I heard the chirping of birds and felt the warmth of the sun on my face, I slowly opened my eyes and realised it was the morning. The warm body I had felt by my side the night before was no longer there. I sat up and scanned the unfamiliar room, rubbing my eyes. There was no noise, so I called her name;

‘Taeyeon?’

Still nothing, she had left. I was so confused; was she mad at me? maybe she had a schedule? But why wouldn’t she wake me up?

I checked my phone, I had many texts mainly asking where I was, I feel asleep so fast last night I forgot to tell anyone I wouldn’t be at the dorm, they must be worried sick. But none from Taeyeon.

I text Tom first - ‘Sorry Tom, I’m on my way to SM now, I’ll explain the rest later.’

I started texting Taeyeon asking where she has gone but as I was about to hit send, I stepped on something sharp. I looked down to find a smashed iPhone on the floor, it had clearly been throw across the room. Rage filled me momentarily thinking about how scared Taeyeon must have been to be in the presence of that psycho!

I had no other way to get a hold of Taeyeon and I was already late for training, so after I made sure her apartment was locked, I hailed a taxi near her apartment and headed straight to SM.

I tried to get along with my day as best as I could, trying to forget about the events of the night before, well most of it. Of course, I couldn’t help but to remember the kiss, our first kiss. I can’t lie, it felt amazing, the chemistry between us was obvious. I’d been with girls before but nothing felt as right as this. I knew now though that I yearned for her, I wanted for more.

I was tired after a long day of training, I still had no way of getting a hold of Taeyeon, so I decided to go to the Apple store at lunch and buy her a new phone. I had told Tom what had happened, he was as mad as me.

Tom and I had just left the building and were heading home. As we walked down the street, we saw flashing lights to our left. We saw a silver Mercedes in a car park who had flashed us, but that’s when I realised;

‘Wait, I think that’s Taeyeon’s car….’

‘Really? Wow, that’s a nice ride! Think she’ll give me a spin?!...’

I hit him in the arm, I was in no mood for his jokes.

‘Well, what are you waiting for! Get over there, don’t want to keep her waiting!’ He pushed my shoulder and carried on walking down the road.

I headed over to the car, slightly unsure. As I got closer the passage door opened. I looked in to find those eyes that made me weak staring back at me.

‘Hey Bo, get in’ She smiled shyly.

I opened the door and entered the car, walking at Tom as he headed off down the street.

‘Hey Tae, how are you feeling?’

‘Better thanks, sorry I was gone this morning, I had a meeting early, I didn’t want to wake you.’

‘That’s alright, I’m just glad you’re okay, I was worried.’

She smiled shyly, turning her head to face out the window and letting out a sigh. Something wasn’t right, she wasn’t acting like herself. Her eyes were red, she looked like she had been crying all morning. I tried to turn the mood;

‘oh, by the way, I thought you might need this.’ I handed her the iPhone I had bought on my lunch. ‘I know how addicted you are to that thing; I don’t know how you’ve lasted all morning without one.’ I smiled in her direction as she turned towards me, looking a surprised.

‘omo, Bobby, you shouldn’t have! I can’t accept this…’ I interrupted her.

‘Don’t, I won’t take it back, I want you to have it, please.’

Her eyes met mine, she looked like she was about to cry. Now I knew something was wrong, that look of adoring she usually gave me was gone, replaced with a look of sorrow.

‘Taeyeon, what’s wrong?’

She stayed quiet for a while.

‘I don’t know how to say this…’

I got a little annoyed and impatient, we were so close for so long, how can she struggle to tell me anything. I stayed quiet, slumping deeper into the seat.

‘Bobby, we can’t do this. I mean I can’t. My meeting this morning, it was about you.’

I turned my body to look at her directly, a confused expression covered my face. She couldn’t look at me.

‘It was with Junyoung head of the trainees. He told me Leetuek had spoken to him this morning, telling him about you and me. He, of course, left out the part about him trashing my apartment. Junyoung, he was mad…. to say the least…’

I got mad, cursing at that bastards actions. I could hardly speak; I was just raging.

‘What does Junyoung have to do with anything?!’

She finally turned to me and tried to calm me down, I was riled up by now, but after I felt her hand on my knee, I couldn’t help but to calm down at her touch. She looked me in the eyes and continued talking.

‘Bo, the company have strict rules about dating, that why most idols keep them quiet. He told me if I kept seeing you, he would make sure you never debut, and ever get rid of you from SM all together.’

I paused a moment, taking in what she has just told me, her eyes never left mine as she waited for my response. Then my anger took over, my fist smashed against the dashboard of her car. Taeyeon couldn’t help but to jump back.

‘ IT, I don’t even care anymore! A company can’t control my life, they don’t get to make my life decision for me, I’m sick of this !’

As a continued to curse and vent my frustration, she spoke…

‘I can’t see you anymore, it will be too hard, in time maybe we can become friends but for now, it’s for the best. I’m sorry.’

I was stunned, she was just going to agree with them and leave me just like that! I was still so angry, and the thought of not being able to see her added to my anger.

‘So it’s that easy for you huh, just cutting me out your life like I’m just another ing admirer. I can’t believe this…’

‘Bobby, please, don’t! It’s not like that, you know it, you’re just upset!’

‘Upset? UPSET! I’m more than that Tae, I knew I was a ing idiot for believing you…’ I opened the door her car and slammed it shut. I stormed back towards the road and headed towards SM.

I felt like crying but I never could cry since I was younger, I flinched my fists in frustration. I was angry at this whole situation, they warn you about how hard you work as an idol but not this other load of bull; the politics and s.

I wasn’t angry at her though, I could never be. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that but I couldn’t help it, but now I can’t help but think loving someone shouldn’t be this hard.

I was walking with that much pace I reached SM in 5 minutes rather than the 10 it usually took. I shouldn’t have really gone there after speaking to Taeyeon, especially if Leetuek was there, I was sure I couldn’t help but knock him to the floor if I seen him.

Almost immediately after entering the building, I was greeted by Junyoung, almost like he was waiting for me. I looked at him with contempt but managed to control my feelings.

‘Bobby, we need to talk. Follow me.’

He turned and led me down the corridor towards his office. I took and seat and waited for him to start talking.

‘Listen, it’s come to my attention that you and a certain top artist of ours have been becoming inappropriately close to a point where I feel we need to intervene, and action needs to be taken to prevent this issue escalating.’

I stayed quiet, I was still trying to keep my cool, I couldn’t risk doing anything stupid.

‘So, let’s get right to the point. Your options. A, keep seeing her and you’re out. It’s as simple as that. Or B, agree to stay away, and you’ll debut in 3 months as part of our new boy band.’

I looked up and looked at him, trying to tell if he was just bluffing to try and make me stay.

‘New group? I didn’t know you were planning to debut a group so soon…?’

‘It was decided last week, no one apart from senior management know thus far, but in hopes you make the right decision, I am letting you know in advance.’

I was in shock, was I really going to debut after all this time? But still, it was at a cost. I would have a lose her for good. I hated that he had put me in this position, I must have been taking a while to think of my answer as Junyoung spoke;

‘She didn’t hesitate you know…’

I looked up confused.

‘She agreed to stop seeing you almost immediately after I told her, why is it taking you so long to decide?’

She gave up so easily, I really must mean less to her than I had made myself believe I thought. I was gutted. With his words, my mind was made up. I looked towards the floor in defeat and spoke;

‘I choose B’

‘Smart choice, now get down to practice, your late, and don’t you dare think about telling anyone about our little conversation, got it?’

I nodded and left.