Luhan was exhausted. The tiredness he felt and the ache his body was sporting couldn’t be described anymore. Yeseul felt it and have always been with him since then. Even when the other members want to take her to their schedules, she would insist on being with Luhan. The said idol didn’t mind though because, apart from the little girl taking others’ things to give to him when he needed it, she was a good kid. She would play pranks on those staffs who would make fun of Luhan too but it was her little secret no appa of hers would ever know.

Luhan held the girl’s hand as they made their way out of SM’s building. They’re on their way to a restaurant to eat lunch because they haven’t eaten anything since yesterday. Well, Luhan didn’t. The EXO members always have food in their bags just in case Yeseul gets hungry.

Yeseul’s hand was warm and small and Luhan smiled at the little girl jumping on their way merrily. Luhan then remembered Yeseul’s siblings’ words. The fainter Yeseul gets from their sight, the better her condition gets. But to Luhan, Yeseul looked as visible as a human being and wondered how other humans couldn’t see her. His smile fainted. Damn.

Yeseul’s no where near fine after all. He felt Yeseul’s thumb caress his little wound from his IV treatments and his heart sunk because Yeseul will never get better if he’s not feeling better himself.

He likes music and dancing but their schedules was too much for him to handle. He just wanted to perform at first and being this famous was something he actually didn’t wished for. He just wanted to enjoy stages with the audience and s but it was impossible to do so when you’re dead tired.

He wondered how was Kris back there in China. Despite of the sudden decision to leave, Exo-L still calls him Kris appa and would always mention him when she reminded something of him. The members would only smile quietly at her, hoping that Kris is just as fine as Yeseul says. She, after all, is still connected with the ex member. She would sleep talk too, laughing and giggling before mumbling Yifan papa in her sleep. Sometimes, she would get nightmares too and would call Yifan’s name. Suho, although still feeling betrayed, comforted the child, telling her that his Yifan appa is the best and that he’ll be fine.

Luhan glanced the child and sighed. He has been thinking of retiring as an EXO member and maybe just go indie back in their mother country. Inheriting his family’s business didn’t sound bad at all. But he was worried about Yeseul and the other members. They have been preparing for their new comeback and they were working hard for it. He didn’t want to go and leave them up in the air after all they’ve been through but he needs to. His health is totally messed up and his love ones were getting worried. Even the members couldn’t deny it and the fans, just like Yeseul were starting to notice.

“Appa?” He turned and felt little hands cup his face carefully. Exo-L looked at his eyes with her big and round ones as she floated. “Please don’t get sick.” she said with a pout and Luhan was taken aback for a few seconds before hugging the little girl close.

“Sorry for making you worry baby. Appa will get better soon. Just promise me you’ll get better all the way and live happily, ne?” his voice was wavering and he felt the child hug him back before nodding.

“We’re happy when Luha appa’s happy. Let’s be happy and healthy always.” she said sweetly and Luhan found himself crying suddenly. But not for too long for Yeseul to notice and told the little girl that he yawned to explain the visible left tears.

Days later, Luhan talked to his fellow members about his situation and Yeseul’s as well. He apologized and hoped for them to understand and to his relief, they did. Sure, they were sad because of his leave but they didn’t have the heart to stop him. They understand too well his situation and they all promised to keep in touch when his time of leave comes. The management didn’t let him leave just like how they predicted and Luhan resulted for a lawsuit. But before that, he promised s a last stage together which was their second concert that took place in Tokyo.

Luhan looked around and stared at the galaxy ocean for the last time. He love each one of those lights and he will never forget them. He made a silent promise to them, to comeback with a healthier body and happier life so they won’t have to worry about him anymore.

He was walking on the stage when he saw Yeseul floating his way. She gets pretty strong whenever they do concerts and it somehow scared them because her hair was becoming darker and her whole body became fainter that she looked like a real spirit.

Exo-L stopped in front of him with a smile as she floated in the air and Luhan looked at her longingly, eyes watering. They just stood in front of each other, looking at each other’s eyes.

