Chapter Twenty One: Wrong Conclusion

Taehyung finds himself sitting on the floor of Mi Ja’s room, while Mi Ja finds the boy who broke her heart attempting to piece it back together again.

It’s probably the most awkward meeting they’ll ever had, even more than the time when Mi Ja accidentally peed on her skirt during fourth grade and Taehyung ran away because according to him, he didn’t know what to do because it was too embarrassing for him. Back then, it was Mi Ja who apologized for not being able to ‘stop her bladder’. But now, everything has changed. Right now, Taehyung knows he has to be the one who will do the first move to mend their ripped-up relationship.

His first words are pure stammer. So she laughs and says, “Don’t force yourself. It makes me embarrassed, too. Just tell me what you have to. I know what to look forward to, Taehyung, trust me.”

Taehyung covers his face and admits, “It surprised me greatly, you know. When I learned that you have like…a thing for me.”

“That thing,” she says, “I call it love.”

“When I found that out, by only looking at your eyes and listening to your vague words, I was really stunned. I was scared, to be honest, of the sudden leveling up of our lives. I’m not sure if it’s because you were too professional in hiding your feelings that I failed to recognize them, or if it’s because I’m a complete brainless jellyfish,” Taehyung laughs shakily, “But now that I think about it…”

“Taehyung,” she says, “If you continue twisting and sugarcoating your words, I would end up waiting more for the right words to escape your mouth. Just tell it to me now, outright. I told you earlier, didn’t I? I know what to look forward to. Reject me, it will all be better that way.”

Mi Ja and Taehyung stares into each other, once again, suddenly wondering what went wrong. Mi Ja believes it was her feelings that went wrong, and Taehyung thinks it’s his obliviousness of the facts that went most wrong. He sits there, his chin on his palms, his palms relying on his elbows, his elbows on the bed, and Mi Ja sits on the bed, few centimeters away from him. Her fingers mentally cross, her eyebrows internally furrow, and her sweat relentlessly sweating waterfalls.

The silence is almost unbearable, until Taehyung breaks it with the most unexpected response.

“Who said anything about rejecting?” Taehyung asks nonchalantly, and once again, after what seemed like years, his nonchalance sends her nothing but spring inside her stomach and winter in her spines. Seasons start reoccurring inside her, putting her mind in complete havoc.

Mi Ja grabs a pillow and wraps her arms around it tightly, “Taehyung, I’m not psychic. If you don’t tell it outright, I won’t get it.” Taehyung grins at her, as if just watching Mi Ja all flustered at the moment makes him happy. Mi Ja tightens her embrace on the pillow and buries her face on it while mumbling, “I might be as naïve as you are.”

“When you confessed to me, it was a bit unclear but I understood it completely,” he smiles at her, “Why can’t you understand mine, now?” He pulls her hand and closes his eyes before caressing his cheeks with the back of her palm. Ah. Taehyung smiles even wider when the contact between his cheek and her hand happened. Her hand feels so soft, like a child’s, and Taehyung has already lost count of how many times he held this hand. Her fingers are slender and long, they look as delicate as her. They’re beautiful. Even the smallest parts of Mi Ja seem so beautiful.

Mi Ja lets go of the pillow and bites her lower lip and looks away and assumes that this way, she can hide her shyness. She’s right about what she’s looking forward to, right? She’s about to get rejected right? She’s about to get reminded that her permanent position in Taehyung’s life is inside that walled hell called friendzone, right? But why does it seem like things aren’t going as planned?

 Taehyung smiles, “After thinking about it for quite some time, I realized that I can’t live without you. That I want you. That I need you. And that I can break up with any girlfriend just for you. Mi Ja, you’re that important to me. Ever since we were young, I knew that you were beautiful. That you were marvelous. And maybe, behind that blind admiration I had for you, maybe deep inside me… maybe I was already in love with you.”

