Most nights I go to the towns bar. I drink and drink my problems away- not that I have any. I just want to drink my life away until I drown. Because maybe all this posion I'm letting inside of me will make me feel somthing. Maybe I wont feel so mentally messed up.

      I grab another shot off the table and force my self to drink the shot all in one. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, hatting the taste. I drink alot but I can never get over the disgusting taste. I bite down on my bottom lip and shake my head, disgusted with my self. 

"Another shot please?" I ask the Bartender.

The bartender raises a eyebrow. 

"Don't you think you have had enough?" 

"Just pour me a damn shot." I growl.  

The bar tender shrugs and goes to make another drink for me.

I look around the bar and see who's here. Three girls dancing on the dance floor, grinding on each other- trying to get attention of others. Near the girls are two men leaning against a wall. Checking out the girls, making comments about them probably. There were a lot more people scattered around the place but they weren't the slightest bit interesting. The bar was such a boring place to be- but In a town like this it's the least boring. I looked around more until the bar tender slides my drink to me. I quickly grab the drink and again squeeze my eyes close tight and let the liquid fill up my mouth. I swallow it all and sigh deeply. I look next to me. A man has his head in his arms on the table- probably drunk out of his mind, or probably upset about a recent brake up. Like most of the people here anyways. I nudge the men lightly out of Boredom. 

"Hey, dude.." I say to the man next to me.
He slowly looks up to me, eyes half open, drool on his jaw.
"Is the bar closing?" He asks unaware.
I laugh and shake my head.

"No, jus checking if your okay." Lies, I'm just talking to your out of boredom. 

"O-oh." The man says and then puts his head back down into his arms.

"Care for me to buy you a drink?" I ask him, trying to get more out of the stranger, the reason why he's here. 

"Yeah sure, may as well." He says lifting his head up, looking at me eyes fully open. 

I smirk, the guy is pretty cute. His hair a Carmel brown, blonde dyed into the bangs. Maybe I can take this one home with me tonight.

"I would like to buy a drink for my friend." I say to the bartender cleaning a shot glass.

"Coming right up." The bartender replies. 

"Thanks man." The cute man next to me says. 

"Yeah no problem, your name is?" I ask him.
"Jonghyun..." He replies late, as if he had forgotten it.
"My names taemin..not to be nosey or anything but what's your reason for being here?" I ask him.
"A breakup, with my boyfriend." He laughs and stares off into space, thinking about something. 
I raise a eyebrow , slightly shocked how he told a stranger that he was dating a man, considering how the people around here don't take same ed relationships kindly.
"Sorry about that..." I say, not really meaning it. 
"Yeah..." Jonghyun says still staring off into space, untill the bartender slides him his drink. He picks it up the second he gets if and quickly drinks it all. I can tell he drinks a lot, seeing how he didn't wince at all.
"You know, I thought that maybe I would spend the rest of my life with him..but then he goes and s some prick. Says that I wasn't enough to pro-fill his happiness. I think all I ever was to him was a toy." 
"You should be happy to get away from someone like that. All you had with this man was a box full of lies, he was wearing a mask with you the whole time." I say to jonghyun, saying what I thought.
He looks at me and doesn't say anything for a while. 
"True...but I feel like such a idiot." 
"Don't feel like that. You cant know a bad side of somebody if you never seen it. 
"Then what's your bad side taemin?" He asks.
I think for a moment, digging deep into my brain to give him a honest answer.
"My bad side?... I think that doing things that could kill me will fill this hole in my heart..that I won't feel so empty."
Jonghyun gives me a look I have never seen before, was it the look if concern? Of being worried?
"That's not a bad side taemin..that's just a side of a boy who's crying out for help. Your not bad...don't mistake sadness with being bad." 

Sadness? Is that what this is? Is that what I have lived all my life with? Im not depressed. I don't lay in my bed all the time, I don't spend all my time sulking. How could this be sadness? I don't have anything to be sad about. I don't having feelings...I'm empty. I'm like a ing hollow body. I'm not sad. Am I? I'm not sad right? I'm empty...or maybe that's just what I want to feel, so I don't have to feel that. I don't want to go back to that. To that basement. To crying, because I'm in so much pain. To thinking maybe things will get better. I don't want to. I can't....

(yoooo it's me! I will fix spelling, etc later. I hope you're enjoying my story so far! ^^  -rolls around- it's 4:29 am..I should get some sleep XDD)