DARA

“Wohooo!” I exclaimed as I let the wind hugged my body as my skateboard slid down the pavement. I feel so free every time I skateboard with the boys – just hanging out and showing off some moves.

“Hey Dee!” one of the boys called. “Isn’t that your school mate or something?”

“Huh?” I blankly asked as I looked at the direction Jongup was pointing. I frowned when I saw Jiyong at one side of the park, silently watching. No, he wasn’t watching, he was ogling at me.

“You’ve got an admirer!” he teased.

I frowned. “Believe me, he’s the last person you would want as an admirer.”

“I don’t think he’s that bad,” he said. “He’s just a little. . . skinny for a guy, just like you.”

I cleared my throat. “Let’s just get back to skateboarding,” I said. “We have a big competition ahead of us.”

“Sure thing,” he said with a nod and went to show off some moves to the girls watching. I shook my head at him but smiled nevertheless. But it soon faded away when I felt eyes on me. I felt it a while ago but I ignored it. People come and go here. Some just watches us skateboards, others ogles and others just hangs out and doesn’t give us a second of their attention. It was a little recreational park made for the youth who likes sports.

There’s a basketball court, tennis court, and the likes. They even made platforms for us skaters. A while ago, I thought it was only just one of the bystanders who just hangs out and watches us but now that I was made aware about his presence, I suddenly felt suffocated, as if I needed to get away to get some air. My moves are restrained and the boys noticed it.

Oh crap, why am I acting like some sort of a weirdo? Unable to hold it in, I went to approach him with a frown. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He raised his brows at me. “Am I not allowed to go here?”

“You know what I mean,” she said. “Did you follow me?”

“Yes,” he answered with a straight face. I expected him to deny it. I expected him to give me lame excuses but his honesty took me off guard that I stood there looking like a stupid person closing and opening my mouth as I thought of something to retort. “Don’t you think you’ve chosen a dangerous hobby?” he asked a while later as he started to walk my way.

I took a hesitant step back but decided to keep my ground. “What my hobby is or what happens to me is none of your business.”

“Too bad,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve decided to make everything about you my business.”

“What does that mean?”

He leveled his face with mine and took me by surprise at how close he was already without me noticing it. He smiled – that boyish smile I’ve seen several times he flashed to girls at school, that boyish smile that made most of the girls in our school swoon. “You’re so adorable,” he chuckled and bit his lower lip.

My eyes darted to his lips and I frowned. Was he trying to make a move on me again? I lifted my eyes to his and shot him a glare. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Why can’t he just let me be? I feel so angry and pissed every time he treats me like a girl. Although in literal terms, I am a girl but I’ve already told him several times about my preference. Why was he so stubborn about it?

My fists balled. I’m almost close to punching him when I heard the boys calling out to me. “Coming!” I called back to them without taking my eyes off of this stubborn male in front of me. “Leave,” I told him. “You don’t have any business here.”

“I think I already told you,” he said straightening up. “Whether you like it or not, I’m making everything about you my business.”

“Why?”

He just shrugged in return. I huffed and puffed as he stood there watching me with amusement in his eyes. “Don’t stare at me too long, you might fall hard.”

I grimaced. “You disgust me!” I spat.

He chuckled. But then he continued watching me with that same amused look that I felt heat started crawling to my cheeks. What on earth? I looked away and cleared my throat.

“Yo Dee, you comin’ or what?”

“Coming!” I called out to the boys again. I’m meant to just walk away without giving Kwon Jiyong the menace a glance but I felt my head turned to him once more. I just can’t fathom him at all. I shook my head and heaved a sigh. “You’re wasting your time, Kwon Jiyong. I suggest you leave.”

“What I do with my time is up to me to decide,” he answered coolly.

He’s seriously getting on my nerves but I decided to just let it go. I know he was trying to get me to bicker with him and he’d launch on to saying that I was acting feminine and all and he’d start giving me that stare again and. . . oh to hell with it. Why am I even bothering?

