“Stop this is getting out of hand!” I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away.

“Let go of me! It’s my life!” he fought back.

This was the third time this week I woke up to him snorting lines. I usually just lay in bed and pretend to be asleep, but I’d had enough. I couldn’t just stand by and watch him ruin his life. “Please…” I pleaded. It was just after 3am and yet again he refused to go to sleep without some sort of satisfaction he could only get from drugs. “Yongguk, let’s just go to bed,” I held back tears as I tugged his muscular arm.

“Let go of me!” he yelled as he pulled his arm back towards him. I refused to let go and slammed hard into the small wooden table when he tried to shake me off. I watched in shock as the old table shook on its wobbly legs and half of the white powder floated off the edge to the ground.

“Look what you in’ did! Do you even know how much this cost? You little !” Before his words could sink in, I felt the back of his hand hit my small cheek. I tightly held my hand against my reddened cheek trying to minimize the stinging sensation as my legs collapsed and I fell onto my knees. Tears filled my eyes as I watched him desperately trying to save the rest of his .

“Yongguk,” I breathed out, letting the tears fall.

He turned to look at me, weak and frail sobbing on the floor and something in his eyes changed, almost as if he had returned to the old, happy Yongguk I first fell in love with.

“I love you…” I croaked in between sobs. “I love you so much… I hate seeing you like this. Please… Yong…” I trailed off as I balled into my hands.

I felt him kneel down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into his chest and my hair, “shh, don’t cry baby, I’m here.”

“I just want my Yongguk back,” I mumbled into his chest as my tears stained his plain T-shirt.

“I’m still here baby,” he cooed into my ear. He slipped his arm under my knees and effortlessly scooped me off the cold wooden floor. Gently, Yongguk rested me on the bed and got in next to me, burying us under blankets before wrapping his arms tightly around my small figure. He cradled me in his warm, secure embrace as my fingers tightly gripped onto his t-shirt and I quietly cried myself to sleep.

I rolled over to feel nothing but emptiness beside me, I couldn’t feel Yongguk’s strong build anywhere next to me like usual. I forced my heavy eyelids open and looked around the one room apartment; Yongguk was nowhere to be seen. I glanced over at the clock to see that it was just passed 7am… Yongguk didn’t leave for work for another hour. Just as I sat up, the old bed creaking with my every movement, I heard the sound of the lock turn and someone push open the heavy door. Yongguk strolled in staring at the floor as he kicked off his black leather boots; he shook his head trying to shake off the tiny droplets of water from his messy blonde hair. I watched as the small water drops hit the floor and I looked towards the window to see light, fluffy snow falling in every direction. Yongguk looked up and we met eyes, catching him slightly off guard. He took off his musky green parka and dropped it on the nearest chair.

“I’m going to shower,” he announced, but before he could walk away I spoke up, “Wait,” I got out of bed and walked towards him, he stiffened when I got near to him. I was just a step away but I could already smell the weed on him.

“Where were you?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.

“I just went for a walk,” he lied through his teeth. I knew he was out smoking because he didn’t get his drug fix the night before.

Without another word he walked away from me and entered the bathroom. I made my way back to the bed and sat there mindlessly listening to the water from the shower falling. I heard as the shower cut off and moments later Yongguk walked out only wrapped in a towel. I watched him closely as he moved around the small apartment and I knew it started to annoy him.

“I can’t even stand being here if you’re just gonna watch me all day,” he shot at me without looking my way.

My gaze continued to follow him as he sat down at the table. His back was turned to me but I knew very well what he was doing. I just continued to watch him as time passed by; I didn’t really know what else to do.

“I’m gonna go hang out with my boys since you won’t stop staring,” he announced as he pushed the chair out to get up.

"Why do you do it...?" I couldn't help but ask when he got up from his seat.

"What are you talking about?" he asked without looking my way. I knew he hated talking about this. To him I was just being annoying. But to me, this meant so much. I can't put to words how I feel, but it's horrible. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about him doing drugs.

"You know very well what I'm talking about," and it was true. This had become the only thing we ever talked about.

"Can't you just let it go? I do it because I like it," his back was turned towards me but I could tell he was fiddling with something in his hands.

"You know how much I hate seeing you like this..." I murmured in a soft voice.

"You don't understand. You'll never understand unless you try it."

"What's in your hand?" I questioned, my voice stern.

"Nothing," his voice was flat as he grabbed his coat and walked towards the door. He hadn't even been in the apartment for an hour and he already needed to go out for another smoke. I ran up to him as he reached for the door knob and I pulled his arm back. He hissed and snarled all sorts of vulgar things at me before shaking his arm vigorously, throwing me to the floor along with the blunt that was in his hand. My fingers moved fast as I picked it up off the ground before he could even reach for it.

"Give it to me," he sternly demanded. 

"No." I bluntly said back to him.

"You little-!" 

I cowered back as he raised his hand. Suddenly he dropped it and let out a sigh. "Forget it. There's more of where that came from anyways," he said in a sense of defeat. He walked out the door not even taking a second glance at my body sprawled across the floor.