The day was long with nothing in my system, but also calm. It gave me time to really think everything through. What was I doing? Did I really want to do this? But the stubbornness in my mind insisted, this is the only way to make him understand, to make him pay.

I spent the day cleaning and just rummaging through the house, there was never anything to do; I probably should start looking for a job, especially since I’ll need money, and not just to help pay the rent. Yonggguk arrived home just after sun set and I sat eagerly on the bed waiting for him to settle down and offer me some . He decided to shower and eat first, but like every other night, he never failed to pull out a blunt or his bong. The smoke filled the small apartment but we could care less; we practically lived in the smoke nowadays, everything in the room probably smelt like weed. It was a wonder to me how Yongguk could have disguised this smell from me for so long.

“Tomorrow’s pay day,” he casually brought up. We were lying on the bed listening to music, Yongguk had a special playlist that he insisted sounded better high.

I just nodded in response, not exactly sure what to say. He usually didn’t tell me when he got paid, there had to be a reason why he decided to tell me today.

When he knew I wasn’t going to say anything, he continued, “I’m gonna grab after work.”

I was learning so many new terms from this whole experience… this whole thing was so hilarious to me, what have I gotten myself into? I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of me, miss goodie two shoes, being addicted to drugs. It was as if there were two different people in my mind, running my body, controlling my thoughts.

I rolled over and rest my chin on my hands on top of his chest. Automatically he wrapped his arms around my slim waist; he’s been a lot more loving lately, not that that was a surprise, everything was going his way.

“Do you think…” I trailed off, not exactly sure how to phrase my question, “that you can get something… with more of a kick?”

He chuckled and smoothed away the hair that was slightly covering my face, “I can get you something with a lot more kick to it.”

He rolled me over, holding his body just inches above mine before he started kissing me and I started kissing him back.  As always, getting high was followed by having .

I walked out of the shower with only a towel hanging loosely around my body and made my way to the dresser to find something to sleep in; I threw on some sweats and a loose tee. Yongguk had his back towards me and I could hear him on the phone.

“I’ll meet you in the usual spot, yeah, okay,” he hung up and turned to face me.

“Who was that?” I questioned, my voice slightly wary. The had worn off and I couldn’t help but get a heavy feeling in my stomach. I knew very well who he was talking to.

“No one babe,” he replied as he put down his phone and headed to the bathroom.

Don’t ‘babe’ me, I scowled in my mind. I rushed over to where his phone sat and picked it up. My fingers moved quickly as I went through his call history and jotted the number down on some scrap paper lying around.

“What are you doing,” he asked with his tooth brush hanging out of his mouth.

I stuffed the torn paper down my pants and looked over to him. “I lost my phone so I was just calling it from yours,” I casually lied to him; lying to Yongguk shouldn’t be this easy…

My phone rang from the other side of the apartment and I cheerfully smiled, “there it is.” I put his phone down and ran over to it. Yongguk returned to the bathroom and joined me in bed just a few moments later.

By time I woke up, Yongguk was already gone to work. I got out of bed and as I was changing my clothes the small paper fell to the floor. I picked it up and stared at it for a while. I had forgotten about this… I folded it and stuffed it in the back of my phone case; I’ll save you for later.

I drank coffee and watched TV all day. I spent some time looking through the newspaper for possible part time jobs. I sat at the window staring out at the snow covered streets. I laid in bed and took a nap. I took an unnecessarily long shower. I cleaned the bathroom. When the sun started setting I began prepping dinner. What had my life become? What am I doing? I spend all my time looking for something to do and waiting for my drug-addicted boyfriend to return home from work.

I looked at the time, normally Yongguk would be home by now, but he had to ‘grab’ before returning. My stomach started twisting when I remembered the request I had made to him the night before. We’ll be getting high tonight, but not off of .