After the long day, Rhine retired to her room. She was thankful that the girls gave her some time to be alone. She needed time to think and call her father. Ever since she landed in Seoul, she had thought about calling her father numerous times, but didn’t have the time to. It had been a busy day.

            Rhine quickly unpacked and since the room was quite small, some of belongings ended up staying in the bags. There was a bunk bed in the right side of the room with a small bedside table. There was also a bookshelf that Hei used as storage for her snapback collection. There were all kinds of snapbacks neatly placed on the shelves. Hei had insisted that Rhine take the lower bunk bed because Hei had a phobia of sleeping on the lower bunk. The reason was left unknown because Hei hadn’t bothered to explain and Rhine hadn’t asked either.

            Outside, the late afternoon sun was high in the sky. It was getting more humid and the weather reminded Rhine of home. She missed the California sun and the cool air from the coast. She missed the lazy afternoons in her bedroom during the weekends when she was writing lyrics to her newest rap. Most of all, she missed her gorgeous RCF GT3.

            She sprawled out on the small bed with her phone in hand. As she scanned the contacts list, she felt herself hurting more and more. Her thumb hovered over her father’s name as she started to shake. It finally dawned on her that she was on her own, faraway form her family. Rhine brought the phone to her ear and waited for her father to pick up. After the second ring, the line connected.

            “Nang Fah,” her father said with relief.

            Nang Fah was Rhine’s Thai name that meant ‘Angel’. Her father often referred to her by her Thai name because she was his little angel. Rhine loved it when her father called her that because it made her feel protected. It was a connection between her and her father because rarely anybody referred to her as Nang Fah. She also liked the way it sounded on her father’s tongue; it sounded exquisite and exotic.

            “Nang Fah,” he said with doubt when she didn’t respond. “Is this my little angel?”

            Rhine took a deep breath and she let the tears spill. Before, she had held it in, refusing to let anyone see her cry. She didn’t want to come off as a weakling and she had promised herself that she wouldn’t break down. Yet, as she heard her father’s warm voice, it made her emotional. Rhine couldn’t hold it in any longer.

            “I-I’m here,” she shakily said.

            “You’re crying,” he noted. “Nang Fah, don’t cry.”

            Rhine swiped at the flowing tears as she tried to regain her composure. She couldn’t stop the pain of being away from home and it pained her, hearing her father’s voice but not able to see him. She wanted to be in his comforting embrace again.

            “Father, I’m okay,” she reassured. “How are you and Mother?”

            She took a deep breath as she dried her tears with the back of her hand. Outside of the room, she heard the others roaming about with the television on full blast. Rhine was thankful that the members gave her privacy because she needed it at that moment.

            “We’re doing fine, Nang Fah. How are you? Is everything okay? Are your members friendly?”

            Rhine was glad to hear that her parents were doing fine, even though they weren’t doing great, fine was enough. She knew that her parents carried tough lives since their jobs were demanding so fine was better than nothing.

            “I’m fine, Father. They’re really welcoming and eager to help me,” Rhine tried to keep her voice from shaking with little success. She knew that if her voice gave away any hint that she wasn’t okay; her father wouldn’t feel too good. He’d worry about her and she didn’t want that.

            “I’m glad to hear that,” he sounded tired and Rhine felt guilty about calling him when he was probably trying to get some sleep. “Do you like it there? How are the foods? When are you starting training?”

            A small smile surfaced on her face. It warmed her heart to hear her father ask so many questions, “It seems good so far, Father. Iseul unnie is a really good cook too.”

            “Iseul,” her father vaguely said. Rhine beamed at his not so impressive pronunciation. Since he was Greek, pronouncing Asian names wasn’t something he had much experience with. “Is she a member?”

            “Yes, Father. Iseul is the leader and also the oldest.”

            “Take care of them, my Nang Fah,” his voice hinted that he was going to hang up soon. The thought made Rhine frown and she longed to be close to her father. Little did she know she was beginning to regret joining YG. “Be good and listen to them, okay?”

            “I will, Father. I’ll make you proud.”

            “Yes, my Nang Fah will make me proud,” his voice was lower, but was assuring and strong. “We’ll call you soon, okay?”

            Rhine knew he had to leave for work and even though she wanted to talk longer, she restrained herself. She had to be strong so her parents wouldn’t worry too much about her. Even if she couldn’t see them, she was fortunate enough to hear their voice.

            “I understand, Father. Tell Mother I miss her.”

            “I will,” he confirmed. “Take care and be brave, Nang Fah. If you need anything, just call me, all right.”

            Rhine nodded her head even though her father couldn’t see her. He was right, she had to be brave, not only for her sake, but for her parents and Grandfather Aetes. No matter how much she missed them, she had to be strong. It was her only chance at surviving.

*

            After she took a warm shower, Rhine slipped into a pair of white denim short shorts, a loose red muscle tee that had the word “SWAG” printed on the front in black, and her favorite pair of white Converse high tops. It felt good to finally shower and change because the humidity was suffocating her. As she dried her dark brown hair, Hei entered the bathroom with a smile. She was dressed a little too formally and Rhine wasn’t sure why.

            “I’m sorry to barge in, but Mr. Yang invited us to eat at the entertainment’s cafeteria,” Hei explained a little too excitedly.

            It suddenly came to Rhine’s attention that the trainees probably never really got the chance to eat at the entertainment. Although it was rare, Rhine wasn’t sure why Hei was excited for it. It was just a cafeteria, right?

            “Okay, are we leaving right now?”

            “In a little bit,” Hei replied as she closed the door after her. “Do you need help, Rhine?”

