Chapter Seventeen: Break

When Mi Ja returned to her room with a flustered heart and a brain in turmoil, she realizes that she lives in such a small house; and adding up to the realization, Junmyeon walks up to her room a bit later and says, “Taehyung said he’ll be going to school later.”

Why Taehyung suddenly changed his mind of staying in her house to aide her during her worst times is probably – no, not probably – it’s obviously because of what Mi Ja had said. She confessed and even if Taehyung thought it was but a delirium, there’s a big possibility that Taehyung had overheard what she and Junmyeon were talking about while he was away. Junmyeon sits on the foot of Mi Ja’s bed and asks, “Hungry?”

“A bit,” Mi Ja responds meekly. Her voice is hoarse and it doesn’t really sound like Mi Ja. Worsening the croakiness is the devastated tone and the depressed mood of her words. Junmyeon asks, “Should I reheat the porridge?”

“Oh god, Junmyeon, no,” she laughs. And Junmyeon does, too. And suddenly, the silence laughs along with them – wrapping them in a deep dark mood of awkwardness. Mi Ja maneuvers to the other side of the bed and tucks herself under the thick heavy blanket. She embraces the pillow nearer her chest and asks Junmyeon suddenly, breaking the silence, “What is happening to us?”

Junmyeon stares at her back for a short span of silence, until he breaks it, himself by saying in the sincerest voice, “I don’t know. Maybe we finally realized that we should already stop lying to ourselves.”

“I should have held myself back,” Mi Ja sighs, “If I hadn’t let Taehyung know of the truth then we wouldn’t be in such a tangled situation.”

“If you hadn’t confessed, you’ll end up being the martyr over and over again and I will always end up supporting you,” Junmyeon laughs, “It might actually be a good thing you suddenly let your feelings slip through your own lips.”

“Junmyeon,” Mi Ja calls softly.

“Mm?” Junmyeon hums.

“If what you said earlier was true then does that mean we’re both martyrs?” Mi Ja asks and immediately regrets it. It sounded as if her confidence is in boost and now she’s scared that Junmyeon might think she’s starting to grow conceited as she has just been recently informed of his feelings. Junmyeon chuckles and ruffles her hair from behind, “Obviously.”

“Junmyeon,” Mi Ja calls again and she can feel Junmyeon slamming his back on the bed. She can feel on her back a bit of the heat his body’s radiating. He hums, “I’m sorry for being oblivious of everything. I guess I’m just as dense as Taehyung.”

“Comparing yourself to Taehyung,” Junmyeon groans, “Stop that. You’re not a hundred percent idiot. You top the rankings and Taehyung always comes last. He’s different.”

“Academically,” Mi Ja chuckles, “His IQ is above average though, so I guess he’s not that dumb. But for sure, I know he’s an idiot - a naïve, dense, irritating, moronic idiot.”

“But you love him anyways, huh?” Junmyeon laughs, and she does the same. And he sighs. Mi Ja sighs as well and nods. He could feel a gentle motion on the pillow and on the bed, saying that Mi Ja’s nodding to his question. Without letting Mi Ja know, keeping it to himself, he bites his lower lip and internally lets out a thousand sighs. He then pulls himself up and declares suddenly, “I’ll be downstairs for the meantime. I’ll call on you when I finish cooking.”

“Yup,” Mi Ja responds weakly, then asks, “Make sure it’s not reheated porridge.”

“Anything but that, Mimi,” Junmyeon chuckles before Mi Ja hears the floor creaking and the hinges of the door squeaking. He walks down the stairs and clutches to his left shoulder using his right hand. What am I even doing? He asks himself. He has been asking that for years now. He was in love with a goddamn friend, not to mention his little cousin’s friend. Not to mention, a girl he had watched grow into such a fine young lady – appearance-wise and interest-wise.

