“Happy Birthday!” Haemi shouted with a huge grin on her face. She stood before Do Young’s desk at school and looked down at the blank girl.

Do Young looks up at her friend. “It’s this weekend.”

“But I won’t see you this weekend. So it’s today.” Her friend reasoned. “How does it feel?” Truth be told, she might have been more excited than the birthday girl.

“No different.” Do Young replies readily.

Haemi sighs at the answer and straightens up on the balls of her heels. “I expected that answer.” Her friend clicks her tongue, clearly unhappy with Do Young’s behavior. But, if she knew, then she shouldn’t have expected a big reaction from Do Young. “Come on Do Young! You’re 18 soon! Shouldn’t you be happy?”

“Who said I wasn’t?”

“You’re really bad at showing it.”

At the mention, a small smile tugged at Do Young’s lips. That’s not the first time she has heard that. “Thanks, Haemi.”

“I guess that’s the best reaction I’ll get from you.” Haemi settles with the small glimpse of some emotion from Do Young. Nothing will get better than that. “What do you want to do today?”

“What do you mean?” Do Young glances up at her friend in confusion.

“You promised that we’ll celebrate your birthday!” Haemi whines. “Did you forget already?”

Oh right. Do Young thinks back. She did promise that. “So…today, after school?” Well, there was no hope in saving her routine now. Her expression drops after remembering how sour her relationship with Yong Guk is at the moment. He wouldn’t want to see her anyway so might as well.

“Yup! We’ll leave together. We can go wherever you want to go.”

Do Young nods her head. It doesn’t hurt to change so why not? “Then surprise me.”

***

They ended up going to one of Haemi’s favorite places to eat, the girl insisting that Do Young would love it just as much. Do Young wasn’t someone picky so maybe her friend will be right. The two chatted and laughed together until the sun went down.

Though Do Young shouldn’t be thinking about anything other than enjoying her special day, she couldn’t help but think back about Yong Guk. How was he? The state that she left him in worried her but she shakes the troubling feeling away.

“Do Young, be careful on your way home.” Haemi sends her a smile and small wave as she starts walking in the opposite direction and glancing over her shoulder.

“You too, Haemi. Thank you for today.” Do Young answers with a soft smile.

Haemi hums a reply and the two went their own way. Do Young doesn’t rush as to take time to look around her. She usually wouldn’t walk home so late, always sure to be on her way before the sun went down but it couldn’t have been helped today. She glances up, the sky was just as pretty, maybe even prettier than during the day. The sun setting had caused ripples in the sky of colors of bright orange and red. See, change was good.

Instead of going the usual way home, she decided to cross the small bridge, the path being a little longer than the other. It was the first time in a while since she had a chance to enjoy the cold night air and wanted to make the most of it.

***

Yong Guk could have fallen asleep again if only the bell to the store didn’t go off. Another day has passed by so slowly but at least now, nighttime had reached once again. He slowly lifts his head up from the counter.

The frantic woman before him made him blink is surprise. “Mrs. Kim?” It was definitely out of the ordinary for Do Young’s mother to be here. “Can I help you?”

Her whole mannerism made Yong Guk’s heart beat faster without even knowing why.

“Yong Guk, did Do Young stop by?” Her breaths were shallow and rapid. It seems she had been running.

He shakes his head. “No, she didn’t come in today.” If they hadn’t gotten into an argument, it would be strange that she didn’t stop by but this time, Yong Guk didn’t question it since he was sure she didn’t want to see him. “Had you tried calling her?”

“I have.” Mrs. Kim wrung her hands nervously. “She always picks up her phone and it’s not normal for her to be out this late.” Yong Guk helplessly watched the older woman panic. “I’m scared she might have gotten into trouble.”

Yong Guk looked outside. It was dark out and who knows what kind of danger was out there. Do Young was young, she could have gotten hurt and his heart skipped a beat at the thought that something could have happened to her.

He got up from the stool. “I’ll help you look for her.” For once, Yong Guk felt some sort of life come back into him. He grabbed his jacket and left his shop with Mrs. Kim. They decided to split up and try their best to search. Yong Guk wandered around, wishing he had asked if Mrs. Kim had called any of her friends because now they were blindly searching for her in a city so large. But, Yong Guk didn’t have time to think about that.

