Jiyong blinked open his eyes, woken again by his whirring thoughts. He turned and saw the angry red numbers read 3:27. He fought against the urge to look behind him, at the other side of the bed, but like he always did he caved and turned his blood shot eyes. The other side was empty. He bit his lip, and in a breath, fighting against the emotion welling up inside. He should have known; he had come to expect it actually, that he wouldn’t be there. He slid out of bed slowly moving his feet soundlessly toward the door. He stared sightlessly as he walked out and down to the living room. He stopped halfway between the front door and kitchen.

It’s not like they lived together; he had to remind himself that every time Seunghyun never appeared in his bed in the morning. He had his own house; needed his own alone time every once and awhile. But Seunghyun hadn’t slept over in months a fact that Jiyong played off because he would go over to his villa. A villa that seemed just as cold and lifeless as the man he slept next to. He hadn’t noticed the slight changes in Seunghyun, not in the beginning… not until it was too late. But it was hard to ignore them now. Not when every glance, word, and touch screamed at him. Screamed the very thing he pretended didn’t exist. Jiyong turned away from the door, turned away from the answers he didn’t want to accept.

He lay down looking at the darkness in his room, feeling the silence threaten to suffocate him. It was the moments like this that he told himself he was done, that he wouldn’t live like this anymore. But even with his silent declarations he knew they wouldn’t last, knew that when he woke up in the morning he’d forget, no pretend they never happened. Jiyong turned as the bed shifted. Gaho came forward and snuggled against his side almost sensing the desperate lies Jiyong clinged to. Jiyong turned and wrapped his arms around him. Even though Gaho wasn’t what he wanted to hold, he pretended, pretended like he did every night.

Jiyong woke to his phone buzzing loudly on his bed side table.

'Coffee?' 

Jiyong reread the word again. One word messages were all Seunghyun sent now. Before it would be long conversations over the phone, even when they had just seen each other, then it moved to text messages, not that he minded they were always laced with silent words of affection, but soon that stopped leaving him to initiate contact first. He hastily replied afraid that if he didn't it would all just be a figment of his imagination.

'Where?' 

'Our place'

Even though he fought the smile that crept on his face he couldn't help it. Their place... It was filled with so many memories, so many moments that Jiyong couldn't ever forget. 

He remembered it was the place where he realized he started liking Seunghyun. He’d been a nervous wreck. GD&TOP promotions were going to start soon and all he was going to do was complicate everything. He couldn't help being weird around Seunghyun. And when he brought him there for the first time Jiyong decided to just tell him. It was better than allowing the tension between them to escalate. 

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“So how do you like the spot Seunghyun?” Jiyong’s stomach twisted into knots as Seunghyun turned to him and gave him the smile. The one Jiyong liked to believe he alone saw. The special one that had made Jiyong fall for the damnable dimple cheeked man in front of him.

“I’m glad you brought me here. It’s good to get away. Relieve all the stress… so is this where you come to escape from all the chaos?”

Jiyong had to stop himself from throwing his arms around Seunghyun, something about the man screamed to be hugged and cuddled with but he resisted like he always did. He let out a small sigh, “Yeah. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me.” Jiyong shifted lightly on the hood of the car they both sat on inching slightly toward Seunghyun. Dusk had fallen and the temperature cooled down considerably leaving him shivering. Seunghyun turned to him and began to take of his jacket. Jiyong quickly shook his head, “No hyung you’ll get cold.” Seunghyun just smiled mischievously at him.

He took off his overly large jacket, “Here scoot closer to me.” Jiyong looked at him and felt his face flush as he scooted a little closer. Seunghyun just chuckled and wrapped his arm around Jiyong’s waist and pulled him to his side.” Closer Ji.” Seunghyun breathed the last part next to his ear as he wrapped the jacket around Jiyong’s body and his. Jiyong shuddered hoping Seunghyun thought he was cold.

“Thanks.” Jiyong was very aware that Seunghyun still had his hand around his waist, very aware. Jiyong gulped his mouth suddenly very dry. “Seunghyun…” He told himself not to. He was going to ruin everything. But the words spilled forth worse than any vomit, “SeunghyunIreallylikeyou.” He was clinching his hands his heart pounding fast as if he had just run a marathon.

Seunghyun looked at him confusion written on his face, “Uh… Ji can you say that again?”

Jiyong sighed, “I… like you… really like you…” He couldn’t look him in the face. He started to get off the hood prepared to leave when Seunghyun quickly grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“I never thought I would see our leader Kwon Jiyong embarrassed and shy.” Jiyong looked up surprise written on his face. He noticed the teasing look in Seunghyun’s eyes.

