Chapter 2: Past Stories

Turning back to her, she stared right back at me. But her gaze wasn't one that looked shocked that I had heard her, it was more than that.

 She wanted me to hear it.

My body naturally turned back as i questioned myself, she could be just calling me L for her own reasons. Maybe she liked the letter L.

"Just like how she did." A voice at the back of his head resounded.

Myungsoo shook his thoughts off and walked off.

"L!" She giggled as I hugged her tightly from the back, not letting her go. 

"Let go of me!" She continued laughing, struggling to get out of my grip. 

We were just kids back then, small midgets of 6 years old in primary school. Then, physical contact was a normal thing. Hugging each other, holding hands, spending all our time together only meant that we were friends. Just friends. At first, I was proud of that title. Jessica's friend, her best friend, her only friend. It's funny how I thought we would enter the same high school though. Cause we didn't. Jessica went to a prestigious school far away from the country side. And I never saw her again. 

A lot of time passed and I grew up and entered middle school. By then, I had grown out of my chubby cheeks. In fact, I was quite skinny- to the bones. Some of them called me anorexic. Trust me, worst years of your life. It's not like primary school where the only problems were your peanut butter and jelly bread getting soggy during lunch break. Not nearly the same. I guess in middle school, somehow if you're not 'cool' then you would get bullied. And at that age, I was definitely not cool- as they say. 

Acne was my greatest fear. People would bring it up casually now and then during my first years of middle school. Mild things. Pointing out the pimple i had been trying to conceal the entire morning, calling me dotty face, trying to connect the dots on my forehead. 

Well, yeah they call it mild things. But in my mind, I breakdown. No matter what, words will hurt. You don't even need someone to say anything because most of the criticism and insecurities would come from your own thoughts. 

Thoughts- something even more powerful than actions. The action shoots the gun, but the thought triggers it.

Anyway, back to my point. Middle school - so bad that I dreaded going to school everyday. One day, I decided that i would lock myself in my room and refuse to come out. I didn't go to school for a week.

The years passed and I grew older. My body had changed a lot, I was fifteen years old. I guess you could say that puberty had made me more attractive to some than I was in the past. I had developed many different hobbies by then, guitar, photography and writing.

 But here we go into the next phase: High school. I was frightened, intimidated by the mere sound of those two words: high school. Would it be the same- or worse?

As i prayed and hoped, the acne had settled down. But now another insecurity came up- the lack of friends. I then realised how lonely and loser-like i was. Zero friends. Let me repeat: Absolutely no friends!

That's when Hope came back. Jessica Jung! She had grown up to a beautiful young lady, and my first sign of attraction came up. 

It was the first day of the new year in high school. As I nervously walked into the school halls, carrying my haversack bag which was filled with books and weighed a ton, I looked to my left and right- everyone was chattering with each other. Some girl complaining about school, another boy excitedly ranting about a new game- I froze in my steps.

A girl, a very familiar one- staring right- back- at me.

Jessica.

I couldn't believe it, i thought my eyes were deceiving me! No. It was her- her pair of pure eyes couldn't be mistaken. 

I walked up, starstruck. She was looking at me with a blank canvas expression. And suddenly painted colour sprung to life- she came running to me with the most joyful smile on her face,"L!" She giggled.

I had two lectures that day. I still hadn't gotten used to the entirely different curriculum in college. Being eighteen felt crushing to me, that feeling that I will never have my "recess", that feeling that I will never again have a chance to play a prank on the teacher on April Fool's Day, that feeling that I'll never be able to meet someone and grow up with them just like how- 

I stopped. I couldn't remind myself about how she left me. I had so much to say- all kept inside.

I felt the stare of someone nearby burning a hole through me. Turning around slowly in the lecture hall full of students, there was Krystal Jung staring right at me. 

She was the girl who called me L this morning. I sarcastically raised my eyebrows at her, but she continued to stare intensely into my eyes. Weirded out, i turned back around and leaned to my friend, Sungyeol. 

"Yeol, you know that foreigner with the red hair that takes Journalism-" i wasn't even done with my sentence when he jumped up slightly from his seat, expression changing drastically from before my question.

"Krystal Jung? She's so pretty- all the boys have been eyeing her." Sungyeol's eyes twinkled with delight.

"Really? Well- she's actually sitting two rows away from us, if you didn't know." I laughed, amused by Sungyeol's desperate needs.

"What!" He shouted nearly too loudly that the lecturer stopped and stared at him but continued after realising he didn't care enough to rebuke him.

"Yeah anyway- I was thinking you could tell me more about her." I smiled.

His expression fell,"If you're going for her then we're all screwed. There's no chance we'll be able to go against the hottest guy in the school." He scowled.

"Hey- I'm not that great. And I just want to know because..." I hesitated.

"Because what huh?" Sungyeol teased.

"She called me L this morning." I revealed, trying not to recall bad memories of that incident.

Sungyeol kept silent as a mouse, he knew my story very well. In fact, he was the one that helped me back into society. My only best friend since I started college. 

"You know she's gone." He decided to tell me harshly.

"I know, I know very well." I choked.

Don't remind me.

Please.

Please...