I’m pulled into the van with Min-Jun, Chansung, Junho and Wooyoung, the four of them all looking rather smug. “I’ll meet you with Nichkhun there.” Taecyeon says grinning at us. “Lexi, no need to look so alarmed.”

I suppose my eyes might have bulged slightly. While I’d been more or less ready to see everyone else, I’m not so sure about Nichkhun. I mean, we didn’t exactly leave off on a high note. “I’m being kidnapped.” I tell the younger plainly, and feeling slightly justified, even if it isn’t the real reason.

Junho takes this one up with his usual attitude, one I’ve come to miss a bit. “Noona, lots of people would like to be ‘kidnapped’ by us.” Junho explains while crossing his arms. “Besides, we’ll have you back in a week.”

I roll my eyes at his statement, but settle into my seat regardless. “Do I get to know where we’re going exactly?” I ask them with a tone of doubt; it isn’t likely they’ll let me know where exactly we’re going. It wouldn’t exactly fit these rather sneaky idols to let me in on the location.

Wooyoung lets out a very happy laugh. “Nope, but it’ll be nice.” He says happily. Chansung is already casually sitting in the back next to me, his arm around me happily. “We’ll see you there.” Wooyoung says waving out the window to Taecyeon.

I glance to both my sides; Wooyoung and Chansung are happily sitting. I decide to let go of the fact that I am going off on some strange trip with all of 2PM, so instead I rest my head against Chansung’s shoulder. I glance out the window, it is dark already. “Will we get there soon?” I ask curiously.

“Nope,” Min-Jun chirps happily. I find myself rather pleased with this. Partly because it means we’ll be going quite a ways and that hopefully means less people, but the other part of me is worried. A long ways means it’ll be a long ways back if this week doesn’t pan out so well. This does mean, it’ll be a while until I see Nichkhun.

“We’ll get some snacks for the road.” I hear Junho say pleasantly, Chansung heartily agrees while, I content myself with trying to keep my mind off of what will happen when I do finally see Nichkhun again.

Maybe he’s angry with me, he certainly did sound angry the last time we talked. In fact Nichkhun had been the angriest I’ve ever seen him, in the two years that I was working for 2PM Nichkhun hadn’t really ever blown up at me or at anyone around me. According to the others, Nichkhun reserved that side of him until I wasn’t around, or rather as I think Taecyeon or Min-Jun said: Nichkhun has a soft spot for me.

~~~

“Glad to see you made it home.” I hear a rather snide Nichkhun remark as I close the door to my apartment, I find him sitting on my couch. “You know Lexi; I don’t mind you cancelling on me, or even asking for me to wait a little, but not saying anything, that I can’t stand.” He says sending me a murderous look.

I thought his glare was bad, but this look makes him seem dangerous. “It slipped my mind, the time got away from me.” I say meekly as I drop my bag on the ground. Part of me wonders what made me think working for my parents would be a walk in the park and that it’d be easy to just stay there for a while until I was ready to move on to something new all while continuing on easily with Nichkhun.

“I know,” Nichkhun snaps still angry with me, not that I blame him. “It’s just…I can be patient. I waited for you while you were in love with Jay, I waited for you to be ready for someone new, someone not Jay, I waited for you to fall in love with me, I waited for you to make your own choice about Jay, about your family, and just when I think I’m close to having you, you get into something else.” Nichkhun says standing, abusing the fact that he is much taller than me. He strides across the room in a few steps, stopping in front of me and then looking down at me. He looks pained, angry and exhausted from not just his daily life, but with me and everything that I come with. “I can wait Lexi, but I’m not stupid. I’m not going to keep waiting for something that won’t happen.”

I stare up at him completely speechless, all thoughts leaving me. “I’m trying Nichkhun; this isn’t easy for me either!” I say finally collecting my thoughts. “I work long hours, and I’m sorry that I can’t be around you guys all the time, I’m sorry that it slips my mind that I haven’t called, but you know what, my job isn’t easy either!” I say angrily, ignoring the look that intensifies on his face. “I want to be around; I want to be able to spend time with not just you but the guys too!”

“And there is the problem.” Nichkhun says running a hand through his hair, “You’re not trying.”

I glare at him. “I’m not trying?!” I seethe. I rest my hands on my hips angrily as I glare at Nichkhun. “I am trying, but you know it was a lot easier to keep tabs on you guys when I was working at JYPE. But you know what? I’m not working there anymore.” I tell him walking around him and towards my kitchen; I grab a bottle of water off the counter. “I can’t do everything Nichkhun.”

“I’m not asking for everything!” Nichkhun says fuming. “I’m not asking for you to do everything, no one is! I’m not asking you to choose between me and your family, me and your work, I’m asking for you to give me five minutes of your day to actually talk to you, see you!” Nichkhun says striding towards me. “But it doesn’t seem like you can give me one goddamn second of your time.” I’m shocked at his words and thrown off, visibly so that Nichkhun lets out a sigh. “It’s even worse because you don’t realize it. Lexi, I love you and I understand that you have a lot on your plate, but I can’t keep fighting for your attention like this, I can’t stay calm and pretend that I’m ok and that I understand where you’re coming from. Because I can’t understand it anymore, I don’t understand how this is you only working for your family for a little while, I don’t see how I still matter to you, how the others still matter.”

“Then what?” I ask frowning. I fold my arms over my chest once I set my water bottle back down on the counter.

Nichkhun’s glare returns, the softer side of him subsiding. “Lexi, you said you wouldn’t stay at the company, but all you’ve done is work for the past six months, when exactly does this end? When do you move on?!” Nichkhun asks me angrily. When I don’t say anything Nichkhun shakes his head, disappointed. “That’s exactly what I was afraid of. Lexi, I’m not going to sit on the side anymore.”

“What?” I ask frowning, I feel a familiar unpleasant tug in the pit of my stomach, I watch as Nichkhun walks away from me, not looking at me, not making a move to come closer. I trail behind him filled with worry as Nichkhun slips his shoes on silently.

“Lexi, you still have all the time in the world, but you’re using it up pretty fast.” Nichkhun frowns at me, looking at me in a disappointed and regretful kind of way. “Bye Lexi.” He mutters without saying anything else. He turns around and opens the door leaving me completely at a loss.

Unlike when Jay broke up with me, I know exactly why Nichkhun did. This though feels a million times worse than when Jay and I ended. It feels a million times worse than when Nichkhun and I went on a break weeks before I went to go see Jay. I fall to the ground in shock; I keep trying to get up. I try to move. I try to do anything.

My eyes blur and I try to hold it all in, after a little I can’t hold it in anymore, I begin to cry, gasping for air just trying to get a hold my myself. I stay in the entry crying for a long time, I keep trying to tell myself to go after Nichkhun, but I can’t seem to control anything anymore.

