Chapter 1: He was alone

What is loneliness? Is it the mechanical term, where you have no social life at all? Or is it saying that you have no romantic experience? Or is it saying you literally have nobody to turn to when you're bawling your eyes out? Everyone has a different perspective according to what happens in their lives. They are affected by the daily happenings, and that's how they perceive the term: "Loneliness". I do have friends, family and people to talk to, but I feel like every time I grow close to somebody- they would leave me suddenly. 

I couldn't be close to anyone.

I knew a lot of people and was seen as the popular kid on the block, but none of them ever grew extremely close to me so much that I felt loved. And so i grew up thinking that I was lonely. So lonely and pitiful that I would cry myself to sleep every night without fail.

But there was one girl who proved me wrong.

Once I finished high school, my mother signed me for college without haste. So that's how I ended taking a Journalism course in a school that i dreaded. 

I was stuck in my second year of college.

The sun was blazing terribly badly that day, yet I still somehow got the courage to escape from the people and write in solitude in the garden. 

"Hey." A voice echoed, a slight hint of foreign accent lingered. 

I looked up from my notepaper book. It was a girl. I noticed her long before she walked towards me. She didn't know though, that I was staring. Her hair was dyed red, a colour that I'm quite used to seeing. I think her name was Krystal, she was a foreigner, if I wasn't wrong. Staring at her I smiled slightly, showing my dimples. Her soft red hair shone in the shadows of the sun as she flashed a wide smile.

"You're Myungsoo right? I've read your stories and blogposts online." She sat down next to me without asking.

Shocked that someone knew my stories, I froze while staring at her. "You know my stories?" I asked.

"Well yeah, I kind of found your website. Which I hope doesn't creep you out." She chuckled, clutching her books tighter as she leaned forward slightly.

"No, it's fine. I just never knew that teenagers read anymore." I replied.

"That's quite true but sad. I like your stories though! They're very sincere." Krystal complimented.

"Sincere?" Myungsoo thought about it.

"Yeah, your writing's very real. It seems like you're writing about personal experiences and feelings." Krystal smiled.

"Because I am." He said.

"But the endings were a little sad, you could use a little happiness in your stories." She said, smiling gently at him.

"Then I'll need some happiness in my life." He thought.

"Why aren't you happy? You have lots of friends." She asked, wondering.

"Just because I have lots of friends, doesn't mean I'm happy. I'm not close to any of them." He looked at her, saying with a cold voice.

"Happiness can be controlled! If you tell yourself you're sad, you'll be sad! But if you tell yourself you're happy, you'll be happy!" She smiled warmly.

"Isn't that just lying to yourself?"

"No, it's convincing yourself. And saving yourself as well." Krystal's smile faded a little.

I kept silent. Was that true?

"Oh I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Krystal Jung. I come from England, my father's British and my mother's Korean." She explained, extending her hand out for a handshake.

I shook her hand out of politeness. The handshake lasted for a second longer than it was appropriate. As soon as we felt the awkwardness tinging up, she let go and looked to the ground, where my writing book laid.

"Can I read it?" Krystal asked.

"It's private, sorry." I replied, taking it and fitting it into my bag.

"Why?" She asked.

It wasn't very normal for someone to push on asking. She was definitely different, just by her actions I could tell she was a special girl.

"Why what?" 

"Why is it private? Do you have secrets that you hide inside that book?" She asked simply, tilting her head towards me.

I thought for awhile. Yes, I did hide my secrets in that notepaper book. Secrets that would consume and decompose my mind slowly and gradually. 

That's the thing about fear, it doesn't appear suddenly. It happens gradually, over time. Fear is caused by evil. And the most frightening thing is that we can't escape it, because the evil is in all of us.

"I have my reasons." 

"Will you tell them to me?" She persisted.

"One day." I replied, taking my bag, I stood up and walked away.

Somehow, from my distance, I heard her say with a soft voice...

"One day, L." 

Myungsoo stopped in his tracks. 

Only one girl called him that, the girl who proved him wrong.