He doesn’t know what to think anymore, thus, leaving him no resolution for whatever he should do. He was unsettled. The only for sure right now is that he’s currently missing a lot of things that used to happen but is almost impossible to happen again. He missed the way he called Mi Ja, ‘Mimi’. He missed the way he and Taehyung used to bully Mi Ja. He missed the way that Mi Ja was but a strange, and yet amusing, brat. He missed the way when he still wasn’t fond of Mi Ja. He missed the way he felt like he was invincible because it seemed like he had no heart. He missed the way he cared for nobody. He missed the way he still didn’t know what love’s supposed to be. How can he take these back?

“After a century of hiding away from the human world, how does it feel like getting out of your tomb now, Dracu-lame?” Soojung greets, slapping a paperbound book on Mi Ja’s arms. The girl who had just entered the school grounds with slow steps continues walking, disregarding Soojung’s totally unfriendly greeting. Mi Ja just isn’t the best mood right now – probably the worst.

Soojung trails behind her, not talking at all because judging from her disgruntled expression, it seems as if everything didn’t go well for her. It’s been three days since Mi Ja hid herself away, reasoning out that she was sick. Nobody told Soojung anything at all, not Taehyung – because recently, the person closest to Mi Ja isn’t Taehyung but Junmyeon – and most certainly not Junmyeon. Soojung has always been in bad terms with that guy.

Mi Ja groans, “Soojung, what is it?”

“You know,” she then walks calmly towards Mi Ja’s side, “People said venting out all your hurt and all your problems to a stranger will make you feel a lot better. I think it was a good idea. I mean, I think it really is a good idea. Duh, I talked to you about Myungsoo and Sue Ji back then. And that time, we weren’t even friends ‘friends’. So…”

Mi Ja furrows her eyebrows and looks at her from head to toe, “So, what do you want me to do? Step one, find a stranger and step two, talk to him about all that’s bothering me right now?”

“Not exactly,” Soojung smirks, “You can skip step one. I can pretend to be a stranger. Now, proceed to step two… Talk to me about all that’s bothering you right now. If you’re afraid of being judged, worry not.”

“You won’t judge me?” Mi Ja asks, a bit happily.

Soojung laughs out loudly, “Of course not! Darling, you can’t expect me becoming nice to you just because you’re bothered about stuff. I’m telling you not to worry because I will surely, certainly, and obviously be the sole reminder that not everything has changed.” After a sarcastic laughter comes Soojung embarassed and yet unfeigned smile.

Mi Ja can feel tears compiling by the corners of both her eyes so she looks away immediately. She hastily marches away from Soojung and says loud enough for the voice to overcome the few meters distance, “I will meet you at the library after classes. Be there or I’ll go ahead.”

“What do you take me for, ?” Soojung laughs and walks towards another direction.

Mi Ja might have arrived too early but Soojung arrived earlier few minutes after she did. They sat on the gaps between the tall shelves, somewhere secluded from the noise seeping through the windows and doors of the quiet library. Mi Ja immediately broke down, crying, the moment Soojung told her about her encounter with Taehyung few days aback. She sobbed, although a bit muffled, and sobbed and leaned on Soojung’s shoulders. Soojung felt sorry but what could she do?

“Will you tell me what happened?” Soojung asks after a few moments of Mi Ja calming down.

Mi Ja then replies. And the whole story flowed out of . Mi Ja makes sure she doesn’t miss anything. Even the tiniest details. Even what they ate that day. Or what flavor of popcorn did Taehyung pick once. Or what perfume did Taehyung use that time. Mi Ja can feel hoarse and dry but she can’t stop now. She was only getting near the part which Soojung needed to hear the most. The ing confession. Damn, she doesn’t want to remember but she has to, somehow. Soojung needs to know her side of the story.

“It just happened. It wasn’t a direct confession but it happened. And he understood it, miraculously. His naivety failed to save me this time, Soojung. I’m screwed.”

“Okay, okay,” Soojung laughed, “A girl confessed to the boy he’s been crushing for forever but she thinks it’s wrong because they’re best friends and the boy has a gi