~~~

Waking up I look around me slightly confused as to where I am, but quickly calm myself. Right, surprise trip with 2PM. I sit up stretching my arms, Chansung and Wooyoung are both asleep, from the looks of it so is Junho.

“There are some snacks in the bag next to Wooyoung,” I hear Min-Jun say in a low voice. “You fell asleep before we even made it to the convenience store.” He says chuckling.

Reaching over Wooyoung I grab the bag, pulling a bag of chips out. “I got a rather early wake up this morning.” I say opening the bag and eating happily. “How long have we been going?” I question trying to get a sense of where exactly I’m being taken.

“I was told you don’t get any hints. We’re still a couple hours away though; you might as well get some more sleep.” Min-Jun says as he happily drives along. I nod my head, eating the chips and looking outside, there really isn’t much for me to go off of, plus it’s dark outside making it even more difficult for me to gauge where we are or where we’re heading. “Lexi, you look worried when Taecyeon mentioned Nichkhun.”

I nod my head feeling my stomach drop, the dream or rather memory I just woke up from isn’t exactly comforting me. “I’m scared to see him again.” I confess in the darkness of the car. “Nichkhun has always thought about me, he always took care of me, but I couldn’t even think about him while I was working. I forgot just how much I had by knowing you guys.” I say quietly and feeling a bit ashamed. “Nichkhun has always put me first and I couldn’t do the same.”

“It’s good you realize why he’d gotten angry with you.” Min-Jun says in a comforting tone. “That you’re taking steps to put him first, I think this week will be good for everyone.” He says optimistically. “Nichkhun isn’t seeing anyone right now too.”

“Minho told me that Miyoung was saying he’d been dating some other girls.” I say letting out a sigh. “Though admittedly it makes me even more nervous,” I mumble putting the bag of half-eaten chips back into the sack and placing it back on the seat next to Wooyoung.

“Nichkhun still cares about you; I doubt that he went on the dates because he really wanted to.” Min-Jun says trying to comfort me, though it only works a little. “Lexi, get some more sleep, we’ll wake you up when we get there.”

I nod my head, getting comfortable I rest my head back on Chansung and fall back asleep, though slightly more concerned about this whole trip than I had been when I first got in the van. It takes me a while, but I do eventually fall asleep, this time I don’t dream about Nichkhun or anything from the past. It’s a deep sleep.

I’m woken up by Chansung picking me up, muttering something about me not eating enough still. “Noona, we’re here.” I readily put my arms around Chansung resting my head on his shoulder and lock my legs around his waist. I instead go back to sleep as Chansung carries me to wherever it is that he’s taking me.

I wake up the next morning feeling shocked, mostly because as soon as my eyes open I realize where exactly the boys and I are vacationing. The pale blue almost white walls; the only difference now is the shelving and the bedding. Sitting up I glance around the room nervously. The dresser, closet, the side table, and finally my eyes land on the window, I push myself out of bed and open the window carefully, the sunlight streams into the room, the waves roll gently onto the shore, the backyard below is full of life and green, everything looks nearly exactly the same as the first time we came here. I am positive that this is the same room I’d stayed in last time.

I glance back at the closet and pull it open, my suitcase being tucked away with a note on top of it left by Chansung. ‘Miyoung and Soojin packed your bag.’ I tuck the note into one of the pockets of my suitcase and roll it out and open it up on the hardwood floor, picking out a pair of jean shorts and a plain grey V-neck t-shirt. I change clothes quickly, grabbing my toiletries I make my way down the hall to the bathroom, quickly freshening up and leaving my bag on my side table I head down stairs.

