Keys P.O.V:

All the time I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, staring down at the ocean below, ready to leap. My whole world had changed because one person was now missing from my life, the person I loved. Everything was so quiet without Jonghyun, Onew had gone back to his smoking habits and alcohol, Taemin’s torrets came back and Minho couldn’t help but take a blade to his wrists every once in a while. What was wrong with me you may ask? Nothing. I feel nothing, no emotions, no heartbreak. Nothing. Just like how Jonghyun feels, lying six feet under the ground in a ing wooden box. I mean I cry, scream and plea but yet I still feel nothing. It was my fault, everything was my fault. His death, the suffering everyone felt and the self harm to our own bodies due to misery. Jonghyun was dead and there was nothing that would change that.

 “Key where are you going!” Jonghyun shouted as he grabbed my arm harshly and pulled me back, I tried to pull away from him but he was too strong.

“Jonghyun! Keep away from me! Don’t touch me; I can’t do this to Minho!” I screamed as I broke free and ran out the front door with Jonghyun following close behind me.

“Stay away, Stay away Jonghyun! It would break Minho’s heart! You practically tried to me!” I sprinted across the road, I was running from someone I loved but he loved Minho. It felt like I was being used. Then it happened. A flash of light, screeching tires, a cry for help. Jonghyun ran across the road without looking. Then the tragic accident took his life.

I basically took his life away from him, I threw him away like a piece ing paper and I resented the thought. He loved me and I loved him but Jonghyun still loved Minho, using me as a dirty little whenever he needed it if Minho wasn’t around. Well, that’s what it felt like. Even though he was gone it still felt like he was here in a way, the cold shivers that run down my spine; his fingers, the tickles on my neck; his lips, the ache in my stomach; his body, the noises in the night; his voice. Even though Jonghyun practically forced himself upon me, I miss him. I miss his warmth, my skin has become cold. I miss his laugh, I never laugh anymore. I miss him, im lost without him. None of the members knew that Jonghyun was after me when he was killed; no one knew it was my fault. After time the pain eased and then it sunk back in again, making us into the disaster we are now.

I gasped for breath and threw my head back as Jonghyun came hard inside me. The pleasure was too intoxicating to speak. Jonghyun pulled his length out slowly then took his hand to tilt my chin so I was looking into his deep brown eyes. Those eyes took my breath away, exquisite dark brown eyes filled with so much passion.

I ran my hands up his torso as he leant above me, he kissed my lips; oh so tender, so soft. He slid his tongue into my mouth; oh so delicious. I entwined my tongue with his in a heated, kiss. He tangled one hand in my hair and caressed my cheek with the other. The kiss broke, both of us panting slightly.

“Jonghyun…you’re trembling,” I hummed into his ear in a soft voice.

“I’ll be okay,” Jonghyun smiled.

I picked up the covers and pulled them over us both. The air was cold but our bodies were heated in each others embrace.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“Key…I love you too,” Jonghyun replied.

Our last night together, breath taking. It wasn’t just , it was love making. I loved him and he loved me but Minho had already claimed Jonghyun’s heart as his. The coloured blonde and brown hair, muscular physique, sharp jaw line, long neck, extended eyelashes; I remember every detail of him to the point where I knew how he walked and how his mouth curved into a giant grin every time someone mentioned my name. I guess you could say it broke my heart? An emotion, I haven’t felt one of those in a long time. It’s usually cold nights like this where I lie awake, completely lost in my thoughts, wrapped up in a blanket to substitute the warmth that Jonghyun would have given me and just wonder what my life would be if Jonghyun was still here.

“Jonghyun, why can’t you choose between me and Minho? Is it really that difficult?” I asked as I snuggled closer to him on the couch.

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. He is everything your not and you are everything his isn’t,” Jonghyun sighed as he ran his long fingers through my hair, twisting the ends of each strand.

“Jonghyun…” I said faintly.

“Yeh Key,” He replied and place his hand in the centre of my chest.

“Never mind,” was all I could say. Jonghyun shuffled slightly in his seat then got up to go to the bathroom.

“Jonghyun, why won’t you just choose me?” I asked myself.

Later that very day Jonghyun gave me a necklace. It was half a heart that engraved the words ‘Forever’ on the front and to this day I still wear it. It’s like a good luck charm I guess but I haven’t been getting much luck with anything lately. It reminded me that even though he is gone we are still together in my heart and at the moment I wish I was in his.  

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Oh My Gawd >.< Angst so we meet again >.<

I start school again tomorrow so might not update till uhh Friday :/ (my weekend is Friday and Saturday)

School for one day.....WTF!

Anyway i still have a cold but im almost better :D and my diet has left me starving D:

I shall try and update when i can :3

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