I turned away and started heading towards back to the boys when I heard him mumble cute. Don’t look back, I told myself. I was tempted to look back and shot him another glare but I stopped myself from doing so. It wasn’t a very manly act to do so I pretended to not hear anything and just went on my way.

I managed to ignore his presence for the next two hours and instead focused on the team tricks we’re planning to do for the competition. Being up in the air, being kissed by the wind as I make my way through the platform gives me a different level of happiness that I always find myself smiling. I feel free, I feel like this is the place where I don’t get judged for my choices and for who I am.

I know how cruel the society was, I’ve seen what it did to Hanri and Minyu. The thought of my mom and Minyu suddenly brought me to a stop and I frowned. I knew just what it did to them but I’m pursuing and courting Suzy. I bit my lower lip as guilt suddenly flooded me. Stupid, I thought to myself, mentally slapping myself. Do I have the heart to do this to Suzy? What if people find out who I really am? She’ll get ridiculed together with me.

That’s what happened to Minyu that’s why we’ve been moving from one place to another. Everytime people start to discover they are lovers; they start judging and ridiculing them; treat them and me badly.

A movement at the corner of my eye caught my attention. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realize the boys were all staring wide at me while pointing upwards. I looked up and saw a skater up in the sky with his board just above me losing height. The board was just a few feet from my face when I felt arms pulled me away from harm’s way.

I’m starting to notice about my growing awareness towards him. I know it’s him even without looking, even when he got my face buried in his chest with one hand on top of my head.

I pushed him away upon realizing our position. How can he just hug me like that in front of all these people? “Thanks man,” I said audibly for the people nearby to her. I then looked up to him and was greeted by a very angry looking Kwon Jiyong. Eh? What’s wrong with him?

“Dee! Are you okay?”

“That was close!”

“Why were you spacing out?”

The boys all fussed when they reached me that I wasn’t able to ask Jiyong why he looked so angry. But then, I caught myself. Why am I even bothered? And why should I bother asking anyways?

“Hey,” the skater who almost fell on me approached me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Sorry I was in the way, I was a bit preoccupied.”

“Good thing your friend’s here,” he said, nodding towards Jiyong’s leaving figure. “You should be more careful.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him.

“Erm, your skateboard didn’t survive though,” he said. “Sorry.”

My face fell as I stared at my broken skateboard. I swallowed the lump I started feeling forming in my throat.

“Don’t worry Dee, we’ll get you a new one,” Himchan said. The rest of the boys said their yeahs in unison. It was somewhat reassuring but it didn’t manage to take away the sadness in my heart.

This was my very first skateboard. It’s been with me for years. I feel like I’ve just lost my best friend.

The boys tried cheering me up and I gave them smiles and told them I’m okay. I appreciate their effort and not smiling back or saying I’m okay feels like I’m letting them down. We eventually had to cut our practice short. I started heading towards the bus stop with a heavy heart and feet.

Kwon Jiyong was already at the bus stop when I arrived. He didn’t spare me a glance so I’m not really sure if he’s aware I arrived or not but I didn’t really bother knowing. I’m not in the mood to talk or to even do anything. I just want to stare at my broken skateboard and mourn my loss.

The bus arrived minutes later. I climbed on it with my head bowed. My heart felt so heavy that I just want to cry but boys don’t cry so I held it in. there weren’t too many people in the bus so I managed to find a seat at the end and near the window. With a sigh, I looked out through the window, my head in a swirl of thoughts, not really processing I see. I felt the bus started moving and I just heaved a sigh. I felt eyes on me and I chose to ignore that nagging feeling. I seriously wasn’t in the mood.

I shouldn’t mourn over a simple skateboard and the boys were right, we can replace it in no time but I feel quite sentimental towards it for some reason that eventhough the boys told me to just throw it away, I decided to carry my broken skateboard with me.

I was too preoccupied that when I felt a hand around my wrist and started pulling me out to the doors, I didn’t even protest. I didn’t even look up. I didn’t even wonder why some person was pulling me out of the bus. I didn’t even panic.

I felt my wrist freed from the hand of the person and that’s when I slowly looked up to my surroundings and realized I was at my stop already. I then looked at the person who was standing in front of me. Kwon Jiyong.

