Chapter 1 - Realization

Always in my heart

Disclaimer: Below picture doesn't belong to me! Now that that's outta the way, enjoy~

                                                                                        

 Realization

Flipping my body to the left side of the bed, naturally I extend my arm hoping to wrap them around the waist of the one I love the most - a habit of mine really, only to find that side of the bed empty. Instantly, my eyes snap open to confirm the absense. It's true. He's not here.... Again.

Again, yes. I don't know what's going on but recently my boyfriend has been missing. No, not missing like lost but missing in the mornings where our cuddle sessions are supposed to happen. Did I mention he avoids me like a plague too? Oh, and guess what, he returns like almost late for schedules. The reason why I didn't question him or anything is because I have a feeling he's planning something big for our anniversary this year. I know I know it's only April, but maybe right? 

Pretending to once again get frustrated from his absense, I sent a " Where are you? " waiting for a reply.

No response. As usual. Okay maybe pretending to be frustrated might be a lie because really? Does he really have to completely ignore my messages?

" God, Baekhyun. I swear can you stop ignoring my messages and seriously answer your god damn phone for Christ's sake? "

Hoping this time he'll get the hint that I'm getting annoyed by his behaviour, I sent another one.

......

Nothing. Well, no luck today either. Honestly, how long is this going to go? My patience is wearing thin and I hate getting angry at something he's using so much efforts to plan for. But, god! At least speak a damn word to me! 

" Chanyeol ah! " It's Joonmyun.

" Oh, Hyung I'll be right down " 

, need to prepare.

After washing up and I was about to head down to meet up with the members, suddenly my phone was vibrating non-stop. Thinking that baekhyun has finally decided to reply me, I rushed to unlock my phone. I was once again, disappointed. Notifications from Instagram keeps on coming in.

fangirlchan left a comment on your photo : Oppa, are you okay? 

lololbaek left a comment on your photo : Chanyeollie oppa is this true? Please tell me this isn't true! 

yoyoman614 left a comment on your photo : Yeollie! Is Baekhyun really dating her? Noona thinks it's fake! Please tell me it's fake Chanyeol ah! He's not dating Taeyeon right? Impossible! Chanbaek is real right?! This isn't true right? dispatch.co.kr/103600 Tell noona now! Please! 

Huh?

I got curious so I searched on the link. 

I shouldn't have.

Staying in the dark would've been so much easier.

But no. I stupidly searched it. The worst decision.

I've never thought reading an article would rip my heart into pieces. But it did. Everything hurts. I think my heart just.... died.

Anniversary.... my .

You're so stupid Chanyeol so freaking stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Dumb. Idiot. Brainless. 

Baekhyun, tell me. Did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong? 

You're so cruel Baekhyun. What happened to the promises? What happened to love? 

You're a liar Baekhyun. You said I was the only one in your heart. Was I only in your heart? Was I even in your heart?

You're really good Baekhyun. Your acting was so good I believed you love me.

Loved. You didn't love me, did you? All your lies. All your kisses. . I gave you everything. I gave you my ing heart. You didn't even give me back. You just threw it away like you could care less about it. Like it was useless. A trash.

I'm sorry my heart is trash to you Baekhyun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I'm sorry I'm so stupid. I'm sorry I'm not the one you wanted. I'm sorry I couldn't give you enough. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. 

Why baekhyun? Just tell me straight I would've understood.

" I prefer women."

I would have. I would never compare myself with a woman. I know I'd lose. I won't even argue, I would have just taken it. I wouldn't even think about fighting back. I would if the other person was a man, definitely. But a woman? No way, I know that much baekhyun. I'm stupid but I know that much. So why would you not tell me? What am I to you? Do you think so lowly of me to the point, you won't even bother to end this relationship properly? You're really really really ing cruel, you know that?

Knock knock.

" Chanyeol, the members and the manager are all ready, are you? "
" ....... "
" Chanyeol? Are you okay? "
 
I feel a hand touch my shoulder, an involuntary gasp escaped from my throat.
 
" Hey.... "
" Baekhyun. "
 
I watch Jongin's face switched from a relaxed smile to an expressionless face to a face of pure shock and horror. It's really comical, I would've laughed if it isn't for the fact that I'm feeling erratic at the moment. Then I realized. He knew. I feel myself getting agitated. I feel a digusting feeling of annoyance clouding my thoughts and I'm trying hard to push it down. Calm down Park, calm down.
 
" You knew " I voiced out my thoughts.
"  Listen to me chanyeol "
" You ing knew...... Since when "
" Listen to me, calm down chanyeol "
" SINCE WHEN?! " 
 
Jongin flinched.
I know my voice was loud, and I'm just venting my anger on jongin. I know that but I don't really care right now. Not when I'm hurting like this.
I can hear footsteps rushing up. Just nice. I want to know something.
 
