It was the day after filming for Tourism Korea and I had just arrived at SM for another day of training. There was a lot of fan girls outside the building which usually meant an idol group was in the building. Sure enough, as Tom and I headed to dance practice we bumped into a few members of SUJU: Kangin, Leetuek and Heechul.

We bowed slightly as Tom and I were quite close to Kangin and Heechul, having been out to bars and other social events together in private. But we both were still very formal with Leetuek as he was the leader. As I went to bow deeply towards him, he spoke.

‘Yah, this rookie has no manners.’ I was shocked. He hadn’t given me the chance to bow and he comes out with this. I wanted to saw something back however I had learnt during my time in Korea how important respect is, so I weakly apologized and continued bowing.

‘Stop playing Leetuek.’ Kangin hit him on the arm, assuming he had only meant it as a joke. But his facial expression told a different story.

‘I’m serious, these kids always coming in thinking they are the but let me tell you something…’

He leant into my face, his eyes never leaving my face.

‘You’re no one kid, you’re better off quitting now.’ My blood began to boil, how could a senior who I am meant to look up too tell me such things. I couldn’t hold my tongue, I had to say something.

‘How dare…’ My sentence was cut short by Heechul who grabbed Leetuek and pulled him away from me, trying to calm the situation.

‘Woah, well I think someone’s in a bad mood… sorry Bobby.’

‘Don’t apologise for me!’ He snapped at Heechul.

‘Well, be better get going…’ Tom pushed my back towards the dance hall.

‘What the hell was that about? Why was he such a towards you?’

‘How am I supposed to know? That’s only one of the few times I’ve even met him, how can he have such a negative view towards me, he doesn’t even know me!’ I was raging. The day went on like normal after that. Finally, it was time to go home.

Tom, Minwoo and I were waiting for Taeyong to get out of his singing lesson before we headed home. As we waited in the cafeteria, I got a text from Heechul.

‘Hey Bobo, I just wanted to make sure you are alright after what happened earlier. Leetuek can be kind of a jerk sometimes.’

‘Hey Chully, I’m fine, really thanks. I just don’t understand, what did I do wrong?’

‘Erm, about that, maybe we should meet? Wanna grab dinner at that sushi restaurant near your dorm?’

‘Sure hyung, meet you in one hour?’

‘Okay! See you then!’

It seemed like Heechul knew something I didn’t, maybe Leetuek was going through a hard time? Well hopefully I will find out soon.

‘Guys, change of plan. I’m heading off now to meet Heechul hyung. I’ll see you guys later.’

‘Wait, no invite?!’ Tom moaned.

‘Sorry, I want to go alone.’ He gave me a worried look but seemed to understand. So I headed off.

I had known Heechul for a while now, I meet him via some mutual friends just after I arrived at SM. Me, him and some other friends go out when we can. He was really close with Taeyeon as well. I liked it when he mentioned her, I secretly wished he would have invited her sometime to our outings. I never let him know of my attraction to her, I thought he might let it slip to her. I guess now I wondered if Taeyeon had told him what happened between us. I was curious to find out.

About 45 minutes had pasted and I arrived at the restaurant. Heechul had already arrived and got us a table. We greeted with a hug and began chatting casually. He hadn’t yet mentioned Leetuek and I got a bit inpatient.

‘So, what’s his deal then? What’s wrong with him? Or is he just a jerk.’ Heechul hit me on the arm, laughing.

‘I shouldn’t really be telling you this… she would kill me if she knew…’

‘She? Who Heechul?’

‘Come on Bo, we both know who I’m talking about.’ I gave him a confused stare, but in truth only one name came to mind - Taeyeon. But what could she have to do with this?

I shrugged as if I had no clue, but Heechul smirked as if he knew every one of my secrets.

‘Still not willing to be honest with your Hyung Bobby? Taeyeon of course!’ He chuckled teasingly.

‘But what could she have to do with this?’

‘Man, I REALLY shouldn’t be telling you this…’

‘Oh come on Chully! How can you not tell me!!!’

‘Alright, alright, well, Taeyeon and Leetuek, they kind of…used to date, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. But they broke up…’ I was shocked, I hadn’t seen this coming. Don’t get me wrong, I knew Taeyeon must have had a boyfriend at some point, but I had no idea it would be the leader of one of Korea’s biggest boy groups.

‘I had no idea…’

‘No one did really, it’s a major secret! Taeyeon even kept it from me until I caught them together! But now you get it right? Why Leetuek was horrible to you?’

‘Huh?’

‘Well you and your big mouth had happened to declare your love for his ex-girlfriend, Taeyeon, for the whole world to see!’

‘What are you talking about..’ Then I remember the interview. Leetuek must have seen it.

‘It’s like a real life drama! You’re stuck in a love triangle!’ He laughed at the situation I was in.

‘Yah! Don’t laugh man, wait, did you think Taeyeon seen the interview? Oh ….’

I never really thought about how Taeyeon would feel after seeing my confession, I just gave an honest answer. Wow, she must think I’m an absolute idiot, even after she rejected me, I come out with something like that! Once again, I’ve messed up any chance I had with her.

