He’s going to throw up. That’s all there is to it. Swallowing the bile, he rushes towards the nearest trashcan and leans over it, dry heaving. A couple holding hands gives him a wide berth, giving him disgusted looks, but he hardly notices. He straightens up, loosening his tie.

He’s drenched in sweat, so he shrugs out of his suit jacket. It doesn’t do much to cool him down.

His friends had been over the moon for him, even the usually straight-faced Sehun. They had all gathered at Club Espresso after his unexpected phone call. Even Yixing had come to join them, and he somehow managed to keep his hands off Victoria long enough to offer his congratulations. They were all genuinely pleased for him; even Minseok had cracked a smile.

But Jongin is lost. It feels like he has been searching for Kyungsoo for so long now that he’s never really thought about what would happen when his search concluded. What if Kyungsoo hates him? What if he remembers their last night together, when they’d had and Kyungsoo had broken his arm, and blames Jongin for everything bad that has ever happened?

He has to make another run for the trash can.

The alarm on his phone goes off. It’s five minutes til six, when Kyungsoo had asked to meet. He had to come to Seoul for business, and he’d suggested meeting at a little sushi spot near the train station. It hasn’t gone over Jongin’s head that they had frequented this particular sushi spot many times when they were younger.

Jongin can’t put it off any longer. After all the horrible things he’s done to Kyungsoo, he can’t be late to this meeting. He uses his sleeve to blot some of the perspiration from his forehead and neck, then shrugs back into his suit jacket and adjusts his tie. It's now or never.

His hands are shaking as he pushes open the door.

Then he stops in his tracks.

Sitting at a booth at the back, facing away from Jongin, is a familiar head. Even if he isn’t looking, Jongin would know that messy hair anywhere. He freezes, his hand still on the door.

Part of him wants to turn and run, run as far away from that little sushi restaurant as he can. But then the head turns around and deargodholyinghell it is Kyungsoo, looking right at him with those big owl eyes. He looks as nervous as Jongin feels, his cheeks bright red, but then he waves and Jongin has no choice but to cross the restaurant towards him.

He walks stiffly, his arms swinging awkwardly by his sides. Has he always been so awkward when he walks? Has he forgotten how to walk?

Kyungsoo gets to his feet when Jongin approaches. He looks down, like he feels as awkward about everything as Jongin does, like he doesn’t know what to do either.

And then something in Jongin snaps. All of this – everything – had happened because he was such an idiot who tried to deny his true feelings. He had tried to hide how he really felt, and see where it had gotten him? He is suddenly quite convinced that he never wants to hide his true feelings again.

So, though he’d had a whole speech planned to greet his old friend, he says nothing. Instead, he grabs Kyungsoo’s face in his hands and crushes their lips together. Kyungsoo is shocked at first, but after only a second his eyes flutter closed and his arms snake around Jongin’s waist and he’s kissing back and it’s like no time at all has passed between them.

They kiss for what seems like ages, clinging to each other with a sort of desperation that only eleven years’ worth of separation can bring.

When they finally break apart, they’re both flushed in the face and panting hard.

“I thought you hated me,” Kyungsoo said, breathless, his arms still wrapped around Jongin’s waist.

“Hated you?” Jongin repeats incredulously. “Hated you? Are you ing serious? All this time, I thought you hated me!”

Kyungsoo laughs in disbelief. “How could I hate you? Jongin, I’ve loved you every single day of my life.”

And then Jongin is crying, clinging to Kyungsoo as though he is the only thing holding him to reality. “And I love you, Kyungsoo. I always have, only I was too scared to tell you. But I’m not scared anymore. I don’t care who knows it. I love you and I never want to be apart from you ever again.”

Kyungsoo buries his face in Jongin’s chest. “Good, because I put in a transfer to Seoul for my job. So I could be closer to you.”

Jongin laughs loudly. All of a sudden, it seems like all the worries he’s ever had are inconsequential. Kyungsoo is in his arms and Kyungsoo doesn’t hate him. What’s more, Kyungsoo says he loves him!

He presses a kiss to the top of Kyungsoo’s head. “Need a place to stay? I happen to have an apartment that you are more than welcome to.”

Kyungsoo blushes; Jongin can tell that he’s doing so even though the elder’s face is still buried in his chest. “I’d like that. A lot.”

“Good,” Jongin says. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

So this whole story came about after I read an article about a maternity home in Ireland murdering babies. (https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/tuam-ireland-house-of-tears/article36431106/) When I was in university, I happened to pick up a nonfiction book called 'The Girls Who Went Away'  by Ann Fessler (fantastic book, btw). It was about maternity homes, and I found it really super interesting. So I was chatting to my mom about it, and she sort of casually mentioned that she herself was born in a maternity home. So this kind of thing sort of hits close to home. 

And if you've stuck with me through this whole thing, I am both impressed and grateful. I started this story almost 6 years ago. A LOT has happened to me in the past 6 years. 

When I first started this story, I had just left everything I knew and loved behind and moved across the world to teach in Korea. I got engaged to the love of my life, who moved to Korea to be with me. I planned a wedding from overseas (which was super stressful and time-consuming, not being able to do anything in person). I got married. I got pregnant and was so sick that I even threw up on myself in the subway. I had a long and traumatic unmedicated labor to give birth to my sweet baby, Yuna (named after Yuna from Final Fantasy X). We moved back to America after over 3 years of living in Korea (wish I was still there, honestly lol). We bought a new house. I got pregnant again. My second pregnancy was really difficult. I was very sick again. I had a lot of health issues. I ended up having emergency surgery at 22 weeks to remove my gallbladder (the first surgery I'd ever had and it was done while I was pregnant, which was incredibly scary). I was in and out of the hospital for various health issues. Thankfully when it came time for labor, she pretty much shot out of there in less than 10 minutes (had an epidural this time, thank god). Unfortunately she was a super high needs baby and I had really bad post partum depression, so I didn't want to do anything. I also gained 30 pounds, which I STILL haven't lost, which has super affected my self esteem and made the depression worse. This baby is named Mina (after my favorite Sailor Scout - yeah, my husband and I are nerds, obv.). 

So now Yuna is 3 and Mina will be 1 next week. Mina is finally settling down to be a little less needy, which is why I was finally able to finish this story. 

If you've made it this far, thanks again. I really appreciate everyone being here for me through so many big changes in my life. I love you all!