Jiyong lightly hit Seunghyun, “I never thought I’d let Choi Seunghyun tease me like this.” Seunghyun continued to hold Jiyong’s hand until they left.

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He never believed Seunghyun would like him back.  Always thinking he would reject him. They had held hands after telling each other. A small smile played on his lips. They'd also had their first kiss there. 

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Jiyong sat with Seunghyun his head resting lightly on his shoulder. His heart was fluttering against his rib cage. Seunghyun’s arm lightly played over the soft skin of Jiyong’s hand as he read. They had made time in their busy schedule of variety shows, performances, and promotions to meet at the spot…their spot. Jiyong felt himself smile inwardly. Seunghyun suddenly put his book down and looked down at Jiyong. Jiyong shivered. He always shivered under Seunghyun’s gaze. Something about those big darks eyes seemed to grip Jiyong, he always felt trapped in that gaze, unable to escape and he was fine with that. He felt Seunghyun’s hand cup his face and gently bend down and kiss him. Jiyong was nervous. His hands began to sweat as Seunghyun deepened it softly biting his lower lip. Jiyong had kissed plenty of times before but Seunghyun made him feel inexperienced, small, and weak all his confidence gone as soon as he was alone with him. When they pulled apart Jiyong was more than a little breathless. He saw Seunghyun give him a smirk and looked at him with those eyes. Jiyong mentally cursed him. He suddenly felt something switch inside of him.

-----

That day Jiyong had fallen in love. It was cliché to say but he had. His world suddenly wasn’t his anymore but theirs. He felt a hidden string that seemed to attach to him and pull him toward Seunghyun. He never asked but he assumed that Seunghyun felt the same invisible string that attached Jiyong’s heart to his.

Through his musings Jiyong had pulled up beside Seunghyun’s car. Seeing the familiar broad back, he stepped out of the car. He suddenly felt ill for no reason. He began to break out into a nervous cold sweat before he even saw the face of the man he loved. Seunghyun leaned lazily against his hood barely acknowledging Jiyong as he walked up and leaned next to him. Jiyong winced mentally hurt as Seunghyun handed him his coffee without saying a word. The silence was oppressive, cutting in its stillness. He knew Seunghyun wouldn’t speak. He never started the conversations anymore. It seemed Jiyong had to work for the relationship now. He sighed and lifted the coffee to his lips. He froze as soon as the sweet chocolaty taste filled his mouth. Jiyong didn’t drink sweet coffee and definitely not anything with chocolate in it. Seunghyun knew Jiyong drank almost black coffee with cream and one small spoon of sugar. Seunghyun always brought the coffee when they met here. He suddenly remembered the first time that particular tradition was started.

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“Bleh! Ji how do you drink that!?” Seunghyun scrunched his face up and began wiping his tongue off

Jiyong held his sides at he let out deep belly laughs. “Hyung I told you wouldn’t like it. You hate anything bitter… I know you love your sweets.” Seunghyun turned to him laughter lighting his eyes creating the small but beautiful laughing lines the Jiyong loved to kiss. “You know you’ll probably die from all that sugar in your coffee.”

Seunghyun shrugged his shoulders with a grin on his face, “At least I won’t die from the awful taste.” He grabbed Jiyong and pinned him down playfully to the hood of the car. He gently set the coffee cups aside and bent down to kiss Jiyong. He whispered along his lips laughter in his words, “Although I could get use to the taste.” Jiyong thought he was falling as Seunghyun tangled his tongue with Jiyong’s. Jiyong could taste the sweetness of Seunghyun’s coffee mix with the bitterness of his. It was like them, two separate forces colliding to make a sensation far beyond anything either of them alone could make.

------

He slowly pulled the cup from his lips. He couldn’t deny it any longer not when everything was blaring in his face.  The sudden disappearances, the furtive phone calls, not staying over anymore, and just not speaking with him. Jiyong had known months ago… known that Seunghyun was cheating, but he had played it off…  especially when Seunghyun had come to him crying and drunk.

------

“Ji…” Jiyong held Seunghyun tightly as he sobbed into his shoulders. Jiyong didn’t know what to do. He had come home so drunk and had fallen down almost instantly.

“Shhh… it’s alright.” He held Seunghyun close and rubbed his back. It hurt him to see Seunghyun so torn up. He had never mentioned any sort of depressed feelings to Jiyong, it worried him.

