Everytime I see Naeun, and every time I see the way she smiles, laughs or talks to him…the more I feel her, drifting away from me. Distance creates space. Space creates walls. Walls create unforeseen changes and thoughts. For to be honest, I no longer knew her…I may know her taste in music or preferences in food…but when it comes to her heart…I was left behind six years ago…

“So, Taemin-ssi, are you done?”

“Yeah, how about you?”

“Just a while ago, I was just waiting for you.”

These days, this is how she speaks to me- cold and direct. Before, I feel her patience…even her skepticism, now; I feel the heavy weight and seemed forced conversations with me.

“Naeun-ssi, let’s rehearse.”

She stood up without even looking back and walked off as if she is alone and is supposed to do this rehearsal without anyone. I followed her and when we reached the stage, the more I felt out of place as she just stood there, singing her lines. After which, she will go straight to the dressing room, pack her bags and leave.

Today is another rehearsal night and this time, they were supposed to do a number. Yes, Naeun and Myungsoo will have their lyrical dance prod together. Since I started coming back to music shows, I tried to really not feel anything, each time they spend time together…sharing laughs in one corner if not giving each other that intriguing smile or stare.

Six years ago…it was me. Six years ago, I was the one who’s always beside and talks to Naeun but now, everything has changed…alongside our relationship.

“Myungsoo-oppa, you want some?” I saw her offer him strawberries. She likes those…I know, for I was the one who used to buy those for her. I saw him get one and Naeun sat right next to him. I know…I know I don’t have any right to at least look, because she has her own business and I don’t have any right or license to meddle with her…but when I saw Myungsoo wipe her lips…gently…with his hanky…I did the unthinkable and approach them.

“Naeun-ssi we’re called by the Director.” I then saw her smile at him and admittedly, I wasn’t happy. When she stood up, I readily grabbed her hand and while I saw Myungsoo gave me that look…I ignored him ….she never said a word…maybe, he doesn’t want to be ashamed.

I then led her to the backstage and when she thought that probably, I was just kidding around, she tried to resist as if prompting me to let go…but I never did. I continued walking and while she resisted further, the more I tightened my grip and slowly, I felt that she somehow surrendered.

“I thought we were called by the Director? Why did you bring me here?” Her voice was firm. It has none of the sweetness or the calmness that I used to love hearing.

“I just wanted to be alone with you.”

“And why is that so? Who told you to drag me here? Are we even close?”

“We used to be.”

“You’re intelligent, am I right? So you know that we are not close now.”

“I’m sorry, Naeun-ah.”

I heard her let out that laugh, some laugh that speaks of resentment and apparent disgust.

“It took you what? 6 years? Can’t believe you.”

“Naeun-ah, I know, you’re angry with me, but we are working again, together, I just wanted us to be okay even here...”

“Waegurae? Is this not enough for you? When you act, I act. When I’m told to sing with you, I have to sing. Just simple rules, Taemin-ssi.  So what’s the fuss?

I then looked at her and when her eyes met mine… I cannot explain what I saw…those eyes…it no longer reveals the zest of life…but of secluded pain…hurt and more…

“Sorry…I just wanted to tell you.”

“There, you already said it right? So, it’s okay? Can I now go back to Myungsoo?”

By the time she said it, the more pain I felt. I did lose her…I am losing her again…

She then turned her back…but aft