He stopped in his tracks to catch his breath. Think Yong Guk, where else could she have gone. He looked in the direction of where her school should be. Did she ever say anything to him that would help him guess where to go?

“Aish.” He ran a hand through his hair when nothing comes to mind.

If she didn’t go to his shop, she would most likely head home so…

He darted his head left and right. Which path would she take to go home? It was his best guess and he went for it. He ran down the street, tracing steps that she might have taken to go home.

He jogged, his legs moving quicker but he didn’t understand where the energy was coming from. He ran closer to the bridge that connected one side of a small park to the next. He would have completely passed it if only a small figure in the water below the bridge hadn’t caught his attention.

He pushes himself to run quickly and reaches the ground below the bridge, before the little lake. He breathed out a deep breath, now clearly seeing who the person was. “Do Young!”

“Huh?” She looked up as Yong Guk ran into the water towards her. “Yong Guk?” What was he doing here? For once, Do Young felt at a loss at what was going on. She brought her hands up to block the assaulting water from Yong Guk running through the water.

Once reaching her, he grabbed both of her arms and shook her a little. “What do you think you’re doing? You have a whole life ahead of yourself!” His pants were heavy after the tiring actions.

“What are you talking about?” Do Young was so confused. Why was he freaking out at her? Hasn’t he already yelled at her enough the other day?

“Killing yourself isn’t the answer –“

“Whoa, what?” She blurted and cut him off. “Kill myself?” Did Yong Guk go mad? “What in the world are you talking about?”

He stopped for a second and looked around them. “Then what are you doing?”

Do Young takes a second and glances down at her foot underneath the water. She shuffles a little and then she crouches over, reaching for something by her foot. “This.” She holds up her drenched phone. “I dropped this.”

Yong Guk found himself, speechless. “You – “ He looked at the phone and then at the situation they were in. “For a phone, you did this?” Do Young swore she heard his voice squeak.

“Of course.” Do Young doesn’t waste a second before replying.

Yong Guk stares at her in disbelief. Despite being in a lake during this late hour and having him mistakenly accusing her of killing herself, her face still manages to remain blank. But now he knew why she hadn’t pick up her mom’s phone calls.

Do Young looked at the man before her. It was like she can no longer recognize him. The past few days, she had seen Yong Guk go through so many emotions and nothing confuses her more than how he was acting now. “What are you doing here?” She carefully asks. He looked so frantic with his hair in disarray, probably from running. His clothes were all drenched…just all in all, a mess.

He breathed deeply and tried to catch his breath. “Your mom has been looking for you.” He straightened up and prepared himself to yell at her. “Why didn’t you call her!”

Do Young flinches at his tone. “Would you calm down?”

Yong Guk scowls at her. “Why are you out this late at night?”

“Does there have to be a reason?” Do Young casually asks back. The way Yong Guk was behaving was making Do Young wonder if he was okay. He looked so motionless yesterday but now it seems he got some life back into him. Yong Guk shouldn’t have been surprised at her nonchalant attitude. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and Do Young glances at him. “Are we going to stand in this water all night?” She starts moving around him and listens as Yong Guk follows after her.

As soon as she makes it back on dry land, she grabs her backpack off the ground.

“Let’s go.”

She looks up, a little surprise. “Huh?”

Yong Guk stares at her like it was obvious what he was doing. “Well, I’m not going to let you walk home alone.” He turns around and walks away. Do Young stands there and stares after him. She couldn’t help but feel some relief seeing him doing somewhat better than how she had seen him lately.

The two walked beside each other as Yong Guk alerts her mother he found the young girl. Before they could even make it to the door of the house, Mrs. Kim bursts out and hugged her daughter. “Oh my goodness.” She lets go and immediately scolds the girl. “Why are you all wet and why did you not call me?!”

"Long story mom, and I tried.” Do Young pulls out her phone to show her mom the state it was in.

