June 1st 2014

Jin had been sat in the main room when his mobile had rang first, his hands clenched around an xbox controller as the group all took part in what Ae-Cha had lovingly dubbed “I’m-going-to-kick-all-your-butts-at-games Night”. The basic ringtone had rang from his pocket for over a minute before the person ringing gave up and hung up the phone, allowing Jin to put his full focus on the game of Mario Party he was playing with the other members.

When his mobile rang for the second time, Yuuki let out an irritated sigh, pulling the controller from the Chinese boy’s hands. “Go answer the phone, Jin. It might be important. I’ll play your turn for you.”

“Yuuki, you’ll just sabotage him.” Ae-Cha sighed as she took Jin’s controller from Yuuki, playing Jin’s turn. “I’ll do it, I’m less likely to screw you over.”

“I would do no such thing!” Yuuki gasped, but picked his own controller up at Jin stood, pulling the phone from his pocket and hurrying to his bedroom.

Glancing at the screen, Jin swore lightly at the caller ID displaying his Mother’s name. He was going to get in trouble for not picking up the first time, that’s for sure.

However, steeling himself and pressing the “answer” button on his touch screen, Jin pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Mom.” He greeted with a smile while climbing onto the top bunk of his and Yuuki’s bed, lying himself back on the cool covers. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, Jin…” His mother hesitated. The fact her tone wasn’t angry for him not picking up instantly was enough to set Jin’s heart sinking in his chest.

“Mom? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” He furrowed his brow, rolling over a little to look at the picture of his parents he had hung beside his bed for when the stress got to be a little too much, for when he forgot why he was putting himself through the rigorous life.

“Everything…everything’s fine, Jin. Don’t worry, I shouldn’t have called. I’ll just go now.”

“No! No, wait, Mom. I know something’s wrong.”

“It’s fine, Jin… I should have thought about how busy you are before calling, I apologise, I’ll let you get back to work.”

“I’m not working right now, I’m free to talk. It’s fine, really. The others are having a game night, it’s our night off.”

His mother’s voice cracked as she spoke this time, a little sniffle causing an ache in his chest. “Really though, Jin, I don’t want to disturb you on your night off. It’s not right of me. I’ve been watching your debut stages, you’re amazing, you know that? You’re all working so hard. I’m so proud.”

“Mom, please don’t change the subject… tell me what’s going on, please? I don’t mean to be rude but I can tell you’re near tears, I’m worried, please?”

She hesitated for almost a whole minute before his mother’s small, frail voice tore his heart open. “Your grandmother died.”

Jin’s world slowed to a stop, his heart pounding viciously in his chest. He must have heard his mother wrong, that was the only explanation. His grandmother couldn’t have just died. He’d spoken to her just 2 weeks ago when they’d debuted, she’d called him to congratulate him on a successful first stage, she’d sounded so happy, so proud.

The woman who he’d lived with most of his life through his parent’s messy divorce couldn’t have just left him like that.

“Jin I’m so sorry, she passed away last night but…but I didn’t know how to tell you, I don’t want to distract you from your work but…but you had a right to know. Jin, baby I’m sorry, I know how much she me-”

Jin hung up the phone, dropping it onto his pillow. He knew it was disrespectful of him to hang up on his mother in such a way but…everything just ached. He felt hollow, numb to the world, but at the same time, as if a hole had been torn into his stomach and chest.

Slowly, he pushed himself up from the bed, not flinching as the top of his head hit the ceiling, and climbed down the ladder. He had to get away, away from the spying eyes and eavesdropping ears, just…away. With this thought firmly implanted in his mind, Jin broke into a run, bursting through the bedroom door and straight passed his band mates, who visibly jumped at the sudden action of the door opening, before finally hurrying out of the dorm itself.

Jin didn’t know how long he’d been running, nor in what direction, but eventually he found himself outside of ACE’s practice studio. Bringing up a shaking hand, Jin rubbed at his cheek, flinching slightly at the dampness on his face. Who knows if he’d passed any fans while running blindly, sobbing through the streets with eyeliner trailed down his face?

But on second thoughts of the situation, he really couldn’t care less.

His grandmother was dead and he was worried about what the fans thought of his appearance? No, it wasn’t right.