He still looked angry but not as angry as he did a while ago. I sighed and looked down. I should thank him for pulling me out of the bus on the right stop. I would have ended up somewhere else if he didn’t do so but I found myself not having the energy to do so. With another sigh, I turned around and started heading home.

I was walking in a really slow pace. I was literally dragging my feet towards home. I don’t know how many minutes it has been but I was still within the same area with no progress. I seriously wanted to run away but I just didn’t have the energy to do so. I wanted to be alone but the presence behind me was making it hard for me to drown in my own little pathetic misery.

I ignored him at first but when I noticed him still following me when he could just have taken the other way to his house; I stopped in my tracks and faced him. “What are you doing?” I asked in a tired voice. “Your house is over that direction,” I said, pointing to the direction.

“I’m walking you home,” he said, sounding as if it’s the most normal thing on earth.

“Why would you do that?”

He raised his brows at me and looked at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Young woman, do you even know what time it is? It’s not safe for you to walk alone on your own.”

I sighed. “I can manage. Just go home.” I wanted to argue about him calling me young woman but then again, I just didn’t have the energy for it.

“You can manage?” he snorted. His face suddenly turned dark and in a blink of an eye, I found myself pinned against a metal post. “You can’t even stop me, what more if there were drunk grown up men?”

“Why would drunk grown up men attack a young boy with his broken skateboard?” I asked, my eyes started shining at the mention of my broken skateboard. “They don’t really know my body belongs to a girl, do they? So why would they bother sparing me a glance?”

To my surprise, I started feeling tears pooling in my eyes that I had to bit my lower lip down and had to look away from him. “Are you about to cry?”

“Of course not,” I said but my voice broke anyways.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, stepping back.

Despite myself, I found myself laughing. He seriously thought I’m on the verge of crying because I got scared? I shook my head and heaved a sigh. “You sure are conceited, aren’t you? I doubt I’ll even shed a tear for you or because of you.”

“I don’t intend to see a tear from your eyes because of me or for me,” he said, making me look up at him. He was frowning and he looked so damn serious that I just burst out laughing.

“Boys don’t cry, you know.”

“Well, you’re not literally a boy,” he said but then he smiled. “I know you’re depressed with your skateboard but I’m glad I was able to make you laugh. And. . .” he paused and took out his phone. He pressed something on it and I felt myself stiffened. He recorded my laugh but what made me froze was the sound of it. It was high-pitched and so. . . so. . . girlish. “I like this laugh.”

Oh damn, now what? I frowned. That’s the. .  the first time I think I laughed so carelessly like that. I knew how my laugh sounded and so I practiced several times to tone it down that I’m so sure I mastered my laugh to sounding different to my usual careless and carefree laugh. But he caught me off guard. I eyed his phone as if it was my death sentence. What’s he going to do with a recording of my laugh?

“Delete that!” I hissed.

“I don’t want to,” he said. “I’ll have this as my message alert tone.”

“You’re joking!” I exhaled, scandalized.

“Don’t worry, they won’t recognize it’s you. Your usual laugh sounds so different to this,” he said.

He played it again and it made me groan in frustration. “Ugh, stop playing that thing!”

“Listening to your laugh like this. . .” he said. There was a sudden change in his tone that it alerted my sense for some weird reasons. Something in my head telling me to run away but being a stubborn person that I am, I faced him full on and he was giving me that look again that I just found myself looking away. Right, I really need to go. “I want to kiss you.”

“What?” I sputtered.

“I suddenly had this weird urge to kiss you,” he said as he bit his lower lip down as his eyes went to my lips then up to meet my eyes.

For the second time in my life, I got kissed again. . . by the same person. But the kiss was different this time. If the first time was just a smack or a peck or whatever you call it, this time, my mouth was pressed hard against his.

This is not me. This person is a boy. I’m a boy. This is not right. This is not. . . . I need to push him away. I need to but before I can even do so, he pulled away so quickly that I staggered sideways.

“Oh damn,” he whispered. “How am I going to stop now?”