Chapter 1: I think you have done a great job with this story so far! I like how the characters each have their specific personality traits and how it influences the way they view the excursion. I can see you've thought a lot about this story! ^^ Good work and good luck in the future too!! ^^
Chapter 1: this looks good^^~ you did a good job writing this one...I know how it feels to write a story when you're not using your first language so...i salute you for the nice chap!~ i'll be waiting for your next chaps~ *subscribes*
Chapter 1: I think this story definitely has potential - so far, it seems pretty interesting to me :D. I know that English isn't your first language, but you've done well~! There's still some tenses/grammatical errors here and there (eg: you don't put a comma after a quotation mark), but practice makes perfect~! Try finding a reliable beta-tester/proof-reader just to make sure that everything flows well :3. Oh, and personally, I think it'll be easier to read if you don't position the texts in the center~ Again, good job! Good luck with the story! ^ ^
I likenthe idea! It seems like it will be very interesting! It is different, so I think more people will be attracted to reading it :3 good luck with this!! I will be supporting this story!!
:3
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