Chapter 10: Our only option

Finding him through memories (Sequel of Finding love in memories)

Hello there! I am so sorry for not uploading this fanfic for so long! It is just... That I have never written an end for a story yet. It may sound weird, but ending something, it is something I cannot seem to do properly... However, after long thinking and rewriting, I finally got the plot all planned out :).
You may all have noticed why this story is not completed yet, as I promised. That is, I did not want to let you all wait any longer. I have it almost finsihed, but it got longer than expected, so two chapters would be perfect, and I wanted you all to be able to read something more as I write the final sentences :). I promise you all that the last chapter will come soon! :)
For those who ask why I have added them as a friend a while ago, please check out my blog post 'ANNOUNCEMENT (Also: Why did you add me?)' or check out the foreword of my Christmas fanfic 'Ten days to Christmas'. Shortly, I have planned a Christmas fanfic for all my readers, and since it is a friends only fanfic (for now) I have to add you all as a friend :). If you would like, please check it out :).
One more thing, the reason this fanfic got longer than I expected, is because I did not want it to be a sad sad ending (yes, two times sad). You will understand after you have read the chapter ;). Enjoy!
Tinywings


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“I sold my soul to the devil.”

Ridiculous. Simply ridiculous. Even though she said those words with so much seriousness, I could not accept it. No, my mind decided to deny it. The reason was… Because I knew she was not lying to me, she had no reason to. On top of that, everything made sense when her words were seen as the truth. Sulli… Jinri… Sooyeon… It all made sense when you wrapped it all up in a nice fantasy story like this. Something like this… Could truly happen, but I did not want to accept it.

“W-why?”

My face was blank as I asked the question.

“Eh?”

“Why would you do something like that?”

“I-” She had to take a deep breath before continuing, “I was foolish. When… When Jinri died… I was so devastated, so incredibly sad. Our mother died when Jinri was born, and our father had to work from the early morning until the late midnight, just to earn us a living. We… We relied on each other. Only each other could be trusted, could be relied on. It was as foolish like that.”

I could not bring myself to talk back, not when I understood how she felt. It may sound foolish, unbelievable for some, but it was not for others. This one chance to get back the person you care about the most, it was something everyone would want. A second chance… A foolish second chance, and yet we need it to be satisfied….

“But now… What now?”

What else could I possibly have asked? That is what I was wondering as I waited for her reply. Having her soul sold to the devil, what else could I have asked? What else did I want to know? Simple. I simply wanted to know everything.

“I… I have to leave soon. That was the deal. I cannot live on, when I have played with time.”

“There… There must be another option… There must be, right?”

It did not even cross my mind that I was pleading for another option right now. I did not realize I already crossed the line of normal concern. She… She already meant more to me than a mere stranger. No, she always meant a lot more to me than just a stranger. I knew it was not until the point of love yet, but I could feel it slowly reaching that point, and I did not like it. Not when this person was going to leave me soon. Not when this person was going to leave me, just like Sulli.

“There… There is not.”

She said while wiping of her tears, but I could vaguely hear some hesitating in her voice. Maybe I was just hoping that she was not telling the truth, that there was truly another option. The more it hit me, the more I was dying for to tell me that there is another option.

“Y-you are not telling the truth, right?”

A bitter smile crept on her lips.

“You are amazing, Taemin-sshi. You can look just right through me, even when I do not want you to.”

I did not comment on that, I did not want to. I did not know what to say either. This conversation had already crossed the boundaries of normal life, and everything was just so surreal to me.

“But Taemin-sshi, even when there is another option, I will not do it.”

“W-why?”

My voice sounded frustrated, but I was feeling like that at the moment. Why did not she tell me everything? Why would she only tell me parts?

“Because the consequences would be too hard to bear. It would be harder, than to simply die.”

I flinched at the last word. I did not like the word, not the slightest bit.

“At least… At least consider it.”

“I already did, Taemin-sshi. But if I were to do so, I would have to bear a life with nothing but loneliness.”

“What do you mean?”

A melancholic smile crept on her lips.

“It means I would have to live the rest of my life in loneliness, the price I have to pay since I wanted Jinri to stay by my side. If I do not want to die, then I will have to watch the person I love, die.”

It sounded cruel, it really did. However, that still sounded better than dying for me. At least she would still be alive, and there would still be a chance… A chance that I could continue to see her. But… I could not ask her to something she did not want to. A life in loneliness is something I would not want her to feel. Not when my request was selfish, and she had to live in torture.

“T-that is the only way, huh?”

I almost whispered, but she still heard it. A slight nod confirmed from her confirmed it.

“That means that if you were to turn back everything, there would not be us, right?”

Her eyes widened in surprise, and even I had to take a moment to realize what I just said. But I actually did not mind it. Not when there was a chance she would leave any moment.

“Taemin-sshi-”

“Or is it that someone you do not love, could stay by your side?”

I questioned hopefully, but she shook her head slightly.

“Even if that were true, it still could not be you.”

“W-why?”

“Because,” A bitter smile once again showed on her face, “the one I love is you.”

This time it was me who was shocked, but it was quickly followed by a melancholic feeling. Reality hit me that Sooyeon and me… Really could not be together. How cruel it actually is, that because we love each other, we can never be together. And the more I realized it, the more pain I felt. If Sooyeon were to turn everything back, I would be the one who would hurt her. I would be the one who would not be able to return her love. I would be the one to die.

