Without much thought, Rhine gradually bowed in Hanbin’s direction. She didn’t know how long he had been standing there and she wondered why she hadn’t noticed. At her gesture, Hanbin returned the bow and started to walk towards the two. His shoulders were relaxed as he walked quite slowly. Hanbin looked tired as his white snapback nestled lazily on his head. A layer of dark circles were visible under his eyes.

            “Good afternoon, Habin,” Rhine heard herself say.

            He gave a slight nod of his head as if acknowledging her existence with his eyes trained on her, “Good afternoon to you too, Rhine.”

            “How’d it go?” Bobby questioned with a smile.

            Hanbin sighed as he turned his attention over Bobby, “I finished writing Donghyuk’s verse so we can rehearse tomorrow.”

            “Do you think it’ll work?”

            Deciding that it was better for her to leave, Rhine hastily bowed, causing the guys to look in her direction. Hanbin wondered how well Rhine and Bobby knew each other. He had never seen Bobby with another girl trainee before considering that the girl and guy trainees weren’t supposed to meet. And the fact that Hanbin constantly caught the two together made him curious. Looking at Rhine, Hanbin remembered the way it felt with her in his arms. At that, he suddenly wondered if Bobby and Rhine ever hugged, then shrugged it off because it wasn’t his business if the two were close. He had better things to worry about than Bobby and his relationships.

            “I have to go,” Rhine explained.

            “Ah, right now?” Bobby questioned.

            She nodded her head. She only had thirty minutes to spare until it was time to meet up with the girls and she planned to call her father during her small break. She knew she wouldn’t be able to call her parents later that night and she had to take any chance she got.

            “Alright then, see you Rhine.”

            She smiled and started to walk away, “Have a good day Bobby and Hanbin.”

            Hanbin caught her gaze and weakly smiled, “Goodbye Rhine.”

            As she got further away, she heard Hanbin and Bobby started talking.

            “Bobby-yah, what happened to your cheek?”

            There came an uncertain chuckle and then the guys were out of earshot.

*

            “Let’s get boba tea!” Hei exclaimed.

            The girls were on their way to the restaurant to get dinner. The sun was gone and the moon was halfway across the sky, casting an eerie shadow on the clouds nearby. Traffic passed them by lazily with a few angry honks once in a while. The evening was cool and noisy. They were at the karaoke bar longer than they planned and Jae had lost her voice during all the screaming. Everyone was worn out.

            “I want to get that!” Eiseu pointed to a shop across the street.

            Iseul sighed and ran her hand through her hair, “I’ll go to the restaurant and get our table. Jae, do you mind going with Eiseu?”

            Jae shook her head and managed to choke out a simple ‘no’. Iseul turned her attention to Rhine and asked apologetically, “Do you mind going with Hei?”

            “Of course not.”

            Iseul smiled in appreciation at Rhine and Jae, being the oldest wasn’t the best role. Iseul was responsible for the younger ones and she couldn’t manage all of it. She usually doesn’t let Eiseu and Hei get whatever they want because of the lack of money, but that night Iseul thought both girls deserved it. Everyone worked hard and that was the toughest evaluation they had endured. It was supposed to be a night out where everyone’s happy and if Iseul refused the girls’ pleas, it would ruin the night for sure.

            “I’ll meet you guys in twenty minutes.”

            After the girls nod in understanding, Iseul headed in the opposite direction. Jae and Eiseu quickly made their way across the street, leaving Rhine and Hei alone. Rhine followed Hei into the café and the scent of fresh cakes wafted into their nostrils. The café was slightly full with people and it gave off a cozy feel.

            “Hello, how may I help you?” the cashier asked, looking at Hei.

            A few customers were looking in Rhine’s direction and murmuring to each other. Rhine instantly felt self-conscious; she knew she didn’t belong there. She was different from everyone. Rhine felt herself warmed up as she turned around and tried to avoid everyone’s eyes. She could still feel their eyes on her and she wanted to run out of there.

            “Rhine, what flavor do you want?”

            “Green tea please,” Rhine murmured, voice barely audible as she shifted in her spot.

            After Hei told the cashier their orders, she turned to look at Rhine. Hei had sensed Rhine’s discomfort the second they stepped into the café and she wasn’t aware why, until she noticed the stares and heard the low murmurs. Hei didn’t know what to do as she watched Rhine shift around uncomfortably. Hei felt bad for the girl and she gave Rhine a reassuring smile.

            “Hey, everything’s going to be okay,” Hei said in comfort.

            Caught off guard, Rhine looked at Hei. By the way that Hei was looking at her; it dawned on her that Hei was referring to the way people were looking at her. Hei didn’t know exactly how Rhine felt, but Hei could understand a bit. As if an understanding came between them, Rhine felt herself smile.

*

            “Did you guys hear about Mr. Yang hosting another audition?” Jae was gaining back her voice, but it still cracked from time to time.

