Story review

Wo Bu Ai NiLe (I Don't Love You)

Review by Lady Comma's Reviews

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Story Title: Wo Bu Ai Ni Le (I Don't Love You)
Author: missterious
Genre(s): angst, romance, songfic
Brief Description: Zhang Yun Jing has had it. She can no longer fake it. Screw being every one's poster child. Screw long-term relationships. Screw the music business and SCREW Taiwan.
Rated H: No
Reviewed By: BeastdaB2st (A.K.A. Mika)


1. Title: [2/5 pts.]
Unimpressive. Very cliché, I’ve seen many other fics with the same title or similar ones.

2. Poster/Graphics/Background: [3.5/5 pts.]
Quite pleasing to the eye, not many distracting colours to clutter the picture. It’s a bit TOO simple though.

3. Foreword/Description: [5/10 pts.]
Description- It doesn’t tell me much about the story at all. In fact, other than knowing it’s a song fic, the first of its kind and angsty nothing is revealed. That isn’t good. You have to lure readers in with your description because it’s the first (aside from title) thing they’ll read before considering reading on, or clicking the ‘x’ button.

Foreword - It left an impact on me, so at least I can say with ease, I was drawn to your foreword. But it’s too short, once again, absolutely no details revealed. It’s good not to give away everything, but giving away too little isn’t good either. A sneak preview of the story would be nice as a foreword if you’re clueless what to write.

4. Plot: [27/30 pts]
Although I’m not a fan of Yuri. I can safely say your writing is beautiful. The storyline is a bit cliché and used in a few boyxboy girlxgirl stories out there, but it left a good message and impact on me. I’m sure your readers can agree. Jing’s family . I hate them. PERIOD. (No this did not affect your scorexD)

5. Flow: [4/5 pts.]
The flow was quite good, no jumping too abruptly from one person to another.

6. Characterization: [5/5 pts.]
You made realistic characters that still managed to come to life in the story, excellent!

7. Grammar/Spelling: [20/20 pts.]
It’s flawless. I’m delighted. Your grammar and vocabulary is excellent! I applaud you, job well done!

8. Overall Enjoyment/Entertainment: [17/20 pts.]
Unfortunately, since I don’t like yuri stories, it was hard for me to properly enjoy this fic at first. But I can say with great ease, I did enjoy it in the end.

There is a good blend of romance, angst and fluff in this story. It didn’t make me cry, but it made me feel the hurt the characters were feeling.

This is a good story; keep up your excellent writing!

Comments/Feedback: If you ever write a kpop one, I assure you I’ll jump at it. Pwahhh. Keep writing beautiful stories!

Total:  [83.5/100]

 

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A/N: I thought it was funny how the reviewer stuck the knife in my heart from the first lines of her review, then mentioned she doesn't like yuri...but then in the end, gave me quite a favorable review! :) considering i had a non yuri-friendly reviewer, i think i actually impressed her overall, and the things she didn't give high marks on were in fact areas i don't usually compromise on (description/foreword is a place i provide VERY little info, not to give away pairings, drama, special appearances or twists), so i'm more than happy to accept the lower scores there. the place where it really counts for me is plot, character development, etc

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Comments

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KauType #1
Why doesn't AFF have a tag for "Jingchang" or "ZhangYunJing" or even "Ahjing"?
missterious
#2
review appended to the end of the fic!<br />
LadyComma
#3
Annyeong-haseyo! Just wanted to let you know that I have completed your review! You can view it at: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/89350/49 Always remember, you can always request to have another review once you’ve added a few new chapters and made any changes. It could higher your score! Thank you SO much for your support of Lady Comma’s Reviews & Recommendations! I would love it if you included your review in your story! I hope you have a great day and don’t forget to tell your friends about us!
missterious
#4
mission accomplished, then! :)
CACNTommyBoi
#5
YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! happy-mushy awsomeness. I loved this story.
missterious
#6
maybe they're not sweeping each other off each others' feet coz they already did so before jing went bonkers :) though next chap might satisfy you a leetle bit if you accept very mushy but subtle sweepingofffeet. should be up shortly :) get more kleenex!
CACNTommyBoi
#7
Idk call me crazy but I like people getting swept off their feet on occasion. And lol you make me laugh so much :D
missterious
#8
what did diana do? except not tie her gf down and say 'you must never leave me!' ? :P
CACNTommyBoi
#9
Diana and Jing are being such crazy people. D:
missterious
#10
these two diana and jing or howie and jing?? (i noticed the sniffly smiley)