Gina
 

I look at him again. What have I done? His hair is equivalent to a bird's nest, it was strewn all over as I messed it up during the kiss. His staggering breaths clearly heard. Him gasping for air. Him panting as he take deep breaths to in as much oxygen as possible. He is a total hot mess. Out of all the handsome boys I have bumped into or glance through at Jongdae's school, none of them can look as y as this. Not even Exo, not even my brother, not even the rest of BTS. Maybe I'm biased, but who cares. He is all I have, and he will be the only guy I will keep under my radar, other than my brother. Okay, and my father.

Don't get me wrong. We just kissed. A very deep kiss. How do I explain this... Never mind. Anyway, I look at him again. This time, he is steadily breathing, looking at me with these black orbs of his. He has a really sly look, the corner of his lips curving up to at least 45 degrees. He slowly make his way towards me before sitting down on the space available, beside me. Looking at him like this, I was again curious. I want to know what he is thinking about, what he is planning to do after this. But I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I will not be able to do what he wants to do, in case I get too tired or anything. I am still sick. And I am positively sure that he knows about this. He suddenly rest his head against my shoulder.

"Aren't you going to eat, or are you already full, if you know what I mean."

I flicked his head as hard as I can. ert! I was going to do so even if he didn't tell me what I should do. Is he always like this? Wow, Min Yoongi. You really took your puberty truck a whole ride during your teen-hood, right?

"I am! I am about to go and eat! You just have to interrupt me with the kiss! Stupid Yoongi."
"You do feel relieved a little, don't lie to me."
"Yeah whatever. At least my headache is gone."

I the radio to cease the awkward wall I was building. The topic on the radio was even more awkward then the tension I am creating in my mind.

'Alright ladies and gentlemen, today we have a very special guest here in the studio with us.
Hello, listeners, I am doctor Choi. Today, we are going to learn about hormones that can be found in our body.
Hormones, my listeners, are one of the important components needed in our body...'

Pssh. Important my ! Hormones are just there to stimulate a man's creative imaginations. Besides, Yoongi cannot even control those hormones of his! This guy seriously needs a lesson on how to control your hormones around women.

Well, I myself needs a lesson on how to resist yourself from giving in to your bloody hormones. I guess I may suffer the same problem too if I hang around with this guy for the rest of my life. Wow, I'm really regretting for not finishing the Science course I took in school. At least I will know what to do at times like this.

'And this is why, my listeners, the human body is beautiful.'

Yeah right, doctor on the radio. I better eat my medicine before anything crazy happens again.

By the way, why hasn't Jongdae call me at all? What is the use of a handphone when you cannot even use it at times like this? Where is he? It's almost late afternoon, and here I am, munching a chocolate flavored sliced bread while darling Yoongi is fast asleep on the sofa. Poor Yoongi, he must have been tired taking over my brother's position to nurse me before I woke up. This is weird. I do remember him texting me a few times like crazy when I was out with Suga-Yoongi yesterday, asking me where I was. Now that I am in this state, is he not worried? Where did my brother went to? This will not do. I unlocked the phone, to see no notifications at all. I decided to call my brother. I popped in the medicine readily placed on the table. Thank you, boys.

His ringtone... He is overseas. Where did he went? Why didn't he leave me any notes or messaged at all? At least when I regain back my consciousness I can read the note and not worry like this. I am the one who should be rest assured about things, but I am feeling restless. Kim Jongdae, pick up the phone... Please pick up the phone... Where did you go?

"Gina? Gina you're awake?"
 

"Yah, Kim Jongdae! Where are you? Why didn't you leave me any message? Do you know how worried I am?"
 

"Thank goodness you are in the right state of mind. Now, what I am going to tell you is a very serious matter, and you cannot tell anyone about this at all. I've told Yoon- Suga about it, so only he knows. And of course you."
 

"I know about Yoongi already. He kind of explained some things to me earlier on. So what happened."
The line was silent for a while. My anxiousness increased as I heard the sound of a heart monitor beeping near him. Someone... Someone is dying, am I right? My brother... He is fine, right? Exo... They are fine, right? Kim Jongdae, say something!