His grandma cuddling him as his father dropped him off when he was 3 years old, in tears and confused. Her perfectly cooked egg fried rice, warm hotpots and comforting shrimp dumpling soup, her warm, baby powder scent that always calmed his nerves, the coins she slipped into his hand when she thought his parents weren’t looking… his grandmother had been his best friend, his number one fan, his main supporter when he decided that he wanted to be part of the Kpop world.

It was his grandmother that had taken him to audition for ACE when his father had told him to keep dreaming, his grandmother who helped with the costs, his grandmother who he cried to when the stress became too much…now she was gone and he wasn’t even there to say goodbye.

A scream tore itself from Jin’s throat as he barrelled his way into the familiar practice room, tears once again streaming down his face as he gripped hold of his hair. Jin dully thought about how obvious and cliché he was being at that moment. Going to scream out his sorrows and frustrations in the practice room where all the magic happened… the thought brought a weak smile to his face, the taste of salt entering his senses as the thick tears trickled inbetween his lips, gathering at the corners before another scream ripped free. He grabbed the closest thing to him, the cd player that sat on a stand by the door, throwing it with all his might into the middle of the room before shoving over the stand itself.

He heard the door open behind him, a soft curse getting let out before two strong arms wrapped themselves around his stomach, pinning his arms to his side and preventing the distraught teenager from causing anymore damage.

Hanni’s worried face swam into Jin’s teary vision, his dark eyes wide but calm, lips moving in what Jin assumed to be comforting, calming words. But the Chinese member couldn’t hear anything over his heart pounding and the blood rushing through his ears.

So, in his panic, Jin began to lash out, struggling to get out of the younger’s arms, struggling to get away from the force preventing him from showing his anger at the world.

When Jin’s fist connecting with Hanni’s stomach, however, the red mist almost instantly disappeared from his vision, the gasp of pain cutting through the loud sound of Jin’s heartbeat and bloodflow as he froze, standing completely still as Hanni let go of him, his long arms encircling themselves around his own stomach as the younger fought to catch his breath from Jin winding him.

“H-Hanni,” Jin stuttered, quickly standing and hurrying to his side. “Hanni-ah, oh my god I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t mean to I swear! I’m so sorry!”

“Hyung, calm down, it’s okay. I’m fine, don’t worry.” He panted, giving the older a small smile while slowly lowering himself to the floor so he didn’t fall over. “However, now you have to tell me what’s wrong…”

Jin’s eyes widened before he quickly moved his gaze to the floor, trying to burn a hole into the ground to swallow him up. “It’s nothing, Hanni, don’t worry.”

“Jin, you just had such a bad panic attack you trashed the practice room and punched me… I think you need to tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong…”

“You can’t help either way, Hanyeul-ah, unless you can bring back the d-dead.” The tears began to flow again as Jin’s voice broke on the last word. Hanni’s expression dropped to one of sadness almost instantly.

“B- bring back the dead? W-what do you mean, Hyung? What’s happened?”

“My grandmother,” Jin hiccupped out, hiding his leaking eyes behind his hands. “She’s gone, my grandmother’s gone.”

Hanni wasted no time in reaching out and pulling the older towards him, running his hands through the bleached silver hair in an attempt to soothe the man as he began to sob into his shoulder.

If he’d been in his right state of mind, Jin would have been thoroughly embarrassed by the situation. He tried to be reserved and calm at all times, keeping a level head when others failed to. Having been brought up in such a broken household, he’d had to learn to look out for himself at times when his grandmother couldn’t look out for him…yet here he was, sobbing his heart out on the shoulder of a boy two years younger than him.

Hanni stayed like that for what felt like hours, his hands running through Jin’s hair in an attempt to calm him, holding him close and doing his best to soothe the man who was slowly but surely becoming like a brother do him. When Jin slumped, his once frantic breathing becoming slow and even, Hanni relaxed a little, wiping his face of the few tears he’d shed from sympathy pain.

Carefully pulling out his mobile, Hanni sent a quick text to Hyo, letting him know where they were and that Jin was okay and that he’d bring him back soon. Hanni relaxed as Hyo replied with a short “That’s fine,” allowing Jin to rest on him.

When Hanni’s phone flashed with another text, his face lit up at the ID that appeared. If anyone knew how to cheer Hanyeul up while his heart ached for his friend, it was this girl.

Jimin.