are going to say that I’m ugly, and they’ll hate me. Even you’ll hate me. You won’t want to sleep with me when I look like this. I hate everything and I want to die.” Geng makes soothing noises, running his hands over Heechul’s back comfortingly. He drops a kiss to the top of Heechul’s head.

“It’s okay Chullie. We can fix it. It won’t be like this forever. The magazine can probably photoshop the colour back into your hair properly. I’m sure they do that sort of thing all the time.” Heechul continues to sniffle away into Geng’s shirt, but he’s calming down slowly.

Leeteuk watches the exchange silently. He spares a glance for the rest of the members who are busy getting ready for the photo-shoot, and then looks back at Heechul and Geng who are most definitely not ready.

“Geng’s right,” Leeteuk tells them, “We can just ask the magazine to photoshop your hair. Come on Heechul, let’s get you dressed and ready for the shoot.”

Heechul turns a little in Geng’s arms, but clings to him and refuses to let go. Geng slips a hand around his waist and guides him over to his makeup chair. The coordi noonas bustle around them, tutting over the state of Heechul’s hair and face.

Heechul perks up a little when one of the noonas produces a bottle of colourful hairspray.

“It’s gold,” she explains, “But we could pretend that it was intentional this way.” Heechul nods his assent, and the woman works quickly to artfully cover up Heechul’s grey patches with bright gold.

Geng lets himself be lead away to sit a few chairs down, making sure to keep an eye on Heechul in case he has any more emotional breakdowns. But miraculously, Heechul is coping a bit better. The gold hairspray hiding the grey is having a remarkable effect on his mood. He’s almost a little excited that he gets to have obnoxious gold streaks all through his hair. He shoots Shindong a spiteful glare when they make their way onto the set for the shoot.

Fortunately, the photographer keeps him away from Shindong, and the shoot goes smoothly.

They all bundle themselves into the company vans to go back to the dormitories. Heechul heads straight for his room and throws himself in bed, pulling the covers up over his head. Geng follows him into the room shortly after, looking down at him in exasperated fondness.

“Heechul,” he calls softly. The only response gives him are sniffles. He tries again. “Chullie, can you come out beautiful?” Heechul curls up under the blankets even tighter.

“’m not beautiful,” Heechul mutters, “’m ugly now. ‘m an ugly old man.” A few tears drip from his eyes as he wallows in self-pity. Geng tuts at him, flopping down onto the bed half-on-top of him and Heechul yelps. Geng wriggles around until he’s spooning Heechul’s back over the blankets, and Heechul relaxes back into his embrace.

“Come out, please?” Geng says, and with a sigh, Heechul wriggles his head out from under the blankets. He rolls over to face Geng.

“Happy now?” he snipes. “Now you can see my ugliness in its full glory.” He glares at Geng definitely, but Geng just smiles crookedly at him, leaning forward a bit to drop a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“You’re not ugly,” Geng tells him, peppering soft kisses all over his face. Heechul’s stomach flip-flops. “You’re beautiful. You’ll always be beautiful, even when you’re actually old and grey. And I’ll still love you even then.” Heechul wants to keep pushing the point; he’s still hurt and upset. But he relents, dropping all his fight with a sigh.

Geng pecks him softly on the lips.

“Sorry,” Heechul apologises half-heartedly, and Geng grins at him, pulling him closer and tucking his head under Geng’s chin.

“Have a sleep, Chullie. You’ll feel better about it all after a nap.”

Heechul does not feel better about it afterward. Actually, he feels worse. When he wakes up, Geng is still there, smiling down at him. Heechul stares at him for exactly two seconds, then jumps out of bed and bolts into the nearest bathroom, slamming it shut and locking it. Bewildered, Geng follows him and sees that Heechul has left a trail of perplexed dongsaengs in his wake.

“What just happened?” Zhou Mi asks.

“Hyung is sad and mad,” Henry replies wisely. “Shindong should get a time out!” Geng gently shepherds his band mates out of the way so he can talk to Heechul as privately as possible.

“Chullie? Chullie, can you talk to me?” There is only silence. “What’s wrong?” More silence. Geng sighs, resting his hand flat against the door. “Heechul, you know—you know—that I think you’re beautiful no matter what. And nothing is ever going to make me stop loving you.” He waits patiently for a response. When it comes, it’s in the form of a heartbroken sob. “Oh, no, no, don’t cry,” Geng pleads.

“That’s what you said in my dream too,” Heechul says through his tears. “You said you’d always love me, but then people kept telling you that you were too gorgeous for such an ugly boyfriend and one day you said that they were right and you left me…and the worst part is that it’s true. Go find yourself a pretty boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Maybe a nice coconut. Just leave me here. Move on with your life.”

“Heechul, I’m not leaving you for a coconut. That’s weird.”

“And now you think I’m stupid,” Heechul wails. “Just go. You shouldn’t ever have to look at my face ever again. Just end it, ok? Just break up with me and get it over with.”

“Heechul, I am not breaking up with you!”

“Stop lying to me,” Heechul shrieks and Geng can hear something shatter. At the sharp sound, he feels a tingling. With a poof, he pineapples, except he accidentally bumps into the door and ends up falling sideways. But as awkward as it is to be a sideways pineapple, he has bigger priorities.

“Please believe me,” Geng says, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t care if you don’t have any hair, or if you start going bald in awkward patches. I’m always going to love you. There is nothing you could do that would make me love you less. Please, just stay with me. I swear, Heechul, I won’t leave you.” Geng starts to become desperate. “Heechul, if you left me, I don’t think I would ever be able to be a human ever again. I’d just sit here until I rotted.”

Several long minutes follow. Finally, Geng can hear the door unlock. Heechul steps out of the bathroom and gazes down at the pineapple. Geng wishes he was human so he could wipe Heechul’s tears from his face, but he’s still trapped as a pineapple.

“Do you mean it?” Heechul asks, his voice uncharacteristically small.

“Yes.” Heechul nods, then picks up the pineapple. He kisses one of the leaves and in a puff of smoke, Geng transforms back into a human. He instantly crushes Heechul to his chest, his hair and murmuring soft reassurances while Heechul clings desperately to him. Kyuhyun spots them and snorts derisively.

“This is disgusting,” he says. Heechul looks up and is about to make a sharp comment, when his eyes widen.

“That’s even worse than my hair!” he says, before dissolving into cackles. “It’s a mullet. He gave you a mullet.” Kyuhyun gasps, then runs into the bathroom and screams.

“It’s neon pink!”

“Gold spray paint isn’t going to do a thing for that,” Heechul says without a trace of sympathy. “Can they even photoshop a mullet out? Where’s Shindong? He is a worthy ally. I must find him! Come along, pineapple boy!” He grabs Geng by the rest and runs through the house, trying to find Shindong.