“Don’t forget appa, ne? Visit me once you’ve regained all your powers too.” he said and the fandom spirit was momentarily shocked before nodding her head. “Nae appa.”

Luhan took a step forward and gathered the spirit in his arms. “Stop playing pranks with people and always listen to what your other appas tell you, ne?” he whispered and Yeseul silently sniffled as she nodded.

“I’ll miss you like crazy so don’t take too long on getting your powers back so you can visit me, ne?” he too was about to cry but he did his best not to. He pulled back and wiped the little girl’s tear-stained face before forcing a joking smile.

“Who’s your manly appa?” he asked and Yeseul giggle at the question. “LuWei.” (Only Luhan)

Luhan’s departure caused Yeseul a simple cough but she wasn’t too sad about his dad’s leave. She knew he’ll be taking care of his health first before seeing her again and she would do the same. But only after taking care of her appas. She also got fever every midnight but that was it. Lay and Kyungsoo would cuddle her at night and cook her soup whenever she wakes up feeling bad and lull her to sleep again.

The remaining EXO members took Luhan’s leave calmly and in good terms. Yes, the feeling of emptiness the former member left was there but each and everyone supported each other’s back and Exo-L never failed to cheer the idols up despite of having snot hanging on her nose occasionally. It was supposed to be grossed but the members would laugh and thought it was cute.

“You sure you have everything?” the manager asked and Tao didn’t answer, still checking his luggage for the nth time.

“Yo sure you have everwiething?” the little girl repeated the manager’s words before giggling.

“I got it.” Tao smiled, watching Exo-L taunt the manager who couldn’t see her.

“A manager will be waiting in the nearest city. You can call him if something comes up.” the manager said and the little girl blinked in concentration, trying to recall every word the old man just said. She was looking up at him with a slight frown of concentration but when she failed on remembering every word, she turned to Tao, mimicking his manager’s serious expression.

“A manana willie willie nini jinki.” she blabbered with the same tone the manager used and Tao bursted out laughing, confusing the manager who just went out of the room to leave the idol alone to calm himself down.

“Don’t go.” The little girl pouted at her best as she hugged Tao’s neck. The idol hugged him back and smiled at the sweet little angel.

“We talked about this earlier, Yeseul-ah.” he whispered gently before kissing the child’s hair. “Tao appa won’t take long. Just 5 sleeps, right?” he said with hopeful voice but the little kid tightened her hold on him.

“Nooo...humpf.” The little girl whimpered and cue the crying making Sehun sigh. Yeseul insisted on sending her daddy Tao off and Sehun, having a day off came with her.

The manager came back, telling Tao it was time to go and Tao turned to him before walking to Sehun, handing him their fandom spirit. Yeseul kept clinging on Tao and refused to let go.

“I really have to go now, nini.” Tao struggled to untangle the little arms wrapped around his neck while Sehun helped him.

“Yeseul-ah, come to Sehunnie appa?” Sehun tried to coo but the little girl shook her head no followed by her broken sniffles. Feeling bad for the girl and Tao, Sehun ran his hand on the little girl’s back gently, leaning forward. They have no other choice than this.

“You only want Tao appa now, don’t you?” Sehun faked a hurt voice and Yeseul stopped crying. “I’m hurt. Aigoo. Our Yeseul doesn’t love me anymore.” the EXO maknae faked a cry and Yeseul slowly unwrapped herself from Tao to look back at her other appa.

Seeing her Sehun appa ‘crying’ Yeseul extended her little arms to Sehun. She wanted her appa to know what he said wasn’t true and EXO-L love them all equally. “Sehunnie Appa!” she reached out and Sehun took her in his arms, keeping the pout.

Seeing the opportunity, Tao gave Sehun a thankful smile and ruffled the kid’s head. “Tao appa will get back before you know it Yeseul-ah. Be a good girl, ne?” he told and Yeseul, realizing that she had let him go started reaching out for Tao but the idol quickly said his goodbye and went to where their manager was.

