Diana woke up with the sun on her face. Glancing around, she realized she was on the couch in the den, and the blinds weren't drawn. She felt in some way hungover, minus the headache. Her muscles ached and her neck was strained from hyper-extending over the armrest all night. As her morning brain-fog lifted, she slowly remembered the passionate night with her ex. No wonder she was sore.

Right. Oh, where's Ah-Jing? she wondered as she sat up and scoped out the room. She located her own clothes discarded on the floor but didn't see any of Jing's. She thought maybe she was in the bathroom, or making herself something breakfast-like in the kitchen. But when she called out her name, her apartment echoed. Jing's shoes were even gone from the front door.

Diana was alone and confused. In her faux-hangover state, she reviewed the night's events and the last thing she remembered before drifting into somnolence was Jing's post- expression. It was one of bliss-infused relief. But where was she? Diana searched the house for a note or a sign of some sort, but there was nothing.

Realization kicked in. Jing had bolted, hadn't she? Had she regretted what they'd done? Why else would she just disappear? Diana had a lump in and felt debilitated. Infirm, she idly busied herself putting away the tell-tale remains of the previous night, while her brain raced.

Should I phone her?
Is she okay?
Have I just been taken for a ride (and not in the good way?)

In an attempt to gain alertness, she went to splash some water on her face. She patted it dry with a towel and looked in the bathroom mirror at what appeared to be a hickey at her jawline.

"Ha, Jing, you marked me," she told her reflection.

Just then, she noticed a note tacked to the mirror with a Hello Kitty magnet borrowed from her fridge. She felt a wave of relief wash over her, but then understood it could very likely be bad news. She needed to sit down for this, just in case.

Back in the den, she sat on the couch and daringly opened the note. Actually, it looked oddly familiar as she turned it over in her hands. Then she realized, this wasn't an explanatory morning-after note. It was the letter Jing had asked her to read later. Opening up the folds in the paper, she was surprised to only find one sheet. She'd expected more after all she'd written in her own letter.

Once the paper was open before her, she had trouble digesting what she saw.

It was completely blank save for a few words.

The main lettering was bold and confident. Diana blinked and rubbed her eyes. Maybe because she wasn't fully awake, or maybe because her tear ducts felt the impact of the letter before the rest of her body could. In Jing's dauntless block letters, Diana read:

I    LOVE   YOU

And below, in a more delicate script,

♡ Yun Jing.

Diana's deep breath came spilling back out before it hit her lungs. The letter compounded with Jing's unexplained exodus and Diana completely lost it. Her emotions collided and she sobbed uncontrollably. Feeling crippled, she brooded over two main thoughts. Unfortunately they fought against each other for validity:

1 - Jing ing loves me

2 - Why would she abandon me after last night?

Still sobbing, she reached for her cell phone. She would've called, but didn't think she could form a full sentence in her state. Therefore she texted a brief message:

Y did U leave?
PS. I read UR letter

* * * *

Jing and Howie were having an impromptu coffee date. Jing had asked him to meet her early in the day, because she couldn't stand to be alone with her thoughts all morning after barely getting any sleep.

She had left Diana's place once she was sure her lover was fast asleep. She had felt suffocated after coming down off the initial high of their intense lovemaking. She was too cowardly to spend the night; awkward in the house she was once so comfortable in. She had messed up. She'd already hurt Diana because of her selfishness. Now had she been selfish again? Had she just wanted to get off? Had she had a one-night stand with her? Was it breakup or makeup ?

Regardless how good it felt or how much she loved her, they just couldn't go back to being "Jing x Jin". But she couldn't spend the rest of her life pretending to be straight either. Even if her friends and family welcomed her back with open arms as a straight person, it would be a lie.

Though Howie was dead-set on never coming out to his parents, he emphatically encouraged Jing to be open with her family. He greatly appreciated those with more balls than he had. Jing's balls seemed to be HUGE before her little problem. He could tell she still had the personality to face all the odds even though she kept talking about how tired of it all she was. Maybe she was "tired", but he was sure that if she spent too long cloaking her true self, that she'd be the rebel that she was and need to bust out of there like it were a jail.

It was prison, really. In life we just have to pick our jail sentence. Nobody can have it all, so we just have to choose the lesser of two evils.

"For me, I pick the jail of my very well-stocked closet. I've made it a walk-in, so I've gotten pretty comfortable in there. It's roomy and has a plethora of colorful clothing for all occasions," Howie joked.

Jing ruminated on this and then inquired, "Do you think you'd feel different if you met a guy?"

"Jingy, I meet guys all the time," Howie was flippant.

"I mean a BOYFRIEND-guy! Maybe because you're single, you have less to hide," Jing said.

"Perhaps. Maybe if I get a boyfriend I'll outgrow my walk-in. But I'll worry about that when it happens," Howie paused to drink his coffee.

"Always being concerned about inviting a girl to dinner with my family is . If I bring her, they're cold to her. If I don't include her, I'm worried she'll feel like I'm the jerk," Jing explained.

"Okay, so please excuse my gossip bloodlust, but sidebar: how was it with Diana?"

"Ugh, terrible! I hate this!" Jing rammed her fist on the table enough to make their spoons jiggle.

Howie lowered his voice, "Really?" He looked overly sympathetic, "It was seriously bad? I thought it would be superhotlesbolovin'."

Jing rolled her eyes, "Nooo you idiot. The was incredible! The situation and the crying and the guilt are terrible. And the me running away while she was sleeping part was extra-terrible."

"Hmm. What are you planning on doing?" Howie asked.

"No clue! She texted me earlier. I didn't respond. She of course wanted to know why I ran off," Jing sighed heavily. "What would you do?"

"I'd talk to her!" Howie was playing Captain Obvious.

"Oh whatever, I shouldn't take love advice from you: you don't even have a boyfriend," Jing sipped her coffee and wracked her brains over what was the next logical step.

Sadly the next step wasn't instant. Diana's text went unanswered, and when she felt more up to it, she left a voice message simply asking Jing to call her. Jing didn't return the call. Two days passed and Diana was likely in more agony than she'd been in right after the breakup. How could she do this to me? Does she think she can have her little straight life with Howie and then use me as her toy on the down-lo?