            The girls were seated in a corner as they waited patiently for their food. The restaurant was bustling with customers and it was a bit noisy. In the corner, the girls had their privacy from the other customers and Rhine was grateful. After the incident at the café, Rhine didn’t think she’d be ready for people to stare at her while she ate her dinner.

            Iseul took a sip of her milk flavored boba tea, “He’s hosting auditions again?”

            Iseul wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel about Mr. Yang accepting new trainees. She hadn’t liked the addition of Rhine in their group, but she convinced herself it was probably for the best and after getting to know Rhine, she didn’t think it was such a bad idea. But new trainees? Iseul wasn’t sure if she liked the idea of evaluations with other girl trainees again. The first few years competing with other girl trainees were troublesome and Iseul hated it.

            “But we’ll get to debut first, right?” Hei hesitantly said.

            “We better,” Eiseu agreed.

            “Is it only held here or is it going to be global?” Iseul asked.

            “I heard he’s not hosting global auditions until next year, so this round will be here.”

            “But why?” Eiseu complained.

            “Come on, we can’t blame Mr. Yang. Like all entertainments, he needs trainees,” Iseul explained. Even though she despised the idea, she knew it was the only way entertainments would survive. It takes years for trainees to improve so she couldn’t blame Mr. Yang.

            “How long have you guys been here?” Rhine suddenly asked.

            She’s been with them for a few weeks and Rhine still didn’t know how long the girls had been trainees in the entertainment. The girls hardly talked about their background, making Rhine unsure about who they really were. She was positive they knew more about her than she knew them.

            Iseul started, “I’ve been here for five years, Jae’s been here for four, Hei and Eiseu three.”

            “Five?” Rhine repeated in astonishment.

            She couldn’t believe Iseul’s been a trainee for that long and still hadn’t debut. Shouldn’t Iseul get to debut already? Rhine couldn’t imagine being a trainee for that long without seeing her parents. Rhine hardly made it through her two weeks as a trainee. She couldn’t imagine life like that for five years.

            “Been here longer than some, but they get to debut first,” Iseul said without emotion.

            Rhine took Iseul’s tone of voice as an end to the conversation. She didn’t know how it felt to be in Iseul’s position. She couldn’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for the girl. Even though she didn’t know how it felt to be Iseul, she understood how it felt to be tossed aside. She knew fairly well how it was to be the backup.

*

            “Can I ask you something, Rhine?”

            Hei and Rhine were in their room getting ready for bed. It was already midnight and the other girls had already retired to their rooms. Hei was neatly tucked into her bed as she looked down at Rhine, who was still standing and going through the closet. Without looking at Hei, Rhine nodded her head.

            “What is it?”

            “How was it in the States?”

            Rhine paused what she was doing and stood straight up. She looking longingly at the wall and in the distance, she could make out the sun rising above the treetops, the warmth of its rays kissing her skin. The blue ocean stretched endlessly to the side of her home. At nighttime, the angry crashing of the waves against the rocks was her lullaby. She saw her RCF GT3 going at a hundred miles per hour on the local race track. The green palm trees swayed in the breeze. Girls with Gucci handbags pranced through the streets with a muscular man in her arms. Rhine saw a three year old Rhine rushing over to her father and jumping into his stable arms.

            The images dispersed. She saw herself in the passenger seat of Travis’s car going at seventy miles per hour with their arms flinging at each other. He was spitting out venomous words and her face was tear-streaked. The night zoomed by as if in a hurry. The car suddenly flipped over at a sharp turn. Then Rhine saw Grandfather Nattapong on the death bed. A sixteen year old Rhine stumbled through the door as she rushed over to her grandfather; her best friend. Rhine saw Meleine stare at her with a smirk in satisfaction as she had her arms around a shirtless Travis. The image shifted and Rhine saw her mother stare at her with resentment as she picked up her luggage and headed for the entrance to the plane; never to turn back again.

            Rhine turned to look at Hei who was looking dreamily at her. Hei had only visited the States once and ever since then, she promised herself that one day she would go there again. Hei wanted to visit every state there and possibly even stay there for a few years.

            “You know what?” Rhine said as she leaned against the closet. “It was amazing.”

            By Hei’s expression, Rhine didn’t want to crush Hei’s excitement. She thought that it was better to tell the girl about the good experiences, but good was something Rhine didn’t know much about. Maybe that would be a good time for Rhine to relive her good times instead of focusing on the negativity.

            “How was your life like?”

            “Hmm…,” she said as she contemplated the question. “What do you want to know?”

            Hei sat up with a smile, “Everything.”

            A small smile surfaced on her face and Hei thought it looked good on her, but wondered why Rhine hardly ever smiled. If Rhine smiled more, Hei was sure people wouldn’t be so intimidated by her. Rhine crossed her arms lazily over her chest as she shifted her weight to her right leg.