" Hey we heared shouting... why- "
" Baekhyun... he knows "
..............................
 
Same looks. All the same damn looks again. They all know. All of them. ALL OF THEM.
............
" What am I to you guys? What does this even mean? So all of you know except me. WHY THE HELL? "
" We... want to.. protect.... you... "
" Protect? PROTECT? THIS? THIS IS PROTECT? HOW do you think I FEEL when all of the freaking world knows my EX-BOYFRIEND is cheating on me EXCEPT ME? Do you know what I feel now? I feel stupid. ING STUPID."
 
I couldn't even bare to speak anymore. My throat is hurting, my head is hurting, my heart is hurting, every single damn cell in my body is screaming in pain. Deciding I'd rather be outside than this stuffy room, I pushed my way through and escape out of the dorm. Heading towards 
 
 
 
ANNNNNNND THAT'S A WRAP FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER!!!!!
Omg I'm so worried. What if people hate this story. What if the comments will be like THIS IS or something omgomgomgomgomg help I'm scared. 
I hope people are kind in this site TT TT
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viyeolent #1
Chapter 6: DID YOU SERIOUSLY SUDDENLY MAKE A MOOD WHIPLASH? Damn it made sense you know but also at the same time Baek was being an idiot for having ever thought that he could just say yes to a woman (dying or what not) and just bounce back into Chanyeol's arms after the whole affair and the explaining he'd do in the future. Ofc it's a matter of humanity to grant a dying request but is it truly worth it to scar the love of your life for what could wasily be the remainder of his life? Plus they had dreams, man. Putting the group at risk for a woman who shouldn't even be related to it is just..OTL and don't get me started on that last part. It started out so happy and ofc they made up and made out, but my point still stands that the doubt will never go away from PCY's mind now. And that hurts. A hell lot. It's relatively happy, but damn that last paragraph had so many implications.

Moving on. Bro I was confused by the format :( Idk if it's just the mobile thing but the text displayed inconsistently. Different font sizes every other sentence. I found it distracting :( Won't comment on grammar bc I totally know you can edit this to be better and because you ARE better. Dialogues in italics were also distracting? Since typically it's plain text and italics are reserved for thoughts and the like. I found some sentences that could've used a comma somewhere in them (it's hard to process a sentence with lots of ideas).

The monologues were great. Perhaps they should've used the italics instead? Oh and it's a minor thing but do capitalize when necessary, such as the words after a period. Capitalization for emphasis is okay tho.

All in all GOOD JON BRO :D I liked it. I loved angry PCy and I loved his angsty monologues. Surprisingly I liked (in the loosest meaning of the word) Taeyeon too. Peace out.
yifannie #2
Chapter 6: Okayyyyy let's get to the serious part :)

First off, I'm kinda ugh when I see the name but that's not the point I'm gonna talk abt here. It's sad when someone you love is suddenly reported having a scandal loving someone else AND I FREAKING HATE THAT because I kind of can imagine how Chanyeol would feel like in real life though when this happened. :( And of course, I didn't expect that would be the reason why Baekhyun dated Taeyeon, but again, he should've told Chanyeol the reason and not made him confused bc omg BAEKHYUN YOUR CHANYEOL IS INNOCENT HAVE SOME MERCY. So far, I like this story! It's good since you said it't the only fic you've written and this is actually great for a first time writer like you! :)) I'm gonna wait for Giann to leave some constructive comments before I post another one :''''D
yifannie #3
Chapter 6: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHQHQ OMGGGG IM LAUGHING AT THE LAST PART OF DIALOGUES BETWEEN YOU AND EXO ORZ BRB LAUGHING FIRST
viyeolent #4
Chapter 4: So now it's been denial, then anger, and now anger AND self-depreciation. Poor PCY. He has a point with regards to being angry, hell who wouldn't be angry to suddenly discover your boyfriend just replaced you with a woman. No clarifications. No personal talks. Even an excuse would've been better than nothing. At this point Baek is being too much of an to keep going on without expecting his relationship (or what's left of it) with Chanyeol to bleed into that of their group's. But then giving up on everyone just because of an insensitive ex? Hmmm. Debatable. Justifiable, but debatable.
viyeolent #5
Chapter 2: Okay this chapter tugged my heart because damn PCY was kept in the dark. His mental monologue was hella hot but also sad. I loved especially that he even questioned himself for possibly having done less than what was ideal for Baekhyun. Asking yourself things like that is always sad. And the fact that he can't even remember when they last kissed, and the fact that they haven't officially broken up is ing painful.
deliciousoppars #6
Chapter 6: I love u
marcybacon #7
Chapter 6: Lol awesome ending,loved it
kimhyosun #8
Chapter 6: Loved this fanfic ! Lol the end XD
kimhyosun #9
Chapter 5: Cant wait for the next chapter !
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