"Our Chinese members were traveling back to the dorm here in Beijing yesterday when the driver suddenly couldn't control the breaks of the car. The car slid down the road and crashed into a wall nearby the expressway. It was scary. So the rest of us are now here in Beijing, monitoring Kris hyung and Luhan hyung's condition. They got the worse hit out of the four. Lay hyung and Tao suffered minor injuries, they are being treated for trauma after effects as well. For the older two, they got a serious blow during the crash, hence, they are both in a coma now. Chances of surviving are 4:6 and 3:7, but doctors are trying their best to save them and keep them alive. Don't worry, baby sister. I am fine, just having jet lags. I'll be back by Wednesday or Sunday, alright?"
 

"What?"

Instantly, I dropped the glass that was beside me. Oh no, Yoongi is going to wake up. Kris and Lu ge? Accident? They may... Die? No... This isn't happening, right? They are such nice people! Why out of all people, them? Why not a crook who was running away from a car chase with the police? Why not a drunk person who drank bottles and bottles of alcohol? Why is it always innocent human beings who did nothing wrong to anyone throughout their entire time living here on earth? Why? Why does bad things always happen to good people? Why does it always happen at the time when people least expect such a misfortune to happen? Like mine. Why, why do people like me always have to deal with with these ty situations? I don't even want to talk about my past, but I can relate so much to Kris and Luhan... I was going to die, I had no hope in living anymore. Chances of me living when compared to dying was 1:9. I was going to die.

"Gina? Baby sis are you still on the line? Baby sis-"

I was. However, I am here today, therefore, I am thankful for that. But I shouldn't be too happy. I would not be here for long. I'll have to leave soon. I am going to wilt, just like how the people wearing the lab coats predicted a few years back.

Then, it hits me. The exact same feeling hits me again. I have already consumed my prescriptions, but why is my heart beating fast? I rushed to Jongdae's table and found a note he left for Yoongi. My mind was in a state of chaos, yet, I challenged myself to read it as much as I can.

Greetings,
Here are the DOs and DONTs when you are nursing Gina Kim.

DOs:
1. Make sure she eats all her medicine on time. Follow the dosages and requirements stated.
2. Bring her out for a walk after she sleeps for at least 45mins after she eats the medicine.
3. Accompany her so she would not feel lonely. She will need someone to make her laugh and joke around. Good luck!
4. Let her slowly do her things because when she starts to panic, she will have short breaths. Hence, not good for my baby sister's health.

She's still like a baby, eh. Let's move on.

DONTs:
1. Never call her a patient. She will throw a fit and be angry.
2. Force her to do things. Let her do things on her own.
3. Don't make her stay up late at night. She needs nine hours of sleep. Naps not included.
4. Never touch her back. There is a scar there. When touched, she will feel pain.

Have a wonderful adventure, caretaker!
- Jongdae Kim.

Oh no! The scar! That point must have leave Yoongi hanging thought the night? Is that why he did not catch much sleep and is only sleeping now? Is that why the crease on his forehead and the furrows on his brows shows that he was extremely worried? Did he ask Jongdae for any explanations about this? No, he must not have the time to do so, right? My chest started to tighten. Tears threatened to fall like a downpour. I wanted to scream so badly. I didn't want to wake him up at the same time. My body started to shake as I curled myself into a ball position. Rocking back and forth, I held back the hysterical cries that were demanding as I bit my fingernail. Ah, you are such a burden, Gina Kim! You should've died when you had the chance a few years back! Why still live and trouble everyone else?

"Gizizi? Is everything okay? Why are you in the ground shaking so badly?"

I look up to see a concerned Min Yoongi right in front of me. I saw the broken glass on the floor and my phone on the table. The pieces of breadcrumbs as I was choking on it while talking to my brother all over the place. I made the place into a mess. The situation was a mess. Me, myself and I, was a mess.

"I... Don't want to die, Min Yoongi. I am scared. I'm scared that I'm going to die soon."
"You're not going anywhere, remember? You're staying here, with me, Jongdae hyung, Exo, and BTS. You're not going to die, okay? Don't overthink, don't panic. I'm here, with you."

I went towards him, into a hug and poured my heart out. This is what I don't want to face. This is the reality that I have to put through every single time. Being paranoid all the time, overworking the brain, panicking and then breaking down. I want all this to end.

I don't want to face the fact that I... I am...

That I am going to die anytime from now.