Sehun, struggled with the little girl in his arms and went back to the car with the help of the security who looked at him weirdly.

Yeseul sulked all day after their trip to the airport until they received a call from Luhan. The EXO members didn’t talk to him. The only one who talked to him was their fandom spirit who was rally happy to have heard of him. Luhan assured her about his health and promised to let her meet him sometime soon with his best friend in China. He also told her about going back to work and everything he has done after his exit from the group. And after an hour of talking, Yeseul, was finally called by her Baekhyun appa because it was pass her bed time.

Exchanging I love yous and I miss yous, Luhan and EXO-L ended the call. That night, Kai appa slept beside her, just in case she gets nightmares that usually happened when Luhan and Kris left.

When Tao got back to Korea with an injured foot, the rest of the EXO members and their fandom spirit was in LA for a concert. The members called him when Yeseul’s toe started to hurt and just like their hunch, Tao got injured. Of course he got scolded by the members but not only for hurting Yeseul but for not being careful himself and breaking the promise that he will comeback safely.

Feeling sorry or what happened and wanting to see Yeseul, Tao followed them to LA for the second day of the concert as soon as he finished receiving his basic treatments. And the next day, he was with the little girl again. Playing around in their hotel room with Yeseul playing the doctor and he was the patient. Kai, who was asleep beside them on the bed, was playing the role of another patient. It was quite funny because of the band aid he had stuck on one hole of his nose.

He got a nose bleed earlier because of fooling around and Yeseul insisted on treating him, resulting a band aid stuck on his nose. Sehun and Chanyeol never failed to take a photo of the poor main dancer too.

When they got back to SK after the concert, Tao’s parents were waiting at the airport and took their son to China. It happened in a flash that they realized Tao had taken Yeseul with him to his mother country. Tao assured the members she was fine though. He told the little girl they’ll have a date to make it up for those 5 nights he was away so she wouldn’t sulk about not being with her other appas while he convince his parents to let him go back.

As soon as he got back, he received treatments for his injuries and Yeseul stayed with her like a good girl she is. She kept glaring at the old man who took them away though but when Tao explained her that his father was just worried, she stopped. She treated her like another manager though and sometimes, played pranks on the old man.

Their stay in China was getting long and Yeseul was starting to ask for her other appas. It was been three days since he stopped contacting them. He wanted to enjoy his old life just for a little bit more before he could come back to Korea and re-join the others.

He missed lying on his bed without being ask for their next schedules. Without hangul classes, without wushu practices, without rehearsals, without nothing. Just him, his family and nothing else.

“Appa?” oh...And Yeseul. The little girl has taken a large chunk of his heart that he won’t be able to be without her. You can all say that he’s her vitamin. He was looking at the little girl, playing with the new toys Tao has bought her. She was wearing a cute frilly dress too, complementing her dark grey hair.

“Do you like it here Yeseul-ah?” he asked as he watched her rearrange her doll house.

“Hn! Tao appa is here.” she replied happily without looking at him. She was busy with her new toys.

“Aigoo! Smooth just like me.” he laughed and EXO-L looked at him with her big round eyes. “Smooth?”

“Nothing nini.” he ruffled the kid’s hair before continuing his trail of thoughts. What if he stays here with Yeseul? What if he doesn’t want to continue being an idol? Can he still keep Yeseul? He won’t care about anything. He just wants Yeseul and his old life back. The remaining members would understand him right? They’ve been suffering with him these past few years so they’d understand right?

Questions flooded his head as he felt the bed dip. EXO-L lied beside him with pinku-pinku in her arms.

“When will we see Kyunggie, Sehunnie, Baekkie, Channie, Jong, Suho, Lay Chennie, Umin appa?” the little girl asked and Tao brushed her hair from covering her face.

“Will you get sad if I tell you that appa will stay here?” he asked and the girl looked at his eyes.

