It’s a tense few days while Jongin waits for the formal hearing that will determine whether or not he still has a job – or will go to jail. He’s ed up royally and he knows it; he even deserves it for breaking so many rules. But he desperately hopes nobody finds out about Victoria, Luhan, and everyone else’s involvement.

It’s Wednesday before he’s called to his hearing. It takes place at one of the bigger precincts in a big conference room at the back. The Chief is present, arms folded and looking thoroughly displeased with the whole situation. The rest of the panel is made up of other district chiefs, headed by the police commissioner for the city. It’s early and quite a few of them look like they have had enough caffeine yet to really get going.

“Alright, settle down,” the police commissioner calls the meeting to order, passing a box of donuts to the man at his right. “We’re here today to review the case of Kim Jongin, brought before the panel by Chief Wu. Chief Wu, would you like to expound on the details?”

The Chief gets to his feet and clears his throat, pointedly refusing when the box of donuts is offered to him. “Detective Kim has been illegally investigating a case that’s been cold for ten years. In his search, he has illegally obtained evidence, interviewed possible witnesses, and even faked a warrant to get his hands on otherwise unattainable documents.”

The police commissioner peers at Jongin through thick spectacles. He is a tiny little man with an impressive gray mustache. “That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through to examine a cold case. What do you have to say in your defense, Detective?”

Jongin stands and nervously wipes his sweaty palms on his slacks. “I-I honestly don’t have anything to say in my defense, sir,” he admits. “Chief Wu is right; I illegally investigates a cold case.”

The commissioner waves his words off disinterestedly. “But why?”

“Well…” Jongin hesitates. “To be honest, the case is about my childhood best friend. It’s sort of the reason why I became a detective in the first place. It’s always been very important to me to solve this case.”

One of the other police chiefs peers at him closely. He is older than most of the others, hair completely white. He has a lit cigarette in one hand and a donut in the other. “Kim Jongin, right?” he asks. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to Chief Kim, would you?”

Jongin ducks his head respectfully. “He’s my father.” Jongin hasn’t told his father about his suspension just yet; he’s dreading the possibly permanent rift it will create between them.

The old chief nods thoughtfully but doesn’t say anything else on the matter.

“What you’ve done is very serious, Detective,” the police commissioner says grimly, giving Jongin a level look. “However, your father was a very respected policeman in his day and I would hate to cause him pain or humiliation.” He turns to Chief Wu. “Chief Wu, since this is your detective, I’ll leave it to you to decide what punishment fits the crime.”

Jongin hangs his head. He’s done for. The Chief will throw him in jail for sure. It’s the end of his career and the end of his search for Kyungsoo.

But the Chief surprises him by saying, “Three weeks probation ought to cover it,” he says, exhaling smoke from his cigarette. “Unpaid, of course.”

“Of course,” the commissioner agrees. “So be it. This hearing is adjourned.”

Jongin stands there, frozen, while the panel gathers their belongings and leaves the conference room, all but ignoring him. He’s shocked. He’s not going to jail. He’s not even getting fired. He can’t believe his good fortune.

He finally comes to his senses and looks up to find Chief Wu waiting for him by the door, a hard look in his eyes.

“Chief,” Jongin starts, quite unsure of what to say.

But Chief Wu interrupts him. “What do you did was dishonorable, Detective,” he says firmly. “Whatever this lost friend meant to you, you are a member of law enforcement now. Start acting like it.”

Jongin ducks his head in shame. “Yes, sir.”

The Chief hums thoughtfully, then turns and leaves the room.

Jongin doesn’t know what to do with himself for the next few days. He lounges around his apartment – horribly messy these days with no Sunyoung to clean up after him – in a sort of daze, unsure of how to proceed with his life in general. He’s sitting on the sofa in a stained t-shirt, flipping through television channels halfheartedly, when Jongdae lets himself into the apartment one sunny afternoon.

“Jeez, Jonginnie, what’s gotten into you?” he demands, wrinkling his nose at the smell of unwashed laundry and old food. Then he frowns. “Wait, why aren’t you at work?”

Jongin barely glances up, a blush dusting across his cheeks. “I’m…I’m on probation,” he finally admits. “For three weeks.”

Jongdae lets out an explosive breath of air and sinks down onto an armchair. “Oh wow,” he mutters. “God, does Dad know?”

Jongin shakes his head curtly. “I’ll tell him eventually, but not now. He’d kill me, and my life enough without adding being dead to my list of complaints.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Jongdae agrees, looking around the apartment again with a look of distaste. “So what did you get put on probation for?”

Jongin doesn’t answer him. Instead, frowning, he leans forward and asks, “Hyung, have you ever been in love?”

Jongdae is silent for a long time. “I don’t know,” he finally admits. “I’d really like to tell you yes, because Yoonah deserves to be loved, but I’m not sure if what we have is love.” He sighs. “It might’ve been if we’d been given the chance to develop our feelings more, but when she got pregnant, it was like everything had to be sped up and I think we just ended up resenting each other rather than falling in love.” He stops and peers at his younger brother. “Why? Are you missing Sunyoung? Were you in love with her?”

Jongin groans and runs his fingers through his hair. “God, I wish I was. Why couldn’t I have just loved her? That should’ve been enough. I know I’ll never meet anyone as kind or caring as she was. She loved me and she took care of me, and I didn’t deserve any of it.”

Jongdae sighs remorsefully. “Unfortunately you can’t help you fall in love with, little brother.”

They’re silent for a long time, both lost in their own morose thoughts.

Then Jongdae clears his throat and says, “If you’re not in love with Sunyoung, who are you in love with?”