‘Well, it not like it wold have as a surprise to her, since it’s your second confession…’

‘I guess… wait, HYUNG YOU KNOW ABOUT MY CONFESSION?’

‘Yeah, I know about the night in the club! Who do you think consoled her that night!’

‘She told you? Consoled her? She was upset?’

‘Listen, here’s what happened, you show up at the party and Taeyeon couldn’t be happier! Then you go and hook up with some dancer and leave her devastated! After your chat on the balcony, she couldn’t leave fast enough - I managed to catch her before she left, only to find her all teary eyed and upset.’

‘Hyung, this makes no sense, she rejected me OKAY?! I told her how I felt and she left me, why would she be upset!’

‘Yah, your so naïve Bobby! Do I have to spell it out for you!? She likes you of course! Look, she’s just got out of a relationship and doesn’t think she’s ready for another one! That’s why she was so cold, not because she doesn’t feel the same way.’ I paused trying to take everything Heechul had said in, it was so much to process. Could it be true that she liked me back?

‘You’re just saying this to make me feel better, I’ll believe that when I hear it from her.’

‘You don’t wanna believe it Bobby, fine. I won’t interfere anymore, I just needed you to know the truth because no one else was going to say it! But know this, I’ve seen the flirty texts, the way you look at each other, and how your eyes light up when I mention her name. I know Leetuek is my band mate, but Taeyeon is my friend too, and quite frankly, I’ve never seen her as happy with him as she is just talking about you.’

I sat there in shock, I was drained. We sat in silence for a few minutes before continuing with our conversation. We avoided the topic of Taeyeon for the most part but I couldn’t get it out of my head. If what Heechul is saying is true, maybe I should take to her.

Eventually the night ended, and Heechul and I started saying our goodbyes. I thanked him for his honestly but I felt knots in my stomach. As he headed off in his car, I decided to walk. I had a lot to think about but it was getting late.

My pondering was cut short by a phone call.

‘Hello?’

‘SEE, you even have his number, you !’ I heard a man’s voice shouting, and in the background one other voice recognised immediately.

‘You’re insane Leetuek! Get out of my house!’ Taeyeon screamed at the him!

‘Taeyeon?’ I heard smashing glass just as the phone cut off. Oh , I’ve got to get to her apartment before she gets hurt.

I knew where it was from the time she had helped me in my time of need, so I quickly hailed a taxi and gave him an address just around the corner as not to let him know my final destination. It felt like forever in the taxi however it must have been about 10 minutes before I reached the right place.

Visions of Taeyeon in danger led me to sprint down the road into her building complex. I ran up the 10 floors to reach her apartment door, it was open. I leaned the door open, unsure of what I would fine. The first thing I saw was glass from a vase scattered around the floor.

I screamed out in terror, afraid for her safety!

‘TAEYEON???’ I hear a voice shout my name back.

I turned the corner to find Taeyeon leaning over the kitchen counter, clearly out of breath. I ran up to her and placed my hand on her back.

‘Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you did he?’ I gently placed my hand on her cheek and moved her face towards mine to check she was okay.

‘I’m okay Bobby, I thought he was going to…’ She looked relived I was there, as if everything was going to be okay now I there. She leaned in and hugged me tight. I had never felt so close to her, her bodied pressed against each other as she pulled me tighter.

‘Where is he Taeyeon?’

‘He left…’

‘That bastard, wait until I find him…’ I turned towards the door as if to leave and go find him, but she only pulled me closer once again.

‘No please Bobby, stay with me.’ How could I say no to that. I followed her to the sofa where she laid down, clearly exhausted.  I got her a glass of water and tided up the glass from the floor. I let her calm down before speaking.

‘Taeyeon, before anything, I want to tell you I know about you and Leetuek. But what happened?’

‘You do? Heehcul I guess? Well, he came over drunk and uninvited, we got into an argument.’

‘About what?’

‘Well, you.’ I sat back confused.

‘Me?’

‘He asked if we could try again, me and him. But I said no. Then he went off raging saying it was because of you.’

‘Oh no, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault, if I hadn’t have said anything in that interview...’

She sat up and faced me. She looked me dead in the eyes with an endearing look, our faces were inches apart.

‘No it’s not Bobby! I told him myself, I told him I liked you.’ My eyes widened. It was the words I never thought she would say.

‘But that night…’

‘I’m sorry Bobby, I was scared. I knew I had strong feelings for you but dating is so hard for an idol. The secret dates, and little affection. I didn’t want to put you through that.’

‘But that’s what I want Taeyeon. I would do that to be with you.’

As soon as my words left my mouth, I felt her lips on mine. My hand moved to the back of her neck and her hand on my side. It started slow but as the longing we had both felt took over, we kissed harder, tilting our heads from side to side. I had never experience anything like this.

Finally, we slowly released our lips from one another and smiled longingly at each other.

‘Stay here tonight Bobby.’ I nodded my head. I took my shoes off and lay behind her on the sofa. I wrapped my arms around her waist as our legs intertwined. I felt her breathing slower as she drifted off. Soon we were both asleep.