“No. We’re with you always. But I miss the other appas.” she snuggled beside him and Tao cuddle the little girl. “Sehunnie and Chanyeol appa must’ve missed me and pinku-pinku and rila-ssi too.” she added.

“Do you want to see them?”

“Nae.”

“I’ll take you to them when they get here. I’m sorry Yeseul-ah. I’m too tired and scared to go back. I just want to be here and get my old life back.” Tao was already crying as he made up his mind.

“What about us?” the kid asked, confused.

“I’ll always love you, Yeseul-ah. Please always remember that. I just...I’m tired.”

“We don’t understand.” she said with a frown in her face. “But when Exo-L grows up, she will, right?” she added after a moment and the idol didn’t know what to reply.

“I’m… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

EXO-L watched the idol cry quietly. She didn’t know what to do and confused why he would leave her. But he will happy if he goes away, right?

“We forgive you. Appas would be sad without you.” she assured and smiled at him.

“You think so?” I bet they’d be furious and feel betrayed.

“Nae. We would be sad too but we will stop being sad because someday we will understand. Then, you will be happy and proud of me.” the fandom spirit said and Tao only hugged her tightly.

“Thank you Yeseul-ah.”

“Hn.” he heard her say but he also knew she was crying. Tao decided to go out with the little angel to enjoy their remaining days together. He sat up and wiped his tears away.

“Let’s go out, nini! Where do you want to go today?” he said, trying to be cheerful and Yeseul just sat up, still feeling down but responded anyway.

“Let’s go and see Hai Lang!” (waves)

A few more days have passed and Tao finally managed to go back to Korea with Yeseul. Kai and Chen were the ones who took Yeseul from him.

They took her wordlessly and acted like he was never there. They would smile and go cheerful on Yeseul though, just like what he has been doing to the little girl the pass few days they were together but Tao understood them.

He told them that he wouldn’t come back. They were upset for good reasons. And for him, it’s his time to let go.

The public has finally found out about Tao’s possible withdrawal from the group. The embers were pissed off and felt betrayed by his sudden leave but one thing was for sure, he won’t be coming back anymore. Not when he returned Yeseul to them just like a toy.

Sensing the dark atmosphere in the practice room, EXO-L stood up, interrupting the minute of silence they have. “Tao appa wants to stay there.”

“Then he can stay all he wants.” Kai said before walking out, startling the little girl.

“Kai appa.” she mumbled as she watched the idol walk out of the door. It hurt her to see her idols walking away from her one by one. It is her? What did she do? Is she not enough anymore? The little girl cried and Chanyeol was the one who comforted her.

“It’s okay, honey. Appa wasn’t mad at you. He’s just… disappointed.”

“We are too!” The idols inside the room was shocked. Yeseul has never been this mad before. She looked so frustrated despite of her cries. “We are hurt. Why did they leave us? Will you leave us too? What did we do? Why?! Don’t you love us anymore?” she asked in a pleading and broken voice.

“We don’t understand…” She wiped her tears and went to hug the shocked Chanyeol. “But we’ll understand him someday. Somehow. Because that’s what we do. We understand fans and appas.” she said and the idols found themselves crying along with her. They were having a hard time just like their fans and their fandom spirit is the living proof of their grief.

“We’ll make it through, Yeseul-ah. Together.” Lay tried to lightened up the situation but failed after seeing their little angel’s reaction.

Yeseul didn’t answer quickly, but after a moment, she nodded and the rest of the members were hurt. Just like Exo-L, their fans must be full of doubts and sadness too.

Lay cried even more and Yeseul hugged him and apologized for doubting him. She hugged him tight, not wanting to let go. “We will always believe in appa. Even if he leaves someday too.” she said and they all cried, Yeseul falling asleep as she did so.

The next day, Xiumin, Chen and Lay stayed in their dorm with Yeseul. The poor kid must’ve been so tired and sad because she was still sleeping in the afternoon. They let her sleep in though, knowing she was tired. But the late afternoon came and the little girl still didn’t wake up.

Then came the night and she remained asleep.