I loved him. I loved him to the extend that I prayed to God everyday that he would love me back one day. Whenever I thought about him, my heart ached. It hurts a lot that I would cry everytime. I am still the same now, waiting for him to turn his back from me. To look at me. To smile at me, and to offer a loving hand to hold through cold days. And through years I have been waiting, in seasons I stood alone here in front of his apartmen, hoping to see him even from afar. But, he never looked at me. Never did.

I was overwhelmed with sadness when I knew he dated with someone. Someone who's not a stranger to me, my closed friend, Jonghyun. Yeah, Jonghyun dated with Taemin. Held his hands, hugged him, kissed him and touched Taemin. Taemin smiled at me for the first time. It doesn't feel right, he wasn't in my arms but his.

 For two years he dated Jonghyun. Thought me not more than a friend. But I was still waiting for him eventhough it hurts a lot. I am still waiting for him now. But does it matter if I am still waiting for him? No. Nothing matters now. Nothing matters, family, friends, education. Not even my life is important now. I don't care and I don't think of anything except wondering for a thing, when is the day I am going to die. It is absurd but I do hope my life would end as soon as possible. That way my pains will go. Gone, far away and turn to happiness.

My death is my hope. Its not that I had lost my mind. If I die, I would be glad. I would be glad because I can meet with him again. I can meet Taemin up there. I can see his face again. I can see his sweet smile again would I? 

***

"We have to do something Jinki. He still doesn't want to go out from bed. He still crying and it hurts me to see my friend acting like that," Kibum said to his lover. 

"I know, but I've been trying you know. Nothing seems to work." 

"What do you mean you've been trying? You only tried once!," Kibum raised his voice.

"Shhh!! Kibumie your voice is too loud! it's not as easy as you thought. Why don't you give a try for yourself and see if you will succeed or not." 

"Alright, fine! You watch and listen," Kibum straighten his body and coughed a bit to show his confident.

Kibum walked towards Minho slowly. When he entered Minho's room he sat beside Minho on Minho's bed. Minho was wrapped in his blue blanket, looking empty with tears flowing through his eyes. Kibum sighed by the sight of his pitiful friend. 

"Minho. You've been like this since last week. You are barely eating your food, you're gonna get sick," Kibum started the conversation. 

Minho didn't reply him so he decided to have a second try, "Are you feeling sick? You want me to take a medicine for you? Or you want to eat anything elses? Jinki will go and buy it for you."

This time Minho didn't totally ignored Kibum. Minho rolled his eyes slowly and looked at Kibum with a sorrowful eyes. 
It touches Kibum's heart to see his friend looked like that, "Minho..."

"Taemin.... where is he? Why did he left me? Why does this has to happen? Why God is so unfair? Why.... why...."

Kibum turned to Jinki with watery eyes and shook. Kibum went closer to Jinki and placed his head slowly on Jinki's chest. Jinki wrapped his hand around Kibum's body and the other hand on Kibum's dark brown head. 

"Jinki, he needs help...."

"Yeah.... he does... Let's go home and think what we should do."

*****************************************************************************************************************

I don't have the will to live anymore. I rather cry and lie down alone in this very room of mine more than anything else. I don't need anything anymore actually. The only person that I wanted with my whole heart had gone leaving me alone in this sickening world. 

"I'm.... I'm so hungry.. I'm so tired... sleepy," I barely could talk with all my strength.

I think I'm going to die. Oh... thank you God. Thank you so much. Finally... Finaly you want to take me to him. My head is getting dizzy. Very dizzy. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier, my sight is fading. I am going to die. Good bye life. 

'What?!'

Somebody is pulling my curtains. Oh, the sunlight! It's killing me, it's too bright. Who is it? WHO THE HELL IS IT? 

"Who the hell and what are you..."

"Oh, Minho! Stop it will you? Get up already. How long are you planning to stay in that bed like a dead meat?"

Huh? I think I heard this voice before. It sounds so fimiliar. But it can't be it right? I'm really dying.

"You still... Wake up or I'm going to spank you till you cry your eyes out from your head!"

Huh... My eyes are so heavy. I feel so lazy to open my eyes right now. Since this is already trying to threaten me with...spanking? Pfft, like I care huh. But I decided to open my eyes anyway. 

Oh my God. Tell me. Just tell me. Just tell me that heaven does not look like my room. My one of a hell messy room. And... and... that person.

"Taemin? You... You.. I'm dead?" I was too shocked. Very!

"What are you talking about? You're not dead, Minho. You don't think heaven will look like your room right?"

Oh, right. This is my room. Heaven will not look like this. Heaven will look like... heaven. Wait, Minho. This is not the time to think about heaven. The only reason for you going to heaven is to meet with Taemin again. But, now he is standing right in front of you asking you to wake up and whatever. What the hell? What is happening? Ok, Minho don't panic. Breath... breath...

"Minho? What happened? You look pale? Have you eaten?" 