She doesn’t talk, or rather, she can’t find the right words to spout at the moment. Taehyung never looked as certain as he is right now. What could have happened? Why is everything so sudden? Mi Ja thinks that whenever something this good happens, something bad is bound to happen sooner or later. Mi Ja hugs her thighs nearer her stomach and rests her chin on her knees, “B-But you haven’t broken up with Jinri, have you?” This is wrong. This is so wrong.

Taehyung lowers his head before turning towards the bed. He flexes his legs under Mi Ja’s bed and lays his head on the bed. Taehyung says quietly, “You belittle me. Of course I have.” He nods, smiling at her, who at the moment feels her legs weakening and dropping down to the ground. She stands up and points at Taehyung accusingly.

“Holy , you’re not serious, are you?!” Mi Ja yells, smacking him with a giant bear she randomly grabs behind her.

“Do I look like I’m not serious?” Taehyung looks up at her, locking gazes with her once again and then smiling widely.

Mi Ja can feel her mind drifting into another dimension. She tries remembering Jinri’s face, the beautiful porcelain doll-like lady who is way beyond Taehyung’s league but miraculously ended up dating him. And she attempts to imagine how Taehyung could have broken up with her, and how sad Jinri must have felt, and Mi Ja starts wondering why. Why did Taehyung do that?

If Taehyung could read Mi Ja’s mind right now, he would know that as she’s staring at him with scrutinizing eyes, she’s actually thinking about why Taehyung is in here in the first place. Why is Taehyung saying those things? Why is she not being as happy as she was when she was just imagining things? Why?

He calls for her when he notices how blank Mi Ja is right now but she still doesn’t get back into reality. He calls again, she remains completely inattentive. Taehyung pulls the bear Mi Ja used to smack him with and hits her legs with it. Taehyung guffaws as Mi Ja finds herself unsteadied after losing her balance. She shouts at him, “What!?”

“We broke up weeks ago,” Taehyung confesses.

“And you broke up because?” Mi Ja questions bravely, although the crack on her voice tells Taehyung otherwise.

“Because it wasn’t right, Mi Ja,” Taehyung sighs, “I knew it wasn’t. W-We knew it wasn’t.”

“You stuttered when you said ‘we’,” she points out, “It was a one-sided breakup, wasn’t it? And you probably initiated it. Why? Was it because of my confession?” Taehyung doesn’t reply, avoiding her eyes and her question at the same time. Mi Ja sadly pleads, “Taehyung. Tell me everything I have to know.”

Taehyung leaves the question unanswered for a few minutes. They let the sound of the cars pulling up in the neighborhood and drunken laughter wrap the atmosphere. The world outside them extended greatly and yet, it seems so small when the two of them are together. Mi Ja completely loses balance and drops her whole body on the bed. She puts her arm over her eyes and sighs, and Taehyung knows it’s time.

He stands up and slams his whole body on the space beside Mi Ja. He faces Mi Ja, even if Mi Ja’s eyes are covered, and starts talking, “Everything you have to know is that I’m here and I’m telling you that I love you and that I want you to be with me. That’s just it, Ryu Mi Ja. Do you understand now?” He giggles before playing with her hair.

Mi Ja removes her arm away from her eyes and stares at Taehyung for a few seconds. She pulls her torso up and covers her face with her hands. She repeatedly reminds herself that this isn’t a dream while also repeatedly asking herself if this is a dream.

Taehyung pulls himself up and tries meeting Mi Ja’s eyes, which she has been trying to avoid to happen.

But it’s happening. The thing she’s been dreaming of since the day she realized that she’s madly in love with Taehyung. It’s here, pinching Mi Ja and telling her that it’s happening. He’s sitting there, in front of him and he’s telling her how much he loves her. He’s here. He’s real. It’s real. Everything’s real. The ashes of Mi Ja’s heart miraculously returns back to its normal state because of the same fire that burned it down. It’s ironic, but among the figures of speech, it was her favorite.

But why? Why does it feel so empty? Why is being granted your lifelong dream feel this empty?

She suddenly recalls everything. First da