Her mom gives her a look and glances over Do Young’s shoulder at Yong Guk. “Please come in and dry yourself.”

Yong Guk stuttered as he couldn’t find his words. “Oh no, that’s not necessary. I’ll just head back.” His voice came out quiet.

Do Young couldn’t shake off her worries so easily and stopped him. “Just come in, Yong Guk. You don’t want to hear my mom yell.” As soon as his name left her lips, she received a knock on her head. Do Young spins around in shock and held the spot on her head. “What was that for?”

Her mom looked at her. “What do you think you’re doing calling him by his name? You should be saying, ‘oppa’!”

***

“I told you she was going to get mad.” Yong Guk mumbles at the two sit together in the kitchen. They had both dried up and changed into warm clothing. Her mom had made some tea and left the two alone.

“And I’ve said she wouldn’t stay mad, for long.” Do Young answers back as she brings the mug up to her lips.

Yong Guk couldn’t find anything else to say and silently sips his tea. He couldn’t help but think that it tasted strange. But, that’s no surprise. This wasn’t the normal tea that he usually drinks. He looks up at Do Young who was not paying any attention to him, her eyes out the window. The more he looked at her, the more he felt this small feeling of guilt. “About the other day, I’m sorry.” He watches her turn her head to look at him. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

It takes a second for her to respond. “I’m not upset. I never was.” Her words came out soft and genuine, though it didn’t do anything to quell his guilt. “I’ve already seen the bigger picture.” She gives him a small smile and he looks away. He didn’t deserve that much kindness. Her hands moves to grab her mug and he watches the small action. But there was something else that caught his attention. The small bluish mark on her arm.

“Did I do that?” His words came out soft, afraid of the answer.

“Hm?” She follows his line of sight and brings her arm up so she could see. She sighs remembering how she got it. “Don’t be too worried about it.” She casually states.

He didn’t realize how rough he was with her that day at the shop. “I –“

“I said it’s fine.” She cuts him off. “Don’t worry about something that will heal and go away.” She chuckles and Yong Guk couldn’t help but notice it was the first time he heard that sound coming from her. Silence fills the room again and Do Young takes the time to ask the question that has been on her mind. “How are you?”

“Do Young, please –“

“There’s nothing behind that question. I’m only wondering.” She insists because she needed to know.

He doesn’t answer and instead looks down at the mug in his hands.

Obviously not any better, Do Young concludes in her mind. “I know you hate listening to me but I can’t help but want to reach out to you.” She says softly and looks at him, although he kept his eyes on the mug in front of him. “I can’t help but want to try my best when I see you so beaten.”

He doesn’t answer and Do Young takes it as it was okay for her to continue.

“I wanted to know why I even cared to even do so and I’m sure you’re wondering the same thing. So I thought about it.” She wanted to know why she wanted to try so hard to break down the wall Yong Guk tried so hard to keep up. She takes a deep breath. “There’s this charm that I have on my key ring.” Do Young had never really spoken about this much and she was trying to find the right words to say. “It’s very special to me in a way that I think you could understand.”

This time Yong Guk doesn’t try to stop her from talking. Instead, he wanted to listen to her. Why? He didn’t exactly know. Maybe he felt bad for how he has treated her and wanted her to do what she wanted.

“It was the last gift given to me by my dad.” Not many people knew of Do Young’s past pain. When they see her, they would have never guessed what she had gone through. She didn’t really show it. “He died two years ago from an accident.” 

Yong Guk finally looks up in surprise. That wasn’t the story he was expecting to hear from Do Young.

“The way he passed was so abrupt that my mom and I didn’t even know how to register it.” Do Young stared into nothing as she remember the memories. “We didn’t have time to prepare and it felt so unreal. I think between the two of us, my mom suffered the most. I think it hit her the hardest or maybe because I realized that if two were breaking apart, it left no one to comfort us. So I decided to be the one to comfort us both.”

Unbeknownst to the two, Mrs. Kim hid behind the wall to listen to the two. Just hearing her daughter speak was overwhelming her and she couldn’t stop the tears.