“It was because of Sulli, because of Jinri, that I was able to find you. I do not mind to leave this world, and give my soul to the devil.”

“You… You are scared, right?”

I asked, remembering the expression she was wearing when I met her today. No doubt, the one walking away back then was the devil.

“N-no, not at all…”

She stuttered, looking away from me.

“Yes you are.”

“Taemin-sshi,” She almost whispered, “there really is no need to feel scared… Not when life is just as hard as dead.”

My heart wrenched in pain as I realized what she had just said. The time we have spend together, the thoughts we have shared, it only resulted into nothing. The person who brought me Sulli, the person who taught me to move on, was the person who was going to leave me. And yet, I never got the time to repay her for everything she had given me. Just as with Sulli… I never had the chance to love her.

“Taemin-sshi, y-you must know,” Sooyeon choked on her tears, “that Sulli loved you, a lot. Even when she was about to die… S-she made me promise to look after you, to make you move on. She would want nothing but to see you live on your life, and so do I.”

“Sooyeon-sshi-”

“Taemin-sshi, the pain we have given you, there is no way we can repay for it. The sadness we have been filling you with, there is no way we can ever erase that. If there was one thing I regret about playing with time, it is that it harmed you. Lee Taemin-sshi is an angel, and yet it was because of me that this angel got saddened, got chained by this feeling called guilt.”

Her words were not correct. No, they were wrong. Without Sulli, without Sooyeon, I would not have experienced all this I have now become calling precious memories. Even though I may not completely forget all the bad things that happened, but the good memories win it all out. Those carefree, precious days in the house, where I enjoy writing to Sulli, it gave me the greatest feeling I have ever encountered. That she had to leave the world, again, was destiny, not their fault. Sooyeon… Should not blame herself for anything, since she did nothing wrong to me. If she thinks her way of loving is wrong, then I will have to correct her. Her way of loving, of living, I have begun to believe in that way too.

“I cannot possibly let you die, not in a million years. I… I would rather go through all the pain. How frightening it may be, how painful it may be, everything would be bearable, Taemin-sshi,” Her whole face was already covered in tears, “as long as you will smile brightly.”

A sole tear escaped my eyes. Tangled in something called love, and to always lose to it, I wonder what was pushing me to continue to believe in it. Maybe it was the blissful happiness when feeling it, that I forgot the torturous pain when losing it.

If I were to lose someone like Sooyeon… I wonder what I would become… Losing someone precious for the second time, would it be easier to accept? Would I be able to move on, since I know she is going to leave? I doubt it, when she was the one who woke me up. She was the one who brought me back to reality. There is no way I would have been able to move on, without her.

“Sooyeon…”

I was beginning to feel this frustration building inside of me. The fact that how hard I tried, I would never be able to win. This time I even knew she was dying, and yet, I could not do anything.

“Go…”

But I knew for sure that I could do one thing. I could do one thing to give her a life. I was not sure whether it was a good option, or not. Truly, I knew nothing for sure the moment I decided it, but I was willing to do it. She… She deserves to live. Even… Even when it is without me.

“Taemin-sshi-”

“Please… Turn back time.”

 

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EXOEXOEXO88 #1
looks interesting ^^
dububrit-on
#2
This is a really amazing story =)
I was really confused at some parts of the story, but after reading it entirely it makes so much sense. The meaning of this is so emotional and priceless. One of the most unique stories I've read so far. ^^
caramel_mint
#3
I have read 'Finding love in memories'. And although some of the comments already revealed a lot about the story, there are still things that I want to discover/read by myself. So, I still hit subscribe (:
lisa_desu #4
omg that was sososo sad O________O although they got to live, they dnt remember each other! :'( remember i said i'll read it after you've finished it? well i kept that promise and now i fully understand it! the plot was really unique and gahh i just love everything about it! but one thing im still confused about. How was sulli able to write in the same diary as Taemin when clearly they didn't live with each other?...and i think she was dead too...:L
fayeluccie143
#5
Whoaa... i love the ending. Though they didn't end up with each other yet at least they're both alive and still can have a happy-ending with someone that they will fall in love with. <br />
-true and unconditional LOVE is a very strong force... it can move a person to be willing to sacrifice and be selfless.<br />
<br />
Congrats Tiny^_^ ... you've ended this story beautifully. <br />
Thank you for all the efforts you've put into this :)
Tinywings
#6
Extra note! 2010 was the year Sulli died, and the year Taemin went to the house :) I cannot type this in the chapter itself, because it is crashing everytime I do.. :( So it simply means that everything has turned back :)
vivinseob #7
Nice :)<br />
Update please
citylights
#8
Wha- So she sold her soul to the devil? O.o<br />
(New reader XD)<br />
Happy ending please? ^>^ Actually I don't really care... A sad ending would be nice too o.o<br />
fayeluccie143
#9
Hmmmnn...so there it is...this chapter explained everything. And...i 've guessed it right :) (that she sold her soul).<br />
I really hope that this will have a happy ending...please...<br />
I will look forward to it...Thanks :)
fayeluccie143
#10
Am glad that Taemin finally decided to move on :) b/c it's heart-breaking to see him so lifeless.<br />
And that poem that he read conveys a terrible feeling!<br />
A glimpse of what happend...hmmmnn, this gives me an idea...<br />
Thanks for the update :)