It’s full of life down here; I can hear all of the boys, excluding Taecyeon and Nichkhun, talking animatedly about this week and what they have planned. “Noona, you’re awake.” Chansung says excitedly.

“Yeah, thanks for carrying me up.” I tell him taking a seat at the table next to Wooyoung. “So, what’s going on this lovely Saturday?” I question as I grab some fruit to eat.

They all glance at each other a little nervously. “Well Taec and Khun will be here in about ten minutes, so there is that.” Junho ventures from across from me. “So there is that.”

I blink in partial shock, I’m not too sure why, maybe because while I had time last night, I hardly have any time to really prepare myself to see Nichkhun now. I eat my breakfast quietly and try to think of what to say, how to react. “Does he know I’m going to be here?” I ask curiously, though I have a strong feeling it’ll be a surprise.

“No,” Min-Jun answers honestly, my eyes dart to him nervously. “Lexi, if it gets out of hand Chansung already said he’d drive you back to the city and stay with you.” They seem to be anticipating Nichkhun not being too pleased with me being here. “We aren’t really sure how he’ll react.”

“That’s why we have worst case scenario exit, and if things go moderately well we can all stay here for the week and just hang out.” Junho say comfortingly from his seat. “We’re hoping for things to go better than moderately well.” He adds on sending me an eye smile.

Wooyoung reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Noona, it’ll be fine. But maybe you should head upstairs first.” He mutters smiling at me knowing it’d be best not just for me, but for Nichkhun that we ease into this rather than just splash it in his face.

I take his advice, before heading back up to my room I kiss each of the boys on the cheek and dash up the stairs. I walk down the long hallway and get in my room, the same room Nichkhun and I shared for his birthday, well for most of that week really. This beach and the house are significant to me; this is where I realized I was falling for Nichkhun. I wasn’t in love with Jay, I just loved him. The seven of us spent our little vacation here happily, away from the public eye.

I try to listen to what’s happening on the other side of the house downstairs, but I can’t really hear anything, it isn’t until I hear a pair of voice and two people walking upstairs, Junho and Taecyeon, meaning Nichkhun is now in the house or just about to be.

“How was the drive?” Junho asks curiously. “Is he suspicious?” He asks in a hushed tone as he passes my door, I don’t hear Taec’s reply, or the rest of the conversation, just the sound of luggage rolling a door being opened, closed and the pair walking back down. Their footsteps fade as they walk downstairs, neither saying anything.

I take a seat on my bed apprehensively, the nerves of locking myself away from the six men coming to full strength. I sit completely still; I wonder if Nichkhun already knows that I’m here, I wonder if he saw something that is a telltale sign that I’m here or that I’ve seen the others for the first time since we had our big fight. I wonder if his lips still curl into a smile the same way when someone says something he likes or if he frowns when someone says or does something that reminds him of me.

I wonder if he ever really talked about what happened with someone, I can’t stop myself from questioning if he went on dates because he was or is ready to move on from me, or if they were out of obligation of some sort. I wonder if he’s kissed anyone, kissed another woman the way he kissed me, or if he’s held another tightly in his arms afraid that it’ll be the last time, I wonder if he’s changed a lot in the last three years. I hope he’s been happy, or at least been able to find happy moments.

I hope that Nichkhun has smiled sincerely, laughed, joked, talked, and smirked all through the years that have passed and a lot.

I hold my breath when I hear one set of footsteps walking down the hall, the clicking sound of wheels spinning, the way they make a small thud every time they go over a groove. I feel my heart pounding louder and louder, I feel like it almost stops when the footsteps stop in front of my door. I’m not sure if the room across from mine is available like the last time the seven of us were here.

I hear the steps moving again, then a door opening, and finally the sounds of the suitcase rolling only to be left behind in the room alone. For a moment I think whoever it is, presumably Nichkhun is going to head back down stairs. Instead though I see the doorknob twists and the door is slowly pushed open. I watch silently as the door opens enough and as Nichkhun’s face slackens when his eyes land on me.

Neither of us says anything as he lets the door open the rest of the way. Nichkhun simply stares at me, blinking a few times as if to confirm I’m really here. I study Nichkhun carefully as he just gapes at me.

His hair is cut short and a dark shade of brown, the cut and color suit him. He’s in a plain white shirt and a pair of navy blue shorts with the hem of the shorts rolled up, his shoes are already off, but judging by his socks he was in a closed toe shoe.

For a while we both just stare at each other. I’m not sure if I should break the silence or not, but with how shocked he still looks I doubt he will. “Hey, it’s been a while.” I say finally. The words come out in a low whisper and sounding nervous, my heart is beating hard, and I’m having a hard time breathing correctly.

“Lexi,” is all Nichkhun says. He sounds surprised and still looks just as shocked even though I’m fairly certain a few minutes have gone by since he first opened my door. Nichkhun blinks again, he lets out a long sigh and brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. “Hi,” He says finally.

Early update on account of me leaving for Spring Break
^^
Updates will resume as usual next week!