“So when I saw you Yong Guk, I thought of what my mom went through.” Do Young decides to answer his question. “It was hard for me to walk away after seeing the signs you were showing.” Signs that she had seen before in her mom.

Yong Guk felt the guilt grow bigger within him. He had said so many things without realizing how it could have hurt Do Young. He wanted to take it all back or to apologize but it didn’t feel so simple to say. How could he undo the hurt he caused her unknowingly?

“So, all this you’re going through, I’m telling you that it’s possible to overcome.” She had seen her mom do it, so Yong Guk could do the same. “Just let me help you.”

Yong Guk tried his best to hold back the sudden rush of tears that wanted to spill. He had never fallen apart in front of someone else and he wanted to keep it that way. But the more he tried to suppress it, the more it wanted to show itself. The broken side of him. “I don’t know what to do.” The words left his lips in soft whispers. “I don’t know how to feel better.”

Do Young couldn’t believe he was actually opening himself up to her. After so much time, he was finally letting her in.

“You were right.” He continues gently. “She is my wife but she isn’t around anymore. And she’s the source of all my problems.” It was like Do Young had said it. She had gotten it right, down to the details. “But, I can’t do what you want me to do. I can’t let go so easily.”

“That’s what my mom said at first too, it’s okay to feel that way.” She kept her voice soft, not wanting him to close up again. “But, don’t allow it to take over your life.”

“It’s not as easy as you think.”

Do Young thought deeply. Yong Guk was so discouraged that even if she kept telling him it’s possible, he will still deny it. “…Can you tell me about her?”

Her request took Yong Guk by surprise. He didn’t know what to say and he found himself fidgeting around. But, like automatic, memories of her appeared in his mind. “She was extremely bright.” He cleared his throat and tried to keep his emotions intact. “She smiled all the time and never got mad often. It was like she didn’t have a mean bone in her body.” Her laughter rung through his mind like it was just yesterday he heard her. “One day, she came to me and told me she wanted to get married. At the time, I didn’t know why she asked me so I told her to wait.” His words were starting to get stuck in his throat. “I didn’t notice it right away but her body was getting weaker and skinnier every day and she kept brushing it aside, saying it wasn’t anything to worry about.”

Do Young knew where this was heading and stayed silent.

Yong Guk voice cracked as he continued. “It wasn’t until it was too late that I finally confronted her about it.” He remembered when she broke down in front of him, apologizing to him for something she had no control over. “She kept saying ‘sorry’ over and over again and I found out she had been sick for a long time. She didn’t know how to tell me and that she had one wish.” At the time, Yong Guk wanted to have some faith that she could get better, some type of miracle will happen and she will be saved. “So, I registered our marriage the next day.” Do Young looked up to see Yong Guk with a small smile, remembering the one good thing that came out of it. “Every single day after that, I prepared myself for the inevitable and she would remind me every day to be happy and to know that it will be okay –“ Yong Guk felt this onslaught of sudden pain and tried to shake it off. He hurriedly wiped away a single tear. “ – but no matter what I did, I should have known that I could never prepare for life after she passed.” That’s why he was so angry. She told him that he was strong enough to get past it but she lied, she didn’t tell him how excruciating it was going to be. She didn’t tell him that he was going to miss her so badly. She didn’t properly explain to him how hard it was going to be when he saw things that reminded him of her. She neglected to tell him that life will be harder in every aspect. “She lied to me.”  

Do Young looked at Yong Guk, who even now insists on keeping all of his feelings bottled up. To Do Young, she sees Yong Guk as someone who hasn’t settled many of his feelings and regrets. He hasn’t accepted anything yet. “It’s okay to feel like that. But, she didn’t betray you. Yong Guk, this is the very state she didn’t want to see you in. She didn’t want to see someone still dwelling over her death, she instead wanted to leave beautiful memories for you. But it seems all you choose to remember is the bad parts.”

“So what do I do?” He looked up at Do Young for the answers. He was tired of it all, what did he need to do?

“Let go.” Do Young reached out and softly held his hand. “Free yourself.” She wanted her words to finally pierce the wall in his mind that kept telling him it was impossible. “Free yourself of the bad memories, free yourself from the negative thoughts that tell you that you can’t do it, and free yourself from the bindings that keep you from moving on.”