Now Taemin is asking me that have I eaten or not. Of course I haven't.

"No... I haven't. But... but... Taemin, you.." I can't seem to find the right word. Should I mention that he's dead? But if he's dead, he wouldn't stand right in front of my window and staring straight at me, right? Right.

"Minho! How could you just lying there on your bedstead forgetting to stuff something into your little stomach? You'll get sick!" 

Taemin suddenly pulled my hand, forcing me to get my out from my bed. I don't know how to react anymore. Seriously, I don't. A person who I love so much came back to... life? Does he even dead once? I don't know. My head is ing groggy!

"Come on. Let's go to the kitchen and get something for you. You need to eat."

Now he's leading me to the kitchen. I'm really happy.. It's Taemin who's holding me hand now. He pulled a chair for me. Forced me to sit on it. He went to the refrigerator to get something to cook.

"Minho, it looks like we doesn't have much to cook since the ingredients in here is not enough for a proper meal for you."

Taemin put on the apron. Wait. I have an apron? I don't know that. But whatever. But, not whatever! Taemin, he's alive. He's cooking for me what's more important now. But, isn't he's dead? But... but... he's so cute in that apron. His hair is so beautiful. His body is exceptionally skinny. A very pretty skinny. His lips, they're so, pink. WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?!

"Okay, Minho don't make that face. I know you are hungry. I understand that you are too lazy to wake up from bed and eat. Be a little bit patient, the food is coming." Taemin said to me while he's busy cooking the... whatever food he's cooking.

"Oh, sorry... I didn't mean to."

I'm too happy. Is this a dream? If it is really a dream right now, I rather sleep forever. Not dead, maybe. Just sleep so I can enjoy this beautiful moments with Taemin. Am I really dreaming? Now I'm curious. Should I pinch my cheek? I SHOULD! Left or right? It doesn't matter anyway.

Okay, here we go. I'm pinching my cheek. I'm doing it with an incredible amount of strenght and IT HURTS LIKE HELL! DAMN IT! ! This is really funny. Who am I getting mad with? Pfft, myself. How stupid. So, it's not a dream. But if it's not, then why my lovely Taemin is cooking for me? Maybe, I am dead. But if I'm dead can I still feel pain? This is too mysterious. Very, very mysterious.

"I'm done! Here we go! Taemin's special dishes for Minho!" Taemin said while placing plates in front of me.

Look at them. They look delicious right? There're a couple of sunny side up eggs, a few bacons and small sliced broccoli. There're also toasts with butter and jams. Probably he found the jams inside the cabinet. I love jams. Taemin was pouring a glass of orange juice into a glass gracefully and placed it near me. 

"Um, yummy. I'm digging," I took a knife and a fork hurrily. But before I could enjoy the meal, Taemin hit my right hand. Quite hard.

"Minho! Pray first!" He spat.

Okay, I'm not pissed. It's a good thing to do. Taemin is not wrong.

"Oh God we thank you for the food. There you go, Taemin. Can I eat now?" I asked him bluntly because I AM NOT PISSED!

"Okay!" Heaven's sweet voice and a very pretty smile.

This is so delicious! The taste is much more delicious than how it look. Seriously. Obviously. 

"Is it delicious?" Taemin asked me with such a cute face looking straight into my eyes. He placed his hands under his chin. HE'S BLOODY GORGEOUS!

I don't want to sound uncool or goofy or whatever. But, I nearly chocked. I did. It wasn't intentional, it's just, he's too beautiful. Too beautiful to be true. Even if he's not dead... No, dead is not the right word. Even if he's still alive, he's not mine. He's Jonghyun's. He's not... mine.

"It's not? Is it that bad? My cooking?" Taemin looked at me with a worry face as he was not getting any answer from me. 

"Oh sorry! It taste like heaven. Seriously, it's delicious. Than..thank you for cooking the me this meal. I appreciate it , so much." I can only smile.

"Oh, really? Hehe.." Taemin giggled.

"Taemin.. Can.. can I ask you something? It's a weird question to ask,but if you don't care..." 

Oh my God. I AM SUPER NERVOUS. WHAT SHOULD I SAY? WHAT'S THE RIGHT WORD? WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M A WEIRDO OR SOMETHING. I DON'T WANT THAT. WILL TAEMIN LEAVE ME AGAIN IF I POP OUT THE QUESTION? I HOPE THIS WILL GO WELL. OH, GOD! PLEASE! PLEASE!

"Of course. Go ahead Minho. Ask me anything."

"Tae... Taemin.. Are you.. you know... um.. Are you dead?" OH MY GOD. I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE. 

"Taemin, please! Please! Please don't hate me for asking you such a question. You probably think I'm a ing jerk. But I just.." Before I could finish me sentence, Taemin popped out the answer. 

"What are talking about Minho, you silly. Of course, I'm dead. You've been at my funeral"

OH MY GOD.