Yongguk arrived moments later and I became anxious, worried that he would call me out on the weed I had smoked without him; but he couldn't smell it, of course not, he was already high himself. We gobbled down the food in no time and Yongguk was getting ready for a shower.

"Wait," I called out to him as he grabbed clothes from the dresser. He looked up at me waiting for me to continue. "Do you think we could... Before you shower?"

"Anything for you babe," he slightly chuckled.

Anything my I thought to myself. How could he be so easy going about this? If only he knew what was coming.

He pulled the table up to the bed as he usually did and I sank down next to him. This was bliss to him, to have his girlfriend finally 'understand'. But what he didn't know was that, I didn't understand, not in the slightest bit. 

Yongguk poured the small jar out onto the table and pulled a card out of his wallet, handing it to me.

“Why don’t you give it a try,” he suggested.

Why not I thought, just this once. I took the card from him and evenly spread the coke on the table; I divided it into lines as he had done so many times before.

“My girl learns fast,” he proudly announced.

Girl? More like pet. I was surprised he didn’t pat me on the head and say ‘good boy’.

I snorted my last line of coke and smiled at Yongguk. I felt so tingly. My whole body felt different, this was my first time being high off of two different things at the same time and it felt great; I felt euphoric, too bad this feeling wouldn't last much longer. 

Yongguk invited me into the shower with him, but I denied the offer, I had other things to take care of. I heard the water turn on and I became uneasy. My stomach twisted and turned at the thoughts that were going through my mind. I got up from my seat and paced around the apartment, I ended up standing next to the side table staring down at a picture of Yongguk and I that I had put in a wooden frame months earlier. Yongguk's smile was the star of the picture, shining brightly from ear to ear. I couldn't remember the last time I saw such a genuine smile. My fingers reached forward, shaking like they always did when I was high. I grabbed the frame in my hands and stared at his smiling face.

"What are you smiling at?" I scowled at the picture.

I continued staring as I plopped down onto the bed. My head hung low and my shoulders slumped as I looked at the face of the man I fell in love with. Without realizing, tears began to fall. I clenched my teeth together and squeezed my eyes shut.

No. I'm done crying over you I thought to myself. 

I just want you to understand. Is that so hard to do? I can't even bear to look at you anymore, it's even harder to look at myself... Are you happy? Satisfied with how everything played out? Everything is going your way, but not for long.

My hands gripped the frame so tightly my knuckles turned white. I released it without thinking, dropping it on the floor, the thin glass cracking. My eyes widened as I stared down at it, but I made no effort to pick it up, "," I breathed out, running my hand through my hair. That was another bad habit I picked up from Yongguk, I cursed without a care of who was listening. 

Mindlessly wandering around, I ended up standing in front of the bathroom door, my hand already on the knob. I just wanted to burst through the door and get in the shower with him, let him hold me and touch me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, letting me know how much he loves me, but who was I kidding. Yongguk couldn't act the way he does and claim to love me, because I knew he didn't. All that mattered was his own happiness and he did everything to ensure no one got in the way of that, even if that meant hurting me. 

I scowled at the door and took a step back, my arm dropping to my side; and I realized, somewhere along the line my passionate love for him turned into a burning hatred.