            “No, I-," Rhine abruptly stopped talking as soon as she realized that Hei wasn’t even listening.

            Hei leaned forward as she stared at the black tattoo of a Chinese dragon that took up the whole right side of Rhine’s torso. Oblivious of Rhine, Hei moved the tank top a little upward so she could get a clear view of the dragon. The tattoo began a few inches below Rhine’s armpit and ended right at her hip. It stretched a few inches to the front of her stomach and also reached a little bit at her back.

            “That’s really beautiful,” Hei breathed as she pulled away from Rhine.

            Rhine fixed her tee and avoided Hei’s gaze. Rarely anybody knew about her tattoo except for her parents. Rhine was again self-conscious because Hei might be thinking badly about Rhine. The dragon tattoo wasn’t the only tattoo that Rhine had, but she didn’t plan to tell Hei. If someone looked at Rhine for the first time, they would never have guessed that she was someone like that. There’s more to Rhine than anybody would ever know. She was someone who kept mostly to herself because past experiences taught her to never trust someone.

            “Thank you,” Rhine replied as she went back to tending to her rib length hair.

            Rhine didn’t know how she was supposed to feel about an acquaintance knowing about one of her secrets. Of course, she knew the members would find out sooner or later, but she never thought that they’d find out that soon. It hadn’t even been one night!

            “You’re really stunning, Rhine,” Hei said in awe.

            She stared at Rhine with bewilderment and for the first time that day, Rhine accepted the compliment by heart. It must’ve been the way Hei made it sound that comforted Rhine. Hei was so accepting and laid back that made Rhine less tense. Rhine turned to face Hei with a warm smile as she bowed.

            “Thank you, Hei.”

            Hei quickly bowed back, “Can we stop with the bowing? It’s killing me.”

            Rhine laughed and nodded, thankful that Hei felt the same because Rhine wasn’t sure she wanted to bow every time she talks to the members, “That’s fine with me.”

            Hei grinned, “When did you get it done?”

            “A couple months back,” Rhine recalled.

            The memory wasn’t a pleasant one at all. After her mother found out about it, her mother freaked out. Her mother hated the tattoo and demanded her to get it removed because it was a disgrace to their ancestors, but Rhine had refused. She had gotten the tattoo for a reason. The tattoo was a sign of strength and it proved to her that she was able to move on with her life. Rhine had gotten the tattoo a week after she found the love of her life in the arms of her best friend. She had gone crazy after witnessing them together. The tattoo was a sign of life to her. It was a reminder that she had the strength to destroy her best friend and ex lover’s happiness. With the tattoo to remind her of the pain she went through, it gave her a sense of determination.

            After she got the tattoo, her mother had given up on her more than before. Rhine knew she was a disgrace to her family, but she had to stay true to herself. Surprisingly, her father wasn’t disappointed in her when he found out. He had said those simple words, “It’s your life, if you don’t take control, who will?” that changed her for the better. Her father was right, it was her life and she couldn’t let others step all over her. Rhine was thankful for her father’s influence because he made her realize that she was the only one capable of changing her fate. His simple words taught her so much.

            “Did it hurt?” Hei questioned.

            Rhine laughed light-heartedly, “Yes, more than anything.” Rhine turned off the dryer and set it down as she turned to Hei and said seriously, “but it was worth it.”

            Hei looked at Rhine with a smile as if she understood, but she only understood half of what Rhine meant. Hei would never understand the whole meaning even if she tried. She wasn’t Rhine and it was hard to understand something she’s never been through before. They were just two completely different people who shared the same dream.

            “Are you guys done?” Jae asked from the other side of the door.

            “Yeah, just a moment! I need makeup,” Hei called back as she hurriedly searched through the makeup compartment.

            Rhine watched as Hei applied layers and layers of makeup. The girl kept looking at her reflection unsatisfied as she continued to apply more layers. Rhine looked at her with wonder; she hadn’t the slightest idea why Hei needed that much makeup. Hei was beautiful the way she was.

            “Do you really need that much makeup?” Rhine spoke up.

            Hei glanced at Rhine from the corner of her eye, “Yeah.”

            “But you’re already pretty, I don’t see why-“

            Hei dismissed Rhine with her free hand, “It’s nothing.”

            What Rhine wasn’t aware of was that Hei was extremely self-conscious about herself. In Hei’s family, it was obvious everyone thought she was the ugliest. When Hei got into YG Entertainment, she was told to improve her looks. The negative comments had decreased her self esteem to the point she didn’t believe she had any self esteem. Hei wanted nothing more than to be the visual of the group. Most thank anything; she wanted to be pretty so much that she was constantly considering plastic surgery. Hardly anybody knew this about Hei and she was willing to keep it that way.

            “Come on, let’s go,” Hei said when she was finally satisfied with her appearance.

            As they got out of the bathroom, they were greeted with the other girls rushing through the dorm, trying to find their belongings. They were all dressed appropriately as if they were heading to a formal event and that caused Rhine to be curious.

            “Will there be anyone else at the cafeteria?” Rhine questioned as she watched them shuffle through the house in skirts and formal shirts or dresses. Rhine was the only one dressed casually.

            Hei had already left Rhine’s side as she headed into their room to find her purse. Eiseu was busy fixing her hair and Jae was turning off the television while Iseul was gathering her phone and purse.

            “Mr. Yang wanted to greet the trainees, that’s all,” Jae explained.

            “The trainees? You mean we’re not the only ones going?”

            Eiseu nodded with excitement, “The guy trainees are pretty attractive!”