“Ji…I…I’m so sorry.” Jiyong felt himself tense almost instantly. His hands involuntarily squeezed Seunghyun closer.

He shakily tried to speak. “Seu-Seunghyun? What are you sorry about?”

Seunghyun pulled Jiyong closer and sobbed into his shoulder his words cut off… but Jiyong heard the one word that mattered the one word that seared him more than any other, “cheated.”

He pulled Seunghyun off and kept him at arm’s length making sure Seunghyun looked him straight in the eye, “What did you say…What did you ing say!”

Seunghyun recoiled and Jiyong felt his anger falter. Seunghyun wiped his tears away with a big hand. He looked like a child that had broken his mother’s favorite vase. “I’m sorry…I cheated… I cheated Ji” Jiyong shook his head, thoughts buzzing through his head. He stood up shaky and started walking away. “Ji… forgive me… please forgive me… I didn’t mean it.” Jiyong watched as Seunghyun started crawling towards him. A drunken, begging mess. Jiyong ran away. Ran away from his words and locked himself away in his room.

------

Seunghyun had stayed outside his door the next two days waiting for Jiyong to come out. He kept apologizing through the door. And Jiyong cried. He sobbed and mourned. Mourned their relationship. It would never be the way it was before. But Jiyong took every pleaded, whispered, and shouted sorry. Every single declaration of guilt. Every single I love you. He took it all. He even took Seunghyun back.

It had started after that night. He didn’t know if it was the same woman or several. He just knew that Seunghyun had tasted something different, something sweet. And Jiyong knew just how much he loved his sweets. He had tried to bring it up. But every time Seunghyun would give him a look and laugh it off. And Jiyong couldn’t fight him not when Seunghyun threatened to leave him. Even though Jiyong should have been the one to leave.

This though he would confront him… he had too. Seunghyun had suddenly tainted the very place that had been sacred between them.  Jiyong couldn’t let that go.

“Seunghyun… do you know this has chocolate in it?” Jiyong made sure his voice was level, distant like Seunghyun’s always was.

He watched as Seunghyun quirked his eyebrows and shrugged at him, “Oh… I guess the new staff isn’t very well trained yet.”

That little shrug lit a fire in Jiyong. He wouldn’t let it go this time. “Or maybe someone accidently gave me the wrong one… do you think she likes bitter coffee?” Jiyong turned and looked straight at Seunghyun.

Seunghyun looked at him confusion lighting his eyes, “Who?” Jiyong admitted Seunghyun was a damn good actor. He had after all bought all the bull lies he had told him.

Jiyong let out a tired sigh. Jiyong loved Seunghyun so much. He was everything to him. Even now Jiyong felt that string tied around his heart squeeze tightly so tightly it seemed to cut him. He wondered if Seunghyun could feel it squeeze too, wondered if Seunghyun had ever been tied in the first place.

Seunghyun calmly walked over to Jiyong and gently wrapped his arms around his waist. Jiyong looked up and found himself trapped in Seunghyun’s gaze again. But this time it was a prison. A prison that Jiyong knew he could never escape from. Seunghyun lightly bent down and laid a sweet kiss on his lips. If Jiyong forgot everything he could pretend it was like their first. But he couldn’t and he could feel the emptiness behind Seunghyun’s actions. Sometimes he felt a small spark within Seunghyun. But lately they could just be strangers passing on the street. The string around his heart squeezed tighter slicing it open and burying itself deep within the wounded flesh. It squeezed so tight he thought it would tear his heart in half but it didn’t, a small part held on weakly. Seunghyun tightened his hold and hugged Jiyong close. “I love you Ji.” And Jiyong wrapped his hands around Seunghyun. Even though he was cut open and bleeding he wasn’t dead. He realized if he left Seunghyun he really would be dead. So he decided to pretend. He pretended that as Seunghyun pulled away he wasn’t going to go back to her, pretended that he wasn’t weak to stay with him, and pretended that Seunghyun still loved him. At least then if he lied to himself enough he could pretend that he wasn’t actually dying. At least he pretend to could go on living.  After all it was all he knew.

A/N: So this is the angsty part of the addiction prompt. I also based this off of Bruno Mar's All She Knows - highly recommend that song - I had gotten a small idea from that song but after reading a wonderful little fic by vvipforseungri titled 'Falling [Out] of Love' - recommend reading that too- I suddenly had a clearer direction (hope you don't mind that... if you do just tell me) But I don't know how well this turned out. I seemed to really struggle with this... so I don't know.  Taken from a prompt by ymo1157. Hope you like it! Prompt~ Addiction