How could a young girl like that have so much resolve? Yong Guk didn’t know what kind of person Do Young was, but only realizing now. She was the very essence of what he wanted to be.

She seemed like she wasn’t happy but contrary to that fact, she was.

She seemed like she was young and inexperienced but she had already been through a painful past.

She had already overcome her own painful memories and she had already moved on.

“You can do it, Yong Guk.” Do Young tightened her grasp. “After all, I’m living proof that it’s possible.”

Mrs. Kim knew when she heard those words, she knew she could add this moment to the many other times she felt so proud of Do Young. To many people, she was aware of what they thought of her daughter. They didn’t see much, they kept saying Do Young was too young to understand much and that her daughter was in denial of her father’s death. But, they never got to witness the strength that surged through the young girl’s body. And she doesn’t think they will ever be able to know.

Mrs. Kim clasped her hand in front of her and a smile spread across her lips. “I’m so proud of you.” She says under her breath before leaving the two to their conversation.

“Can you explain to me this ‘bigger picture’?”

Do Young nodded her head. “Let’s talk about something that relates to us then.” She sends him a small comforting smile. “Your wife’s last words to you, what do you think they meant.” Through this, Do Young hopes to finally help Yong Guk reach acceptance.

Yong Guk thought back. “She said that I’ll be okay, after she died.” But he shouldn’t have believed her. “She said that even though she knew it wasn’t true.”

“That’s surface level.” Do Young points out. “You didn’t see the bigger picture. Imagine yourself in her spot. You were about to leave behind someone you love so much and you knew pain was inevitable. What she did was trying to comfort you, to give you hope that you will be okay.” She carefully thought out her words so Yong Guk could have an easier time in understanding it. “And I’m sure she meant it. I’m sure that if she had a chance, she would try to protect you from all the hardships you were going to face. So she did what she could. She tried to prepare you. Constantly telling you that you will live, you will be happy, and you will be okay.” Do Young was sure Yong Guk’s wife probably wanted those words to burn into his mind.

“How could she think that I could so easily move on from her?” Yong Guk didn’t understand. That was simply asking for the impossible.

“She knew it was going to be hard that’s why she didn’t say that there will be no pain. Instead she said that you will be okay. She trusted that you would try your best to overcome your loss.” Do Young look towards Yong Guk. “It’s time for you to believe what she believed.” Do Young reaches out and points at Yong Guk’s chest. “This pain that you have here is only temporary. It’s like this bruise on my arm. It will heal and eventually go away, but you need to stop jabbing at it and let it naturally fade.” Do Young knew that these regrets and doubts Yong Guk is holding onto is the thing that keeps refreshing this pain within him. “Let go of all of your doubts and worries.”

Like what Do Young said, will he be able to do that? How does he begin to even do that? “How do I start?”

Do Young even felt herself moved by Yong Guk’s sudden willingness. Her eyes started to water as she leaned back into her seat. “Stop holding yourself back and cry.” She had noticed from the start that Yong Guk was blocking himself from feeling anything, he was afraid of what it would do to him. He didn’t realize that by doing that, it was preventing him from reaching any sort of end. “For once Yong Guk, allow yourself to grieve. Once you grieve, relief will come easier. And I promise, I won’t watch.”

And all at once, Yong Guk finally let himself go. Instead of trying to hold back his tears, he allowed them to overflow. He finally allowed his body to do what its been wanting to do. Cries left his lips but Yong Guk didn’t feel ashamed, instead he felt his body grow lighter bit by bit. It wasn’t much but it brought a brief feeling of freedom.

Do Young sat there and all she could think was finally. There is still a long road ahead of Yong Guk but she knew he was releasing himself from the bindings little by little and that was already enough.

Accept her death, accept the fact she is gone, and accept that you will move on.

Even though Do Young didn’t say it out loud, she was sure Yong Guk was on his way to knowing it.  

Only one chapter to go! Thank you to the subscribers, your comments, and your votes!