            “Well, I went to a co-ed school.”

            “Eiseu also went to a co-ed school before she dropped out,” Hei paused. She didn’t know much about co-ed schools except for the small descriptions Eiseu told her from time to time. She had always wanted to attend a co-ed school, but her family disapproved. They didn’t want her to attend the same school as boys did. “Did you finish school?”

            Rhine shook her head, “I dropped out.”

            She wasn’t proud of her choice to drop out, but it was the only way. If she wanted to pursue her career, she had no choice but to drop out. It was due to her giving up on her education that her mother hardly talked to her anymore. Her decision had widened the gap between her mother and her.

            Hei understood Rhine’s decision considering that she also dropped out. Iseul and Jae were the only ones who continued their education and graduated. Dropping out of school was a situation where many trainees and idols went through. It was kind of like a connection they shared.

            “Did you have many friends?”

            “Sadly, I did not.”

            Hei looked at Rhine in disbelief, she couldn’t believe that someone as pretty as Rhine didn’t have many friends. At her old school, all the pretty girls had the most friends. They were the girls that flaunted their beauty everywhere they went. As Hei thought about it, Rhine was even prettier than some of the girls at her school.

            “Did you have any close friends then?”

            “I did, but it wasn’t what I expected.”

            “What do you mean? Are you guys still friends?”

            Rhine hesitated, “No, we’re no longer friends.”

            “Ah!” Hei’s mouth formed an oval. “How could that be?”

            “Maybe one day you’ll know.”

            Rhine made her way to her bed and tucked herself in, out of view from Hei. Hei then went to the edge of the railing and peered her head over to look at Rhine.

            “Okay, but you have to tell me one day,” Hei stated sternly.

            Rhine nodded and looked up at Hei, whose ponytail was upside down and hung beside her head. The girl knew Rhine wasn’t ready to share her story and Hei decided to not pester her about it. She knew that some things were better left a secret.

            “What about you Hei? Tell me about yourself.”

            Hei returned back to the middle of the bed and made herself comfortable. Sensing that Hei was ready, Rhine reached over and switched off the light. The dorm was silent except for the humming of the fridge in the kitchen. Outside, the wind howled against their window and shadows danced across the walls. The moon streaked in through the window blinds.

            “There’s not much to tell.”

            “Of course there is,” Rhine urged. “How long have you been dancing?”

            “Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a choreographer and making my dance known,” Hei said in a longing voice.

            “Is that why you want to become an artist?”

            “Not only because of dancing, but I also want to sing and compose my own music. I want to inspire people,” Hei explained. Her sudden question caught Rhine off guard. “Have you ever wanted something so much that it hurts?”

            Of course, Rhine knew the feeling all too well. Travis was the only thing she wanted so much. She loved him like there was no tomorrow and gave him everything she had. She believed in their love. Rhine wanted him so much that it hurts, but he didn’t want her back.

            Hei was speaking monotonously now as she was slowly drifting into sleep, “I want to be beautiful.”

*

            That morning as Rhine was getting ready for the day, she watched the news forecast on her phone like Bobby told her to. She pulled her hair into a messy bun and dressed comfortably. The members were still fast asleep, not stirring while Rhine got ready. On her way out, she remembered to grab Bobby’s jacket and put it in a paper bag. She found herself standing in front of Team B’s door. She wasn’t sure if the boys were awake yet as she gently knocked.

            A few minutes later, she heard the shuffling of feet as if the person was still half asleep. On the other side of the door, the person was blindly trying to find the doorknob. There came some low scratching from the other side and then the jiggling sound of the doorknob. Rhine held her breath as the door slowly opened.

            The boy’s eyes tried to adjust to Rhine as he rubbed his eyes. He was still half asleep with his hair messy and up in all directions. He was tanner than the rest of the guys and she recognized him from her first dinner at the entertainment.

            Rhine bowed as she felt bad about waking the guy up, “Hello.”

            The guy bowed in return, but stumbled while doing so and due to instinct, she held out her hands just in case he fell. He regained his composure and looked questioningly at her.

            “Hello, do you want something?”

            “Yeah, this belongs to Bobby,” she held out the bag towards the guy and the guy reluctantly took it. “Can you give that to him?”

            The guy looked at the bag and peered inside it, when he realized it’s Bobby’s jacket, he nodded. He wondered why the girl had Bobby’s jacket, but was too tired to ask. He reminded himself to ask Bobby later that day.

            “Thank you,” Rhine said.

            “You’re welcome… I’m Yunhyeong, who are you?”

            “I’m Rhine.”

            Yunhyeong’s eyes widened as the name rang a bell, “You’re the girl that hyung and Junhwe were talking about!”

            “Pardon me?”

            “You’re the girl that was standing over Hanbin when he was on the ground!”

            Oh great, not this again.