But Jongin shakes his head. “I can’t tell you, hyung. You’ll just judge me.”

“I’ve been judging you your entire life,” Jongdae cracks. “Once more can’t hurt.”

Jongin hesitates, then says, “You remember Do Kyungsoo? My best friend back when I was a kid?”

“Kyungsoo is dead, Jongin,” Jongdae says firmly.

“Don’t say that!” Jongin snaps, more irritably than he’d intended. He blushes sheepishly. “I just mean, I don’t think he’s dead. I think he’s still out there.”

Jongdae reaches over and takes his brother’s hand, his expression serious. “Jongin, there’s no way you can be in love with Kyungsoo.”

“You don’t-” Jongin begins, but Jongdae cuts him off.

“Even if Kyungsoo is still alive, which is definitely a long shot, it’s been ten years,” he says grimly. “Even if you were to find him, the Kyungsoo you would find wouldn’t be the same kid who disappeared back then. He’ll have changed, Jongin, just like you have.”

Jongin’s lower lip trembles and he feels like he’s going to cry. “I just…” he tries helplessly, but there are no real words to describe how he feels. He clears his throat and his lip stops trembling. “I don’t care if he’s changed. I still want to find him. I have to tell him.”

Jongdae smiles, but it’s a bit sad. “This is why you’re on probation, isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Jongin agrees, embarrassed.

“Just try to stay out of trouble,” Jongdae suggests, getting to his feet and heading back into Jongin’s bedroom. He comes out carrying a navy suit jacket that Jongin had recently had dry-cleaned. “I only came over here to borrow this. I didn’t mean to get into your sad story.” He waggled his fingers. “See you later, little bro.”

Jongin’s brow furrows. “Wait, you thought I was at work, didn’t you? Were you just going to take my jacket and not even ask me first?”

But his only response is the slam of the front door as Jongdae leaves.

As depressing as his conversation with his brother had been, it leaves Jongin feeling suddenly eager to renew his search for Kyungsoo. He may have gotten in a lot of trouble for it, but he does have a new lead to follow: Kim Junmyeon. He also has a location: Seondeoksa Temple.

Jongin has never been particularly religious so, other than the more famous structures around the city, he’s not familiar with any temples. Still, it doesn’t take much sleuth-work – Naver does the trick – to discover that the temple is in the mountains of Seogwipo. Since he’s got another two and a half weeks off work, he thinks that now might be the perfect time for a little vacation.

He lets Victoria know where he’s going – she’s definitely put out with him but also worried – and books a flight to Jeju International Airport. It’s not long before he’s packed a single bag, called Jongdae to check on the apartment while he’s gone, and headed to the airport.

It’s a comfortable two-hour flight before Jongin is landing in the airport, quite miniscule in comparison to the enormous international airport he’d left behind. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he goes in search of the bus stop.

Seogwipo is on the opposite side of the island from the airport, so he’s on the bus for two hours before it reaches his stop. Rubbing his sore backside, he takes his bag and disembarks, finding himself in the unfamiliar district of Seogwipo.

He’s been to Jeju before, of course, on school trips and family vacations. He’d even come there a couple of times with Sunyoung. But he usually kept to the northern part of the island, which was more touristy. He’d never been down south before, and certainly never to Gangjeong village before.

He doesn’t know much about the village, only that it had gotten a lot of representation in the news recently because the villagers were protesting a naval base that was supposed to be built there. The villagers that he passes eye him warily, unused to strangers and unwelcoming. He smiles politely to everyone he passes and eventually finds a hostel at the end of a street.

“Can I help you?” the middle-aged woman manning the desk asks when he comes in, toeing his shoes off at the door and stacking them neatly in the cubby.

“Uh, yeah, hi there,” Jongin says, stumbling over to the desk. “I’m looking for a room. For just one night.”

The woman gives him a suspicious look. “Why for just one night? You with the naval base people?”

“Me? Oh no, definitely not,” Jongin assures her. “I’m just planning on hiking up into the mountains for a bit of a retreat. I’ve heard it’s beautiful around here this time of year.”

The woman still seems a bit suspicious, but in the end she agrees to rent him a private room. He thanks her and takes his bag upstairs to the room. 

Okay, so I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to update. Things have been really hectic lately. 

I was literally sick nonstop for the entire first trimester and then some. I couldn't eat anything, threw up everything (even when there was nothing to throw up), and I lost over 8 kg. It was miserable (one time, I even threw up all over myself in the subway station OTL). Then I had a temporary job for a few months, then a big group of my husband's friends from the states came to visit us, and then my mother-in-law came to stay with us for a month (what an adventure THAT turned out to be!). So please, please forgive me! And thank you to everyone for the congratulations! My husband and I have been wanting a baby for a really long time, but I wanted to wait until we were married so that there wouldn't be any issues with insurance and whatnot. They say that statistically it takes you about six months to get pregnant, so we figured it would take us some time. Nope! We got pregnant literally on our first try! 

If you're friends with me on facebook, you probably already know that we're having a girl and her name is Yuna (final fantasy was the very first game my husband and I bonded over when we first met!). She's due in a little over 10 weeks and we absolutely can't wait for her to get here! I'm really going to buckle down and try to finish this story before she gets here, because I know once she comes I won't have much time for anything else for a while! 

This was our pregnancy announcement:

And our gender announcement:

And our name announcement:

And this is a recent belly shot (I feel huge):

And this is what our baby currently looks like compared to me (top left) and my husband (top right):

Okay, I'll stop with the picture spam and I promise that I'll update again soon!